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Podcast title Don Woods
Website URL http://vincetracy.com/donwoods...
Description Don is a great singer/songwriter who always has an ingenious take on a situation.Don has been a correspondent with Vince for many years. He is a member of the .Merseycats and on Wirral 'The Cheshirecats' bringing the musicians from the Merseybeat era together each week to get money for childrens' charities. Visit the Cheshire Cats website 5th September Don tells us about the Police farce, Tony's Book and remembers Gerry Marsden Don Woods 2012 Click picture to get Don's Website Don has some wonderful items on his website and is a past master at creating unusual songs and making videos and DVDs. Please drop by and enjoy his work
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Image Don Woods
Category Society & Culture
Comedy
News & Politics
Music
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Link to this podcast Don Woods

Episodes

1. Don's Mid-Life Crisis
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Description: I never thought I would say this but it's GOOD to see Piers Morgan back on ITV in the morning....the programme was rapidly sinking with the poor replacement presenters while he was away.... I have always been a fan of Judge Rob Rinder....until now....He has been given a chat show on channel 4....I watched 15 minutes of it and turned it off... Bury football team have been headlining the news with their removal from the football league....which they have been in for over a hundred years...as we keep getting told... Another news item was The Pope getting stuck in a lift.....so whoever is responsible can expect a bolt of lightning very soon....this reminded me of when I used to record peoples songs for them back in the 80s and one was called "Our Lady of Chestacova" which was where the then Pope was from (Pope John Paul 2)... The song this week is entitled The Ballad of Barbara Stanwyck" and is a track off my album Stars Over 45.....Miss Stanwyck doesn't come out of it too well as I never got what it was about her..

2. The Lovely Una Stubbs
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Description: The fools who made a joke about the burning of the Grenfell Tower by making an effigy of it burning and which ended up on social media were taken to court and the case was thrown out....this has naturally not only caused distress to the victims it has also caused a public outcry.....but the point is there was no case because there was no offence.....the activity was sick and tasteless but didn't break any laws.........nowadays we seem to think you have to be careful what you say in case someone screams "racist" or "sexist" but what people don't seem to understand is unless you are likely to cause a riot you can say what you like.....because someone is offended doesn't make it an offence......free speech still exists and it's time we all realised that. The media are once again still attempting to wind everyone up with the recent cost of Prince Harry's and Meghan's flight abroad....they must search for hours for a pathetic story to fill their newspapers...or should I say toilet papers......this time it involved Prince William and his family who booked a "cheap" flight for their holidays.....which was obviously to "show Harry up"....and this is supposed to be NEWS....the fact that Elton John paid for Harry's flight doesn't seem to come into it.....they are major celebrities for goodness sake and as such are targets.....which naturally effects how they travel....even if they jumped on a bus the stupid media would have a go at them.....I'm not a royalist but I wouldn't have their job for a big clock....this sort of reporting belongs in a primary school magazine. I know I am from a different generation and fail to appreciate a lot of modern music but I feel sorry for the kids of today....everything these days seems to be based on repetitive meaningless lyrics with press button backing off a keyboard.....what happened to drums.?....they seem to have been replaced by a sock full of gravel hitting a cardboard box ...if you listen to the likes of ABBA or The BeeGees ....or E.L.O.....great songs,great lyrics and great drive......I want to hear real DRUMS...I've always said the drummer makes or breaks the band... .....and Tamla Motown is now travelling the country with live theatre shows.....I was never a fan of Tamla....it all sounded the same which is probably because the same backing band was on all the records...The Funk Brothers I think they were called....and in the sixties the Motown bands did a British tour which was pretty unsuccessful....however I did see a live Motown show a few year back in one of our theatres and I did enjoy it. I will never come to terms with the mentality of the British public....we have just had another bank holiday and for a change the forecast was very good.....so I decided to spend a few days in Wales....I went on Thursday to avoid the traffic and came back Sunday morning to avoid the traffic....had a straight run out and a straight run back.....however on the way back on the Sunday morning the traffic was gridlocked for miles going out.....and on the Monday it was gridlocked coming back....I know most people haven't got the luxury of sharing similar travelling times to me but WHY leave at 10 O'Clock on a SUNDAY when you know you will be bumper to bumper....and why come back at a time when you know the same thing is going to happen?....there are so many wonderful places to visit in this country but no....we all have to go to Llandudno or Anglesey where EVERYONE goes at the same time..... there aint a lot of imagination out there, And we must give a mention to the England cricket team....I have been watching the highlights of The Ashes which has sort of got me back into the game which I had lost interest in over the years.....what an incredible win....this is what the sport needs....no matter what all the "equality" brigade say WINNING is what it's all about...always has been always will be....and if sport is to advance in this country we need winners....as Bill Shakily once said "winning isn't everything....it's the only thing". The song this week is of my album "Stars Over 45" and is about everyone's favourite lady....Una Stubbs.....I wrote this song way back and got a publishing deal with a major company.....sadly the song didn't storm the charts so that was that....I decided to send it to Una as it was about her...and she actually rang me up and thanked me!!....she was a delight.....and I've got her signed photo on my studio wall......so here it is "The Ballad of Una Stubbs"

3. The Ballad of Randolf Scott
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Description: There was a documentary on Channel 5 at the weekend entitled "William & Harry:Princes at War?" which suggested there was a problem between the two of them...the programme consisted of past news clips we have seen a hundred times before and a selection of "royal" correspondents who discussed possibilities,probabilities and hearsay regarding a rift between the brothers....no actual evidence whatsoever.....plus the "possibility" of a rift between Kate and Meghan with constant repetition of the news clips to pad it all out which merely showed them all getting along fine....a total waste of an hour of my life. There was a chap interviewed on the radio who spends his time filming drivers on their mobile phones or driving dangerously then gives the evidence to the police....despite being sworn at and threatened he carries on doing it.....needless to say there were people phoning in with different opinions....a taxi driver was on asking how he was supposed to do his job without his mobile.....IT'S THE LAW MATE!!....obviously possibly killing someone is less important than picking up clients.....the chap has suffered a loss due to dangerous driving in the past which is the reason he does this....a bit dodgy I feel but I salute the guy. Every day there are major hold ups on our motorways due to breakdowns and idiots causing accidents....we have recently had one locally on the M53 which sadly involved a fatality......the traffic was gridlocked for seven hours....this is a problem which is not going to go away and I don't think there is an answer....perhaps an extra emergency lane or a few emergency slip roads?....it's a tricky one.....I personally think the speed limit should be lowered to 65 like in the States and have stricter sentences.....you would still get the boneheads ignoring it all but it would help.....but apparently it isn't the police who are responsible for the traffic on the motorways it's the Highways Authority......enough said. Speed cameras everywhere is the answer and the fortune they would create could possibly be spent on repairing the potholes everywhere. Our population has always had many addictions to contend with....gambling and alcohol for example...well the latest one is apparently mobile phones and video games.....this is understandable when every youngster you see is on their phone....what do they find to talk about when they are walking down the road?....It makes you wonder how we survived back in the day when we didn't even have a phone in the house.....when I started in my band I used to tell people who gave us the odd booking to ring me at a certain time....the phone number I gave them was the phone box close by and I used to stand outside waiting for the call....if you'd have told us back then that in the future we would be able to make phone calls on the train or walking around the supermarket we would have laughed....but that's progress I suppose.....I have a mobile phone but never have it switched on....it's there purely for emergencies....and miraculously I still get by. The song this week is entitled The Ballad of Randolph Scott and strangely enough was very successful.....it was the result of a chat I had on Radio City with presenter Billy Butler......as I was known for writing songs about a variety of things he had a phone in with listeners challenging me with various subjects ....one being Randolph Scott....and as it had recently been revealed that Randy wasn't quite as macho as we thought I came up with this.....Billly got a lot of mileage out of it which resulted in me making an album featuring songs of other film stars which sold very well....the song simply makes enquiries about other cowboys if Randolph wasn't what he seemed.....so I give you The Ballad of Randolph Scott.

4. Simply Not the Best!
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Description: Prince Andrew has hit the news regarding his connection with Epstein the billionaire who was jailed for under age sex trafficking....and has since allegedly committed suicide...and Andy has been accused of being involved which the Palace has loudly denied....and as you can imagine the press are having a field day... We have been going on for ages about the standard of entertainment on the television....well we were right....recent viewing figures show that almost 50% of the viewing public now stream...preferring Netflix and Amazon to the tripe that is on normal TV....can they not see this....it's a bit like the BBC refusing to play pop music back in the late 50s...so everyone listened to Luxembourg and pirate radio...then they eventually got the message....how do these buffoons get these top jobs.....we don't want to watch soaps...we don't want to watch cookery programmes...we don't want to watch appendix operations in A & E...... There has been a new coin made to commemorate D Day....it is a gold coin with it's edge shaped like the Normandy coast...which is great....but the advert tells us there have only been 4,999 produced....couldn't they manage ONE more?...or did they run out of gold?.... We have recently discussed this new chat show "The Lateish Show with Mo Gilligan"....which I hoped would improve on the usual tired formats of the likes of Graham Norton and Jonathan Ross..... The song this week is one I wrote for one of my female session singers....she was a good friend of mine and had a great voice...her name is Sue Young and she did the clubs as a duo with her husband Frank...

5. I Love You-Simple Message
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Description: The floods in Yorkshire have had a lot of TV coverage...especially the dam in Whaley Bridge which has been damaged with the pressure of water in the Also the terrible mass shootings in the U.S.A. have been featured on the news.....I don't really know what the answer is to this as it is very easy to carry out one of these atrocities if you have that mentality.... There has been an item on the news regarding someone being awarded £10,000 pounds compensation because they were deeply offended by the Queen's picture which was hanging up in Storemont... There was a feature on the radio regarding an electrician who had suffered a number of break ins into his van and had thousands of pounds worth of equipment stolen... I watched a fascinating programme on TV about how the Victorians built Britain....it covered the building of the Manchester Ship Canal which gave Manchester access to the sea for their imports and exports... The song this week is one I wrote for David Alexander which became the title track on the album he made when he married Penny Page....it was played a lot on the radio and was record of the week on Radio City.....the message in the song is the three words "I Love You" says it all....

6. Go Boris!
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Description: We now have a new Prime Minister.....Mr.Boris Johnson....so out come the critics and protesters as they now have a target to help display their complete lack of brains and indeed knowledge..... We have had a week of very hot weather.....not as hot as other places in Europe...but this is BRITAIN.....so the bit of sunshine we have been waiting for for months has caused total chaos..... There is a new programme on Channel 4 called The Latish Show With Mo Gilligan who is quite a likeable chap and it's a chat show with a bit of entertainment thrown in... I also watched a travel programme which was very interesting....it featured New York and the public protection group called "The Guardian Angels".....who are volunteer "police" whose purpose is to prevent crime..... And finally we must give a mention to the luxury cruise on The Brittania which ended up in a huge brawl... The song this week is about the magical city of Chester....

7. Did the Americans Land on the Moon?
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Description: Just in case you didn't know...the Yanks landed on the moon 50 years ago and it seems to have received more coverage now than it did back then....personally I can't really see the point in space travel....we need to get things sorted out on this planet before we spend billions to find there's nothing actually out there.....the radio telescope at Jodrell Bank has also been featured on the news which is not far from where I live and I must say it is a very interesting place to visit.....there have been a lot of conspiracy theories about the moon landing and whether it was genuine.....I once visited Tromso in Norway to assist Monty Lister with one of his programmes for Radio Merseyside and met Patrick Moore.....I asked him if the moon landing was genuine and he nearly jumped down my throat shouting "Course it was!! I was there!!"....which was good enough for me.....great bloke by the way. On the same subject I was once on holiday in Florida and a hurricane had just caused serious damage to the south of the state....the TV were asking for donations to help those badly effected.....after a few pints I brought the subject up with a few people around the swimming pool (which wasn't a good idea)....my point being that the public were being asked to donate yet just up the coast was the Kennedy Space Centre which sends billions into space to find nothing...could they not solve the problem down south?.....I nearly caused an international incident...this guy stands up and strolls over like John Wayne and says "We don't see it that way buddy"....despite trying to convince them all I was fighting a losing battle....God Bless America. The BBC are joining up with ITV to provide another channel which ... wait for it...we will have to pay for!!...on top of our TV licence.......it will cost £5.99 a month WHICH IS SIX QUID minus one penny...but it SOUNDS better...and it will feature programmes from the past like Fawlty Towers and Dad's Army etc....you know...programmes we have seen a thousand times.....I'm not quite sure what planet these so called executives are on.....is there ANYONE out there who can supply ENTERTAINMENT?....doesn't look like it does it. On the music scene I was subjected to The Kaiser Chief's latest record whilst driving along in my car....it is called "People know how to love"....a title which is repeated over and over again....this seems to be the norm these days....I find it very irritating....whatever happened to good lyrics??.....ANYONE can write this sort of stuff....get one line and repeat it over and over....it's rubbish.....when you listen to great lyrics by the like of ABBA for example (and they are foreign) it makes you realise what we are missing.these days....then we have the over singing of songs....with vocalists balling and shouting and singing 10 notes when one will do....it obviously fits the bill these days but it aint music........and just a quickie on the Open Golf....it was nice to see Rory McIlroy missing those two foot putts....NOW he knows how I feel every week!!! The song this week is a message to us all....it is called "Exercise" and I wrote it back in the day for the Liverpool Health Authority who were promoting the benefits of exercise at the time....it got a lot of radio coverage and served the purpose....so here it is....get your shorts on and off we go....EXERCISE.

8. High Fliers!
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Description: There has been a lot of coverage about drunkeness on airlines....especially Ryanair....there are gangs of partygoers getting on the plane and causing all sorts of trouble including throwing up leaving the other passengers somewhat distressed.....they have suggested breathalising passengers before they get on the plane....what a load of nonsense.....it's about MONEY as always as greed triumphs over common sense....we are talking about an airborne vehicle which is dangerous enough without morons putting the staff and other passengers in danger.....simple answer ....ban the sale of alcohol at the airport and on the plane...what's the problem?...oh yes I forgot...profit is far more important. The standard of driving in this country has hit a new low.....the police seem to be losing their grip.....it's time to get some idiots off the road instead of giving the "points" on their licence.......anyone travelling at ridiculous speeds through 30 mph areas should have their licence taken away for at least 5 years and then have to take another test to get it back.....and put more speed cameras up which would certainly increase the funding we are constantly told the police are short of.....and when you join the police you now have a two years probation during which you must study and obtain a degree....or you are out....and to become an inspector you have to have a masters degree....I would have thought we require tough bobbies as opposed to professors?...or is policing now a "science"?....whoever comes up with these brilliant ideas needs to get real. There is a move afoot to teach young kids about LGBT which I find somewhat disturbing....primary school kids do not need to know about sexual preferences....just let them be kids and enjoy their childhood....they will find out soon enough about themselves.....we have recently had the gay pride marches through Liverpool....I'm not quite sure what they are trying to achieve.....different "fluid genders" want to be accepted for what they are.....they ARE accepted by the majority...what is their problem?...I couldn't care whether someone is LGBT or XYZ....if they are a nice person that's it......if you have an unpleasant disagreeable white heterosexual male you can call him anything....but if he's gay or mixed race out come the gay or race cards....then we have a gaggle of women taking on Piers Morgan on morning TV trying to convince the world there is nothing wrong with being obese.....the fact that it could seriously damage your health is totally overlooked except by Piers....go Piers. I watched the tennis from Wimbledon.....the mens final was as good as the game gets and felt sorry for Federer who should have won it....(he said from his armchair).......they played at full tilt for five hours as opposed to the ladies 55 minute final....which makes a joke about "equality"....do the ladies honestly believe they are worth the same money as the men?....I do enjoy the ladies game but there is little comparison to the mens game.....and Lewis Hamilton did the business in his racing car and of course we WON the cricket World Cup....so it was great weekend for sports fans.....I always remember Boris Becker being interviewed after losing a Wimbledon final....the interviewer asked him if he though a miss-hit backhand cost him the game....to which Boris replied "we had been out there for three hours.....you should try it sometime"....'nuff said. The song this week is about a little island off the north western coast of Wirral....it is called Hilbre Island and you can walk out to it at low tide which is a wonderful experience....and there is a seal colony a little further out....from the island you can look out at the coastlines of Wirral and Wales and it doesn't get any better than that....so here it is "My Hilbre Friend"

9. Wimbledon, Glastonbury Lionesses and Bands!
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Description: Glastonbury has had blanket coverage on television....and for once wellington boots were not required and everyone had a good time once they had recovered from the price of the tickets....Stormzy went down well for some strange reason...apparently the MUSIC festival is now the place to air your political views....this sort of rubbish should be performed in a cellar somewhere and leave the big venues to musicians....but this is only the opinion of a senior citizen who is thankful to have enjoyed decent music over the years....I'm all for music "moving on" but let's keep it real... Still on the music front I know quite a few people who went to the Westlife concert in Liverpool... and quite rightly enjoyed it....HOWEVER if you wanted a T Shirt you would have to fork out 35 quid....then we have the ticket price on top.....you would think the organisers would have a bit more respect for the fans instead of ripping them off....or is that O.K.?....to me "boybands" like Westlife and Boyzone are simply doing what any four lads who can sing can do....they pick good songs and cover them....they are not "bands"......Queen and The Police for example were BANDS....who play and write their own original stuff...that's the difference....but if you can get away with sitting in a row and getting up for the chorus good luck to you. Speaking of rip offs I watched an article on the cost of sending your young pride and joy to the end of term prom....again it's a case of greed capitalising on emotions....like weddings and funerals .....the price of hiring a place to have your wedding reception is ridiculous but sadly people pay it....pure unnecessary greed.....but there was a young lady on who hires out dresses etc at a sensible price for school proms and takes them back next day...and she is doing well....best of luck to her. On the sporting front we have Wimbledon gracing our TV screens.....I always think it's a sign of the passing of mid summer but I give the odd game a watch....and the Yanks are trying to promote baseball in this country with a match between two top teams....can't see it....it's "rounders" as far as I'm concerned and we have to put up with cricket which is bad enough....they keep trying it with American Football which goes nowhere...so best of luck with that one you guys. It was nice to see Paul Gambaccini attempting to change the law on naming people who are suspected of sex offences before they are actually tried....it happened to him in the past and of course Cliff Richard....both of whom were found to be innocent....I applaud him but I think he has a job on with the gutter press in this country..."innocent until found guilty"...don't make me laugh....it's only news if the media can wreck lives.....and they seem to get away with it. The song this week is one I wrote for a DVD I produced of the Tall Ships when they visited Liverpool....they come each year and it is a wonderful spectacle....they dock in Liverpool and Birkenhead before continuing on their round the world adventure....the highlight is the parade of sail as they all sail down The Mersey watched by thousands of onlookers as they go on their way....the song is played as all the different crafts are filmed......so here it is "You Can Leave The Mersey"

10. Laughter
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Description: The march into the private function by the women envirommentalists has caused a lot of controversy...Philip Hammong was the guest speaker........the press have had a field day condemning the bloke who "grabbed one of the women by the neck and bundled her out".....which begs the question as to what if she had been carrying a gun or was even a suicide bomber....oh no...they were ladies with sashes explaining who they were....obviously they shouldn't have got past the security (if there was any) but the way I saw it on TV the bloke in question (Mark Field) grabbed the back of the woman's neck and bundled her out.....had he grabbed anywhere else they would be screaming sexual abuse.....in the old days I would have agreed that Field was out of line but times have definitely changed....he was not trained and did the right thing....now there are calls for him to be sacked....if they had found a gun in her handbag he would be regarded as a hero..... and the stupid women involved need some serious education.....just my opinion. Also Boris Johnson has hit the headlines after having a row with his girlfriend in her flat......and being recorded by a neighbour.....you couldn't make this up.....the neighbour called the police and played them his recording and it was decided there was nothing to investigate......so the chap took the recording to the papers in the "interest of the public"....I'm sure it was nothing to do with money....not much.....leaving me wondering what this has got to do with politics.....I'm fully expecting the recording to be put to music and end up top of the charts. The fiasco regarding the choice of the next Prime Minister has got me somewhat perplexed.....each day there in one less contestant and on and on it goes each one trying to convince our nation of sheep that they are the one to run the country.....we are now down to two...Boris and Jeremy Hunt...now I may have totally missed the point here.....shouldn't the deputy Prime Minister (whoever that is) automatically take over??.....or have I got it wrong??...and could I care less??.....we will eventually find out who the next P.M. is just in time for them all to break for their Summer holidays....so they can spend their 11% wage rise. I read an article on footballer Ronaldo and was really impressed....we tend to see these blokes as grossly overpaid sportsmen but what we don't see,especially in Ronaldo's case.is the work they do for charity and the amount they put in....he came over as a very kind and caring guy ....perhaps the gutter press should concentrate a bit more on this sort of thing?....also I hate to say it but I have been watching the Women's World Cup and I am quite enjoying it....not totally convinced as yet....but the England game against Cameroon got quite physical and there was quite a bit of skill on display so I might become a fan....early days yet though. Apparently large numbers of pubs are closing down due to lack of customers.....it's an example of not moving with the times I'm afraid.........last week I visited Wetherspoons in Caernarfon as I do each time I visit the area..... I met up with some friends and I got a round in (no comments please)....I ordered a pint of bitter,a large red wine and two glasses of soda water with ice and lemon.....total bill £4.85.....THAT is why the place is always full.......a local pub will charge you over £3 for a pint and well over £4 for a glass of wine...so where are you going to go?.....a pal of mine went to a fancy restaurant in New Brighton and was charged £27 for four drinks....when he had recovered he went over the road to Wetherspoons where the same round cost him £13....similarly shops are closing down on the high street as people are now shopping on line because it's cheaper....I know there are overheads and wages to be paid out but that is THEIR problem to solve.....if you are depending on loyalty from the general public good luck with that one. The song this week is a demo I wrote for Pauline Daniels called "Laughter is Everything to Me" as she was not only a comedienne but very good singer and a good friend back in the day....she was very popular on the clubs so I thought this would suit her.....Pauline also got into acting and appeared in plays in many theatres.....a great girl.

11. Googie the Liverpool Duck
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Description: .The BBC have a programme called "Newswatch" where they read out comments from the public (mostly adverse).....I had to laugh last week when there were several Emails regarding the scrapping of free TV licences for the over 75s....the Emails were rightly harsh and asked why so much money was spent on sending reporters abroad for things that could be done in the studio...and why they pay such ridiculous salaries to their executives....and that was that....no explanation....they simply went on to the next subject with some representative of the BBC coming on and basically seeing no wrong in anything they do.....so WHY BOTHER WITH THE PROGRAMME? Jo Brand has been severely criticised for a joke she made about Nigel Farage after some idiot threw milkshake at him.....she quipped that battery acid would have been better......I am fan of Jo Brand but I thought this comment was well out of order....especially in the present climate where it is very easy to put ideas into the heads of the neanderthals wandering around.....it was on a BBC recorded programme so apparently it could have been edited out....but the wonderful BBC decided to leave it in.....may as well incite a bit of violence when you get the chance.....the media have a lot to answer for in my opinion....... There's one thing which really brasses me off ...it's so called celebs who put their name to an album of their favourite records....the latest is The Trevor Nelson Collection...with a picture of HIM on the album sleeve....he's not ON any of the tracks it's just a "collection" of his favourite songs.......all he does is PLAY them....what a load of tripe.....Michael Parkinson was another with HIS "collection" of famous swing records...talk about cashing in on someone else's talent. Another waste of space is the film "critic" or the music "critic"....anyone can watch a film or listen to a record and make personal comments....unless you can act or play an instrument get lost....there are too many overpaid hangers-on in the entertainment business.....and too many know nothing "judges" on talent shows. The original contract between The Beatles and Brian Epstein is up for auction and is expected to fetch 300 grand....which says it all....it's a piece of paper...what are you going to do with it?....it's not as if it's George's guitar which at least you can play....or have I got it wrong....on the subject of Eppy....a pal of mine who plays bass with me at our weekly fundraising jam sessions has a connection with Mr.Epstein....he once worked in N.E.M.S. (which was Epstein's music store) and after two weeks Mr.Epstein actually spoke to him.....he said "We won't be needing you anymore".....that's his claim to fame......he should have got Espy to put it in writing....could have made a fortune. The song this week is one I wrote for a local young lady called Penny Page who was a ventriloquist....whose act included a very popular Scouse duck called Googi....my band and her were on the same bill back in the day and I thought a song for her duck would enhance her act so I came up with "Googi The Liverpool Duck"....which she included in her act.....I had completely forgotten about this when 4 years later she rang me and told me she had made a record of it.....next thing it was record of the week on Radio City....she performed it on TV including The Palladium ....it eventually ended up in a film called "Priest".......which all goes to prove there is no time limit on material.....just get it out there......so I give you my local classic "Googi The Liverpool Duck"

12. D-Day Remembered and Respected.
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Description: .There as been blanket coverage of the D-Day landings on the news....it certainly puts a lot of things into perspective and is hard to believe for those of a certain age........it's hard to take in what these soldiers went through and when you see the loss of lives on both sides it seems such a terrible waste.....and how sad it is that some of the younger generation don't appreciate the sacrifices made. And we mustn't forget Mr.Bean impersonator Michael Gove who has admitted taking cocaine in the past....this is the geek who announced there is no place in schools for teachers who have taken drugs....and this is the fool who wants to be prime minister....he has obviously admitted this to avoid someone who knows him going to the papers....it would be funny if it wan't so tragic. What puzzles me is the way football is taken so seriously.....if you look on Facebook for example there are arguments which get personal and nasty about certain games....e.g. the European Cup or the Premiership title........there are other things in life...and I often wonder how many of these bar room "experts" have actually played the game.....also another annoying thing about Facebook is people who put pictures on with no explanation which makes them meaningless....and I couldn't really care less what someone had for lunch on their holidays.... I watched The Voice Kids on ITV hoping that we would see pure entertainment without the sob stories....wrong again....some of the background stories of the young contestants were very sad indeed and I felt very sorry for them but being left totally depressed is not my idea entertainment.........and this is modern entertainment. What is it with beards?....seems like everyone has to have one....it reminds me of the seventies when the fashion was to have long hair and a droopy moustache if you played in a rock band.....thus they all looked exactly the same......we would get criticised by our parents when we were young but we never went to the extremes they go to these days.....very strange. The song this week was the follow up to my How To Say Llanfairpwll...etc which I wrote and produced for Paul Damian and has gone viral on YouTube.......it is called "The Magic of Wales" and extolls the virtues of this wonderful country........they are now on my album "Portrait of Wales"....so here it is my tribute to the land of song....The Magic of Wales

13. Liverpool Champions of Europe
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Description: Football has been on the agenda this week with the European cup which Liverpool won and as expected there has been a lot of celebrating here.......and I salute the lad who bought a car for 40 quid and drove there with his mates and saved a fortune....and talking of fortunes we go on about the players outrageous wages but what seems to be overlooked is the 40% which goes to the taxman......no-one seems to ask what happens to that?....I have no problem with the money they receive because it doesn't come out of MY pocket so good luck to them....unlike my licence fee for the BBC!!...to watch the news first thing in the morning is so depressing and negative....so to get away from Brexit you switch to ITV to find Piers Morgan arguing with two women feminists moaning about the lack of equality etc etc...all prattling on at once...and is of NO interest to 99.9% of the viewers....not a good way to start your day.....even the weather forecast is a joke....considering the technology at their disposal they couldn't forecast nightfall......and it is going steadily worse day by day.......and I had to laugh at Donald Trump calling the mayor of London a stone cold loser....Sadiq Khan is the fool who sanctioned those stupid childish balloons which looked like Trump so I couldn't agree more....London can have him.....rock on Donald!!!! There was a recent near tragedy on a beach in the west country....it involved a couple of 5 year olds being swept out to sea on a strong gust of wind on an inflatable swan....apparently they were in shallow water with their father pulling them around by a piece of rope which he accidentally dropped and was unable to stop the inflatable from being blown off shore....thankfully the kids were rescued by the RNLI....when will people realise that the sea has no respect for anyone.....I have done a lot of sailing and am very aware of the dangers...yet we still see kids in dinghies and lilos without boyancy aids.....it should be made law to wear a lifejacket in coastal waters similar to crash has on motor bikes and seatbelts in cars....... it's no different.....you can drown in 3 feet of water....and in tidal waters things can change very quickly when the tide turns....and you have to know that.....kids inflatables should be restricted to swimming pools. The Spice Girls reunion tour has received mixed reviews....the sound was heavily criticised and the girls were allegedly miming in parts....now there's a surprise.....at the end of the day their fan base is mainly female (girl power and all that stuff) who enjoy the visual side of their act which is fair enough but miming is getting money under false pretences....I suppose it could have been worse - Posh might have turned up.....plus the fact it was bucketing down in the open air stadium in Manchester didn'tt help.....BUT at least they put on a show.....I am a fan of The Eagles and have seen them twice live....however there is no entertainment value they just sit there and play so you might as well get the video and watch in comfort.(and for a lot cheaper).....as for the Spice Girls I salute anyone who can make money in showbiz....but there not for me. I watched "Bohemian Rhapsody" ...the film about Freddie Mercury and Queen.....it was very good especially the likenesses of the band members...Rami Malek who played Freddie was brilliant.....the only problem,if you can call it that,is the film finishes with their appearance on Live Aid and you can't get the songs out of you head....it shows what a wonderful band they were and I enjoyed the bit where some music boffin turned down Bohemian Rhapsody because "it will go nowhere"......I also had another session of Mamma Mia one and two.....I never tire of watching these films....they display the wonderful songwriting talents of Benny and Bjorn....fabulous melodies nd great lyrics which tell a story.....their music is timeless. The song this week is a track off my album "Stars Over 45" which features some of our great film stars (some come off better than others)....this one came about from some adverse publicity regarding Burt Lancaster.....with a suggestion that he was....how should I put it....not as macho as he was made out to be............well I'm having none of it!!....he was my hero from when I was a kid so this song is my answer......so to set the record straight here is The Ballad of Burt Lancaster

14. Dark Corridors
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Description: What is it with modern films?....they must save a fortune on electricity because they are all made in the dark.....what we are subjected to is actors who mumble so you can't understand what they are on about coupled with dark sets both inside and outside...SWITCH THE LIGHTS ON!!....you turn the sound up so you can hear them whispering then back down again as the music and gunfire blasts out....of course this is if you can find a film worth watching on TV....a very difficult task these days....if it wasn't for the police searching for murderers there would be no stories at all.....like the music and entertainment industry its all gone down the drain. 2.There has been a lot of publicity regarding scams and people losing all their savings etc.....it's easy to say they should know better but there should be a lot more education from the media especially for the old and vulnerable.....these scammers are professionals and know how to con people big time....it's even done on a legal basis with loan companies and banks....they are NOT your friends...the car dealer for example is a great bloke until you decide you don't want the car...the time share touts...they are all out there trying to separate you from your money....there are very few genuine BARGAINS in the world.....we are a nation of moaners and complainers.....what is needed is action.....if restaurants are overpriced I don't go there....if the drinks are expensive I don't drink there.....and if I can get an item cheaper on Amazon that's where I go....if everyone did this then perhaps the greedy big boys would get the message and bring their prices down....sitting around and moaning won't solve anything. 3.Just in case you didn't know....our Theresa May is resigning....and there she was announcing it outside number 10 to the pack of wolves waiting to rip her apart....and the media showing the same bit where she nearly broke down crying....so now her loyal staff have removed their knives from her back and put themselves up for the job....so we might get Boris Johnson at the helm or...God forbid...Michael.Gove....mind you if HE gets the job comedy will make a welcome return....the comics will have a field day.....I often wonder if Mickey Gove actually knows what's going on....if you were to write a play about the last three years of government in this country no-one would believe it....it's like a hotch potch of headless chickens frantically seeking publicity to enhance their careers reported on by a media consisting of school fifth formers.....come back Guy Fawkes all is forgiven. 4.I listened to your interview with the late great Les Reed which I enjoyed...what a great guy and what a massive talent....he was one of the last great songwriters....a breed that has sadly vanished.....he gave us wonderful hits by the likes of Englebert and Tom Jones and many more plus he was a brilliant musician.....I have always been a big fan of his work and many years ago I heard him interviewed on the radio and he introduced an instrumental by the John Barry 7 which I THOUGHT he said he composed and it was the melody of Buddy Holly's "It Doesn't Matter Any More"....which was credited to Paul Anka....this bothered me for years asI am not a fan of Mr.Anka so I wrote to Les Reed and put this to him....he replied with a lovely letter explaining that he was referring to a different song and was sorry to say that it was Paul Anka's....and went on to wish me good luck with my songwriting....that's what makes a quality bloke. 5.The song this week is one I found in my drawer from back in the day......it was a song I wrote about Chester Zoo and which I pitched to the Zoo and they ordered a stack off me (that's the way to do it).....it is sung by a lovely young lady called Julie Bright who did the clubs and was one of my female session singers....and as she was from Chester she got quite a bit on mileage from the song

15. Eurovision Song Contest 2019
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Description: I watched The Eurovision Song Contest which was hard going......and as usual we were bottom of the pile.....what I can't understand is why don't we realise that NOVELTY is what is required....Bucks Fizz with the skirts pulled off....Brotherhood of Man with their silly dance....the bearded "lady" etc.....much as I like the lad who represened us we missed the best song in the run up....it was called "Freaks" and would have done well....but our public unfortunately thought otherwise....the music business is,and always has been,full of egotists who would have difficulty playing a tambourine yet think they know more than real musicians.....and when we come last every year we blame "politics".....which has nothing to do with it....professional songwriters and someone who actually knows about presentation is required then perhaps we would have something we can offer......or perhaps just call it a day? 2.There is a strange addiction with modern day road users....they simply HAVE to overtake....no matter what speed you are doing they MUST get past....you could be doing 150 m.p.h. and they would still HAVE to get past........I live in a cul de sac and have to turn into it from the main road...sometimes I have to wait for oncoming traffic to clear and I can guarantee some idiot will struggle to squeeze past on the inside....WHY??....they will save themselves about 10 seconds...everyone is in such a hurry and every day we have huge tailbacks on motorways because of brainless idiots.....anyone who thinks they are Lewis Hamilton and isn't should get a life ban which would make the roads a lot safer. 3.The Jeremy Kyle Show has been axed by ITV because one of the contestants has committed suicide....this is a terrible situation which has sadly been waiting to happen.....I think all shows like this should be scrapped....it is not entertainment and wouldn't be missed by anyone with half a brain....the small percentage of sad fools who watch this garbage shouldn't be given any consideration...and as for Mr.Kyle I don't know how he got where he is (or was).....he MUST have been smacked around in school....he MUST have been....he is such a prat........and Martin Clunes has been removed from his programme on animals because he climbed up on an elephant using its ears...which hasn't gone down too well with elephant lovers.....and as he is a white heterosexual Anglo Saxon male he has no argument as he can't use the racist card or the sexist card or the discrimination card....so that's that. 4.There was a very interesting programme on BBC4 called "the people's history of pop" which looked back to the beginnings of skiffle and rock and roll....it was presented by Twiggy....it included people who were there at the time (including our mate Roger Baskeyfield)....it was a great programme but unless you were there it is hard to comprehend the impact it created....I was 11 when I walked into a local cinema with a mate and saw Rock Around The Clock......I walked out of the cinema a different lad....learnt to play guitar (which my dad made me from a kit) formed a skiffle group and off we went.....the programme illustrated this so well as it progresed through the beginning of Merseybeat etc.....and the strange thing is it didn't seem that long ago.....are we really that old? 5.Which brings me to this weeks song.....during those very early years I saw one of our local top skiffle groups called "The Atlantics" which was the first time I heard an electric guitar played live....the leader of the group was John Lomax who went on to make award winning films (he was featured in the Donald Campbell drama called Days that Changed The World).....forty years later we met and became great friends and put a skiffle group together and topped the bill at a skiffle convention in Finland....John was a great guy who I thought the world of....sadly he is no longer with us....but I wrote this song for the convention and got him in the studio.....so here it is my tribute to my mate "The Story of Skiffle" by John Lomax

16. Farewell to Friends
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Description: I was sad to hear of the loss of my dear friend Monty Lister who was a presenter on Radio Merseyside for many decades...I worked with him on his popular Sunday morning show "Tune Tonic" for 5 years....but knew him for many years before that...he interviewed many top entertainers from Bing Crosby to The Beatles (being the first to interview them)...he also produced many travelogues for his programme...for a lot of which I took care of the sound....we made trips all over Europe on one day excursions which has left me with many memories and anecdotes.....Monty was a gentleman and a good mate....and a broadcasting legend who I will never forget. We also lost another great character this week....Freddie Starr....Freddie was unpredictable and was difficult to control which sadly was his downfall but to me he was a comedy genius.....I remember seeing him many times with his band in the early sixties and it his massive talent was obvious then.....he was brilliant and a sad loss...they don't make 'em like him any more. 2.Still on the showbiz front Danny Baker has been on the news after his brainless tweet which was claimed was aimed at the royal birth....which he denies....the BBC have sacked him.....I always found Danny Baker to be a loudmouth who thought he was bigger than he was.....and this stupidity has put him in his place...a very silly man........and on the silly man front David Beckham has lost his driving licence for 6 months after being caught using his mobile phone whilst driving....nice to know he never got away with this one on a technicality....it isn't difficult complying with the law....it's there for the safety of others....when you choose to ignore the law you know exactly what you are doing....unless you are an idiot........maybe Dave will now realise he is the same as the rest of us. 3.I watched the BAFTAS as there was NOTHING worth watching on TV as usual....as I don't watch soaps I didn't have a clue who most of them were.....and I see Ant and Dec were up there for their contribution to Britain's Got Talent....I am at a total loss as to what they do on this show....giggling at the side of the stage must obviously deserve an award............and I went up to The Lakes for a couple of days and decided to spend a morning in Morecambe on the way....it has a delightful waterfront which has been recently renovated....what I had overlooked was it was 20 degrees so out come the trendy pensioners in their droves with their shaved heads...baseball caps...ill fitting huge shorts and flip flops and faded tattoos.....and not a chance of them moving to one side as you pass them....because they are just as tough as they used to be 50 years ago....or think they are.......I often wonder what these aliens see when they look in the mirror......in future I will be saving Morecambe for a dull windy day when they have all gone back to bed....and these are the one's who VOTE. 4.I have a good friend who is an Indian doctor....he is a brilliant surgeon....yet after he had been in the country for 10 years he was required to take an exam to achieve British citizenship......which was an hour long...he finished it in 5 minutes but had to stay for the hour......this chap SAVES LIVES with his special talents.....this country should be grateful for the likes of him and his compatriots...and should welcome them with open arms.....perhaps we should make burglars and muggers take exams and kick them out if they fail...that would make more sense...I know which one of the two I would rather be looking up at from the operating table. 5.I was at school when rock and roll broke out...and like many others learnt to play the guitar and formed a skiffle group....one of the lads came in one day and told me of a new record by Ricky Nelson called "Poor Little Fool" and wrote out the chords....all four of them....which gave us a step up from the three skiffle chords....I became a big fan of Ricky and enjoyed all his records especially the guitar solos which were played by a chap called James Burton....who went on to back all the greats like Sinatra and Elvis....so in 2008 I was asked if I would like to sing Ricky Nelson songs with James in a concert organised by a mate of mine called Doug Darroch.....needless to say I was well up for it.....the concert took place in a theatre in Birkenhead and I did an hour of Ricky's hits with the man I had admired for 40 years......everyone should have their moment...this was mine....I eventually did 8 concerts with James....thank you Dougy........the song this week is a live performance with James....the one which started it all for me all those years ago...Poor Little Fool.

17. Merseyside
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Description: The latest rip off is you will be getting charged when you draw your OWN money out of cash machines....those in control have come up with several reasons why they have to do this....the reason they seemed to have missed out is the correct one...which is the fact that they are a greedy grabbing bunch of selfish pigs who have no consideration for their fellow human beings....plus petrol is also going up for some unknown reason....the petrol companies must need a few more mansions.....it's very strange how the filling stations react instantly to price rises and relatively slowly when the price comes down....it's legal burglary. Speaking of burglars there was extensive news coverage of the 79 year old man who stabbed and killed a burglar who was threatening him in his home....the courts decreed it was lawful killing as he was acting in self defence....there has been a lot of support for this decision....it's a very interesting situation...quite rightly the general opinion is that the burglar shouldn't have been there and it was his choice which is right but what seems to be overlooked in these situations is the repercussions for the old guy....your life would change....they should start by issuing realistic sentences to those who burgle....there is far more to the situation than stealing items...it's easy to say what you would do if it happened to you but the reality is a different story.....a burglar has a choice....unfortunately in this case the burglar made the wrong one. Once again the neanderthals are out on the streets.....one of the competitors in the London Marathon was an elderly lady who was running for her charity and eventually finished some way behind the others....nothing wrong with that you might think....oh no....she has to take abuse from spectators and even organisers of the event shouting out that if she ate less she would be able to run faster and other moronic insults.....which proves that some of our wonderful population have yet to evolve.....if you are a total waste of space there is no need to show it with comments like this.......the upshot of it all was the lady needed to raise £1500 for her charity and she actually raised 10 grand....and if that isn't a huge two fingers to her critics I don't know what is......what it needs is to employ Mike Tyson to jog along behind the rest and see how brave these loud mouth bullies are then....I'd pay good money to watch that. .And still on the sporting front I watched about 10 minutes of the ladies cup final to try and see the point....sadly I didn't....the problem I have is the difference between this and the men's game....the two skills are light years apart....similarly with ladies rugby.....with the likes of tennis and athletics and even golf etc the difference isn't obvious.....which brings me to the lady athlete who has too much testosterone.....and has to bring it down if she wishes to compete against other women....which makes a bit of a mockery of sport.....the answer would be to have multi gender sport (when some have decided what gender they want to be) which would never happen because the ladies would disappear overnight....I don't think they would be shouting for equality then?.....or have I got it completely wrong....just an opinion.....I sometimes feel I must apologise for being a white anglo saxon straight male. The song this week is one which created our first meeting.....you were working on Radio Merseyside and I sent you this which resulted in us marching on the German Embassy....because they criticised Liverpool....how dare they!!.....this will bring back a few memories mate......here it is....the ultimate tribute to the big city...."Merseyside"

18. LlanfairPG in Anglesey, Wales
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Description: The BBC news at the moment has been depressing us all in its usual fashion....with the constant coverage of the terrible bombings in Sri Lanka....the tragic loss of lives must be so unbearable for those involved which is not helped by the BBC filming close-ups of those grieving..... Whereas I appreciate when we get a bit of sunshine in this country people want to get out and enjoy it...what has always puzzled me is why do they ALL do it at the same time?.....I went out to Wales over Easter as the forecast promised us plenty of sunshine....the Friday was Bank holiday so I went late Thursday....and had a clear run to Anglesey.... 3.On the entertainment front we are subjected once again to "Britain's Got Talent" which is as bad as it gets....if Britain has talent why don't they put it on this dreadful show instead of letting a bunch of no-hopers make fools of themselves in front of a panel of know-nothing judges with Simon Cowell deciding whether HE thinks they should get the holy thumbs up......and what purpose Ant and Dec serve is beyond me..... 4.When I started my record company in 1980 I decided to create a demo service to pay for the gear...the idea was for people who were not necessarily musicians to send me their ideas of songs and I would record them and put them together in a presentable state for them to send out to publishers etc... My song How To Say Llanfair P.G. has reached 2 million hits on YouTube.....the idea came to me back in the 80s over a cup of coffee at my mates house...Paul Damian...I wrote several songs for him to use in his cabaret act and he wanted a novelty song....

19. The Wrestler Adrian Street
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Description: A young lady called Joann Randles has made a documentary film about the life of wrestler Adrian Street which will be shown at a major film festival in Cardiff next month....it is called "You May Be Pretty But I Am Beautiful" and traces the life of this larger than life character from his humble beginnings working in Welsh coal mine.....to his rise to fame as a world champion wrestler........I am featured in the film as I wrote and produced two albums of wrestling songs for him....this is my story.

20. The Big Three and Merseybeat
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Description: We nearly had another moon landing....but not quite....the space ship got all the way but crash landed...close but no cigar....and we have been told the mission was a lot cheaper than previous attempts...this one was done "on a shoestring" and only cost 77 million pounds....which is some shoestring....I have always wondered what the point of space travel is....there is nothing there ....perhaps we should sort out things on THIS planet first.....or get a loan from the Amazon guy's missus with her 27 billion divorce settlement. 2.And speaking of major spending the Houses of Parliament needs refurbishing....this will cost 4 BILLION....it would be cheaper to send the building into space (and a better idea)...4 billion? I would like to see the breakdown of that amount .....apparently there are hundreds of rooms and offices etc....and I wonder why....they can't even run the country from ONE room.....but there could be some light at the end of the tunnel...Nigel Farage is forming a new party...The Brexit Party.....and I,for one,will be voting for him as he HAS to be an improvement on the shower we have at the moment.....perhaps the MPs could make a donation towards the refurbishment out of their expenses.....some hope!! 3.As we know...comedy has lost it's way - and this according to one of our comedians is because of a certain section of the community regarding some jokes as being racist or sexist when in fact they are just jokes.....if you can only crack gags about white hetro sexual males there's not a lot of hope......again it's a case of pandering to the minority who have had a sense of humour by-pass....people's idea of humour naturally differs especially between men and women....but what always puzzles me is how stadium audiences can be helpless with laughter at some of the modern comedians and comediennes with their "observational" comedy which isn't slightly funny.....when you are a certain age and remember when comedy was actually funny it is hard to take these days. 4.Our local newspaper has published some of the salaries of council officials which has raised a few eyebrows....some around the 2 hundred grand a year mark.....I don't mind anyone making money but I do object to MY rates helping to feather their nests...especially when I keep going down potholes in the road because the council hasn't got the money to repair them....or so we are told....I often wonder what these "top" officials actually DO....they are obviously "responsible" for a lot of things but what do they DO?....if they weren't there would it make any difference?.....the Chief Constable for example has responsibilities but he isn't out on the streets dealing with neanderthals and he is on a lot more than those who do.......if he wasn't there the job would still get done.....or am I over simplifying things. 5.I recently watched a brilliant documentary on The Big Three who were a top group in Liverpool back in the sixties....possibly one of the first hard rock bands and were signed up by Epstein who sacked them because they wouldn't conform....the story is so interesting and quite moving in parts as there is only one still alive....Brian Grifiths.....at the time they were as big as The Beatles but because of their antics they sadly didn't last......I always thought they were born too early......had they began in the eighties they would have rocked the world....the song this week is one I wrote way back in the day and is a tribute to the bands who put Liverpool on the music map...."Merseybeat Memories"

21. The Grand National and The Boat Race
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Description: Some schools in Birmingham want to teach 4 year olds about "life" including same sex relationships....we are talking about 4 year olds here...who are confused enough without being bombarded with this sort of thing....at that age their brains are like sponges and they take everything in... they are told what religion they are and that everyone else beliefs are wrong etc....in my opinion at that age they should be taught arithmetic and how to read and write....let them be kids.....they certainly don't need to know about sex until they are in secondary school when they can make their own minds up...and it is confusing enough then...another sad situation caused by know nothing so called grown ups. 2.I've been doing a bit of DIY lately...a very rare occurrence ... and have come across some modern packaging....I bought a pair of scissors which were contained in clear moulded plastic....which you need scissors to get into....or a Swiss army knife...similarly I bought some washers...by the time I had got through the packaging they had gone in all directions....surely with todays technology packaging could be made easier to penetrate....not to mention the risk of losing a finger during the process...even some bread has a small tag which can only be cut with a chainsaw.....when you get to a certain age patience is one of the things which goes out of the window...so why can't these manufacturers realise this? 3.Last weekend we were treated to The Grand National...AND....the Oxford and Cambridge boatrace....and sport does not get any more boring....unless you are interested in watching some of your money go down the drain I fail to see the point of horse racing....an as for the boatrace WHO CARES?....the only one's who are remotely interested are the brainboxes who go to the two universities....I have played many sports at club level over the years so I have been a participant rather than a spectator and that could be my problem.......I think football is losing its way....when teams start leaving the field because of racist chants I think it's time for these "macho" highly paid sportsmen to have a reality check....racist chants are totally unnecessary but football needs to make allowances for idiots calling them names because they are out there and are paying their wages......I have lost interest in most sports. 4.Now if you want to drive an old car through London you have to pay £12.50....because this will save the planet....what a pile of absolute tripe....cars will still drive through the city and emit the same fumes so nothing will change except some will have to pay......it aint saving the planet IT'S A FINE!! for doing nothing and as usual raking money out of us...and this is going to spread to other cities...especially when they realise they can get money for nothing....this sort of crap is an insult to my intelligence. And here's a sad situation....Jeff Bezos...who is the richest man in the world...has made a record divorce settlement with his missus....27 BILLION pounds......so she should be comfortable for a few years.....just to put that amount into context.....27 billion would give EVERY human being on the planet £4.......EVERY human being.....from ONE person......and if you put 27 billion pound coins side by side the line would go round the globe 14 times.....and if you stood them end to end upwards the line would reach the moon and back....this is how ridiculous the world is.......one person could solve all the problems....and there are thousands of billionaires ....makes you think eh? 5.And finally the song this week is a tribute to where I was born and bred....the Wirral Peninsula.....I feel privileged to live in this wonderful corner of the world and I have made several videos extolling its virtues....this song is taken from one of them....it is entitled Wirral Wonderland

22. Subway Songman
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Description: It is difficult to find a drama on T.V. which doesn't involve graphic displays of shootings and stabbings which are totally unnecessary...and they all begin with "you might find some of the violent scenes disturbing".....SO WHY HAVE THEM?.....if the story MUST have violent killings do we need to see it with the "cleverly" faked stab wounds and blood everywhere.....I started to watch a series called MotherFatherSon starring Richard Gere and the first episode showed an operation where they cut off the top of a blokes head in hospital...very clever from the make up team...if you are not having your tea...then there is a series called "The Following" where there are endless stabbings with all the gore.....not to mention "24" with Kiefer Sutherland shooting everyone is sight....and we wonder why knife crime is on the increase....this sort of stuff simply puts ideas into brainless heads. We are now going to have multi gender toilets in public places....because as you know we have many different genders nowadays....not to mention those who are "gender fluid" who haven't quite made up their minds (do I take my rugby kit to school...or do I take my tu tu to ballet lessons?).....at the moment we do have single toilets in cafes where you go in and lock the door....but the latest ones will be walk in ones for all genders.....I wonder how long it will be before some bloke staggers in bouncing off the walls after 12 pints to be greeted by a high pitched scream and to eventually sober up to find himself in court after being accused by some mentally scarred female of sexual harassment? The latest question is "should bicycles have number plates?"......apparently ALL cyclists are criminals....they ride past and steal mobile phones and handbags etc....so number plates are the answer.....whoever comes up with these ideas definitely needs help...as if some yob is going to register his bike which he has probably stolen anyway....then there was the suggestion that cyclists should be breathalised.....what happens if they are over the limit?....do they lose their number plates?........or could it be a way of getting more money out of us?......the only thing that will help towards curing crime is to make public examples of those responsible.....a harsh sample of jail life would help....it's time we reviewed human rights and put some sense into our legal system which seems to be losing its way. I was in Wales last week and went to a spot I have been going to for years....I parked up and went for a two hour walk....when I got back I noticed in the corner of the car park a pay and display machine which has never been there before....which you don't notice on the way in....fortunately the jobsworth attendant hadn't completed his rounds so there was no ticket....so no £50 fine...which I feel very guilty about I don't think....I must say it gave me a feeling of wellbeing................and finally there was an article on the morning news discussing computer dating and how people misdescribe themselves.....I've never been involved but it must be strange arranging a date with someone you have never met....but it seems to work in a lot of cases........I used to work with an old chap who used to contact available ladies in the local newspaper (before computers) and some of his stories were wonderful. The song tis week is entitled "Subway Songman"......and was inspired by a visit to Liverpool where I was well impressed by the musical ability of some of the buskers......these lads and lasses have more talent in their little finger than the likes of Jonathan Ross and Graham Norton have in their whole bodies....they are out in all weathers entertaining passers by for very little in return.....this song is a tribute to them all

23. Don Made it to the Top of Snowdon
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Description: So now our Prime Minister is required to stand down by our wonderful government.....if this happens her replacement could be Mr.Blobby Michael Gove...which says it all....and the sheep are out again marching through the streets pretending they know what the the whole shambles is all about....and we were told there was a MILLION of them which was somewhat exaggerated ...I actually admire Teresa for having to deal with the load of morons in Parliament on a daily basis......we knock Donald Trump but he has more about him than the whole of our government put together....he certainly doesn't take any crap from anyone.2.But we needn't worry....because Uri Geller is going to stop Brexit happening....with his MIND....is it me or is the planet losing its way?.....Uri wants everyone at a certain time to think...all at once..."Stop Brexit"....so that's O.K. then,,,,and this is from his mansion in the Middle East or wherever.....there is no such thing as telepathy.....I can make cards do "unbelievable things" and make things levitate...and read minds etc....they are TRICKS ...it's not magic.....old Uri must be running out of money.....mind you the "million" marchers will probably fall for it....they seem to believe anything.3.The  WW2 Great Escape has been celebrated...when a batch of English P.O.W.s tunnelled out of a German P.O.W. camp....sadly with disastrous results......most of the escapees were captured and shot ...I saw the film which was very good apart from Steve McQueen who was the "cool" American hero jumping over fences on his motor bike....all very dramatic but in the usual Hollywood fashion it didn't happen....but they have got to get in there somewhere....all very entertaining but I think the actual FACTS would have been more educational.............and speaking of films I watched The Greatest Showman starring Hugh Jackman which roughly follows the rise of Barnam and his circus......the film was sensational....one of the best musicals I have seen....the songs were brilliant and were written by two young unknowns.....there were 1500 involved in the making of it and it took 7 years to complete...an absolute triumph.4.I've just paid my car tax and as always been totally ripped off because I have a diesel car.....despite the fact that I am paying more than everyone else I still have to negotiate the same potholes which our road tax is supposed to cure....plus I am now apparently destroying the planet!!.....I remember we were originally told that PETROL cars are destroying the planet and diesels were the answer....so we all started buying diesel cars and UP rockets the price of this earth saving fuel....then suddenly the big boys weren't selling enough petrol to furnish their fortunes so they announce that PETROL will save the planet....which hasn't gone down so well....SO it is now time to tell us that ELECTRIC is the answer......low road tax (if any) ...free electric hook ups around the country....no pollution etc etc.....give it a few years and ELECTRIC will be dearer that diesel....which I'm sure will make a big comeback when they count the number of unsold diesel cars....and so it goes.....it's like the cigarette companies....they put the price of fags up to encourage people to stop smoking....yeah sure....it stops nothing...all it does is feaher their already overfull nests and while people fall for this crap we will have these millionaires who don't give a monkeys about anyone else.5.The song this week is a tribute to the roof of Wales...Mount Snowdon....I've just come back after a few days in Caernarfon and I enjoy everything about the area......I have climbed Snowdon several times and it is so worth the climb.....I actually wrote the song for my pa Paul Damian and it is a track off our album which includes How To Say Llanfairpwll etc.....but this is my version and it came about on the first time  I reached the summit......I simply said "I Made It To The Top"

24. Forgotten Pop Stars
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Description: A lot of money has been raised for Comic Relief for good causes both here and abroad....63 million pounds....which makes a total of 1.3 billion since it began.......I watched the programme on it which was on all night last Friday......it is a great cause and it's good to see where the money goes....but as far as the "comedy" is concerned it's a "relief" when it's over.....it seems a lot of effort goes into various comedy sketches which fall flat......for example there was a spoof of Mamma Mia which was totally unfunny and pointless....plus another featuring a reunion of the stars of Four Wedding and a Funeral which was a complete disaster......or maybe I am missing something.....it would be better if they simply showed the charity sections and left the comedy out.....or find something that is actually funny. What I find a bit unacceptable about all this money being sent to other countries is we have our own major problems like lack of police and lack of money for the NHS.....and the homeless....it's all very nice seeing celebrities getting a bit of publicity for being involved but Africa,for example,is a big country....a LOT bigger than Britain....can they not solve their own problems?....plus the fact we never really know where ALL the money actually goes.....perhaps we should sort ourselves out first. 2.The news has been dominated by Brexit which has totally lost me and the New Zealand killings in a mosque.....the problem with the human race is we tar everyone with the same brush....because certain nationalities have a certain percentage who want to change the world and go to any lengths for their cause we blame them all....the Muslim religion like every other has it's extremists but they are in the minority and the events in New Zealand are not the answer....perhaps if terrorists were severely and loudly disowned by those of the same race people would listen...but this doesn't seem to happen...this would help their cause and perhaps create a bit more understanding.....it seems they want others to sort things out for them...the terrorist in New Zealand will be dealt with by his own nationality for example..... 3.On the sporting front the wonderful BBC decided to fill our Saturday night viewing with football....ALL NIGHT....with coverage of an FA Cup quarter final ...nice for the supporters of Manchester United or Wolves....but I doubt whether the other 99% of the population required this on peak weekend viewing time...which could have been put on another channel....still I suppose it saves the BBC boffins having to use what little imagination they possess .....this was followed by Match of the Day...enough said..........this was after a day of rugby with the six nations which I did watch and enjoyed especially as Wales got the grand slam........and I see the England ladies rugby team did well...they beat Scotland 80 - Nil.........close game eh?....I bet the spectators enjoyed that....all two of them....I do admire the efforts to get ladies rugby and football off the ground but I think it's a lost cause. 4.At last...at LONG last....we have been presented with a show on Sunday night which is worth watching....ITV have excelled themselves...All Star Musicals....which celebs being trained to perform on stage by the legendary Elaine Page....and with John Barrowman as the ideal host and no aunties,uncles and grannies in the wings it was welcome relief from the usual rubbish where so called singers see who can shout the loudest.....however it's the audience who vote for the winner....so why have judges?? 5.Lest we should forget...the song this week is a reminder of the pop stars who formed our youth....some of which have made a comeback since I wrote the song so they are not completely forgotten....the song is taken from my album Stars Over 45 and it is called "The Ballad of The Forgotten Pop Stars"

25. The Dibber Song
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Description: .Scotland has now got its own news channel.....which has cost £32 million....for 6 million people.....the BBC sure know how to spend our licence fee.....what is the point??....England has to suffer the national news (which mainly covers stabbings and murders) and also has local channels (which also mainly cover stabbings and murders).....but the Scots (or some of them) feel they are missing out........believe my guys you are NOT!!......the only news the rubbish BBC seem to cover is Brexit or fan the flames of problems like knife crime.....nothing of which helps in any way......unless they can sensationalise nasty situations and depress us all it's not news....I've actually stopped watching it along with many others.....the media in general should start helping to try and solve situations instead of adding to the doom and gloom with their negative reporting. 2.On the subject of dreadful television....there has recently been a documentary on Michael Jackson's alleged activities.....on Channel 4 which I purposely avoided....what purpose does this serve?...the guy is dead....oh yes I forgot there is quite a bit of money involved....and there are TWO accusers.....which seems to warrant a three hour documentary.....anyone who can get pleasure out of watching this sort of garbage needs help....Jackson was a strange chap but he entertained and was respected by millions....but the witch hunters have to focus on TWO accusers.....let's move on PLEASE!!! Amongst the cookery programmes and reality TV shows we are also subjected to "Family Tree" programmes where lost relatives are found etc.....the only person this is of interest to is the participant.....could I care if they find a Grannie who has been living in New Zealand for the last 80 years and bring her along to meet her huge family?....No. 3.Now let's get one thing straight before we go any further....CATAIN MARVEL WAS A BLOKE!!!.......not a girl!!....he was the alter ego of Billy Batson who turned into Captain Marvel after uttering "SHAZZAM!!".....to my horror and disbelief there is a blockbuster movie out where he is a girl.....I don't mind them intruding into football or even rugby (which gives me the opportunity to watch something else)...but I have to draw the line at Captain Marvel!!....it's like Dwayne Johnson playing Cinderella!!......two of the stars of the film...Brie Larson who plays Miss Marvel...and Samuel L.Jackson were on the Jonathan Ross show...old Sam being his usual happy self and Jonathan trying to inject some comedy into the situation...and failing.....then on comes comedian Seann Walsh and instantly starts apologising for snogging his dance partner when he was on Strictly Come Dancing....it was months ago!!...NO-ONE CARES!!...your single!!..........you need congratulating mate.....I think Jonathan Ross is well past his sell by date. 4.On the opposite end of the scale to Mr.Ross is someone with talent....a fascinating programme on Andre Previn was shown recently..... an incredible musician who passed away a few weeks ago....he was well known for his hilarious appearance on the Morecambe and Wise show but there was so much more to this man....he won four Oscars for his musical scores in films and originally started as a jazz musician which I didn't know.....he was interviewed shortly before he died and still had a great sense of humour.....what always amazes me about these top class musicians is their ability to write the music for all the instruments in the orchestra.....they actually hear it in their head and get it down on paper....brilliant........it makes the pop music of today look a bit sick. 5.Speaking of great music the song this week is one of my classics.....it is called The Dibber Song and came about from comments Norman Thomas used to make about his gardening problems....a dibber being a gardening utensil for making holes in the soil into which you drop your seeds......Norman went to buy one and picked up a handle for a shovel by mistake.....he got great mileage out of this on his programme so I wrote this song for him which he played many times.....he was a great bloke and sadly missed....I dedicate this song to him

26. Don's Still in Love with Una Stubbsª
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Description: When will people realise no-one in business is there to do you a favour....they are after your money EVERY TIME.....we are constantly being warned against scams yet some still divulge their bank account details and get cleaned out....I appreciate a lot of older folk are not computer literate but they should be strongly advised by the media to delete any Emails involving any of your personal details....we are getting ripped off all the time....I was listening to a loan company advertising on the radio prattling on about how they could solve your financial problems....you would think they are doing you a FAVOUR....what you borrow will cost you 50% more to pay back ...some favour!!....if you can't afford it forget it............and the old favourite "We have £10,000 waiting to be paid into your bank....send us the details of your account so we can deposit it".....and because they don't realise you get nothing for nothing they fall for it...and it's goodbye savings......it's a sad situation but not enough time is given to educating the public...the media seem to think baking cakes is more important. 2.Even legal advertising is designed to kid you....I saw an advert for some face cream in Boots the Chemist...."Clinically proved to reduce your wrinkles by up to 5 years"....first off where is the clinic? and secondly "up to" can mean anything....ONE DAY is "up to 5 years"......and then we have "Cruises from £499.99"....this is designed to make initially think you are getting a cruise for £400 instead of one penny short of £500....and "from" means for £499.99 your cabin is probably in the engine laughable. 3.When I worked in Trading Standards I came across some classic legal scams........one being the receipt of a letter telling you that you have DEFINITELY won one of the listed prizes in the letter (even though you have never entered a competition}....the prizes would range from an expensive car and/or a big sum of cash to,for example,a holiday for two.....the latter would involve a returnable deposit AFTER you have been on the holiday.....this is the one you will have won and when you have paid the deposit you find out that it's a coach trip from Glasgow to Morocco which you are never going to go on....goodbye deposit............another was the indoor TV aerial shaped like a satellite dish "You can have one in every room...and you don't pay satellite fees because you are not receiving satellite programmes.....£15".....everyone rushed out and bought one (or two) thinking that they would get satellite from this ordinary indoor aerial (worth around £5)l....despite what it said in the ad....clever stuff............but the best one was a firm which offered hard porn videos for £10 "while stocks last".....cheques made out to SPC LTD........they had a few in stock and when they had gone they would send the buyer their personal cheque for the refund....the personal cheque included their full name "Sexual Perverts Club"......needless to say not many of the cheques were cashed....genius. 4.On the news front apparently there are too many "white saviours" involved in Red Nose Day....which has raised a billion pounds for overseas charities over the years...this is according to MP David Lammy.....who is black..............TV presenter Stacey Doyle has come under fire from him for publishing her charity work in Africa apparently showing how only "white people" are seen showing where our donations go in Africa.....Lenny Henry has come out in total support of Stacey Dooley so at least some sense is being shown.... Mr.Lammy is probably quite happy to get the publicity as I'd never heard of him until now.....and I wonder how much of his nice salary he donates to the cause?.....perhaps he could supply all these poor kids in Africa with a nice expensive suit each....like the one he was wearing........obviously some of us need to apologise for being white.....not that we can do much about it. 5.On a lighter note the song this week is about a lady who everybody loves....Una Stubbs.....she is the eternal schoolgirl and I have been a fan since the early sixties when she first appeared on a milk advert......I wrote this song in the 70's and got a publishing deal with a major label...which sadly never materialised....so I sent the song to her....to my surprise she rang me up and told me how flattered she was...she was as sweet as you would expect.......I put the song on YouTube and it has had thousands of hits so obviously everyone agrees with me....so here it is The Ballad of Una Stubbs....available from my website.

27. The Ballad of John Wayne
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Description: First off a warning to anyone who has one of those Coca Cola embossed glasses in their cabinets.....I decided to have a Bacardi and Coke so I took the glass out and dropped a few cubes of ice in it...as the ice touched the glass it exploded....not cracked...literally exploded with bits flying all over the room.....the glass is the type which holds a pint and is quite thick with "Coca Cola" embossed on the outside....if anyone has one or a similar one...throw it in the bin. 2.I watched a very interesting programme on American "fibs".....which looked into the wonderful heroic events in their history and revealed what ACTUALLY happened.....examples of the many items was Paul Revere who supposedly rode across the country on his own and warned everyone of the approaching British.....there is even a huge statue of him ....however ...there was three of them and poor old Paul didn't make it to the end (fell off his horse I think)....and legend also has it that when the British tried to conquer them they were beaten by untrained farmers who bravely took up weapons and won the battle...when it was actually a trained army of Americans and French ....and there was an item with President George W. Bush prattling on about the day they gained independence and rang the independence bell loud and clear......the bell never arrived until 40 years later....and the Statue of Liberty was originally designed for the middle east who couldn't afford it so it was redesigned and sold to America.......it was a very interesting programme which makes you realise why a lot of Americans live in a movie world protected by John Wayne. 3.The BBC have been advertising the arrival of a new series featuring Alan Partridge...played by Steve Coogan....after all the hype I decided to watch it.....I must be missing something....there were a few rave reviews.....I don't think I even smiled...it was awful and that is half an hour of my life I won't get back......similarly this programme followed another half hour "comedy" called Warren....starring Martin Clunes......what I fail to understand is why these popular stars get involved in such rubbish....are they that hard up?....HOWEVER there is one saviour...it is called "Cunk on Britain" and features Diane Morgan as Philomena Cunk discussing the history of the country with top scientists and historians......the fact she knows nothing at all makes it very funny and original so the BBC must have SOME staff with a bit of knowledge about comedy. 4.I also watched a documentary on Walt Disney.....what an incredibly talented man.....the programme went through his life from his humble beginnings to building his amazing empire....what it brought home was the detail and thought behind the cartoons....for example he would have his cartoonists sitting in a room wathing a girl dancing and studying the movements of her dress and body....also he would bring animals in to study their movements.....he would even film a stone being thrown through a window then slowing it down to study what actually happens to the glass.....all this knowledge was put into the cartoons....most of which is missed by the average viewer....brilliant stuff.....it makes you realise what a genius he was.......not to mention the musicians who put the music together.....a great programme. 5.I thought I would link the song this week with the American mentality....it is called The Ballad of John Wayne....who is regarded as a hero over there....he won wars as a marine and won the west as a tough cowboy....when in fact he never saw any active service....he did HIS bit on the silver screen......which for some seems to be good enough....so "Get on ya horse and ride" with the Ballad of John Wayne.

28. Roll Us Yer Cap Uncle Stan
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Description: watched a programme about how much the royal family cost the taxpayer....it was very interesting and threw up a few facts I didn't know.....when you see the unbelievable amount spent on banquets for example it is quite staggering.....with the gold cutlery and gallons of wine and champagne and necessary?.....and the royal train which costs 20 grand a trip....not to mention Prince Andrew's helicopter flights to and from his golf games.....apparently the family cost us 70 million a year....and that is just what we know about..........we are then told that knife crime is on the increase and we haven't got the money for more police.....which,after the cuts,we are 22000 short......not to mention the homeless etc.....and all we hear is that the royalty bring people into the country which is good for trade....which I certainly don't go along with......what the programme illustrated to me was the sheer lack of gratitude on their part....they wander around and actually believe they deserve it....and all we seem to get for our money is the occasional royal wave.....

29. LlanfairPG ....Eurovision and Students
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Description: Our song for Eurovision has been chosen....by the public no less....so it looks like another disaster....the song is called "Bigger Than Us" and is sung by a lad called Chris Rice who is an X Factor winner.....say no more....we were given three songs to choose from....one was sung by a girl and was instantly forgettable....similar to the one which won the vote....the other song was called "Freaks" which was very good and would have been a strong contender in my opinion....but it seems the public know best.....another "nil pwa" for the United Kingdom I think.....and no doubt we will blame politics for our lack of votes.... instead of the bad song. 2.In order to make people aware of environment change they are bringing pupils out of some schools to put the point over and to educate our young....wow what a great idea!!....this will definitely save the planet....have you ever heard such tripe....who comes up with these pearls of wisdom....all this will do is make youngsters think they are a lot more intelligent than they are....and they will probably end up coming up with stupid ideas like this one when they get older.....a better idea would be to get them to pick up the litter most of them have left there in the first place........ 3.Sir Philip Green....the owner of Top shop has been regularly featured on the news for his alleged behaviour with some of his staff....needless to say the FEMALE staff....he is accused of tapping a girl on the bottom and calling her a "naughty girl"....despite the fact he regarded it as "banter" this could obviously scar the girl for life and she may have to find a dark room to sit in after this tragedy....and this is NEWS....forget the floods and earthquakes worldwide where people are struggling to survive....this young thing obviously needs her problem solved with a chunk of Phil's billions......otherwise how will her scars and injuries heal?....so the witch hunt is underway.......however Sir Phil is going to defend his reputation which I hope is successful as this sort of nonsense needs sorting one way or another...... 4.I watched the BAFTAS on TV as there was nothing else to watch.....boring or what?.....acting is a job that's all....because you have a bit of charisma and presence doesn't particularly make you special.....it makes you lucky......I have to laugh at the ones who are nominated but don't get the award....all trying to look pleased for the winner....now THAT is good acting...........I fail to see why we have to sit and watch all the nominations....just giving us the winners would improve the programme as it would only be half an hour long...however they paid a nice tribute to Albert Finney who has just died....I thought he was brilliant in Saturday Night and Sunday orning....and Tom Jones 5.I used to write songs for local artists and record them on my record label which they would sell around the clubs and which I would get them airplay etc...so it was a rare everybody wins situation...Paul Damian was one of the artists and a good pal....over a cup of coffee he asked me for a novelty song for his act to which I replied he could possibly teach the audience how to say that long Welsh word....he taught me how to say it and by the end of that week I had written and recorded the song....I put it out on a vinyl 45 with a B side called "Leading Lady" with the Princess of Wales in mind and sent a copy to Lady Di (to help her with her Welsh)....and got a reply from the Palace thanking me.......I then started selling it in the actual village which to my amazement it took off.....with visitors on the coaches wanting to learn how to say the word....i eventually put it on to YouTube and it has had nearly 2 million hits and has had plays on Radio One and World News and feaured on TV both here and in The States...initially I even went to see the professor of Welsh at Bangor University to make sure we had it right...and all over a cup of coffee on a Monday morning....and here it is...... "How To Say Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch"

30. The Magic of Wales
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Description: We have had our yearly batch of snow which has naturally caused total chaos on the roads....apart from those who haven't quite grasped the fact that ice on the roads can actually prevent you stopping we have the 10 hour delays on the motorways....where people have abandoned their cars....what puzzles me is where do they go?....."I'll just get out of my car and jump over this hedge into six feet of snow in this farmers field and take it from there".......when it all thaws out there could be solid bodies everywhere.....stay in the car!!! 2.The other item which has had a lot of coverage is the footballer who went down in the light aircraft on his way across the Channel....a very sad story as he was so young.....after calling off the search it was reopened with the help of public donations and they have found the plane.....it does make you realise how vulnerable we all are and how it's not about money at the end of the day.................and someone put an interesting post on Facebook.......it showed a photo of a beautiful view of countryside and mountains with a comment saying "This is an anti-depressant" ....then another picture of pills saying "This isn't"....which again is easy to say but some of us can't get out to see our wonderful countryside for whatever reason.....personally I enjoy the beauty this country has to offer and like to feed my soul but I do sympathies with those who can't. 3.I watched the England rugby match in the Five Nations....and strangely I found it very boring....for the first time ever.....I also find I feel the same way watching football .....I have played competitive sport all my life and I am beginning to wonder why I find it all boring to watch all of a sudden......is it my age?.....there was a time I would watch hours of cricket and be transfixed with the Olympics but strangely nowadays I couldn't care less.....very strange.....maybe it is because I am a participant at heart and not a spectator?.....maybe it's just me and perhaps these guys who get so upset when their team lose are right?.....to me there are so many other things in life.......maybe I'm wrong. 4.When I started my record company in 1980 I included a "demo service" which I advertised nationally.....I would invite songwriters to send me their rough songs and I would knock them into shape for them....this proved very successful and actually paid for my studio....although it was quite hard going as some of the songs I received involved the writer singing in the bath....or even whistling the tune.....but I always managed to get things sorted.....on one occasion this chap required his song (called "Our Lady of Chestacova") to be demoed as a choir....so I layered my voice 16 times and sent it back....he sent it to a religious song festival in Rome and it got through to the finals....(as the then Pope came from Chestacova).....I got a call from Rome requesting me to come and sing the song......as it happened I was working on a musical for Radio City and couldn't make it so I asked my pal Paul Damian if he fancied going and I'd give him the backing track.....so off he went and sang the song and met the Pope .....the chap who wrote the song never went......big mistake.................Paul came back with a vinyl album of the show which included the song....and a nice tan from his free holiday.....and I suppose I can say I was too busy to meet the Pope. 5.Paul now lives in Spain and as a tribute to my mate the song this week is called The Magic of Wales which is a track from the album I wrote and produced for him back in the day......he actually taught me to say Llanfairpwllgyngyllgogrychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.....which is approaching 2 million hits on YouTube.....great singer...great mate.

31. What Happened to Julie?
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Description: .Prince Philip has apologised to the lady he pulled in front of when he was driving with his eyes closed....the letter has been published which was typed but with the opening and closing line in his handwriting....so that's O.K. then......the lady in question has been on TV thanking his Lordship for the letter......which will be worth a few bob....and she will have made a nice bit of cash from the papers if she gets it right.....she also had her arm in a big sling which is a good idea.....so I applaud her....that's the way to do it.................there is a move afoot to place speed ts to catch those who speed up and go through on amber.....another right idea from someone trying to justify their job......I've said it for years the only cure for speeding is to put speed cameras everywhere.....and just have random ones working....they would pay for themselves in a week...........oh I forgot....I was once told that there has to be three fatalities in an area before they can put up a speed camera....WHY?? 2.Social media is being blamed for suicides amongst the young....we of a certain age find this hard to understand...and wonder why you can't just switch your phone off when being bullied.......but it's not as simple as that as the young are very vulnerable and have become addicted to it all....which gives a sort of imaginary "poer" to those who sit in their little rooms and send out stupid messages which helps improve their sad little lives.......and as social media accelerates I'm not sure what the answer is.....it's so sad to hear of teenagers ending their lives over stuff they read on their computers.....and as always the media don't help with their constant promoting of "reality" stars with their facelifts and enlarged lips....in the constant search to be glamorous youngsters need to learn it's what's on the inside that counts......but sadly they are subject to wide world criticism unlike in our day. 3.A documentary has been made on the alleged misbehaviour of Michael Jackson.....despite appearing in court on several occasions and been found completely innocent some toad has come out of the woodwork and decided he was abused by Michael....after saying in court that he hadn't......so everyone piles in as usual and the witch hunt begins....and as Mike is sadly no longer with us he can't defend himself......obviously there's a bit of cash up for grabs.......he was an odd ball but let the guy rest..............it was the same with Jimmy Savile.....Louie Theroux did a documentary on him a few years ago and couldn't find any real evidence of the accusations hurled around about him....he went to the hospital that Savile restored for 9 million pounds and the staff were adamant that there was no truth in the ugly rumours......but of course when you have passed away you are an easy target.....what I find annoying is the accusers seem to get away scot free when they are proved wrong....they should be dragged through the courts and see how they like it. 4.On a lighter note I had to laugh at an article Billy Butler put on Facebook regarding functions where there are so many prizes that the draw takes up most of the night.........it reminded me of a gig I did with the band which was a football club presentation dance....at the particular venue we went in through back door on to the stage and set up behind the curtain....what we didn't know was on the other side of the curtain was a long table with a load of trophies to be given out......as our drummer went through the process of taking his drums out of the cases (filling up the stage even MORE)....he bent over against the curtain and knocked the table off the stage with all the cups and trophies clattering across the dance floor.....OOPS.....needless to say the organisers were not happy......still...that's showbiz. 5.The song this week is entitled "What Happened To Julie?" and harks back to the days when we were young.....and how strange it is that the when those wonderful romances come to an end we never see the girl again....even if she lives close by......so we are left wondering what happened to her.....it is a track off one of my albums called "Doowop Days" which takes you back to those golden years......available from my website www.donwoods.co.uk

32. The Duke's a Hazard!
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Description: The grand Old Duke of Edinburgh has been in the news for various reasons.....he was involved in a crash while he was out driving his Landrover.....which he managed to roll over...which wants a bit of doing with a car that size....but it was O.K. the armour plating saved him and he was able to walk away.....ignoring the other car he had pulled out in front of ... which had two people and a one month old child in it....who were thankfully not seriously injured......but his subjects needn't worry....a replacement car was delivered to him next day in which he was last seen driving around without a seatbelt.....so that's O.K. then......all he has to do now is to pop in and see David Beckham's solicitor.....problem solved......it would be funny if it wasn't so tragic.......the woman in the other car is thinking of making an injury claim......but it does beg the question as to how fast she must have been going to hit and roll a two ton Landrover? 2.Out of interest I watched "Celebrity Coach Trip" to see if had improved any as a new series has started.........it should be called "Spot The Celebrity" as it consisted of a crowd rejects from various reality TV programmes with zero personality travelling around on a coach with Brendan in charge....who is now the shape of a beach ball and swans around waving his wrists about making sure we all know....as if we didn't....that he is gay darling.......this is a s bad as TV gets............................................we are also being treated to another wonderful programme called "Five go camping" which features five "celebs" who experience the great outdoors.....or are supposed to.....they spent most of the programme sitting by the fire in a cottage drinking champagne before that idiot Joe Swash had to leave because he had anther job on and the other chap had to vanish because he was on Coronation Street....plus Bobby Davro had to stay in bed because he was ill.......and this is supposed to be entertainment?......beam me up Scotty... 3.Weekend T.V. has definitely lost its way.....after the tripe that is on each Saturday night I am reduced to watching Dancing on Ice on Sunday night....which I record between 6 and 8 o'clock and watch between 8 and 10 o'clock....thus skimming through the plethora of adverts.....this is how bad things are.....not only is the programme a tenth rate version of Strictly Come Dancing we have to sit and watch so called celebs learning to ice skate...which is bad enough but throw in an overweight mouthy "celebrity" diva from some dreadful reality show who has no idea yet gets through to the next round on the public vote (as if)...I must say she does remind me of a couple of characters from the Viz magazine......it does make me consider going back on the road........the alternative is to watch snooker on the BBC...all night!!......very good for insomnia I suppose. 4.The news reported the wrecking and burning of plaques and statues of war heroes.....I've never seen the point of this sort of behaviour and what possible pleasure the yobs get out of t....it's easy to say throw them in jail but it's not as simple as that....you can't legislate for idiots....it goes to prove how we are still evolving with some a long way behind the rest....with the huge gap in class the the royalty don't really help as they openly distance themselves with the likes of Prince Philip's recent behaviour......which must make some feel isolated ....what is sad is the lack of imagination in the general public....they automatically follow and believe all the rubbish the media throw at them......maybe "imagination" could be a school subject? 5.I have never done drugs despite playing in a band for 55 years.....in fact I couldn't tell what one looks like...which youngsters of today find very strange....sex drugs and rock and roll was a very minor part of the 60s but magnifying it makes it all seem a lot more exciting I suppose.....however back in the 70s I wrote and recorded a song called "I'm Only Happy When I'm Stoned" which led to a chance meeting with a wrestler called Adrian Street who was in a recording Studio in Chester (U.K.) looking for a song to enter the ring to.....he liked the song but asked if it could be changed to suit a wrestler....the song became "I'm Only Happy Breakin' Bones" which we recorded and was his entrance song to his many bouts.......we became good friends...a friendship which resulted in two albums of wrestling songs and a tour of the southern states in the U.S.A......and here it is

33. Googie the Liverpool Duck
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Description: There is a move afoot to cease sending people to prison for sentences less than 6 months.....naturally this has been received with mixed opinions......but unless you have been closely involved with the prison system....having either been inside or knowing someone who has it is impossible to know what it's like.....it's very easy to say "they deserve it" but everyone is different......whereas one criminal may be non-violent another may be the opposite....and you can't legislate for the latter as they are probably incurable. 2.I watched a programme on Les Dawson's life.....it simply showed what a comedy genius he was....and there was another programme on Bob Monkhouse....again a very clever man.....it's such a shame that stand up comedy has lost its way.....however it hasn't completely vanished as we still have the likes of "Would I Lie to you" and "Room 101" with the likes of Frank Skinner....Lee Mac and Rob Brydon who are very funny so there is still hope......and speaking of comedy someone put a picture of Prince Edward sitting with his wife in a horse drawn carriage with a long line of medals on his chest.....it was suggested he must have had an exciting time in very short time he was in the Marines.......surely this could be construed as impersonating a soldier?....still I suppose his mum loves him. 3.Forget the problems throughout the world.....the news headlines have been taken over by Andy Murray's sore hip.....he was interviewed and broke down in tears.....it could be the end of his career!!!!....what will he do??....apart from joining the overpaid TV pundit fraternity...and perhaps opening a tennis school...not to mention making TV adverts...and putting his name to tennis gear....what will he do?....oh I feel so sorry for the poor chap............................and on the subject of TV there is a new programme called "The Greatest Dancer" which is another past it's sell by date format.....the programme is bad enough with the talentless Cheryl Cole on the judging panel but on come these hopefuls who want to become dancing stars with the camera shot constantly flitting between them and the judges and the audience....so the viewer misses most of the moves.....the producer should go back to taking holiday snaps.....same old tripe. 4.As I said last week we are a nation of moaners and complainers yet most people don't know what REAL problems are.....I support an organisation called The Cheshire Cats which is based in Wallasey in Wirral and we raise money for sick and underprivileged kids through our weekly jam sessions.........a collection of vintage rockers from the 60s play rock and roll classics to an enthusiastic loyal crowd and all the money raised goes to various charities.....we have recently given £3000 to a children's hospice called Claire House on Wirral which will make a difference to youngsters lives.......it is one of many donations we have made to them over the years.....when you visit the likes of these places with the wonderful staff you realise the THESE are REAL problems......maybe the moaners should pop in some time....they might learn something. 5.The song this week is one which has been very kind to me.....it is called "Googi The Liverpool Duck" .... it was written for a friend of mine called Penny Page.....who had a ventriloquist act with a very colourful duck.....back in he day my band was sharing a gig with her...she was then known as "Peppy and The Popettes".....Googi being one of the Popettes....and I told her that the duck was the star of her show and I'll knock a song together for her and Googi.........I did this (in a very short time) and gave it to her... four years later she presented me with the record she had made of the song.....she performed it on The Palladium and it was featured in a film alled "Priest" sung by a church choir......all from a chance meeting at a gig.

34. What is it?
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Description: It strikes me that we have become a nation of moaners....especially the older generation....you go on Facebook and there they are with the grumbles and outrage about politicians and the way the country is run.....yet no-one does anything about it.....the easiest thing in the world is to criticise .....if you can do better get off you backside and get on with it.....and we seem to be stuck in the past....we keep harping back to the good old days with endless programmes on The Beatles etc....with old guys forming bands and going out with their shades and cowboy hats....and playing for nothing.....very strange....coupled with this we have the P.C. brigade...the feminists...and the easily offended telling us what we can and can't say or do.....there's only a handful of them so why not just sweep them aside and ignore them?....I certainly do. 2,I watched The Greatest Showman over Xmas....a great film which I thoroughly enjoyed....great songs....also unfortunately Mary Poppins was on.....now I have always been told I look like Dick Van Dyke (can't see it myself) so my son tells my grandson while they are watching it "There's Granddad"....after which I was bombarded with questions from him about Mary Poppins....which I have never seen.......to make matters worse the next day Chitty Bang Bang was on.....which I have never seen...so I faced a lot more difficult questions about that one....my son found it all hilarious.....the nipper will go back to school and tell all the kids his Granddad is a film star..........why did I have to be Dick Van Dyke?....why couldn't I have been The Fonz? 3.I also watched Michael Macintyre who I quite like but his show is becoming very samey....and he had a comic on who sounded like he'd had a comedy by-pass....do people not know what "funny" is these days?.....the P.C. brigade have seen off the ones who could actually make us laugh.....and I noticed Lee Evans was on one of the channels so I had a look to see if he had improved in any way.....'fraid not.....he was dreadful...and after 5 minutes I couldn't take any more.....yet he was playing to a full stadium which says it all......it's a shame that the younger generation don't know what comedy is as they have never seen any. 4.I watched The Voice the other night and they featured Lonnie Donegan's son (I notice you put this up on Facebook)...he was good but are we expected to believe that Tom Jones didn't know him?.....and the job they made of the song Lonnie wrote for Tom....rehearsed or what......"it was meant to be"...yeah sure..........Lonnie would now be 87 so he must have had the lad late......we owe a lot to Lonnie who started us all off with skiffle in the late 50s....it gave us the ability to play simple stuff.....eg Tom Dooley only had two chords...........but the problem with talent shows is they are too contrived for my liking.....we have grannie and the family in the wings ...why?....and they go on and get "judged"......they should put acts on who are good enough and give them TV exposure and let them take it from there...."judging" shouldn't come into it....then they would learn the game. 5.The song this week is called "Worrizit?" and is a jingle I wrote back in the day for Debbie Jones on Radio Merseyside......it was a daily competition on her radio programme where the listener would hear a noise and ring in and try and guess what the noise was....it was quite popular at the time.....I have just found this in a drawer in my studio....I haven't heard it for years....sadly it never made the top 20...can't imagine why.....

35. Hold Yer Plums
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Description: .I was beginning to wonder what Bradley Walsh does in his spare time...then I realised he doesn't have any....because he is NEVER off the television......last Saturday for example....3.30 The Chase with Bradley Walsh....8.oo The London Studios with contributions from various celebs including....you guessed it...Bradley Walsh....9.00 Bradley Walsh presents a programme on puppets......not forgetting Doctor Who and Law and Order and The Palladium....oh yes and he has a feature coming where he travels abroad with his son.....not forgetting East Enders..............it's not that I dislike the bloke........but it would be nice to have a different face on the tele FOR A CHANGE......Kathryn Ryan is another....she is virtually on every quiz panel....and I've yet to find out what she actually does....I think she is a comedienne......I'll take her word for that. 2.Radio Merseyside (your favourite station) has not renewed Billy Butler's contract for the coming year.....this has caused outrage on Facebook......Billy is now 76 and has been on the station for 47 years and was told in no uncertain terms that he was out.....the public response has been overwhelming....despite the fact he was only on two afternoons each week.....apparently the powers that be are looking to attract a younger audience....obviously not realising that youngsters don't listen to the radio nowadays.....I think one of the problems is that the present hierarchy are from Manchester and don't get scouse humour....thus they scrubbed Billy's "Hold Your Plums" feature which was popular all over the world.....however....knowing Billy he will sort something out.....I think the BBC owes him a bit more than a swift goodbye....but that's the way it goes in the entertainment business. 3.I was interested in a TV interview with The Searchers......or the two original ones....John McNally and Frank Allen (the bass player that took over from Tony Jackson back in the day) are retiring.....but it was obvious McNally wanted to carry on (...as "The Searcher"?)......Frank said he had had enough of road repairs and diversion signs which added hours on to the travelling......or could it be he couldn't face one more rendition of Needles and Pinsa........I can see his point.....I packed in playing professionally a bout five years ago because I was sick of it after 50 odd years....some carry on for the ego trip....hence the shades and cowboy hats etc. which is fine but not for me....I keep my hand in by jamming once a week for our fundraising organisation (The Cheshire Cats) which I enjoy but have no desire to go back on the road......it's a young world out there....let 'em get on with it. 4.HMV are going under apparently.......when will the high street realise that you have to move with the times.....I've said it for years...the music biz has had it....the glory days and the champagne breakfasts are over.....it's all about the internet these days and PRICE.....the general public are not interested in loyalty they want things as cheap as they can get them.........and with modern technology you can make a record in your bedroom and put it on YouTube where it goes world wide....so who needs Abbey Road or the radio play?....and it's difficult getting publicity on television.....unless they can fit you in around Bradley Walsh. 5.The song this week is a little tribute to Billy Butler.....I was asked to write this for him and Wally Scott back in the day.....it was designed as a theme tune for his popular programme "Hold Your Plums" which was a quiz game featuring a one arm bandit...hence the rather double entendre title......I don't think the beeb used it....obviously not P.C......can't imagine why.....when I hear it now I suppose some folk might be "easily offended"....as if I could care less....it's a shame George Formby isn't still around....he would have taken it to the top of the charts.

36. In My Christmas Stocking
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Description: .Meghan Markle's dad is very upset because she isn't talking to him....and doesn't answer his texts etc...so Piers Morgan is straight in with an interview with him.....he sympathised with him and made a point of saying as it was Christmas she should get in touch....I'm still trying to puzzle out what it has to do with anyone else other than Meg?....Joan Collins was on the same programme and said Meghan's dad has been in showbiz long enough to know better....and good old Joanie scoffs at feminism....that's why I love her.,,,,she is a REAL woman...who says it like it is. 2.There was a comedian on morning TV who has been criticised for refusing to sign a contract which laid out what he could not say in his act to prevent anyone being offended.....the document was hilarious....it covered EVERYTHING from racism and sexism to ageism and physical heightism......he should have gone on stage and read out the words on the contract it would have been hysterical....it's such a shame that people take notice of these humourless self opinionated holier than thous.....and there aren't many of them....because they a killing comedy stone dead...so some people are offended ...SO WHAT?....go somewhere else with your boring friends and let the rest of us have a laugh. 3.I don't like Christmas..I never have..(bah humbug)...mainly because it magnifies everything...especially certain past sad moments like bereavements and lonliness... etc....and I always think the ridiculous amount of money spent in the shops could be put to better use in a lot of cases....we still have homeless people living on the street while the royals and the overpaid politicians are swaning around with their obscene riches........the erecting of small heated shelters in various locations would surely not cost much and would solve most of the problem........and I notice Tony Blair has come from under his stone saying we should have another vote on Brexit.....might effect your fortune eh Tone? 4.On a lighter note...Katherine Jenkins was on TV promoting her latest album.....and at the risk of upsetting the feminists...she is a stunner....easy on the eye or what?.....there was a programme on a few years back called "Best Views in Britain" and she presented the episode featuring Wales....I wrote to the letters page of a TV magazine stating that as far as I was concerned Katherine Jenkiins is the best view in Britain......it was letter of the week for which I got 15 quid....thank you very much....if I ever meet her I'll tell her....once I have removed the stupid grin off my face.....oooh sorry if I have offended anyone....... This week's song is yet another Christmas classic and is taken from a musical I wrote for a local radio station (which we discussed last week......it features one of the characters telling us what he got for Christmas....it is called "In Me Christmas Stockin'"

37. Feminists Banging on!
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Description: Male voice choirs are now under fire by....guess who....the feminist brigade....at some university or other their male voice choir has been heavily criticised for not allowing women to sing in it....er....I think the clue is in the title?.....why have we got to put up with this constant nonsense?...and why do those involved get so much publicity?....we have female police chiefs....a female prime minister....female fire chiefs etc etc....you have won ladies...no need for overkill....just get over yourselves because you are becoming very boring......and it's not NEWS. 2.It's now time for the Christmas plays in the schools which sadly will be forgotten in no time....as those magical moments watching your youngster on stage cannot be captured on video......because .001% of parents worry about pictures of their little pride and joy being misused on the internet.....so everyone else has to comply......back in the day I used to video the plays for various schools and the parents were delighted to have these priceless moments captured forever....I even got one of the scenes on You've Been Framed and shared the money with the kids and their parents who were happy as Larry....then along comes the P.C.Brigade who pandered to odd parent who wanted their kid's face pixillated out and various other requirements....so I told them to count me out.....so now everyone misses out thanks to the few....which is typical these days. 3.I watched the programme on Cliff Richard's 60 years in showbiz....I was expecting to see his music through the years from his beginnings with The Shadows to the present day....which aint what we got.....it was mostly about the way he was mistreated by the police and the BBC.....I do sympathies with him but he has made his point many times....it's showbiz and when you are famous it's the price you pay sadly.....I must say the guy is a survivor....the problem is it's the BBC who are involved in the case so WE will end up paying their fines....150 quid for a TV licence....multiply that by the number of households....no wonder they can afford to give stupid salaries to the likes of Chris Evans.....and as usual Cliff is bringing out an album for Christmas...surprise surprise....which has a few protest songs on it aimed at the way he was treated....at least they are original songs.....good luck to him. 4.I also watched another programme about the farmer who shot and killed a burglar in 1999 and went to jail for manslaughter.......it was based on actual police interviews with him....personally I found it quite disappointing.....I expected there to be a discussion regarding what RIGHTS a burglar actually has......the farmer's sentence was cut down and they had him on at the end.......to me anyone who breaks into a house relinquishes any human rights the moment they step over the door.....it's a choice they make....it's as if it is difficult to NOT burgle a house.....I find it ver easy NOT burgling houses.....the legal system in this country possibly fails to see the big picture...if you are faced with an intruder on your property he could have a weapon etc so it's a you or them situation....and some of these judges who live in the safety of their mansions need a reality check....what needs to be taken into account is the suffering and anxiety this sort of thing causes to innocent people. 5.On a lighter note...the song this week is entitled "If Every Day Was Christmas Day" and it was originally written for a lady called Penny Page who had a ventriloquists dummy called Googi....which was a Scouse duck.....it was put out on a 7 inch vinyl at the time.....it was also the title song of a musical I wrote for a local radio station which will remain nameless......the musical included six of my songs and a script which I also wrote.....despite being broadcast as being written by two of the radio presenters....who shall remain nameless....myself getting the credit for the music only.....the play which was broadcast on Christmas day was nominated for a Sony award..........it was eventually performed in several schools around the area......under MY name....so here it is.

38. Wot 'ave I got in my Hand?
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Description: .The Paris riots have been headlining the news here....it's over fuel prices.....and the oil companies deserve it...they have been ripping us off for years....they are greedy money grabbers who prey on the general public and I think this could be the tip of the iceberg....the public are getting sick of complaining with no-one taking any notice and this is the answer........also the police can now ram idiots on mopeds who terrorise the streets and commit crimes on stolen bikes.....naturally the doo-gooders come out of the woodwork saying how wrong this is.....however a member of the force came on the radio saying these yobs don't have to steel bikes and commit crimes....it's their choice.....if they choose to do so they must face the consequences.....at last a bit of welcome sense. 2.I've just watched an item on our wonderful news programmes....apparently engagement rings are now belittling women....and a girl who won an award as the best player in women's football was asked to twerk when she got the award...this has caused OUTRAGE!!!! the feminists are on the march.....as the ladies continue to try and take over the world I think it is just a matter of time before they implode as their ideas could seriously affect those who dress provocatively and latch on to some very rich male and relieve him of his fortune....thus they will end up fighting against each other as us poor downtrodden males look on before we get back to the way things used to be...when we had humour and common sense.......we are constantly being told that"You can't say that"....because it's racist or homophobic or sexist etc etc....what I would love to know is WHO SAYS SO???....what ever happened to freedom of speech....these "holier than thousr" have been missing the point of humour for years...the character of Alf Garnett for example was there to ridicule people like him who were racist and how many idiots missed the point of Monty Python's Life of Brian?....get a life folks you are becoming boring. 3.Noel Edmunds went into the celebrity jungle thing and was voted out after 9 days......for which he received 600 grand.....personally I could never stand the bloke but no entertainer is worth that obscene amount.....whoever agreed to pay him that should be brought to task.....at least it was ITV which doesn't cost me.....but I am delighted to donate to Chris Evans' 2 million a year on the BBC through my TV licence....are they taking the proverbial or what?.....and I have yet to work out what skills are required to read the news......and justify some ridiculous salaries.....nice work if you can get it. 4.Englebert Humperdinck was on morning TV being interviewed and I must say he looked pretty good for his age...I'm not particularly a fan but I always admire people who look after themselves...he is 83 and virtually looks like he always did......Cliff is another who doesn't change.....I often wonder why some of these pop stars build up a fan base then decide to grow a beard and crop their hair etc and completely change their appearance which after all was part of the original attraction.................and I recently watched a documentary on Marc Bolan which was quite interesting....I never got him at the time...then again all that flower power and "love and peace man" totally left me cold.... but the programme was very well done as it went through his life which was tragically cut short. 5.The song this week failed to make the classical charts.....it was a jingle I did back in the day for my mate Norman Thomas who worked on Radio City in Liverpool.....he had a daily competition whereby the listeners had to guess what Norman had in his hand by asking questions....with hilarious results.....there was a short jingle and this one which is the 12 inch version (no comments please).....Norman sadly passed away some years ago so this is dedicated to him..... I give you "What have I got in me 'and".

39. He's my mate!
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Description: There is a school in Brighton where 70 primary school pupils have been allowed to regard themselves as "gender fluid".....so they are no longer girls or boys....and...wait for it....a university in London has banned the word "woman" because it has "man" in it...a woman is now womXn....so there you go....one of the many problems I have with stupid feminists etc is kids are an easy target as they are impressionable at a young age and can easily be manipulated...try telling a rugby scrum they are "gender fluid"...especially if you are holding the ball...........and by putting them on a pedestal simply reveals their feet of clay....again the media need to wake up and stop giving these idiots publicity. I watched the behaviour of the football fans in Europe on the news...they attacked the players as they arrived on the coach.....proving we have yet to move out of the dark ages.....what ia it with these boneheaded morons?...i..it's that strange desire to BELONG that puzzles me....very sad indeed. .I watched Michael McIntyre last Saturday and one of the features was BRADLEY WALSH.....wow I haven't seen him on the telly for at least half an hour......I've got nothing against Bradders but you do get a bit tired of seeing him ALL the time...The Chase (every day)...Dr.Who....The Palladium....Law and Order...Eastenders....and a few other things...he even had his own quiz show which didn't work.....and to top it all he has a new ALBUM out.......are there no other personalities out there?...and I can see it coming...rise SIR Bradley....he must have a great manager...as indeed has Katherine Ryan...she's another one...she is on every quiz panel...and what does she do?...apparently she is a comedienne ... I did see about 2 minutes of her stand up routine once...which was all I could take. 4.And now we have a plethora of re-union tours.....Boyzone have reformed for a final tour (thank goodness)....The Spice Girls (or 4 of them) have reformed "for their fans"...or perhaps they've run out of money?....O.K.lads set up the autotune your in for a long night.....and not forgetting Uncle Rod Stewart who is out there promoting his new album....featuring some of his own songs....pass me the earplugs.....and Cliff also has a new album out...oh yes it's Christmas I forgot....so he's constantly on the TV and radio still going on about his mistreatment by the media....time to put that one to bed mate...don't get upset GET EVEN!!!!.....then we have Noel Edmonds with his album of music to relax to....he's not on it by the way...and Nick Knowles with a NUMBER ONE album which should be a number two....and no doubt we'll an album from Alexander Armstrong and other so called musicians who think they can sing....and we wonder why the music business is slowly sinking into the mud.....and they all have to compete with Bradley Walsh who can promote HIS album every ten minutes on his multi appearances on TV. 5.I have been writing songs for The Krankies for many years....mainly for their Christmas pantos...and they have recently been on to me for another one for this years panto in Glasgow......our friendship began way back when I was asked to write a song for Cannon and Ball which I did....after a month or so I had heard nothing so I turned up to see them at Stoke and bluffed my way to their dressing room....they hummed and had about the song so I left it at that.....I then dropped the demo off at The Floral Pavilion in New Brighton where The Krankies were appearing and asked if this could be given to them....they wrote to me saying they liked the song and would put it in their act....some time later I was watching the Royal Command Performance on TV and on they come and sing the song....they were on several other programmes and featured the song.....years later I was on the same show as them and made myself known and I have been writing for them ever since....the song was called "He's Me Mate"....and here is the original demo.

40. Buenos Dias Benidorm
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Description: .I had to laugh at a news item from Bolton....they were asking people in the street how they felt about Brexit....they virtually all said they had completely lost interest and couldn't care less anymore ....which just about sums it all up....I can't believe idiots like Ambrose Mogg,Boris Johnson,Corbyn etc etc are actually running the country....and when they appear on the news and you switch channels there they are again....you can't escape....what has always amazed me is how these buffoons get there in the first place....but then when you see 700,000 (allegedly) people marching through the streets because the democratic vote didn't go their way I suppose that explains it all.....and it's obviously all about money and greed.........................we have just had the "Children In Need" fundraising on TV......they have raised one billion pounds over the years......which is what Alan Sugar is worth....with all the billionaires and millionaires in this country.....not to mention the royalty....why do we have children in need?? ...There has been quite a bit of publicity about youngsters being seriously affected by bullying on the internet....which doesn't surprise me as they are never off their mobiles.....those of us who are of a certain age find this somewhat hard to comprehend....why not switch the phone off?.....they had some up and coming young pop star who was deeply upset because someone tweeted that she was rubbish.....if you take any notice of criticism in the music game you may as well pack in....you have to understand that when someone puts an insulting comment on to the internet it is their big moment...because they have nothing else going for them in their sad little lives....simple as that........if I took any notice of criticism over my music career I would now be sitting in the corner of a darkened room....but my answer was always the same....basically two words. ...On the showbiz front....the BBC are still trying to get more viewers by reporting "goings on" with he dancers and celebs....probably making it all up....however I am a fan of the programme and I have a fiver on Ashley Roberts....I must say the ladies on the programme make an old man very happy....I often wonder what how funny it would have been had Benny Hill been on it........and now we have "I'm a celebrity get me out of here"......I use the word celebrity loosely.....the fact that they are giving Harry Rednap 500 grand....he is quite entertaining but not 500 grandsworth?..... and Noel Edmunds is due to go on it.....600 grand ....says it all.....I have watched the first few editions and I must admit i quite enjoy it....and Holly Willoughby is a pleasant change from Ant McPartlin....however we are still stuck with Dec.....he's a celebrity ...they should get HIM out of there. ...I recently watched a programme featuring an audience with Billy Connelly from about 40 years ago....I must say he was very funny back then....I do like observational comedy...and it took me back to my playing days and when we were booked to play at weddings...which were all EXACTLY the same....the setting up the gear with ids sliding up and down the dance floor....grandma who never goes out sitting at a table with her coat on.....the bloke in the middle of the dance floor trying to get everyone up which doesn't happen until the booze kicks in....when they all get up and dance (for the first time in 20 odd years).....the night being rounded off by Uncle Harry who is standing at a table singing Blue Spanish Eyes (consisting of one note all the way through) with his admirers loving every second.....and he always goes down better than the band who have just done 4 hours.....oh the joy of showbiz....and do I miss it?........NO. ...The song this week is about a place you might have heard of.....Benidorm....ring any bells?......it was written from memory as I haven't been to Spain for a long time....in fact I spend my spare time in beautiful places like the Lakes and Snowdonia....where you can feed your soul with the scenery....so I leave the delays and the hustle and bustle of airports to others.......Buenos Dias Benidorm.

41. Frightening Technology!
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Description: This week I thought we could talk about the future of the world.....starting with the arrival of electric cars....apparently according to the internet these will take over thus we will see the end of petrol stations and repair shops as we know them....the petrol engine has 20,000 separate parts...the electric engine has 20....and it can be removed and replaced quickly.....oil companies will struggle as will parts manufacturers......it was the same with digital photography....there was a lot of doubt at the time when digital cameras came on the scene....who would have thought in 1998 that you would never take another photo on film ever again.....I remember Kodak trying to convince everyone that film was better quality than digital....then they went under....there is no comparison............. ........the speed of modern technology is frightening.....when I first built my recording studio in 1980 everything went on to tape.....and you had to get it right....nowadys you can delete stuff and bring it back if you change your mind and you can move sections around....you can literally make a record in your bedroom.....vinyl is making a bit of a comeback but I think it will only be temporary. .....The legal industry is due to take a fall according to the experts.....you will be able to find all you need to know on Google....so solicitors and barristers will be unable to rip us off like they have been doing throughout history....similar to the medical profession as you can now virtually diagnose yourself on your computer.....so it looks like we are in for a few changes....... .On the showbiz front I watched the Prince Charles celebration at The Palladium on TV...and I enjoyed it.....they should have more entertaining variety on instead of boring cookery programmes and rubbish reality shows with serious none celebs trying to make a name for themselves..............The Krankies phoned me up the other night ...they require a song for their panto in Glasgow...I'll tell you about it tomorrowHi Vince...the song this week is called The Dudley Newtown Stage which has a very interesting story behind it

42. Bonfire Night Brains!
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Description: Yes it's bonfire night again and already the neanderthals are roaming the streets throwing bricks at firemen and paramedics "WHO ARE TRYING TO SAVE LIVES!!".....it's beyond me....and if the firemen threw bricks back they would lose their jobs and end up in court....while we have the stupid human rights legislation this will never change......simple answer ban the whole thing and in a few years it won't even be missed....except by the fat cats who make their fortunes out of fools who watch their money go up in smoke. 2.Also some boneheads have made an effigy of Grenfell Tower... which was the subject of a serious fire earlier in the year... and set it on fire while laughing and put the stupidity on the internet....which has naturally upset those who lost loved ones in the fire at the time and are still grieving.......this has been constantly featured on the national news...WHY?....all the media are doing is giving these lowlifes publicity and giving other brainless morons ideas..and I doubt if it is actually a crime.......by sensationalising this sort of sick behaviour to fill their news programmes does not help the situation in any way....as far as I'm concerned the media are part of the problems we have today...ask Cliff Richard. 3.I was interested in a news item about a woman who fell down a trap door in a shop....despite a warning being shouted to her...the shop was prosecuted under the health and safety legislation....the woman was injured and awarded 330 grand compensation....of which she received something like a few thousand after legal fees etc....the rest going to the legal profession for the wonderful job they did....these are the hidden thieves of the country.....I was recently talking to a lady who took her dog to the vet to have its teeth sorted out....£300....even if it took three hours that aint bad money for a mornings work.....this needs sorting....being a vet or a solicitor is a licence to print money these days....................what is ridiculous is you have a vet for all the nations animal lovers and next door is a butcher....say no more. 4.Exactly 10 years ago to the day was the first concert I played backed by my personal guitar hero...James Burton....I have admired him since 1958 when he played on Ricky Nelson's hits and was one of the inspirations to us all when we were at school.....he has played for greats like Frank Sinatra....Jerry Lee....Roy Orbison...The Monkeys....and Elvis during his Vegas years...and many more....so to share the stage with him while I sang an hour of Ricky Nelson classics was somewhat surreal....I have played in bands since 1961 when I left school but this was definitely my finest hour...........I have done 8 concerts with him since but the first one was the killer....he is a great guy and we became friends over the years.......to sing Hello Mary Lou and get the same solo as on the record doesn't get much better.....and on Elvis's version of The Wonder of You he says "Play it James".......I've done that as well. 5.The song this week is from my album Doowop Days which takes you back to the golden days of rock and roll....it is a tribute to Ricky Nelson.....which is apt this week....I have utilised titles from his hits as his love songs brought us through our teenage young love problems back then.

43. Bonfire Night- Celebrations?
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Description: As we approach our wonderful annual event on the 5th of November...Bonfire Night....out come the media with their scaremongering....kiddies clothing could catch fire....if children are not watched they could receive serious burns etc etc....what is it with this country?....in 1968 we were told exactly the same thing when I was in trading standards when we were attempting to get this sort of thing off the market....so nothing has changed in the last 50 years.....this year kids will get burned...eyes will be lost...and animals will be distressed....not to mention the fire brigade being abused by stupid morons...so why do we not put an end to this ridiculous "celebration".....I fail to see the problem....or could it involve money like everything else?....I can see no point in it whatsoever except that it gives the sheep a chance to oggle at the sky going "OOOH....AHH"......if we MUST have fireworks restrict them to organised events and keep them out of the shops. 2.Apparently ABU who has been the Indian shopkeeper in The Simpsons for the last 30 years is racist....according to the PC brigade he stereotypes Indian people with his accent....so there you go....IT'S A CARTOON...there was a big discussion about it on the morning news programme proving beyond a shadow of a doubt there is little news to report and we are nearing the end of entertainment as we know it.....the discussion was with two women...say no more...one comment was that ABU would have developed an American accent after 30 years.....er.....I think Bart would have changed a bit as well so he MUST be stereotyped...oh sorry he can't be...he's white........don't these PC people realise how stupid they sound?....... 3.On the showbiz front they are STILL going on about the notorious kiss between one of the dancers and SINGLE Sean whatever his name is......O.K. BBC time to wrap it up....and now we have someone else being naughty behind the scenes....what it has to do with the show is beyond me...are they that desperate to get viewers...it's pathetic.............................I always thought Boy George was a good singer and thought after his colourful private life I thought he had grown up....seeing his recent appearance on TV I'm wrong....why does he have to come on dressed like a circus clown with a huge hat and ridiculous coat not to mention the mess on his face?....as he is arrogant he would disregard any criticism which is a shame because he looks stupid and it must be costing him....save that stuff for the stage George.......and also Boyzone were on Jonathan Ross's show.....oh dear....they have obviously run out of money so they are bringing out a new album and going on a farewell tour...thank goodness.....I never rated them....the only one with any talent was the lad who sadly died...the rest of them are a waste of space....especially Shane (?) who sits there dressed in stuff from a charity shop and a ridiculous baseball cap on backwards covering half his head plus tattoos all over his neck....he looked like he had just carried out an unsuccessful oil change on his car...this is Television....have a bit of respect for the viewer.....and none of them can sing including Ronan Keating who warbles away while the others pretend to sing.....not a fan. 4.People...or sheeple as we know them.....are steadily being brainwashed....they sit and watch TV programmes transfixed to the screen...even adverts...and don't seem to realise they are doing it......we recently had the French giant puppets here...all very nice as everyone crushed together to see them......however this cost 4 million pounds.......we have a children's hospice on Wirral called Claire House who take care of terminally ill kiddies....they have announced they need around 4 million to keep going....correct me if I am wrong but could this have not been solved by not having the giants and giving the money to Claire House?....what is more important?...and how about Eugenie and her bloke going to the registry office and giving the 2 million to the homeless?....Oh no... these events "bring money and investment into the area"....yeah sure.....and the giants put smiles on children's faces I have been told in no uncertain terms............and the brainwashing continues. 5.The song this week is a musical portrait of our wonderful docklands which I am thinking of putting on YouTube.....there are no mountains or countryside scenery but they have a beauty of our own....."Dockland Beauty"

44. Politicians-Who'd have them?
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Description: We are being bombarded with the "increase in crime" situation and how the police are loosing their grip....an example given was burglaries are no longer priority yet a case of a transexual who was deeply offended on social media because someone used his original male name has been investigated......so there you go....I don't know what is expected of the police as they can't make a move without "human rights" being thrown at them....they are expected to wrap thugs up in cotton wool instead of giving them a taste of the good old truncheon .... one of the wonderful things the EU has given us............even kids don't fear or respect anything as the teachers daren't make a move that might offend the do-gooders......not to mention the constant unnecessary violence on TV dramas....THAT is why we have an increase in crime....the police haven't lost their grip....the stupid politicians have....human rights...don't make me laugh. 2.There was an item on the news regarding designer kennels for dogs....costing 6 grand.....now correct me if I'm wrong....to completely satisfy a dog don't you simply throw a stick and let it bring it back?.....you can also get designer "kennels" for cats for the same price.....the people who pay out for these are in the same bracket as those who look at a canvas in a modern art gallery upon which someone has thrown a bucket of paint.... and see a message....and actually BUY this trash......the real art is capitalising on these fools and making your fortune. 3.I was driving along during the week listening to the radio and on came "Every breath you take" by The Police....and it struck me how we take music for granted....this particular song is a masterpiece if you really listen to it....the apparent simplicity of the arrangement and the subtlety of the strings and the great lyrics will by-pass most people....I have been writing and recoding songs for 40 odd years so I know what goes into a recording and can appreciate bass lines keyboard and guitar riffs and drumming etc.......so I am in a fortunate position...and because most people take for granted what is thrust at them we now have the situation where popular music is slowly going down the drain.....with constant repetitive meaningless lyrics with a backing resembling a dustbin being hit with a hammer. 4.With Poppy day approaching we pay lip service to those who lost their lives in past world wars......we really need to think about this in depth....I once met a chap who fought in the first world war and he showed me photographs and told me stories which made me realise what these men went through....to be up to your waist in water in a trench for several days then being ordered to attack knowing you are going to get killed is beyond imagination.....perhaps the politicians of the day should have tried it out first instead of watching from a safe distance....when I see the graves of the fallen I ask "why?"....buying a poppy isn't enough we need to think deeply about it....and as for the stupid woman who wants to ban poppies....she isn't worth discussing. 5.The song this week is one I wrote in the 80s and it was taken up by the local council to promote the area....it was part of a vinyl E.P. and is called "Wirral Splendour"....I like to think my local songs are musical portraits of the area....I remember looking out from the coast at Hoylake and coming up with "where the sandbanks reach the horizon...where sea and sky collide...and fishing boats are set afloat on each incoming tide"....which sums up the view in one sentence....which,to me,is what a song is all about.

45. Let them eat cake....while Yoko takes the Biscuit!
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Description: .I was somewhat puzzled over the recent "major"court case regarding a wedding cake for a gay wedding.....apparently the bakers in question refused to make the cake,which had a logo on it,because they didn't agree with same sex marriages....well this naturally caused an outcry as the couple were being discriminated against because of their sexuality ...so they took the bakers to court and won their case...which was later thrown out on appeal who actually saw common sense....I failed to see the problem in the first place...the bakers,or indeed anyone who owns a company,can refuse to serve who they like....they should have said they didn't want the job at the outset instead of handing out the opportunity to play the gay card............a sale is a contract which has to have amongst other things offer and acceptance....the offer is made by the PURCHASER which can either be accepted by the seller or not.......if a shop puts an item on display YOU are being invited to make an offer....it is known as an "invitation to treat".....the shop can refuse your offer and doesn't have to sell it too you if it so wishes which is where people get it wrong.........................................the country is run by morons. 2.In case you didn't know...Princess Eugenie has got married....she is the daughter of Andrew the Prince of Golf.....both of whom don't seem to do anything for their extortionate wages....all very nice and it does give people something to do as they all stand outside waiting for a chance to wave their flags as the happy couple go past in their coach on their way to their lavish party full of showbiz creeps trying to get a knighthood.....or am I wrong?....is it a wonderful occasion which will enhance the history of this great nation?....thus it will be well worth the millions it is costing us....and you never know we might actually get a smile from her dad....if we can remember what he looks like. 3.I watched the video you put on Facebook featuring Yoko Ono sounding like a seagull with its testicles caught in a door...accompanied by a squawking saxophone.....words fail me....to me she is the Tracy Emin of music... a caveman could make a better racket....proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that the world is definitely going backwards....we mentioned last week how witch hunting has made a comeback with any excuse to march and protest....thanks to rapes and sexual harassment that supposedly went on 50 years ago.....well when you look at the great buildings which were created centuries ago and are still standing and compare them with modern buildings which either burst into flames or get washed away with the occasional floods........or the great paintings by the likes of Da Vinci or Constable compared to the "modern" art which is an insult to our intelligence.....we are definitely going backwards....... 4.I have to laugh at the way we are all kidded by greedy companies...for example they increase the price of cigarettes to "help people to stop smoking"......as if...do they think we are stupid?...people will still buy cigarettes ...the only difference is the companies will make even more money...as if they care about consumers....do me a favour.........same with road tax and petrol prices....they are ripping us off "to save the planet for our own good"...sure they are......I bought a coke in a pub last week and got charged an extra 15 pence for sugar tax....sugar free coke is 15 pence cheaper....it's a joke...........and finally......the Strictly Come Dancing "snog" is STILL making national mews....is the media so short of news that it has to lower itself to this?......the programme got 12 million viewers last Saturday.....hmm....makes you wonder doesn't it?....just shows again how easy our wonderful sad public can be manipulated....what's next?....marches by the PC brigade ...or the racist brigade...or the sexist brigade....to keep the viewing numbers up? 5.The song this week is from one of my local DVDs.....extolling the virtues of the wonderful Wirral Peninsula......which if you have never seen you aint seen nothing.

46. Liverpool Giants and Sheeple
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Description: Watching the reaction from the American women to the alleged rape charge aimed at Brett Kavanaugh makes you despair for the human race....the "victim" can't remember where the "rape" took or when or at what time or even ..... and it was 36 years ago.....Donald Trump mocked the whole thing in a speech....it strikes me that all the sheep want is ANY excuse to vent their feelings....it really has nothing to do with the so called rape victim.....they just make complete fools of themselves....it is no different in this country .....I thought we were supposed to have moved on from witch hunting in the middle ages....obviously not...I think we are going backwards......and another thing that puzzles me is the violence against the likes of the fire brigade.....they are being stoned by neanderthals as they attempt put fires out....it's beyond me. We have had the French Giants locally as they make their last appearance ever.....these massive puppets are very impressive and they have been featured in Liverpool and Wirral......roads have been closed off and even altered to cater for the event which has cost around 4 million pounds.....all very nice but aren't we having to make cuts to the police etc?.....and I'm sure the homeless guy in the shop doorway with his blanket is very impressed.....4 million?....I would like to see the breakdown on that amount....someone will be coining it in........and as always we get "it will bring a lot of money into the area"....I find that very debatable.....and even if it does it won't go into MY pocket. 3.I am not a fan of space travel but I must say I do like Tim Peake who is now a celebrity spaceman....he was on TV talking about his exploits in space and he goes round the schools and gives talks which the kids obviously enjoy.....however again I see no massive advantage gained from the money spent on space travel....I think we need to get thing sorted on this planet before we go elsewhere....the massive problems of the poor people caught up in earthquakes and floods could be solved with the money spent on a couple of spaceships....or have I got it wrong.......mind you how cool would it be when asked what your job is to say "I'm an astronaught"........or...."I work in a bank...what do you do?"...."I'm a JET pilot".......cool or what. 4.There has been a bit of trouble wit Strictly Come Dancing....one of the contestants was seen kissing his dancing partner outside a pub and his girlfriend was very upset...shock horror....I always wonder what it must be like being in extremely close proximity to a very beautiful young lady for 8 hours a day week after week ...unless you were gay it would have to seriously affect you....we should be so lucky...................Another anecdote from the world of gigging involves a bloke coming up to the stage and asking us to play a bit of rock and roll and get everyone in a circle on the dance floor as Frank and Annie are going to give a jiving display....so I announce this and go into rock around the clock.....spinning into the circle come the two rockers....he slips and goes flat on his back and catapults her headfirst on to the solid wooden floor....they are then straight up and carry on as if nothing has happened.....I had to carry on singing and avoid bursting out laughing....which wasn't easy with a drummer guffawing behind me at the back out of sight....another time at a very formal masonic function....I asked the worshipful master to take to the floor with his good lady for the opening waltz...as we hit the first note there was a crash behind me...when I looked round the drummer was returning from a back summersault after his stool had collapsed.....he then sorts out the problem and begins singing Moon River.....the bass player and myself were helpless with laughter along with most of the crowd....but he sang the song right through as if nothing had happened.....it's a dream come true Simon. 5.The song this week was the first record I produced when I formed my record company in 1980 and will be of interest to you as it is sung by a friend of yours...Pauline Daniels......the story behind it is I was in club called The Tavern in New Brighton and saw this girl singing and was well impressed...so next day I rang a pal of mine and asked the name of the girl who sings at the said club....he told me it was Pauline Daniels and she works in a local travel agent....so off I go to the mentioned travel agent and ask for Pauline Daniels..."That's me" said the girl on the counter....it wasn't the girl I saw at The Tavern......however we ended up making this record as Pauline was a good singer.....I later found out the girl I saw at the club was Sue Young who I later found and made a few records with her as well.

47. Unsocial Media?
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Description: .What did I say last week about making John Cleese prime Minister?....would you believe he was on the morning news the next day saying he was leaving the country because he was sick of the corruption in the government and the press...they asked him if he was going to America and he burst out laughing saying that was worse than here....so there you are.......speaking of the media there have been complaints about the BBCs handling of horrific events such as the Manchester bombing.... and the way stupid reporters ask traumatised members of the public stupid questions like "how does it feel to have nearly been killed?"...etc...SO the BBC are bringing out a training manual to teach the reporters how to handle those involved....so that's O.K. then....but it does beg the question WHAT ARE THEY DOING THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE ON NATIONAL TV when they are totally incompetent?? 2.Social media seems to be the answer to all those who love to moan about everything yet do nothing....my answer when I have a problem with an item is to cease buying it or anything made by its manufacturer....for example I used a lot of different makes of equipment in my recording studio....the only stuff that gave me problems was Sony....since then I have never bought any item made by them....and when buying hifi items I let the salesman know that I do not wish to be shown anything by Sony.....also I wouldn't have a VW car given to me because I had one from new and it was rubbish....I wouldn't entertain a Vauxhall either for the same reason...that's MY answer...at least I am making a point small as it may be....and if everyone did this maybe manufacturers would pull their socks up....I'd like to add my Tesco Microwave to the list....it has just ceased working after 18 months. 3.David Beckham has hit the headlines....he was caught doing 60mph in a 40 limit....and his "loophole" solicitor got him off because the summons was sent out late....creating headlines like "Bend the law like Beckham"....and he has announced "he was relieved"....I'm so happy for him.....why he is regarded as a celebrity is beyond me...he's as thick as two short planks and simply wanders around with a stupid grin on his face.....I remember him being sent off in the world cup which cost us the game...not to mention his penalty which hit the corner flag....this tattooed oaf proves you can fool most of the people all of the time...........however this will do him no good whatsoever as the gutter press are now on his case....he should have pleaded guilty ... but he is too stupid to realise that. 4.On the entertainment scene....I believe The Eagles are going on tour again...they must be running out of money...I have been a fan for many years but I now find them a bit samey.....I liked the line up with Don Henley...Glen Frey...joe Walsh...Tim Scmitt and Don Felder....however when they kicked Felder out I thought his replacement was good but NOT right.....with the death of Glen Frey they have brought in Vince Gill and Frey's son (?)...so to me it's not The Eagles....they are doing a stadium tour which is fine if you like to pay a fortune to watch a row of midgets half a mile away.....better waiting for the DVD.......Oh yes....and Kanye West has changed his name to YE according to the news....I can't think of anything less interesting......not forgetting the new Doctor Who is a woman....and guess who is in the cast....Mr."Never off the screen" Bradley Walsh......I do like Bradley but are there no other actors out there?....he must have a brilliant manager...............I always prefer dramas with reasonably unknown faces....makes it more realistic.. 5.I have just heard that Liverpool comedian Tom Pepper has sadly passed away....he was a nice guy and used to appear with Pauline Daniels where he would take the mickey out of women and Pauline would put him straight (as you can imagine) ... I wrote a song for him which he recorded and used in his act....called "On Behalf Of The Lads"......which would now be regarded as none PC....but only by those with no sense of humour....it is the song for this week in memory of my mate.

48. Off Our Rockers!
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Description: .We have had some bad storms here but nowhere near as bad as the States.....I was once in Florida during one of the annual hurricanes and they were appealing for the public to donate money to help those in the south who had lost their homes etc.....I brought this up the next day by the swimming pool and enquired as to why they are asking the public for donations when they are spending millions 100 miles up the coast sending rockets into space....some of which don't leave the ground....could the Kennedy Space Centre not solve the problem instantly?....well...I nearly cause an international incident.....they didn't see i that way....as they told me with a John Wayne stance....which to me summed up the USA mentality. 2.This Brexit nonsense just goes to prove what a nation of followers we are....we have voted out and now we are getting cold feet because we'll have to go it alone....SO WHAT!!....the majority of us obviously need someone to tell us what we can and can't do....get with it folks....if you accept plonkers like Ambrose Mogg and Jeremy Corbyn etc telling us what we can do there is no hope whatsoever.....they should teach kids in school the art of independence and belief in yourself.....personally I have never automatically accepted newspaper headlines or ANYTHING politicians say.....and all we get is "Oh it was different in your day"....no it wasn't...like the rest of us I got £4 a week and turfed up half of that at home but I went for it from the start....and if I can do it anyone can. 3.What a lot of folk seem to lack is imagination....take the music business for example....like a lot of guys my age I left school and formed a beat group....but there were so many at the time that it wasn't easy getting decent gigs so I looked for a gap in the market and that was strict tempo....no-one except the old dance bands were doing it and they were past their sellby date....so I learnt all the standard quicksteps and waltzes etc and combined it with sixties ..thus we could entertain across the board and as a 4 piece we were cheaper than a dance band 7 piece...and as we played anything that was required...we were in demand....and when the sixties era came to an end we just carried on........................the point being we were not BETTER than everyone else we were different because we filled a gap.............that is what you have to do to survive....it's called imagination. 4.There have been many band anecdotes over the years ... most of which are unrepeatable...but one which stands out and explains the mentality of the audience you are playing to happened at a Masonic function we were doing....some bloke came up to me in the break and asked if we played Hotel California....to which I explained wasn't part of our repertoire....so then comes the "Can't you have a go?".....so realising his limited knowledge of music I changed the subject and informed him that I had seen The Eagles live in Huddersfield.....then he comes out with "I was there.........bit suspect though aren't the?".....I had to know so I said "Why's that?"....wait for it....."Because they had a row of different guitars on the stage...which means they can't play in different keys"....I said to my bass player "NOW I have heard everything"..........The Eagles are up there playing the finest top of the range instruments to get the required sounds assuming the audience will be well impressed.....but what they are ACTUALLY thinking is they can't play in different keys......priceless. 5.And talking about finding the gap in the market....I used to write songs for my Welsh mate Paul Damian who was a professional cabaret artist......we used to meet up on a Monday and discuss our weekend gigs over a cup of coffee.....he asked me if I could write a novelty song for him.....I casually said we could teach the world to say that long village name in Anglesey....I then stopped sipping my coffee and realised what I had said.....I made him recite the word over and over again....kissed him on top of his head and said "THAT'S IT!!!....GENIUS"...within a week I had written and recorded the song with Paul teaching the world....sent a copy to Lady Di at the Palace to help her with her Welsh which made headlines in The Daily Star....got it on local radio which led it to be played on the World Service....it even got a Radio 1 play....I then organised an outlet in the village to sell it to the tourists which took off....it is now on YouTube approaching 2 million hits.....like I say ... it's all about imagination...and here it is.

49. I'm Alright Jack
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Description: In the last few years packaging has got ridiculous....even small items like batteries require a Swiss army knife to get through the packaging....even food like biscuits are another example....the plastic packaging is only thin but unless you are Arnold Swartzenager you cannot open it without scissors.....even buying stuff online leaves you with a mountain of cardboard....aren't we supposed to be saving the environment?....speaking of which I am about to tax my car...£315 for a year !!!!!!....a friend of mine has a Mini Cooper and she pays £20 a year....apparently it's all about the emissions....what the hell that's got to do with ROAD tax is beyond me...another way to rip us off. 2.Us oldies go on about modern songs not being "as good as the ones from our generation"....I recently heard "Rosetta are you better" by Alan Price and Georgie Fame which has to be one of the worst songs of all time....I was unfortunate enough to see them both live in Liverpool....all they did was fool around on stage with total disrespect for the audience....this reminded me of some other bad hits....The Jarrow Lads was as bad as it gets.....others that spring to mind are Tell Laura I Love Her by Ricky Valance......I won't even mention Love Me Do.........and I notice the BBC are playing Cliff Richard's latest record....I wonder if that was part of the settlement deal?........and it was nice to see The Fonz get a long deserved Emmy Award...I was a big fan of Henry Winkler back in the day and was really jealous when one of my mates was mistaken for him on holiday....he even signed an autograph....I never forgave him. 3.I have to announce I have now completely lost interest in Brexit and have no idea what it is all about....it has lost me....all I see when it constantly comes up on the news is a load of politicians arguing over whether we should stay or go when all they are ACTUALLY doing is worrying about their overpaid jobs....I now couldn't care less one way or another....all the political parties should join together and form one big one called "The I'm Alright Jack Party"....the problem I have with politics is the total lack of charisma amongst the characters.....some politician will come on and go on about one thing or another....totally biassed...and bore us all to death.....what is required is someone like John Cleese to get the point over....then people would listen. 4.Talking of which I thought the Monty Python lot were so far ahead of their time.....when you watch The Life of Brian and look beneath the comedy the messages put across are sheer genius....the film shows the gullibility and stupidity of the human race with scenes like "what have the Romans done for us?"......and everyone following the wrong messiah.....and what is classic so many people missed the point....especially the Yanks who saw it as anti religious which it wasn't.....it is definitely my favourite film of all time.....nothing can be more original than three kings following the star and going to the wrong house......priceless. 5.The song this week is one I co-wrote with a very talented lady friend of mine called Patricia Knapton who writes wonderful poetry ....the song is called "The Colour of Time" and observes a painter seeing the world as a perfect place via his painting....and says if only we could see the world through his eyes......the answer is in the last line of the song

50. Strictly Come Dancing
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Description: Strictly Come Dancing is back...we had the launch last Saturday night which apparently blew The X Factor out of the water....now there's a surprise.....I must say I do enjoy the spectacle of wonderfully sculpted young ladies gliding around the dance floor and I don't care how sexist that sounds....and do not intend to apologise to the pathetic P.C.Brigade....talking of which there has been a suggestion regarding same sex dancing on the show......if that happens count me out....two blokes doing a slow fox is not for me.....and I think they could wave goodbye to 90% of their viewers. 2.And on the equality front.....there was a programme on the BBC discussing politics with a panel consisting of just women....with invited guests...also women....and there have naturally been complaints from those who obviously don't understand that sexism and equality only goes one way.....the complaints were read out on BBC Newswatch...and as usual on comes some big cheese...a bloke...and off he goes saying that they feel they have picked the best panel....and they are trying to attract younger viewers etc etc.....I must say he looked a bit nervous....probably because his wife was probably standing behind him with a rolling pin.......Newswatch is like a comedy show....and it would be funny if it wasn't so tragic. 3.Talking of comedy I have never been a fan of Josh Widdicombe...but I watched his stand up show on The Apollo and found him very funny....his observations were very good and I warmed to him....I was however watching it late at night and had the subtitles on...I thought I would watch it again on catch up which sadly let him down as he used the F word far too much (which wasn't on the subtitles) ....and definitely spoilt the act.....I'm no prude but if swear words are used it should be in a humorous way....not for the sake of using them.....otherwise he did well......and locally we have the latest comedy partnership appearing....Des O'Connor and Jimmy Tarbuck.....I'm assuming it will be an early finish so they can get back to the old folks home. 4.Katy Hopkins has been upsetting everyone with her outspoken opinions on immigrants and feminism etc....she appears on Facebook and really kicks off....and she upset everyone on "Loose Women"....I believe....not that I watch it....I try and avoid rubbish....but apparently she is a big hit in America with those who complain about illegal immigrants....which is a joke in itself....ask the original American Indians who are illegal immigrants.....the thing is with Katy she is trying to make a name for herself by being controversial which she will do if people get upset and rise to the bait....she should simply be ignored and she will eventually self destruct and give us all a rest. 5.The song this week is one from one of my Wirral DVDs and points out the changes which take place around us without us even noticing....but we have an island off the west coast of Wirral called Hilbre Island which is spectacular and the song says no matter what changes around us we will always have the seagulls over Hilbre....I think you will appreciate the lyrics as you are one of the lucky ones who come from here.

51. My Mersey Friend
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Description: .The BBC have dropped their intention to appeal against the Cliff Richard saga....one of the boffins was interviewed on "Newswatch" and asked if anyone had been disciplined or resigned...and guess what he could see no real wrong in what they did....in any other business heads would have rolled...."Newswatch" is a joke really...it is there for viewers to criticise the BBC....but it's ON the BBC...it should be on ITV with Piers Morgan...that would be far more interesting....Cliff ended up with a settlement of 200 grand....a tenth of Gary Linacre's salary....'nuff said. 2.The news has been showing clips of Teresa May "dancing" to music on one of her political travels...she was merely joining in and being friendly...so why try to ridicule her?....then it goes on Facebook which gives all the sheep a chance to try and be funny with stupid comments.....it seems you can't do anything these days without everyone jumping on the critics bandwagon....and in this country we always have to search for someone to BLAME for unfortunate tragedies which most of the time doesn't help the situation..............and before you can get on the Queen's honours list you have to have your tax situation in order....hence no SIR David Beckham etc......giving knighthoods to pop stars and sports personalities is a joke.....give them to REAL knights of the realm like soldiers who actually make a difference. 3.Out of interest I watched 10 minutes of the X Factor....or should i say The Simon Cowell Show....I haven't seen it for a long time basically because it makes me want to throw up....I thought perhaps they might have changed the format...but no...Granny and all the family are still in the wings drying their eyes as their young offspring hopes to be rich and famous...IT IS AWFUL!!!....what these youngsters don't realise is it is show BUSINESS.....10% show and 90% business if you want to survive....which in reality doesn't involve being judged by a panel of self obsessed plonkers....if you're any good get out there a prove it.....what these hopefuls don't seem to know is you really have to be different to separate you from the rest... so listeners know who you are straight away.....it's not about who can shout the loudest and who can ball out the highest notes....if you are copying the present trend you are one step behind the market. 4.Something that has upset the music biz is the upsurge of musicians playing for nothing in their bands which doesn't help those who do it for a living.....some actually pay to play so there is no hope.....I retired from gigging a few years ago but keep my hand in by jamming each week with a local fundraising organisation where all money raised goes to children's charities....which are the ONLY one's to benefit....we have the venue free of charge and the crowd have a good night ....which is different to lugging gear into a pub which gives you the honour of playing there free and who make a nice profit out of it..........then again I suppose it's a young world....and they are the ones trying to "make it".....but playing for nothing aint the answer....feeding your ego can be an expensive pastime. 5.The song this week is from one of my DVDs and one of my albums featuring my favourite river....the wonderful River Mersey...and as I was born on its shores it is a part of me so writing songs about it is a pleasure.....just like you it's "My Mersey Friend"

52. Eugenie's Wedding and other Matters!
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Description: .Eveyone is up in arms about the cost of Princess Eugenie's wedding....somewhere in the region of £2 million....with comments pointing out that she does nothing and doesn't even have job....she is the daughter of Prince Andrew who I don't have a lot of time for and Sarah Ferguson who I actually like very much....however when will these "critics" get it into their heads that we mortals don't count...it's always been us and them and always will be so rather than spend their time moaning and criticising just get on with their own lives....if they actually have one......................it would help if we were told what some of the aristocracy actually do...if anything...I do wonder what the next generation will make of the Royals as they are beginning to make their presence felt with the likes of TV which few of them seem to watch and music where they now seem to rule the roost. 2.Speaking of television there seems to be a bit of a panic on about loss of viewers (not just the young ones)....they don't seem to see the obvious problem....there is very little worth watching....and yet they are paying out ridiculous salaries to the likes of Chris Evans and Gary Linacre....around £2 million each.....and the news is becoming a joke....they have TWO presenters...why?....and ITV in the morning have THREE....who bring on guests and all yap at once...and if you don't watch soaps or stupid reality shows you haven't got a clue what's going on as they constitute most of the guests.....I can't help getting the feeling that TV could go the way of video machines and cassette players and film cameras.....some bright spark will come up with an alternative and wipe it off the map....because they are certainly not moving with the times......if anything they are going backwards. 3.Robbie Williams will be a judge on the X Factor...he must be short of cash...personally i feel the programme is well past its sell by date ...the young hopefuls who are cheered on by there grandmas in the wings should be given a reality check before they go in for this....it certainly AINT a dream come true Simon.....and as for Robbie he is about as phoney as a 9 pound note....he is a good entertainer but I remember how obnoxious he was back in the day......but if our population buy into this and make Mr.Cowell even richer good luck to him........................another programme puzzles me - I fail to see what interest a celebrity's past ancestors are to me.....and do I care if some contestant from an audience wins a fortune.....I'm happy for them but do I care? 4.Finally I think the transgender celebrations in Manchester are somewhat over the top...I have absolutely nothing against gay people...in fact I have several friends who are gay....but why do they have to "celebrate" it in such loud fashion?...it's as if they are trying to prove a point which no longer needs proving....you are what you are and I appreciate that in the past gays were treated badly but maybe it's time to move on?.....or am I over simplifying it all? 5.Last week you played my song Beatle City which I produced for the Merseyside Council back in the 80's ...the song this week is the B side of that disc which pays a tribute to some of the bands who gave Merseybeat to the world......so here are some "Merseybeat Memories".

53. Beatle City
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Description: Sad to hear about the passing of Aretha Franklin....she was world class and such a massive talent...her range and phrasing were as good as it gets....but she will live on through the music she has given us all....I have always admired anyone who can get up on stage and entertain unrehearsed...which she can do and back herself on the piano...brilliant....there are some amazing female voices who I admire....Dionne Warwick singing Heartbreaker is a masterpiece and couldn't be sung any better....also Celine Dion's voice is so pure it makes me quite emotional......also we have some great home grown female voices such as Leona Lewis....all she needs is the right song.....not forgetting other great singers e.g. Gladys Knight and Tina Turner. 2.Talking of masterpieces (or not) the Tate Gallery in Liverpool has had a makeover.....now when I look at some of the modern art on display I'm afraid I just don't get it....for example a black square on a green background entitled "black on green" is NOT art and anyone over the age of 2 could produce this.....but no doubt some "experts" will see so much in this nonsense.....we have discussed this before but I think Tracy Emin deserves a mention with her "unmade bed"....she should have got in it and stayed there.....what do these people think when they look at a Constable....or a DaVinci?....they probably think they are in the same league. 3.Because it has become impossible to find anything on television I have found a series on Netflix called "Designated Survivor" starring and produced by Kiefer Sutherland who should have been a ventriloquist.....I had to instantly reach for the subtitle button.....you can't understand a word he says....not to mention his acting which is pretty bad....and why do modern films all have to be in the dark with everyone mumbling?....the problem is there are so many films to choose from and finding a decent one is a lottery...and usually it's not until you get halfway through that you realise it's rubbish but you have gone so far you may as well see it out and waste another couple of hours out of your life. 4.The hot weather here has created some interesting new fashions....especially in the shorts area....what I fail to see is the point of blokes wearing big baggy shorts which leave about 12 inches of bandy leg vanishing into huge trainers....this coupled with the shaved head with sunglasses perched on the top....the earring...and of course tattoos.....this is all very well if you are 18 ... but when you are 60+ it just doesn't work.....to me it looks hideous....and not forgetting the walk... letting onlookers know that they are still as fit and hard as they ever were....which sadly they are not.....only my opinion that's all. 5.The song this week has a story behind it....when I first met you when you were working for Radio Merseyside I had written a song about the area which you played on your programme....I eventually released the song on vinyl with a girl singer performing it...I placed them in the tourist shops in Liverpool and it was picked up by a chap called Ron Jones who was the boss of Merseyside Council Tourism....he got in touch and asked me if I would write a song about Liverpool and The Beatles....I didn't want to capitalise on the fab four as everyone else was doing so....so I composed "Beatle City" utilising the titles of their songs....I supplied the council with a large amount and they sold the lot...and here it is....my tribute to Scouseland.

54. How Lucky Am I?
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Description: The high streets are losing customers....shops are closing down....profits are down....all blaming it on online shopping........it's a sad situation but it's called progress and you have to work out a way of moving with the times...whatever that might be.....where the general public are concerned you can forget loyalty.....I was in Wetherspoons in Caernarfon last week....a pint of beer was £1.79....the same pint in a high street pub is £2.50 - £3....so where am I going to go?.....I appreciate small businesses have expenses and rates etc but that is the problem they need to solve....no point complaining as that's the way it is..........it's like the music business... reel to reel...cassettes etc vanished overnight along with film for cameras and square TVs etc....like it or not that is the way of the world and you have to move with the times. 2.Boris Johnson's comment on women in burkhas looking like post boxes is STILL under discussion....it was a joke....which most people get but OH NO the media have to keep it all going......we all know that humour died a long time ago but some nationalities need to get over themselves....it was a JOKE....and they do look like post boxes....but it is no longer news. and is hardly likely to cause a war..............we have many nationalities in this country....which on my opinion enhances us....but there always seems to be the same few who moan about everything....which do themselves no good whatsoever......if you don't like our laws the answer is simple. 3.Our national parks have been on the news regarding the bringing in of parking charges to help pay for their maintenance. due to government cutbacks.......which is fair enough but it seems our government and our local councils seem to be able to find money for other things so why target country parks which are enjoyed by so many people?....we are told we MUST get out and exercise because we are all obese...then they charge us for it....the Wirral Country Park has been featured on the national news with business saying they are losing money because of the parking restrictions....I don't really know what the answer is....however I don't think it is filling the meter with expanding foam which someone did.....AND IT WASN'T ME before you say anything..... 4.I have a kayak and like to take it to Chester occasionally and have a peaceful paddle up the River Dee....utilising the free car park and slipway....and as only motorised craft require a licence there is no cost there...however last time I was there a notice had been put up regarding "changes in parking restrictions" which were soon coming into force.....and another which seemed to mention hourly charges....as I was somewhat confused I made a note of the website mentioned on the notice.....on perusing said website I was even more confused....it told me nothing...SO I decided to phone the Chester council....after a long wait with terrible music playing in my ear I got through to a pleasant young lady to whom I explained my problem....she didn't know about the parking but told me I need a £70 licence as it is a boat....and this applies to all boats.... and as she didn't know about the parking but put me through to the highways department....who old me a boat licence is £170....but only applies to motorised craft....so I didn't need a licence....I asked him about parking charges...which he said he knew nothing about that and put me on to the parking fines department....who told me the first 4 hours are free....so I said after that where do you put your money as there are no machines....she didn't know...so there you go......local government at its best....next time I go kayaking I guarantee I will get a ticket which will involve anther plethora of phone calls. 5.As you know I love where I live and feel privileged to be able to enjoy what it has to offer....the Wirral Peninsula has it all and the song this week is one I wrote a while back for one of my DVDs of the area.....it extolls the virtues and is entitle "How Lucky Am I?"...which is how I have always felt about this little corner of the world.

55. The Story of Skiffle
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Description: .While sifting through the rubbish we are subjected to on television I actually found a program I enjoyed....it was the story of Jimmy Perry and David Croft who created Dad's Army....it was about the struggle they had to get it off the ground...and the two actors who played them were really good and the chap who played Captain Mainwaring was spot on....it was a brilliant insight into problems of trying to convince TV boffins of the credibility of good comedy...boffins who can't see further than the end of their noses......the pair went on to write Hi-de-Hi which is also classic comedy........................and another interesting documentary was the story of Fawlty Towers...another classic...it was interesting to see how John Cleese stopped after the second series as he felt it had run its course...a wise decision....unlike "Benidorm" which started well but has now reached rock bottom....definitely well past its sell-by date.....sadly great comedy is a thing of the past. 2.I thought after his appearance on Strictly Come Dancing Ed Balls would vanish off the scene....how wrong I was....he features in a new documentary called Travels in Trumpland with Ed Balls....where he travels around the southern states of the U.S.A. meeting Donald Trump supporters......and is he a dark horse or what....he got involved in wrestling...gun handling and even trained with the police and volunteered to be tazered....very impressive stuff which will be the making of him...I now see him in a totally different light....Go Ed !!! 3.Rick Astley was on the Zoe Ball show on Saturday morning....he is going back on tour to promote his latest album....which he made in his garage.....he is a really good personality and is quite modest....he talked about the occasional problems of doing concerts which I can relate to...because of the success of his album he intends to go back into his garage and make another one...a man after my own heart....I built a recording studio in my attic back in the day as I failed to see what difference Abbey Road would make to my records....nowadays with modern technology you can make a record on a computer in your bedroom....so I'm afraid it's goodbye to the greedy major labels....who needs 'em. 4.It is nice to see my pales The Krankies on the Marigold Hotel programme....they really are a lovely couple whom I have known for around 20 years and have written many songs for them which they have used in their many pantomimes over the years............also Donald Campbell's Bluebird has been restored and put back on the water....I actually have a connection to this....back in 1958 I saw a skiffle group called The Atlantics on our local cinema which was the first time I heard an electric guitar on stage....the leader of the group was called John Lomax and he went on to make a cine film of Cambell's last tragic attempt at the world water speed record in the Lake District....the film won several awards and his story was featured in a programme called "Days That Changed The World" a while back...with an actor playing John.....in the mid nineties I met John and we became very good friends....we even formed a skiffle group in 2001 and played at the International Skiffle Convention in Finland.....he was a great guy and a good friend but is sadly no longer with us...as a small tribute I wrote a song for him called "The Story of Skiffle" which we recorded and got quite a bit of airplay. 5.Skiffle was the beginning of it all in tis country so the song this week is in memory of my pal ......."The Story of Skiffle" by Skiffle John Lomax.....a great friend who I still miss.

56. Adrian Street and The Boston Crabs
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Description: .Wrestling is back on our TVs on Saturday afternoons....having been involved in it all (NOT the actual fighting) I do enjoy it....when I went over to the States to work on my wrestling album for my mate Adrian Street he got me involved as his "barrister" from London...Sir Cedric Everhard Hathaway...and I had to accompany him into the ring and make "legal" decisions on various wrestling matches....which of course were totally biassed...which used tp get the crowd very upset....however I lived to tell the tale....I met a lot of wrestlers over there and they were great guys....although it's all stage managed make no mistake these fellas are fit athletes and gymnasts.... 2,Paul McCartney has made a special appearance at The Cavern to promote his latest album....the press stating this was "where it all began"....well I suppose it was close to where it all began....they were interviewing those who were lucky enough to get a ticket....all very excited about standing inside the famous Cavern.....I notice no-one mentioned the wonderful decision of the council at the time to knock the original place down and build a car park.....still why burst the bubble...................and on the music scene I received an Email telling me I was the star of some chaps stag night and he sent me a video of his mates singing a song I wrote about a place called Bidston Hill on Wirral......it was really funny and interesting to hear one of my compositions performed by a bunch of young fellas....beer assisted of course. 3.We are awaiting a hosepipe ban which will supposedly take place on 5th of August....this is only in the north west despite 25% of our water being lost due to leakage....the company responsible for all this is United Utilities who no doubt will have excuses ready for their incompetence.....anyone using a hosepipe after this date will face a fine of up to £1000.....I would be very interested to know how a public company can issue fines?....under what legislation is the offence?....could be wrong but I would like to see someone challenge this nonsense......oh that's right...I forgot...they have to take care of their shareholders first....silly me. 4.We have discussed fake news in the past.....it has been a big news item of late.....it is a perfect way to manipulate our gullible public who believe everything they are told....which is why we have billionaires wandering around.....I am sick and tired of unfunny jokes about the likes of Donald Trump etc.....he WASN'T "walking in front of the Queen".....and he didn't "snub a young black kid"....if people take the trouble to watch the video they will see Trump walk away from the kid and bring him back a present....we have always been a nation of sheep but modern technology multiplies the problem....and it's not the perpetrators who need sorting out it's the idiots who believe the tripe they are told.....wake up and smell the coffee !!.......and the news channels need to get sorted...they say they are trying to attract younger viewers so we are subjected to interviews with plastic celebs off the soaps and Love Island etc....who I neither know or want to know....there's one good thing about being 75 (which I am not...yet)....you don't have to pay a licence fee for the garbage presented to us. 5.As wrestling appears to be making a comeback the song this week is a gentle classic from an album I composed and produced for Exotic Adrian Street.....this was one of several he entered the ring to......we started out as "Adrian Street and The Boston Crabs"....but when he went to the states they didn't know what a Boston Crab was so we became The Piledrivers.....I wrote and produced two albums for him ... tracks from which made MTV and got into a film.....one of the albums has been re-released in the States....I knew it would come back to haunt me.

57. The Bobby Vee Song
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Description: The boat tragedy in Missouri has been on the news....it was terrible....and I have always said that lifejackets should be compulsory when on water...like crash helmets and safety belts on roads...had this been the case all those lives would possibly have been saved...you see people in Chester on the river in peddloes and rowing boats with no lifejackets....it only needs 3 feet of water to drown in....water has to be respected....and those who hire boats out etc should be more responsible for their customer's safety....or face legal consequences. 2.On the subject of the law strikes which effect hundreds of innocent members of the community should be made illegal....such as train strikes and airport strikes....I appreciate they want better conditions and/ or pay etc but to make the general public suffer is virtual blackmail....they are quick enough to pass stupid laws regarding racism and sexism but laws that involve the wellbeing of the general public seem to go under the radar......strike by all means but why should it be allowed to ruin peoples lives?....having said that I was forgetting about the human rights brigade who would come out from under their stones. 3.Sir Cliff has been interviewed regarding his case against the BBC...and still seemed very upset...he overplayed it a bit but I am totally on his side...the BBC seem to think they have the right to ruin lives with no justification and just walk away...Cliff has received an initial amount of 210 grand in damages....which is probably less than the BBC paid out for the helicopter that intruded into the searching of Cliff's flat...and of course we then have a BBC representative complaining that this takes away the "freedom of the press"...naming people without any evidence of a crime?...freedom of the press?....don't make me laugh...what happened to "Innocent until found guilty"?......forget the law let's just sell papers and sensationalise our biased news bulletins.....I would celebrate if Cliff bankrupted the BBC...I for one wouldn't miss it. 4.I was browsing through Facebook and saw a photo of Donald Trump walking in front of the Queen...alongside a photo of Obama standing alongside her....with all the usual stupid misguided comments from idiots who obviously haven't seen the full video of the event where the Queen actually shows Trump where to stand....but oh no....they all jump on the bandwagon saying how rude he is etc....it makes one despair......................I have a bit of knowledge about the local history of the area I was born in so I put a posting on Facebook which included a block of flats which replaced a popular cinema....which I continued to tell the history of.....this caused a barrage of comments stating that buildings HAD to be knocked down if we are to progress....totally missing the point I was making....then there was a plethora of comments all arguing with each other......and on another occasion I nearly caused a riot with a comment I made about The Beatles at our local golf course.....some chap was saying what a wonderful song Eleanor Rigby by The Beatles was....to which I replied it wasn't the Beatles...it was Paul and a string quartet arranged by George Martin....John wasn't on the cello.....this caused an uproar with me being told how they wrote fabulous songs....despite my mentioning Yellow Submarine....Obla Di...Give Peace A Chance....Oh Yoko...When I'm 64 etc.....so I had to stand down and leave the ageing Beatles fans grumbling about me. And finally...the P.C.Brigade have struck again....Punch and Judy shows are too violent for our little cherubs....how long have these been going?...300 years?....personally it is something I feel should be stopped...not because it is not P.C......because it's rubbish....like circuses...never saw the point. The song this week is one I wrote as a tribute to a guy I had the pleasure of sharing the stage with...Bobby Vee....I opened two shows for him back in 2005 and got to know him....he was the nicest fellow you could wish to meet...he was a delight....and I have always been a fan....sadly no longer with us ...the song tells the story of how he stole the hearts of our girlfriends back in the day.....I give you "The Bobby Vee Song"

58. England Football Heroes Trumped!
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Description: As usual blanket one sided coverage of Trumps visit to our country....all we saw was streets full of protesters and a stupid balloon which was pathetic....showing beyond a shadow of a doubt what a sad uneducated collection of sheep we have become....I doubt whether any of these "protesters" had a clue what they were protesting about...at least it seemed that way when they interviewed some of them in the street....mass hysteria has always been a major problem in the world...it is the desire to "belong" to something....just go out and GET A LIFE!!! Not forgetting our World Cup "HEROES"....they LOST...end of....heroes are divers who rescue kids trapped 2 miles inside a flooded cave.....or have I got it wrong.?....we see supporters crying in the crowd...it's a football match that's all...where a bunch of extremely well paid blokes kick a ball around...I wonder how much those divers were on ?....and it was reported that the footballers were exhausted....try playing top class tennis for six hours lads. 2.I saw the video you put on Facebook of John Lennon and Yoko squawking through a "song".....I KNOW I'm probably the only bloke in the world who just does not get Mr. Lennon....never did.....I always found him arrogant and disrespectful....not to mention the love and peace shenanigans spending a week in bed etc....trying to solve the problems of the world and failing...he wrote some good songs but some real garbage....Oh Yoko....Give Peace A Chance...Ballad of John and Yoko.....which thanks again to mass hysteria he managed to convince the sheep they were wonderful songs.........there is a point you can reach where the masses accept anything you do as being great....because that's what they are told.... 3.I had to laugh at a feminist who appeared on the morning news programme suggesting that wolf whistling should be a criminal offence....needless to say Piers Morgan put her straight by having a viewers vote where 90 odd per cent of women were not offended in any way....can'tthese silly empty headed feminists get it into their heads that most women are happy being women...and all they are doing is spoiling it for them....personally most of the ladies I know are a good laugh and a pleasure to spend time with....but then again I don't know many feminists...which I would ignore anyway......GIVE US A BREAK GIRLS....you have made your point....stop making yourselves look stupid. 4.I knew it....a winter of solid rain and floods washing away cars and houses....then a few weeks of sunshine and bingo....a hosepipe ban....this will come into effect on the 5th of August....and woe betide anyone watering their plants...they could face up to £1000 fine...our suppliers are United Utilities who are making massive profits....none of which seems to prevent the 25% loss of water due to leakage around the country....I mean how can they possibly fix leaks when there are bills to send out......the reservoirs are depleted apparently....SO BUILD MORE RESERVOIRS WITH YOUR OBSCENE PROFITS!!!!!....and pipe the billions of gallons into them from the flooded streets and fields in winter. 5.The song this week is one of my classics I produced for my wrestling pal Adrian Street "Imagine What I Could Do To You".....he used it to enter the ring both here and when he moved to the States....I was in RCA Records back in the 80s on a bit of business and I played this record to one of the staff who said it was the worst record he has ever heard and was probably the worst record in the history of music....I asked if I could use the quote...which went on the label.....the song ended up on MTV in the States and in a film.....and paid off my mortgage....'nuff said.

59. Mersey Man
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Description: .Here we go again.....a winter of solid rain and floods....a few weeks of sunshine and guess what....an upcoming possible hosepipe ban....the excuse is they can't treat the water fast enough to supply our needs....what a load of codswallop....they manage to get the water bills out O.K......how many staff do they have in the water industry...6?.....strange how they managed to direct water all over the country via a canal system a few hundred years ago yet they can't get it to our taps in the 21st century....wonderful. 2.I've given up on Brexit.....I lost the plot a while ago....now nobody knows what the hell is going on....we voted OUT by a majority didn't we?....but we forgot the fat cats might lose some of their obscene fortunes so those who LOST the vote are fighting back...which begs the question why bother voting in the first place....democracy? don't make me laugh....I voted out simply because I want to live in a country which makes its own laws instead of being told what we can and can't do by some distant bunch of so called politicians who gave us the wonderful human rights and all that rubbish....as usual we are told what they want us to hear...I dread to think what we don't know.....then we have Boris Johnson and that Rees Mogg in the mix...say no more. 3.On the music scene....I have been listening to The Beach Boys old hits which have been remastered with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra added which sounds great....I do like great orchestral arrangements and I was a huge Beach Boys fan in the 60s before they lost their way with Pet Sounds....I liked the surfing stuff which they should have stuck to....I saw them in Manchester in 1966 ... they were O.K. ... not the best musicians which is why there are session muses on the records....Roy Orbison's hits got the same treatment which was also brilliant....good pop songs never die. Last week we had a special guest at out weekly jam session....The Cheshire Cats...who raise money for children's charities...Chan Romero who was the guy who WROTE Hippy Hippy Shake....and what a delightful fella....he is now 77 and I was chatting with him about those early days...he has worked with Jerry Lee lewis...Chuch Berry..Elvis etc etc and Hippy Shake was featured in several films and was performed by virtually every rock and roll band including The Beatles and of course was a number one in many countries by The Swinging Blue Jeans.....he went on stage with his backing band and was wonderful....a true legend who has actually DONE it....not who thinks he has....love him. 4.I do enjoy watching the Jane McDonald cruising programmes...she is very natural and the shows are very well put together....however what we are not told is how much these luxury cruises cost....it's O.K. for Janey as she not only gets it free she also gets paid....nice work if you can get it.....apparently the programme has increased her record sales and she is now outselling Beyonce......at least she deserves her success as she has taken the tough route to get there...she can therefore handle it all...unlike the modern instant famers who vanish after a few weeks and are left in the gutter wondering what happened.....fame requires a lot more than performing...you need to get a grip of the business side if you want to survive.....it definitely aint "a dream come true Simon" 5.The song this week is called "Mersey Man" and is a tribute tour wonderful river.....I never tire of walking along the promenade on the Wirral side and enjoying it's many moods.....it always has been a part of me.

60. We Could Win IT!
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Description: It's all World Cup at the moment and with England actually winning couple of games... and scoring 6 goals in one of them....everyone is getting very excited....coming out with things like "we could win it !!"....how many ties have we been here before....which is why I put a bet on Germany....which I did on Friday afternoon....so you can imagine what I went through during their match that night....but as always they scored in the last second and won the game....it's all good value this time because we not only get football we also get wrestling in the penalty area....and comedy when a player gets tapped on the shoulder and falls down rolling in agony holding his leg.....but not MY boys....they just get on with the job and look after my bet.....and we also seem to be doing well in rugby and cricket...and even cycling....hard to take in. 2.I watched Cher on the Graham Norton Show which was a good show as they were not all talking at once for a change....she is in the new version of Mamma Mia which I hope is as good as the first one (sequels rarely are) ... she is 72 and looks good but doesn't it make you feel old...she is a great survivor whom I applaud...there was also a programme on the story of ABBA which was worth watching...it is impossible to not like their songs....they had it all and yet some of them were not happy....the songs are timeless and what was interesting they write the melody first then come up with the lyrics....I tried it once but it didn't work for me. 3.There has been a bit of controversy regarding a woman commentating on the World Cup....needless to say the feminists are up in arms....the problem is women's football is a none starter....mainly because men aren't interested in it or indeed are most women....hence the empty stadiums....if you aint got the support you're going nowhere....ladies hockey for example is extremely popular with female supporters because they can relate to it as they all played it in school along with netball etc....but football?....don't think so.....and also it has taken decades for MEN to build the world cup into what it is today and it seems to me the ladies want to muscle in with no input whatsoever....I don't feel I'm being sexist it's just how it is.....what next ....mixed football???...or even mixed rugby with a sexual harassment case after ever tackle? 4.There is a move afoot to ban mobile phones in the classroom.....imagine us lot in class with a phone...we'd have thick ear for a week...to me there is only one way to solve school behaviour and that is to have a solid contract with clearly laid out rules and regulations as to what is and is not expected from pupils attending that particular school and laying out the consequence of misbehaviour....and to make the parents totally responsible for their children.....which the parents SIGN and agree to.....thus any breaking of the rules would constitute breach of contract......problem solved.....nowadays the teachers have their hands tied and some kids think they can get away with murder. 5.It was 8 years ago I played my first concert with m guitar hero James Burton who has backed many big stars including Elvis...and he was lead guitar on Ricky Nelson's records in the 50s and 60s....the song this week is a tribute to Ricky which I wrote from the heart and included titles from his hits.

61. On Behalf of the Lads
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Description: 1.(a)The BBC news goes steadily worse....we have an American President meeting up with a Korean leader to try to stop a world war...and doing a good job...but that's not good enough for the BBC...they have to find every possible negative point....questioning the whole thing and over dramatising an important event. ...speaking of which we have blanket reporting on the anniversary of the Grenfell fire...which was a terrible disaster last year and I can't imagine what the residents are going through...but why display their grief all over the news....what good is that doing?...then it's on to the stabbings and muggings in various parts of the country....why do we need to see this on national news...what is the point?...is there nothing POSITIVE going on in the world???....they should try featuring those who can do something about the mayhem instead of glorifying it all. (b)Then we have the World Cup.....90 minutes of football spread over the whole night...with pundits boring us to death...either side of which we have baking competitions and soaps which simply provide employment for washed up actors and pop stars plus other unwatchable trivia. The BBC have several channels which they could easily use for those who want to watch tripe ... but the I suppose they would have to find decent stuff to put on the main channel...which they are obviously incapable of doing....AND CHARGE ME A LICENCE FEE !!!!! 2.And the other channels are no better...with their "reality" programmes like Love Island and Made in Wherever...which is the lowest form of entertainment....not to mention Over 50's Dating...or Blind Date with Paul O'Grady which is as bad as it gets....I am now reduced to watching drama series on Netflix....John Logi Bird must be turning in his grave. 3.It's pretty obvious the ladies are taking over the world....bikinis are now banned in the Miss America contest....and we have to be very careful how we look at a woman...especially if she is wearing a revealing low cut dress with 75% of her boobs on display WHICH SHE IS ENTITLED TO WEAR (before the feminists start shouting)...and we have to be careful holding a door open for them in case we are being sexist....and now "upskirting" was going to be a criminal offence....like it is in Scotland (unless I suppose it's up a BLOKES kilt...which would probably be O.K.).....however this has been thrown out by our wonderful government....I wonder what percentage of blokes want a photo of a pair of knickers....I would guess 0.000001%.....it's a sad situation for the none feminist ladies who get tarred with the same brush....they are even talking about same sex dancing on "Strictly Come Dancing".....definitely time to switch off. 4.Last week we discussed tattoos ... and we failed to see the point...I feel the same about beards....some lads can get away with a five o'clock shadow but the full beard looks ridiculous....and it is the craze at the moment....so if you want to be trendy you have to sport a container of curry and dried beer attached to your chin...I know I'm old but get real fellas....then we have those who take the character route with the wide brimmed hat and handlebar moustache and long scarf around their necks...adding about 20 years to themselves...do they need to be noticed that much?....strange. ...and finally.... Prince Charlie has been a bit upstaged lately by his lad and his bird....so he has announced he wants an electric car to save the environment from global warming....yes your majesty...whatever. 5.The song this week is called "On Behalf Of The Lads" and is a light hearted look at a brave stance on men's behalf....it was written for local comedian Tom Pepper who recorded it and used to sing it to Pauline Daniels when they appeared together....needless to say Pauline had the answer which she sang back to him....this was in the days when comedy was funny and enjoyed by an audience with a sense of humour.

62. The Other Woman
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Description: 1.I watched Tommy Steele on The One Show...he is 81 and looks fantastic...in fact he has hardly changed...and is still performing in big shows....he is starring in The Glenn Miller Story in the west end.....and performed a live excerpt at the end of The One Show...talk about sensational!!....the guy is a legend...and if anyone deserves a knighthood it's this fella....he was this country's FIRST pop star and wasn't an Elvis clone like the rest of them...and is still going strong.......we have Sir Cliff...Sir Ringo (not sure why)....and SIR Van Morrison (which is beyond me)....not to mention SIR Jimmy and SIR Rolph...yet Tommy only has an O.B.E......if we MUST give knighthoods to entertainers I say "ARISE SIR TOMMY" 2.There is a lovely young lady called Joann Randles who is making a documentary on the life of wrestler Adrian Street and asked me if I would be interviewed on camera to talk about his music which I composed and produced....we met up in Liverpool and did the interview with her boyfriend Chris doing the filming....they really were a delightful couple.....and it was nice to reminisce about the making of the two albums I did for him....and how they were made which left Joann wide eyed....one of the albums has been re-released on vinyl,CD and cassette....I knew it would come back to haunt me......next stop The Oscars. 3.Went up to The Lake District for a few days....and the weather was wonderful....I normally go in the Winter so I'm not used to blue skies....we stay near the village of Carnforth...famous for it's railway station which was the setting for the film "Brief Encounter"....the film was made in 1945 and starred Trevor Howard and Celia Johnson and was recently voted the 12th best British film of all time....I've seen the film and it is probably the worst film I have ever seen....it is about a married woman meeting a married man at a railway station....shock horror...and they have a coffee together before sadly having to part....this was regarded as extremely risqué at the time...it is so bad it's funny. 4.There is a rumour regarding David Beckham getting divorced....whether it's true or not I couldn't care less....he really is a complete buffoon.....his tattoos are now all over his stupid head,,,,and he doesn't half fancy himself....I had to laugh at a comment on a quiz show which explained that when he met Nelson Mandela he gave him a copy of his biography...which no doubt someone would have written for him as I doubt whether he can spell....and someone said "The Long Walk To Freedom...and a short walk to the bin"....classic. 5.The song this week is the B side of the first single I produced on my record label....it is by Pauline Daniels and is entitled "The Other Woman"....and looks at love through the eyes of a blokes bit on the side....which didn't seem so none PC back then in 1980....you played the A side last week.....Pauline used to sing this in her act.....so I give you BIG DEE RECORDS BD001 (b

63. You're no good to me if......
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Description: I watched a programme called "It was alright in the 70s" where various programmes were shown from that era which would be regarded as sexist or racist these days....y'know...now we are the Nanny State.........programmes like The Black and White Minstrels and Benny Hill type stuff....with so-called "celebs" looking totally shocked at what they were watching....foe goodness sake GET REAL!!!...the likes of that silly old sod Bill Oddie shaking his head in disbelief saying "They wouldn't get away with that now... as if he hasn't seen it all before....personally I object to being told what I can and can't watch....it was called ENTERTAINMENT which has sadly vanished these days. 2.Also we had to suffer one of those whinging feminists on the morning news programme prattling on about how badly women are treated....then a picture of the bloke who plays Poldark was displayed....with no shirt on... which had apparently delighted our female population...and she was asked about the reaction to male strippers at women's hen parties.....oh it's FINE that way round....and she was asked about the young ladies who lost their jobs as glamour girls at formula one events because a handful of female do-gooders were offended.....it was good viewing watching her squirm....we KNOW how you feminists feel ladies we don't need telling every 10 minutes....fortunately most women enjoy being who they are and straight blokes (which most of us are) will continue to look at females in the same way as we have done since time began....some of you girls need to get over yourselves....and as for the "Men At Work" sign being sexist just about sums it all up....what next PERSONCHESTER UNITED? 3.The recent drama about Jeremy Thorpe has caused quite a stir...I must admit I didn't know a lot about this...it was very interesting and well acted by Hugh Grant who played the politician really well.....I do like to see and actor actually looking like the person he is portraying.........apparently a lot of facts have been "hidden" over the years (now there's a surprise) and it's all come out in the wash....it covered how old Jeremy allegedly hired a hit man to kill his boyfriend....all very enlightening...I think Hugh will get an award for this. 4.How about the guy in France who climbed up the side of that building to rescue a baby who was hanging off a balcony...what a hero...and he was am immigrant and has quite rightly been offered French citizenship....and the soldier who has received an award for bravery for taking on the enemy single handed....nice to see a bit of positive publicity as opposed to the usual terrorists dominating the news.....and because of changes in the railway timetables there is total disruption on the northern trains....displaying what a bunch of idiots we have in our wonderful government. 5.The song this week was the first record I produced when I formed my record company in 1980...I wrote it for my pal Pauline Daniels who went on to make a name for herself over the years....listening to this brings back a lot of memories....I had just built my studio and had made my mind up that I was going to "layer" my recordings....in other words play all the instruments myself (I'm actually playing the drums on this one as well) which solves a lot of problems as I can arrange stuff as I go along....so I give you BD 001 on Big Dee Records...."You're No Good To Me If You Can't Boogie"...

64. Breaking Bones
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Description: .We are experiencing 25 degrees each day which we are not geared up to....there are the standard thunderstorms and flash flooding in various parts of the country but mostly blazing sunshine....personally 15 to 20 degrees suits me....but it has worked well for various big events like the tall Ships which have been in Liverpool over the weekend and the Wirral Bikeathon with cyclists hurtling round Birkenhead Park and massive family events with brass bands and those wonderful young ladies marching around and spinning their sticks and throwing them in the air....so for once the weather has been kind. 2.I had to laugh (mainly in despair) when I heard that Stanstead Airport had been brought to a standstill because the unit which refills the planes with fuel had been struck by lightning and was out of action...thus all flights had to be cancelled...then we have the outcry...angry passengers who had been left stranded...and were going to miss their holiday...I'm not quite sure what the airport was supposed to do....perhaps have a word with the lightning and tell it not to do it again....or let them all get on the plane and see if they make it off the ground?...IT'S FOR YOUR SAFETY YOU PLONKERS !!!!....the plane can't fly without fuel...get it? 3.However the nice weather also attracts the morons to the beach where they all gather together in close proximity and eventually go home leaving their trash behind them...ranging from plastic water bottles to baby's nappies....what never ceases to puzzle me is why they all gather in a cluster....we have a 5 mile beach here but the neanderthalls all roll up and set up next to each other....crammed into about 50 yards....with miles of empty beach either side....and the media have been going on about the litter ...coming out with wonderful statements suggesting on the spot fines.......it won't make any difference....you can't legislate for idiots...because they can't see what they are doing wrong....they have yet to evolve. 4.I watched an audience with Cliff Richard from 1999....I must say I enjoyed it...he sings well he moves well ....he looks good and is squeaky clean...so I don't know why I'm not a fan....I did like his early stuff with The Shadows...and his later stuff with those John Farrah productions....but there's something that doesn't quite click with me.....it was nice to see Sir John Mills in the audience...I had the pleasure of meeting him when I worked on Radio Merseyside....he was a delightful man...and I told him how much I enjoyed "Ice Cold In Alex" when he downs that pint of bitter at the end....he put his hand on my arm and said "Lager...it was lager...and the take you saw was about the 15th and I was p****d"....great bloke. 5.The song this week is was the first one I wrote for wrestler Adrian Street back in 1980 and led to a very interesting musical journey....he used this to enter the wrestling ring and we ended up making two albums with me going to the States and appearing on TV....this song and some of the others got MTV coverage and were featured in a film called Grunt-The Wrestling Movie...and all from a chance meeting in a recording studio in Chester.

65. Taxi to the Past
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Description: The BBC blanket coverage of the build up to the royal wedding was totally ridiculous ...it started a 6 a.m and connsisted of several presenters standing in various positions along the route trying to get us all exited by interviewing onlookers and showing the same piece of film of Harry shaking hands with members of the public over and over again....then it was "now here is the news headlines"...and off they go telling us that it was the day of the royal wedding...plus a bit about the cup final...then back into the street...not a mention of ANYTHING else going on in the world....mind you I have come to expect this third class reporting from the BBC. Then we had the wedding which you HAD to watch ... it was interesting to say the least....I thought the preacher guy was great...all that was missing was James Brown moonwalking on...."HAVE YOU SEEN THE LIGHT".....and you have to love Harry...what a great lad he is, 2.Still on the subject of the royals...I watched the spoof programme called The Windsors .. The Royal Wedding...which was a mickey take of the family and to be quite honest was a disgrace...it was unfunny and insulting....I am not a royalist but I don't like fun being made out of those who can't answer back....I don't know how channel 4 gets away with this tripe...good job Henry The Eighth is no longer around...they would find themselves in the Tower....I have a good sense of humour which was not required for this nonsense. 3.We have the tall Ships back again this year with the wonderful parade of sail down The Mersey which is always a spectacular sight...this encouraged me to watch a video I made of the event in 2008 when Liverpool was the capital of culture ....and I was reminded of s situation which I had captured on film...it was some bloke who had converted his Ford Fiesta into an amphibious craft...he was in the river travelling at about 5 mph...against a current of 10 mph....so he wasn't making much progress...and with the complete collection of Tall Ships in his rear view mirror (which he was drifting backwards towards) a rescue was required...so out comes the lifeboat...a helicopter...and a beach patrol jet ski...who managed to get him out of the way so the parade of sail could get under way....so funny...and what an idiot. 4.And on the same subject I watched a programme called Cruises From Hell where nightmare situations were captured on camera showing the unpredictability and power of the sea...to take a boat (or a converted car) on to a river you have to know the rules especially if the river is tidal...I've seen people get into all sorts of trouble...for example when the tide is travelling in the same direction as the wind things can look quite calm...but when the tide changes and flows against the wind everything changes...and you have to know that or you'll have problems...and rivers don't recognise bravado. 5.The song this week takes us oldies back to our younger days which seemed to vanish so quickly...it is called Taxi To The Past and is a track off my DooWop Album....should bring back a few memories.

66. We Are Tranmere Rovers!
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Description: I have recently had personal experience of the work of the NHS....my wife required care in The Liverpool Women's Hospital after an operation...I was totally humbled by the kindness and dedication of the staff...selfless first class care and they ask nothing in return...they are Earth Angels....I've always had the greatest of respect for our doctors and nurses but when you are actually involved you see them in a new light....and it was my pleasure to organise a donation to their mums and babies section of £2000 on behalf of The Cheshire Cats which is our weekly rock and roll fundraisers organisation...I cannot praise them enough...thank heaven for the NHS. 2.I watched The Eurovision which was three hours out of my life I won't get back....it was pretty bad and makes you wonder what sort of music gives these countries pleasure because it's beyond me.....and surprise surprise we came third from bottom...why do we bother?....when that idiot jumped up on the stage our girl should have smacked him in the teeth with the mike...that would have made great TV and made her famous...but she did well......in future we should have Anthony Joshua singing our song and hope someone tries to grab the mike off him...now THAT would be worth watching...I remember back in the day when The Stones were on stage doing a concert and some dope came running on to the stage and Keith Richard undid his guitar strap and whacked this guy with his Les Paul as he ran past and was diverted into the crowd...so funny....Keith later said he didn't know whether he was friend or foe and couldn't take the chance. 3.There wouldn't happen to be a royal wedding this week would there?....Off we go....Meghan this and Meghan that...and her poor old dad has come in for it...for trying to make a few bob out of the press...HAS HE NEVER HEARD OF TREASON!!....it really is pathetic...I often wonder whether the girl actually knows what she's letting herself in for.....everybody is jumping in on the bandwagon with their opinions.....simply proving that we are indeed a nation of sheep....I like Harry but he is is beginning to look a bit punch drunk with it all...if I was him I'd do a Prince Albert. 4.I watched a programme on The Monkees....I couldn't STAND them at the time...I thought the programmes they made were really bad ...but I thought the songs were good....the programme showed how they were actors playing the parts of a beat group but suddenly believing they were one....however the producers of the records wouldn't let them play on them...because they weren't good enough which virtually finished them off in the end.....a record is something that has to be right as it is there forever...and time is money in the studio...thus you have session musicians who get it right in one go.....with live performances mistakes are gone instantly...but not on a record....but The Monkees couldn't see this....I remember their manager explaining how he had a huge argument with them over a song he had for them called "Sugar Sugar"....he ended up ripping up their contract and inventing a cartoon group called The Archies...made the record....which sold 15 million.....no doubt he rested his case. 5. The football season is over and the fans can have a rest from throwing missiles at the opposition coaches as they arrive at the ground....and there have been major celebrations in Manchester...HOWEVER...there has been celebrations on Wirral....Tranmere Rovers are back in the football league so I couldn't resist sending you this song..."We Are The Rovers" which I was asked to write for them around 1978 when they also won their league....this was the demo which was to be used in the studio for the players to learn and sing....however none of them could sing so this demo became the final job.....I had the pleasure of meeting Johnny King at his house and discussing the song....the first time I ever drank whiskey....just about found the front door on the way out....the song was played at the ground at home games and on the coach at away games for several years.

67. The Ballad of the Forgotten Popstars
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Description: .A few days of hot sunshine has taken us by surprise....hottest place in Europe we are told...it won't last but while it does it creates some strange male species....the females are fine ..they appear in their shorts and T shirts and are easy on the eye...but the men...hmm....out come the huge baggy shorts...the stripped T shirts over their generous guts plus huge trainers....not forgetting the baseball cap and sunglasses....these are middle aged men trying to look trendy...and failing...they even have this strange walk proving they have "still got it"...what puzzles me is what do they see when they look in the mirror?....and they are everywhere....but generally after a few days the weather breaks and it's back to normal. 2.When I formed my recording company I had a demo service whereby I would advertise for people to send me their rough tapes of their songs (some VERY rough) and I would knock them into shape for them to present to publishers etc....I did 200 of these which paid for my studio...I had to deal with guys singing in the bath...answering the phone halfway through without turning their tape off etc etc....most were hilarious and sadly going nowhere but occasionally I would get a classic....an example was from a regular customer who was a judge in Ireland....his songs weren't commercial but very clever....one in particular which I can still remember was called "Time Flies By" and asked the question as to why we fought wars against each other for reasons that few of us know when the real enemy is time...which is the true relentless foe......I orchestrated it and sang it with my girl session singer Sue Young....a very interesting song by a clever man... 3.I had to laugh at the ANSWER to the Scottish alcohol problem....they are putting the prices of the booze up....brilliant.....a £1.50 small bottle of cider is now £5.....oh yeah that will solve the problem I don't think ...all this will do is give the breweries £3.50 clear profit.....who do they think they are kidding??....the answer is to STOP selling it !!!....alcoholics will buy the booze one way or another which creates the worry as to where they get the cash....I'd love 5 minutes with the bonehead who came up with this idea....I'm sure those who are not alcoholics...which is the majority...are delighted with this idea. 4.I have been watching the world snooker on the telly...and really enjoying it....I can play snooker but not very well so it is great to see these top class players making it look so easy....and how they have the concentration and stamina to go the whole distance...it really is good stuff BUT...what we can do without is the constant unnecessary so called commentary from the likes of John Virgo and a few others....constantly predicting what shot will be played next and getting it wrong....let's just watch the game !!!....there are times when silence works ... it doesn't need filling with drivel....and it's nearly time for the Eurovision again....don't hold out much hope for our entry but we never know....they had the Brotherhood of Man on telly discussing it....looking a bit worse for wear ...aren't we all. 5.And speaking of past pop stars the song this week is one I wrote a while back remembering some of the forgotten stars...some of which have re-emerged since I wrote the song.....should bring back a few memories "The Ballad of The Forgotten Pop Stars"

68. The Urban Cowboy
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Description: I watched the final episode of last laugh In Vegas where a selection of aging celebs from this country were invited to Vegas to appear there....it was a pretty rough ride for some of them with all the rehearsing etc but the final show was really good....they all fulfilled their dream....and got the ultimate buzz....I had a similar experience when I was asked to do a Ricky Nelson tribute concert backed by the guy who played the solos on his records...James Burton...to sing Hello Mary Lou etc backed by the guy on the records was surreal.....I have always been a massive fan of James (who also backed Elvis) since the 50's and although I ended up doing 8 concerts with him it was the first one I will never forget. 2.The news in this country is obsessed with the royals.....headline news about Kate and William's latest addition with huge proportions of the news spent standing outside the hospital....then we have the up and coming royal wedding with everyone guessing what she might wear etc....THERE ARE OTHER THINGS WHICH ARE FAR MORE IMPORTANT GOING ON IN THE WORLD!!!....the media goes worse by the minute....I think most of it is run by star struck teenagers. 3.ABBA have reformed to record a couple of songs...which I haven't heard yet....to me they were the ultimate group...they never wrote a bad song...musically and lyrically brilliant....considering the are Swedish....and also back on the scene is Gilbert O'Sullivan who is another brilliant songwriter...I really enjoy good lyrics which tell story...an art which seems to have been lost these days...I know we are from a different universe but even now the likes of Jailhouse Rock still stands the test of time...it is a masterpiece....I remember Gilbert O being ripped off by his then management..... 4.which brings me to the next subject...The Bay City Rollers....there was a documentary on their rise to fame which was very interesting....I didn't realise how huge they were at the time...they always looked like a bunch of barbie dolls to me...but they were virtually as big as the Beatles concert wise....it was a very interesting insight into the reality of showbiz...ending up with them seeing nothing of the millions they must have made....and they were just one of many....I actually did a gig with Eric Faulkner a few years ago...he played folk stuff and songs he's written himself.....no John Lennon I'm afraid. 5.The secret of surviving in the pop world is to keep control of you material....youngsters are too anxious to sign anything to get famous.....I have sent you one of my songs which illustrates how to do it....it is called Urban Cowboy and has a very interesting story concerning a cowboy organisation (in every way) in Birmingham back in the day....had I not been tuned in U could have lost a lot of dough.

69. I'm in Love with Me!
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Description: .Cliff Richard is quite rightly suing the BBC for their biassed coverage of his alleged sexual assault....for which he was never charged.....poor old Cliff had to watch on TV his house being searched by the police while he was away on holiday... with the BBC reporting from a circling helicopter.....he was found to be completely innocent but has said it wrecked his life and career....in this country the gutter media wade in without any proof thus anyone involved is tainted straight away....I despise these little revolting creeps who have achieved nothing in their sad lives and try and make a name for themselves off the back of those who have earned their fame. 2.Ant McPartlin...of Ant and Dec fame....has been found guilty of drink driving and has been fined 85 grand and band from driving for around 18 months after causing a three car crash....it's easy to call him an idiot but he has had a few problems in his life but there is no excuse for getting behind a wheel when you've had a few....he was lucky no-one was injured....which all goes to prove it's not about money....his millions haven't solved his problems. 3.I watched a programme on guitarists and was informed that Ry Cooder played guitar on the Rolling Stones Honky Tonk Woman....it wasn't Keith R.....I also remember Jimmy Page playing the solos on The Kinks stuff which upset the young brother and caused problems....also the original Brotherhood of Man who made United We stand...which was great....were also Edison Lighthouse...The Pipkins....and White Plains....same line-up....The Brotherhood of Man as we now know them were in a different league and not for me....not forgetting Hermans Hermits who were Herman and session men.....it just goes to show the kidology that goes on in the music biz....mind you time is money. 4.I was discussing age with a young fella in the gym....I have discovered that ageing isn't a gradual process...it happens all of a sudden....suddenly you realise that you no longer want to go out partying...then you realise that a lot of your past friends aint around anymore...modern technology has left you behind...and TV entertainment only exists for the young....as does modern music.....you suddenly realise that the over 70s are not really altered for....the young chap had a polite smile on his face because like me when I was age he doesn't think he'll get old. 5.The song I have sent you this week is another I wrote for wrestler Adrian Street and is entitled "I'm In Love With Me" and although it was perfect for him I originally wrote it for Bobby Sox and The Prizeguys who performed it on a TV comedy show in the 70's....Adrian had a video made of the song in the states and we got it on to MTV....how I'll never know.

70. Long Live the Isle of Man
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Description: .Is it me or has modern pop music totally lost its way?....I know I come from a different age and perhaps I am indeed past it....but most modern music has no point....there is no content to listen to....my problem is when listening to records I know how it is all done and understand all the technology....bit like watching a conjuror when you know how he does his tricks....but to me there has to be a point to a song....instead of the repetitive lyrics we seem to get these days....come back rock and roll...all is forgiven. 2.Are we not all sick of adverts telling us how much these banks and insurance companies care about us?....telling us they will get us compensation for any accident we have ...or sort out PPI etc etc....with the no win no fee statement....what they don't tell you is how much THEY will make.....banks are not your friend their aim is to squeeze as much money out of you as they can....it's like the friendly car salesman who is a great guy until you tell him you don't want the car....when he turns into a different bloke altogether. 3.They keep going on about how it is so hard to get on to the property ladder....or how one parent families are struggling to survive...or newlyweds having to struggle...which is very sad but in my day you settled for cheap items not top of the range televisions or brand new cars ...or fancy expensive holidays.....if we couldn't afford it we did without....but not these days....which seems to me to be the problem....and there is always someone there to cash in on your "big day"....by draining your bank account....while people are so gullible there will always be millionaires. 4.Our national treasure,The Lake District,has been awarded the the same status as The Taj Mahal and other world wonders....quite rightly so...I spend a lot of time there particularly through the Winter and it really is a spectacular place to visit....I have been to many picturesque places within Scandinavia and Europe and The U.S.A.....and have yet to find better views than in The Lakes....yet a large proportion of our population want to go abroad and sit beside a swimming pool and fry....when this is on our doorsteps....it's beyond me.....Prince Charles was brought in to present the award.....however I think he was ill advised when he bought that overcoat....it was huge and would weigh a ton if he got caught in the rain. The song I have sent you this week has an interesting story....it is one I recorded round about 1980 for Blackpool council....it was originally called "Blackpool Magic"......they neither liked it nor wanted it....so I simply went back into my studio and changed the words to "Long Live The Isle Of Man"....and I sent it to Norman Wisdom who lived there....to my delight he phoned me up and and said he liked the song and would record it when he got the chance....and we had a chat about his films and career....what a lovely man....a short time later I met him back stage when he was on a theatre in Liverpool.....I don't know whether he ever got round to recording the song but it was worth it all just to meet him....that's showbiz.

71. School Without a Teacher
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Description: The song this week is from a musical play I wrote back in the day and it's called "School Without A Teacher" and was performed by several schools around the area....it looked at what would happen if computers replaced teachers (ahead of my time or what)...seems like an ideal situation for pupils but as the play demonstrates this is not necessarily the case. Went to the local panto in New Brighton....Peter Pan...took the 3 year old grandson which was his first panto...I was hoping he would have a long enough attention span....no need to worry...he was transfixed....it was so loud but really well done...they had "stars" from Coronation Street and the kid's TV channel ...neither of which I had heard of with Tinkerbell on roller skates....the little fella said "Grandad...I like Tinkerbell"...to which I replied "Yeah...so do I"....but for very different reasons. Another brave protector of the realm has been knighted...SIR Ringo Star....I suppose he must have done something other than being a passenger on the Beatle bus....it's all getting beyond a joke....I'm sorry but I never got The Beatles (shock horror)...to try to understand what it was they had which made them so popular world wide I've been watching several documentaries on Sky Arts about their various activities including the making of The Magical Mystery Tour which was an absolute pointless load of rubbish proving they had no idea regarding making films...and their disastrous business set up with Apple Corps which lost millions...which still left me unconvinced...they did write a lot of decent songs and a lot of debatable ones but that's all they did all day....I wonder how long they would have lasted if they had carried on doing live gigs?....but hey who am I?...and it's only my opinion...and not that of the masses who all pile into the shops for a few days before Christmas. I watched a programme called All Star Musicals which featured none singing celebrities learning to sing showsongs....the idea was bad enough as most showsongs belong in a show not as a solo spot sung by someone who isn't a singer...it was pretty bad with the likes of Nicky Campbell...Tony Robinson etc proving you should stick to what you actually do.....it was presented by Andrew Flintoff who was an uneasy watch...he really should have stuck to cricket...and to top things off we now have a female Dr.Who...not that I watch it...don't get it....but lo and behold Bradley Walsh is going to be in it....when he can drag himself away from The Palladium....The Chase....his new album...and the police series he's in...there should be a competition to try and find a day when Bradders isn't all over our TV screens...is there no-one else out there? I remember a while ago when a local corner shop butcher called the shop "Sausages R Us" (with the R the other way round)...he was threatened with legal action for copyright by "Toys R Us" which I found pathetic....however what goes round comes round...one of our major stores put an advert on TV comparing their prices with Toys R Us for the same item....showing big reductions...illustrating a sense of greed on the part of Toys R Us,...since then Toys R Us are closing down a lot of stores....when will retailers get the message?...the public are getting wise to them and these days with shopping on line it's all about PRICE.....I do like to see people power now and again.

72. The Ballad of John Wayne
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Description: The song this week is from and album I produced a while back called Stars Over 45...with original tracks...this one is called The Ballad of John Wayne and is a tongue in cheek look at this "hero"....for a guy who never did his national service he sure won a lot of wars and made sure the west was won etc etc...even the Yanks regard him as some sort of hero...which says it all. I can't stand Morrisey or his terrible songs which sound like he's making them up as he's going along BUT....his latest record goes on about not watching the news for various reasons...I couldn't agree more BUT I still can't stand him !!!....I watched Tina Turner on the Jonathan Ross Show...now SHE is the real deal...I am a massive fan...she is fantastic with a voice to match...she has retired but is over here to promote the musical based on her life...the lady ROCKS !! On the subject of the rubbish news we have been bombarded with sexual harassment claims both in Hollywood and Parliament...who cares??...this is NOT national news...some alleged drunken behaviour 15 years ago by Kevin Spacey is NOT news...it belongs in a cheap gossip magazine so those with no life at all can read all about it...I AM NOT REMOTELY INTERESTED....I think the TV news is run by school kids going through pubity....forget killings and war torn sections of the planet let's have a headline story of some politician allegedly brushing up against some highly sensitive female looking to make some money from her story...allegedly. Adam Sandler was on the Graham Norton Show....he put his hand on Clair Foy's knee...as a friendly gesture .. which is how SHE saw it...WOW all hell broke loose....all the sheep were texting in complaining...what it has to do with them is beyond me...which shows how ridiculous the whole thing is getting. Even more ridiculous was another stupid news item whereby an ethnic woman regarded dressing kids up in Halloween costumes from other countries was RACIST....I have now heard it all...so now I must re-assess my outlook on life...I must apologise for being white...I must hope I have not had any office banter with the opposite sex in the last 50 years...I must be sure I don't accidentally make physical contact with a female unless it is on the tip of her toe or the very top of her head...and I MUST lose any sense of humour and NOT admire women even though they wander round making themselves as sexy as possible...because that is NOT why they do it...is it? finally....we are approaching Bonfire Night....which incidentally I see no point in whatsoever...total waste of money...but appreciate it gives the majority the opportunity to to oggle up at the sky...not to mention the injuries which will be obtained...but we need to know the true meaning of November 5th....so there is a three part drama on BBC all about the gunpowder plot with Guy Fawkes...I have watched the first two episodes and am none the wiser...I may as well watch a programme on quantum physics...what a load of rubbish.....I think they have...dare I say it...lost the plot.

73. Subway Songman
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Description: The song this week is called Subway Songman and a tribute to the musicians who brave the weather to entertain hundreds of passers by...I wrote it a while back and I thought I'd send it because they had a programme on the TV whereby would be buskers had to audition to be allowed a speck in the city....to be honest some of the buskers in Liverpool are better than you see in the charts....and I salute them all.Talking of which I watched Gregory Porter on the Graham Norton show singing live with Jeff Goldblum backing him on piano...Gregory sang Mona Lisa but I'm not sure what Mr.Goldblum was playing...I appreciate jazz piano allows a variation on a theme...but not THAT much....it was pretty bad proving that some "stars" should stick to what they do...and that goes for TV presenters,footballers etc.....when the England football team make a record it's no wonder we lose the world cup.We have had the tail end of hurricane Ophelia which presented us with a strange red sun due to the sand from The Sahara blowing through the air....this was explained on the day by the weatherman....then NEXT DAY we are told that scientists at some university have studied the phenomenon and arrived at the wonderful conclusion that the sun was red because of the sand from the Sahara blowing through the air...WOW !!...aren't they clever...is it me or are we all losing it ?.....it was a lovely sight to see and was NOT the end of the world as some of our meditation loonies suggested.I remember not long ago that we were told to buy DIESEL cars because they would save the planet from pollution...now we are told the opposite (probably because the petrol car market isn't doing too well)....so much so that you now have to pay £10 to drive your diesel car in London...if it was made before 2006....nice little earner for the mayor ?....so FORGET what the "experts" told us back then...diesel is OUT...petrol is IN.........AND because peoples heart rate goes up when driving on the motorway when you have to slow down to 50mph when passing roadworks (according to "scientists" and other "experts")....they intend to raise the limit to 60mph...so drivers can "accelerate away from big wagons"....correct me if I'm wrong but if the limit goes up to 60mph won't the wagons be doing that as well?......all this seems to say is the faster you go the safer you are?....forget the guys who are working on the motorway they obviously don't count....do these mallet heads who come up with these ideas actually get paid??And finally...your favourite game has been in the news...Ladies Football...the girls have been very upset about certain remarks made by the management....SEXIST and RACIST comments...boo hoo how dare blokes call them names....how much are they getting again?....this is sport not an episode of "Loose Women"....get over yourselves girls then maybe you may get a few supporters....I was told that a world champion lady boxer challenged a male club boxer...who knocked her out in three seconds...says it all.

74. Don's Made the Charts!
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Description: Googi The Liverpool Duck was a song I wrote for a local girl called Penny Page who had a ventriloquist act and it has a strange history....I wrote it in the 70's purely for her act and a few years later she recorded it as a single 45 on her husband's (David Alexander) record label....at the time it sold in droves and she performed it on the Palladium and other TV appearances....it went on to be used in a TV drama which became a film....this week it has made the local charts ; on radio Merseyside where people vote for the worst novelty records ever....in at number 6...rock on 40 years later. Wirral has also been in the charts...there has been a national survey as to the happiest place to live in Britain and Wirral came third !!!...which is close...it is actually the BEST place to live but it's best if we keep it to ourselves....we don't want to be invaded by strangers. There is a move afoot to increase the penalties for death by dangerous driving....it is suggested a life sentence be invoked...which I am all for as when you are driving like an idiot you KNOW what you are doing and you are in charge of a lethal weapon...HOWEVER as I see it the problem could be easily solved by putting speed cameras everywhere....a fortune would be made in fines until the boneheads finally got the message....and the cameras would pay for themselves....but apparently you can't set up a speed camera until there has been THREE fatalities in that area....SO CHANGE THE LAW.....also I believe the cameras are self contained and send out the fine notices without requiring staff....it's a no brainer....but obviously not to the powers that be. Harvey Weinstein has been headline news with all the ladies deciding to report their unwanted alleged sexual encounters with him...he aint the best looking bloke in the world is he?....the main point is if the ladies didn't go along with his advances they wouldn't get acting jobs....I....some of the victims; have said it was several times....wouldn't you walk away after once?...obviously at the time fame was more important than your honour....it won't be long before blokes will be accused of sexual harassment for watching women's football. We are getting the remains of Hurricane Ophelia which give the media the opportunity to dramatise and over-sensationalise the situation....and scare the daylights out of us....I've seen worse....when the worst storms in the history of Wirral struck in the 80's it was also a time on high tides and there was a ballroom attached to New Brighton Baths...which is right on the coast....which was totally washed out as the promenade was destroyed and the tide crashed through the walls.....and guess who was playing there that night...yep you got it in one....wasn't one of our better gigs.

75. Seasons in the Sun!
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Description: The song this week is entitled "Seasons" and came about atfer a conversation I had with a chap a while ago....he had emigrated to Australia and decided he had made a mistake....he was originally from Wirral and I mentioned hot weather and "barbies" to which he replied he was fed up with the heat etc...I casually mentioned the fact that I enjoy the seasons and he said that was it...that is what he misses most....this was the inspiration behind the song which ended up on one of my DVDs of the area. Theresa May had a cough during her speech at the Tory Conference...which has become BIG NEWS....it was a COUGH that's all...we all get them...the BBC news coverage was pathetic...as always...I thought she did really well...but the stupid BBC have to make a major issue of it with unfunny comedy clips.GROW UP!!!!....I am an admthe pressure while others keep in the background and share the glory but not the disasters....and I'm getting a bit sick of politicians thinking they are showbiz personalities with their modern hairstyles etc....they should concentrate on doing their job !!! And still with the useless BBC....a car crashed in London and injured 12 people....it wasn't a terror attack...but just in case the BBC send a helicopter up with full news crew taking aerial pictures of the situation ending up with a disappointed statement that it wasn't a terror attack....cost of the whole thing ONE MILLION !!!....what a total waste of money...MY MONEY !!...what a pity they couldn't sensationalise the situation like they do with everything else...the BBC are rubbish..I watched a programme about chat shows going wrong which featured amongst others Jerry Lewis being interviewed and he was so rude to the interviewer....he simply answered Yes or No to the questions with a bored look on his face....I could never stand him anyway....and Denzel Washington was the same....these "stars" need a reality check and should remember who put them there in the first place....the programme also featured Wogan trying to interview that drunken idiot George Best....dreadful...I remember Jimmy Nail turning up at Radio City in Liverpool and a young lad who worked there asked him for his autograph to which he got "I haven't got time for that sort of thing" and brushed past him...haven't heard much of Mr.Nail lately....I wonder why. And finally...I am delighted to announce that my composition Googi The Liverpool Duck has entered the charts at NUMBER 6 !!....however NOT the charts we know....it's the Bottom Of The Pops chart which is featured on Radio Merseyside on Sunday...the programme is presented by a chap called Graham Mack and is really good....he has asked the local population to vote for the worst novelty records ever made...they are all in there...Benny Hill...Bernard Bresslaw...the number one was The Barron Knights....but hey there is still time...I was very disappointed when Googi never made the classical music charts but this has made up for it.

76. Don's Moving to Mars!
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Description: The song this week is The Colour Of Time and is one I co-wrote with a good friend of mine called Patricia Knapton...it features a painter who sees rainbows where there is no rain and everyone in his painting is smiling with no hatred etc....proving the world is a better place through a six year old's eyes instead of the goons who run things at the moment. We have been bombarded with documentaries on Lady Di....telling us nothing we don't know....I think we have all had enough now.....so much so I wrote to the "Have Your Say" section of a TV magazine....and got 10 quid for my letter !!!...so I'm not alone in my opinion........and adding to the mountain of flowers I realise that until people get a life and stop acting like sheep there is little hope for humanity. We also have coverage of the gay pride marches etc.......it's time some organisations got over themselves..companies have given them an 8% rise...so up goes the TV licence...brilliant.....we'll have "Sir" Chris Evans next.. are....confused?...just a bit....mistakenly taking him to the pictures could be an error. We've had two major crashes on the motorways....one in the Conway Tunnel in Wales causing miles of tailbacks and another on the M1....this will never change unless they alter the driving laws....we need to rid the roads of complete idiots who think they are Lewis Hamilton.......jail sentences are what is required....and stiffer driving tests.....but then the human rights brigade would come out of the woodwork. I'm not the biggest Beatles fan but they have had a Beatles celebration event in Liverpool....which has been a success .... when you live here it wears a bit thin.. Di....Beatles...human rights....political correctness.....I think I'll apply to be an astronaught and take up residence on Mars.

77. You'll love Anglesey!
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Description: The song this week is called Song of Anglesey which I composed for my pal Paul Damian and is a track off the album Portrait of Wales......it is available from my website. As I said I was in Anglesey over the weekend and visited a village on the north of the Island called Moelfre...it is a small picturesque fishing village with a lifeboat station....close by is a huge bronze statue of a famous lifeboat man called Dick Evans....his bravery earned him the lifeboat equivalent of the Victoria Cross....and he was once featured on This Is Your Life with Eamonn Andrews.....back in the 90s I had a good friend who would show me around the Island and he took me to meet a pal of his...."The is Dick Evans" he said....I had no idea who this delightful chap was until he showed me the book he received from the TV programme....sadly he died shortly after but you can imagine my amazement years later when I first saw the statue...I nearly fell over backwards....I bought a book of his adventures which was like reading a James Bond novel...I am so proud to call this hero my friend. I watched the programme on the nations favourite 20 Elvis songs....it was quite interesting how the public saw him.....a lot of the songs were from the Vegas years but personally I preferred his earlier stuff....I thought the best record he ever made was Jailhouse Rock (which appeared about halfway on the list)....when you listen to this song and consider there are only four instruments it is a masterpiece....the drum riff was genius...and lyrically brilliant.....the man was a one-off. Show business has just lost Bruce Forsyth....he was 89....although I wasn't a huge fan I appreciated his great talent....he could sing and dance and play piano......and was an excellent stand up comic....he had it all.Going by the many tributes he seemed like he was a decent bloke as well.....I can't remember a time when he wasn't around...and I remember when he failed to make in America and the media slated him....and still he bounced back.....another one-off and I think his catch phrases will live on..as they say "Didn't he do well". The solar eclipse has caused a sensation in America with thousands going out to ooh an aah at the moon blocking out the sun...we only got a partial one in this country...I believe...I doubt if anyone saw it through the clouds...I remember the one we had here in 1999 and I went out on to the River Dee in my laser dinghy with my son in his... and sailed through the sudden darkness which was quite surreal ...seals started popping their heads up and seagulls dropped down to the water...it was quite an adrenaline rush not knowing what would happen.....a great experience.

78. The World's Gone Mad!
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Description: The song this week is from my "Stars Over 45" album...it is called The Ballad of the Forgotten Pop Stars and is a tribute to those who have entertained us through the years....some of which have made a comebacks since I wrote this....it is available from my website www.donwoods.co.uk . was looking through the TV programmes last Sunday afternoon.....on the BBC between 11a.m. and 8p.m. there were 9 programmes (not including the news)....7 of which were repeats.....THIS is supposed to be entertainment....they are having a laugh....it's a wonder they don't repeat the licence fee....television in this country has reached an all time low. Talking of which....Jeremy Kyle has been drafted in to co-present the ITV morning show....so now we have Kate Garraway and Mr. Kyle interviewing guests all talking at the same time.......and now...wait for it....it is ILLEGAL to stream films without paying for them....you can get up to 4 YEARS in jail........have you ever heard such nonsense ....perhaps if there was anything at all worth watching we wouldn't have to watch films...... They have announced that the rail fares are going up by around 3% ....on the day a train was derailed in London....nice timing...fortunately no-one was hurt........but it's O.K. because the huge profit will go into maintaining our railways....yeah sure......and parents smacking children has reared its ugly head again with the doogooders in full flight.....even a tap on the wrist is unacceptable... And finally...I am beginning to wonder what the point is of the 5 day weather forecast ... they can't get it right for the next day....I appreciate it is difficult to predict the weather a week ahead so why bother?...

79. The Week's Best Tips!
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Description: I spent the weekend in Wales in wonderful Caernarfon....hence the song this week which is entitled "The Magic Of Wales" which I composed back in the day for my best pal Paul Damian.....it extolls the virtues of this great country and was the follow up single to my "How To Say Llanfair P.G." song and at the time sold equally as well to the tourists....I have since included both songs on an album I composed and produced with songs and legends of the country which is available from my website www.donwoods.co.uk There has been a discussion in the media regarding tipping in restaurants with very mixed opinions...personally I feel you should know exactly what a meal is going to cost you and waiters should be paid properly by their employers not by the customers....all we seem to hear is "If you get good service you should show it by tipping...etc".....but isn't good service what you expect?...we don't tip the NHS or public services..........and to add on a percentage service charge is nonsense.....they play to peoples consciences ....and another thing that annoys me is the use of pence in todays marketing...e.g. £199.99......It'S 200 quid !!!!....but to the gullible it sounds less....it's an insult to my intelligence.......bit like the old 99 guineas....which was effectively £105 !!! We are always being informed that we must save the planet by driving electric cars....and the wonderful Government have announced that by 2040 ALL cars will be electric.....I can imagine how well this has gone down with the petrol companies who have been ripping everyone off for decades....so all of a sudden we are told by "researchers" that children as young as 4 years old are having to work down the mines to provide the electric for the cars....I don't believe for one minute that said petrol companies have anything to do with this rumour?....not much.....but the rumours MUST be true......it's in the papers....and as we know most people believe the tripe they read. I was unfortunate enough to watch a programme about the inside story of a Spanish holiday complex....apart from the fact that it featured one family with two instantly dislikable children there was nothing of any interest.....plus the discussing of placing towels on sunbeds at five in the morning made this programme as bad as television gets....plus the fact that 75% of the clientele were overweight Brits.....which made this possibly the last place I would go on holiday.......................and I also started watching the world championship athletics....I now know I am getting old....I was bored out of my tree....the marathon is like watching paint dry...not helped by the constant inane yapping from the commentators particularly Colin Jackson....the actual track and field events are O.K. when they happen (some of which lasting 10 seconds)....and this was on ALL DAY at the weekend....nice to know where my licence fee goes.....I now feel the athletics are in the same category as horse racing and formula one.....BORING BORING!!!! After all the hype I watched "Diana in her own words" on Channel 4......It was a 15 minute programme padded out to nearly two hours....it told us nothing that we didn't already know with repetitive short clips of Diana with the same expression....it was badly edited and whoever composed the background music (which was far too loud) should be thrown in the tower....it was dreadful ....the attempt to dramatise the whole situation failed miserably....the shots of her with the children and Charles playing polo we have seen a hundred times before....the whole thing was totally pointless....that's two hours I won't get back

80. Political Correctness or Political Madness?
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Description: The song this week is a track from my album "Stars Over 45" which features light hearted looks at some of our legendary celebs...it is called "The Ballad Of Una Stubbs".....and is a tribute to the lady who has always been everybody's sweetheart........the album did very well and is available from my website www.donwoods.co.uk 2 watched the ITV news last Friday morning from 8 to 8.30.....during which time there were three female presenters sitting side by side...Charlotte Hawkins...Kate Garraway and Ranvia Singh....they then brought on two more women to discuss an advertisement placed in a newspaper by a restaurant requiring an "attractive " lady waitress....how dare anyone do this!!!....looks should have NOTHING to do with it !!!.....said a collection of women caked in makeup with expensive hairdos ...all this sexist garbage is wearing a bit thin....then they bring on another woman actress to discuss her part in a TV drama then it's over to another woman for the weather...so there you are ... gender equality....I might invent a game for that programme called "Spot The Bloke"....I doubt if anyone would win it. ....in fact I hate to admit it but I'm beginning to like Piers Morgan ... he is compulsive viewing. I had to laugh at a recent top notch horse racing meeting.....a 50 to one outsider won a race and after everyone had been paid out (worldwide) they discovered it was the wrong horse....apparently the stable boy had put the saddle on the wrong horse.. There is a big outcry from the Royals regarding the broadcasting of Princess Diana's secret tapes which Channel 4 are putting out next Sunday....the Palace is trying to put a stop to it...which means EVERYONE will be watching it... I have been watching with fascination the recent World War One features on the telly.....they have archive film of these poor young men in the trenches dodging bullets....it is impossible for my generation to even imagine what they went through....knowing that any minute you could be killed......and for a fraction of the money paid to our "brave" newsreaders..

81. BBC Salaries........
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Description: The song this week is one of the several I wrote for Penny Page and her singing duck Googi....after the success of "Googi The Liverpool Duck" I came up with quite a few ideas for her...this being one of them....this was the demo I did originally "I'd Like To Be A Cowboy".....I changed to title to "cowGIRL" for the record she made....as Googi is a girl.......... The outcry over the publishing of the BBC salaries has slowly come to a halt...with of course no follow up....the BBC obviously don't see anything wrong with paying Chris Evans over two million pounds for his "talent"...the fact that this is the equivalent of 80 nurses salaries would seem to be O.K.....and of course the women are moaning because they don't get the same as the blokes...when Tess Daley pulls in 350 grand a year for doing nothing...and not doing it very well...I think it's time to give us all a refund on our licence fee.....we are told there is no money for firemen and police men yet a brave newsreader can get a small fortune.There was a young lady on a phone in and she was asked whether she watches Love Island...and she said she can't stand reality shows and rarely watches TV because there is nothing worth watching...she watches YouTube...and she is 21...I think the future of television has a major problem. The scientists have been at it again....they have "proved" after much research that walking your dog is good for you....because you get exercise.....well what do you know...exercise is good for you...wow.......these "scientists" probably get BBC salaries for discovering this information..........also since our wonderful government brought out the law banning smoking in cars where there are children there has been ONE prosecution nationwide...so that's really working well....what these so called law makers don't seem to grasp is enforcement of these stupid laws is virtually impossible as the empty headed offenders totally disregard being told what to do....maybe they should try it themselves before coming up with this stuff.....instead of leaving others to get on with it. I saw an article on Facebook featuring a picture of Vinnie Jones with a shotgun standing over 100 dead foxes laid out in a big square which he was proud to announce he had shot.....if this is true I don't think it'll do "tough guy" Vinnie a lot of good....I can't stand him anyway....I'll watch this space......I just don't get what people get out of killing animals for no reason....it must boost their egos. As you know I am not a fan of people making records who don't belong on them...footballers..actors etc....but what I just do not get is the likes of these so called celebs releasing albums of their favourite songs by the original artists...Levi Roots for example has an album "out" of his favourite reggae songs....what is the point?....and I suppose he'll actually make money from it?....what ever happened to talent....you certainly don't need it these days...................on a lighter note my golfing pal has a mate who went to school with Daniel Craig who is from Hoylake....he says that Daniel never played any sport in school and used to come round to his house for tea....he then comes up with the classic remark...."Now here's me a concrete sprayer...and HE'S JAMES BOND!!!!"....priceless.

82. Learn about SKIFFLE with Don Woods
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Description: The song this week is one I wrote for a dear friend of mine who is sadly no longer with us...his name was John Lomax and was part of a skiffle group called The Atlantics in the 50's....he played the first electric guitar I heard live....I met John many years later and we became good friends....I recorded this song with him as a tribute...The Story of Skiffle"....as it was skiffle that kicked it all off back then....John played this to Chas McDevitt when he went to one of his shows....Chas suggested he send it to the skiffle convention in Finland (2001) which he did...this resulted in us being invited over and we forming a skiffle group and off we went...great times...I miss John very much. There has been an outcry regarding parking fines being issued in hospital car parks....this included doctors and nurses...who are busy saving lives....parking is free in Scotland but our greedy little private organisations want their money....the government say it's up to the "Trusts" how they handle parking....so another nice sidestep from our boys and girls in Parliament......it costs nurses up to a grand a year...and the parking fines don't go into the NHS it goes into the pockets of the so called trusts....they had a nurse on the news saying she was dealing with a heart attack and couldn't leave the operating theatre and got a fine...she contested it and lost which cost her another 40 quid...it's a disgrace and needs sorting. The latest thing is "no losers" in school sport....they had a woman (what else) prattling on about how losing can effect children in later life...what a load of tripe...you need to learn how to win AND more importantly lose in life if you want to survive...it's called "striving" to do your best isn't it?.....and speaking of losers how about the guy who got battered by Federer at Wimbledon and started crying....boo hoo I've got a blister...he also got 1.1 million !!!.....it's the suckers who paid thousands to watch the game on centre court I feel sorry for....mind you if you're daft enough to pay fortune for something you can see on TV there isn't a lot of hope. The PC brigade strike again....Dr.Who is now a woman...which I suppose stops them moaning for a while....I don't watch Dr.Who but it puzzles me how they are going to get a kitchen and a washing machine in the TARDIS?....oops sorry can't say that I'll have the PC brigade after me....all we hear is how hard done to women are....it gets very boring after a while....we now have women's cricket which no-one I know is remotely interested in...including my female friends....and there is about half a dozen in the crowd watching women world cup games...not to mention ladies football...which is of no interest to men or indeed women...but we MUST be gender neutral !!!! The BBC have been "forced" to publish the salaries of their top "stars"....the likes of Gary Linacre and Graham Norton on millions....and the football "pundits" raking in a fortune....and apparently Chris Evans is one of the highest paid...WHAT FOR???....they had some half wit on the news who is responsible for getting top talent for TV trying to justify where MY MONEY goes....these so called talented stars are on more than the prime minister....virtually anyone can be a chat show host or a commentator......in fact Wimbledon could do without 90% of the commentary box.....well worth the licence fee?...I don't think so.

83. Long Live The Isle of Man
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Description: The song I've sent you this week is called "Long Live The Isle of Man"and came about from a song I was asked to write about #Blackpool.....I sent it to Norman Wisdom who lived over there ....I met him a few years later when we interviewed him for Radio Merseyside....the song got plays on #Manx radio. A short film has been made called Run...Hide...Tell... which instructs holiday makers what to do if faced with a terrorist attack....this is what TV has been reduced to...talk about scare mongering.... I watched #Rafa Nadal's 5 hour epic at Wimbledon....which he sadly lost.....I watched a fascinating programme presented by Sue Barker where she looked up some of the past Wimbledon champions and covered the time Billy Jean King pushed for "equality"... On the subject on money....the interest rate on our savings is now a massive 0.03%...which is 3/100 of 1% if my maths serves me right. I also watched the programme on the making of #SergeantPepper.....which I am not a particular fan of....#Beatles were the subject of mass hysteria which snowballed to such an extent that anything they did "must be good"....

84. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
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Description: The song this week is my tribute to a little village in Anglesey which has the longest railway station sign in the universe....Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.....the song teaches you how to say the word because if you can sing it you can say it.....I have sent it this week because it has just reached 1.4 million hits on youtube.....I wrote it for my pal Paul Damian back in 1982 for his club act not realising the impact it would have in future years....I originally put it out as a 45 single (a copy of which I sent to lady Di when she was princess of Wales....to help her with her Welsh...AND got a reply from the palace)....it then went on to cassette then CD...I also sent a copy to Wills and Kate...and got another reply from the Palace....the song has seen a lot of action over the years. There has been news coverage of a little chap called Charlie Gard who is on a life support machine which doctors have advised needs switching off...his father took the case to court and lost....the family has raised a million pounds to send him to America for some new treatment which may save his life....even Donald Trump wants to help.....it is a really tragic situation....you would naturally think they should try everything but I suppose the doctors know best?....so sad for the family....let's hope it all works out for the better, I've been losing sleep over the news that Tony Hadley has split from Spandau Ballet....how many times is this lot going to break up before to stops being news...who cares?....I was never a fan of the band or indeed most of the 80's music....I used to say "the day the music died...January 1st 1980".....I have mellowed a bit since.....the hardest part of playing in a band is actually staying together...my band lasted from 1962 until 2015....with several changes of personnel along the way however...it's a long road with all sorts of unnatural pressures which these talent contestants are sadly not aware of......but I must add that our band never fell out as such and we always remained friends. There is to be another series of The Windsors which takes the mick out of our royalty....I watched the first series and it took me a while to get into it....we have Charles and Camilla,Kate and Wills, and Harry whose new girlfriend is to be included....it is so bad it's funny....they had some of the actors on being interviewed and they pointed out that the show didn't go down to well in America...which made me laugh...the Yanks do not get mickey taking and sarcasm....when I was over in the States recording the songs I wrote for my mate wrestler Adrian Street we were constantly insulting each other and the Yanks were quite shocked...it was so funny....they do seem to live in a bubble. Speaking of the royalty Kate has been to Wimbledon for the beginning of the tennis....now forget Andy Murray....forget Nadal...forget Jocovic.....Kate has had her hair cut !!!....it's now a few inches shorter !!!...headline news......I'm looking forward to the tennis especially week 2....I'm not a gambling man but I might put a fiver on Nadal to win it....you have to play the game to realise how good these players are and the level of fitness required....many years ago there used to be a pre Wimbledon tournament in Hoylake where a lot of the top players would turn out to get themselves in shape....my band used to entertain them at a nearby hotel (Leasowe Castle)...and I remember a guy called Peter Lundgren who asked if he could get his guitar and play a few tunes with the band....I was showing him the riff to Jumping Jack Flash and the world number 10 was hanging on my every word....horses for courses?

85. Whatever Happened to Julie?
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Description: The song this week is called "What Happened To Julie" and ..I'm sending it because I recently received a contract from a company in the States who promote songs......when I get to the small print this is going to cost me.... The London fire is still dominating the news... this material should never have passed safety regulations in the first place...if residents are moved out of existing blocks while they do the work fists are waved and blame cast....as usual the problems are magnified by the negative media... Apparently there was a big march in London regarding the gradual "takeover" of Islam which was not reported on the news......totally confused....apparently there is no money for doctors and nurses....no money for extra police...the interest on my savings is a joke and yet money can be pulled out of the air for the Queen's pay rise of over 2 million?... I watched segments of Glastonbury and enjoyed it... I watched Barry Gibb's full set which was brilliant......he should be knighted....brilliant...DESPITE a totally unnecessary appearance by Jeremy Corbyn....what was HE doing there?......if you are going to get up on a stage SING OR PLAY or GET LOST!!... Still on the music scene I watched Aled Jones on his Sunday morning programme which is always a refreshing break quality....it was brilliant.....the programme was bad enough when Cilla used to present it....she has now been replaced by Paul O'Grady...go out and buy a black and white telly from the charity shop and see if we can get some decent programmes.

86. ...Now it's Finsbury Park Mosque
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Description: The song this week is about Chester City which you will know well....I've sent it because I have been taking advantage of the recent weather which has been very hot so I took my kayak out on the River Dee at Chester this week and it was like a millpond....I paddled along joined by baby ducks,swans and the local heron....wonderful....it really is fascinating place which I never tire of....I recorded another version of the song with a girl called Julie Bright (a local Chester girl) put it on a 45 single and sold it to the Chester Council. The news is still saturated with doom and gloom.....it was endless reporting on the London fire with very little facts just a constant barrage of negative news going on about what "might" have happened or what "possibly" could have happened....it's a terrible disaster but what we now require are the facts....and perhaps we could be informed of anything ELSE that is going on in the world...at the outset of all this they had a piece of cladding from the building and put a match under it....and it caught fire....in 1968 I went to a demonstration by the fire brigade concerning cheap furniture imported from the far east....they threw a match on a couch and it burst into flames....similarly with kiddies clothing.....traders making a profit by cutting corners....so it seems nothing has changed. Then we have the attack on Muslims by a man driving a van into them coming out of a Mosque sending the media into overdrive...making out that one man had been killed and several others injured....it has turned out that the poor man who died had a heart attack before the occurrence and was being attended to by his friends....not that this makes it any better...but this sort of thing was on the cards.....and in my opinion our nation of followers are easily manipulated by the media as they believe whatever they are told and the likes of the BBC thrive on sensationalising these events.....religion has been the cause of most problems since time began and I don't have any problem with people's beliefs but we seem to have two sides to the Muslim faith and I think the only one's who can solve the current situation is them....by educating the misguided. There is a new programme on the telly called The Voice Kids....which is the same as The Voice but as the title says it's for kids...some as young as 8...this is so wrong...exploiting children and giving them false hope is not good...and could affect them in later life....if the kid doesn't get through he or she will be devastated....if they do they don't know what they are letting themselves in for....the only winners are the sharks who capitalise on the situation....it's a tough game if you want to survive and these youngsters have no idea what it's all bout.....5% show...95% business. And finally Amanda Holden has been criticised for her rather revealing dress on Britains Got Talent....with its plunging front displaying 50% of her boobs and of course this has given an opportunity for the collection of sad morons who sit at home in front of the box waiting for something to complain about to get stuck in.....but they shouldn't be looking....otherwise it's sexist !!!....what a joke...but it's fine because she is female which makes it O.K.....I wonder what would happen if Simon Cowell appeared in a pair of trousers with a plunging front (excuse me while I throw up)....but there you go.....ladies will always complain about men being sexist and men will continue to take no notice whatsoever.

87. Don Woods for Batman!
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Description: The song this week is called "On The River" which is where I spent Tuesday afternoon in my Laser Dinghy....I like to get out on the River Dee at West Kirby with just me,the breeze,and the seals....paradise......we are very lucky to have this sailing facility here on Wirral...and if the tide is out we can use the large Marine Lake. This country is becoming like a bad comedy show.......our wonderful Prime Minister calls for a snap general election for no reason whatsoever and falls flat on her face...with a collection of M.P.s seeing their cushy job vanish overnight with Teresa nowhere to be seen....then we have Mr.Corbyn jumping up and down in celebration even though he LOST the election.. I watched a chap called Roy Larmer who was interviewed on the morning news programme....this was the chap who took on the terrorists during the recent London attacks....he was badly injured with wounds to his arms and neck but thankfully survived...he was talking about his experience which was very moving (despite the stupid question from Suzanne Reid)....it turns out that this hero is homeless and has no job....I really felt sorry for him....apparently a fund has been set up and up to now has raised 50 grand....which is all very well but considering this is ONE FIFTH of the fee Tony Blair gets for one after dinner speech.....PEOPLE ARE STILL ALIVE BECAUSE OF MR.LARMER!!!... Richard Hammond has had another near fatal crash....what an absolute idiot....and has "apologised' to his wife and family...it is...except some of them aren't as lucky as Hammond...and how much is this ego trip going to cost the health service?... There was a memorial service for Ronnie Corbett which was attended by lots of celebrities....to me he was a REAL comedian...and the sketches with Ronnie Barker were pure genius.......and finally Adam West also passed away... the ONLY Batman ... I actually went to his book signing in Liverpool and got the chance to shake his hand and thank him for all the good work he did in Gotham City....cool or what.

88. Love at first Sight
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Description: The song this week is from my Doowop Days album and it is called "Love At First Sight".....until I commented on #BobbyVee's blog and received a notification from a DJ in the States who also knew Bobby.......his name is Joe Conroy and we have become good friends. .The news again has been blanket coverage of the latest London terror attacks....there's not a lot to add to it all...we are approaching a general election on Thursday.......the BBC being the worst....sensationalising very sad and delicate subjects...and none of it helps. I watched the Adriana Grande concert in #Manchester in aid of the victims of the recent bombing.... thought the guy from Coldplay stole the show and also Justin Beiber was good too........he needs duck tape over that cake hole instead of trying to score points with his views. When the concert was arranged it was announced that free tickets would be available to those who were originally at the concert...needless to say ...anyone profiteering from someone's misfortune .....but still no different to those politicians with their expenses...and the House of Lords forking out £300 a day for its members to pop in and have a sleep... On a lighter note..it was a page from a recent edition of The Record Collector and tells the story of my meeting with wrestler Adrian Street in the 70s...songs for Adrian and recorded them in my studio....with me playing all the instruments....we put records out under the name Adrian Street and The Boston Crabs........I produced two albums for him recorded both here and in the States....the album has been recently re-released so I might go into hiding....some things never go away.

89. On the road again with Don Woods!
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Description: Here's the demo of a song I wrote for Penny Page's husband David Alexander.....this is the actual demo I gave him........it was record of the week on Radio City and sold very well... We have had a bit of freak weather...30 degrees no less....which we are NOT ready for........and a spot where you can park the whole nation of sheep congregate resulting in everyone crammed on to 100 yards of shore.... Heathrow and Gatwick had computer problems......leaving thousands stranded and missing flights....and it has been mentioned that 30% of people travel without insurance so it's bye bye to their holiday and their cash.. I was pleased to see a foreign hotel suing a holiday maker for falsely claiming food poisoning which is the latest scam..........similar to "whiplash"...or "WhipCASH" as it is called..... t Aled Jones has a light hearted chat show on Saturday and Sunday mornings and he is a breath of fresh air....he has good guests and gives them plenty of room to chat....unlike ...it is awful......I think Graham has past his sell by date...as I have said many times TV in this country has hit an all time low or am I just getting old....with the likes of "Britains Got Talent"...Ant and Dec's "Takeaway"....The X Factor etc etc wowing our wonderful general public I give up....I think I'll go back on the road.....

90. Googie the Liverpool Duck
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Description: ...The song this week is called #Googie The Liverpool Duck" and has been very kind to me over the years....I wrote it for a friend of mine called #PennyPage who was a ventriloquist...the duck ...listening to on #bbcRadio 2 featuring #Jimmy McGovern.... I spent the weekend in #Wales and paid a very interesting visit to #Holyhead in #Anglesey...... Foxes are now infiltrating our towns and cities....but they are not the only things to do so....for also coming out of the countryside is a new threat....the rambler....this strange why "ramble" around a city?.... Wow !! someone has come up with the idea....and BANNING fast food in public places will solve the obesity problem.....I give up. ..finally....I've always thought celebs should stick to what they do....which brings me to #DavidBeckham who is now in a film...and the nobility as "geysers"....he seems to have no command of the English language but then again he is a hard case....or at least he is one in East Enders.

91. Tribute to Bobby Vee
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Description: The song this week is dedicated to Bobby Vee who I had the pleasure of working with on two concerts...one in New Brighton and the other in The North Wales Theatre in Llandudno......a great bloke. What did I tell you a few weeks back?...because of a possible impending DRAUGHT we might be facing a hosepipe ban...I give up...apparently there hasn't been much rain in the south east over the winter so the river levels are down......the Victorians built canals everywhere....oh...I forgot they are too busy spending billions on rail links we don't need. .I watched a programme which featured a modern art exhibition....I have another word for "modern art" which is unprintable.....yet these "artists" make a fortune...Tracy Emin with her unmade bed on display etc...not to mention the psychologists who tell you where you are going wrong stating the obvious......very sad. I watched the Eurovision Song Contest with a few glasses of wine....I always find variety of music quite interesting and am totally bemused as to what some countries find musical....what do they GENERALLY listen to?. .I also watched the BAFTAS...as there was NOTHING worth watching on any other channel....Ant and Dec strike again...their "Saturday Night Takeaway" winning yet another award.......I'll have to start watching the soaps and try not to regard them as a scrapheap for out of work actors and popstars....and just enjoy them like so many other viewers.......thank goodness for Netflix.

92. Tribute to Ricky Nelson
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Description: The song this week is taken from my doowop album I put together a few years ago called Doowop Days and takes us back to the golden years of rock and roll...the track is called "Tribute To Ricky Nelson........James Burton...me it was like playing golf with #Tiger Woods or climbing #MtEverest with #Edmund Hilary..... I am punchdrunk with elections.....#UKIP saying they are pleased with the result...it gives them a chance to build etc...they were WIPED OUT totally..general elections they will sort out the obese problem by legislating the advertising of junk food... French elections....blanket news...including world changing facts like the new presidents missus being 25 years older than him... I used to enjoy "Have I Got News For You"....but lately it has become seriously infected with canned laughter... I watched...for the last time...Britains Got Talent which has reached a new all time low...some bloke who couldn't hoola hoop...topped off with a young lad singing a song he had written for his granny who has Alzheimers.... Now I have heard it all....an award ceremony which is "gender neutral"....so it's one award for the best actor....man or woman

93. Don's Seen and Done it All
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Description: .The song I have sent you this week is called "Seen and Done It All" and it was commissioned by a publisher I was signed to in the 70's called #Evolution Records....I wrote it specially for #DianaDors who actually recorded it......they also had #Mud and #GeorgieFame on their books and The #BonzoDog Doo Dah Band who I also wrote a song for which they recorded called "Strangle My Boss"... Still on the music scene they are all coming out of the woodwork....re-unions everywhere...#Steps...#Bananarama.......the word "band" grates on me a bit when they call them girl "bands" and boy "bands".... There is a new game show called "Big Heads" hosted by Jason Manford ...it involves contestants wearing big rubber spitting image heads of celebrities and they have to compete against each other running over obstacles and falling over etc.. connected with the character it would make more sense....a bit bland. I watched #BritainsGotTalent and tried to cancel the judges out of my mind...there was a really good comedian on....he was a black guy and he discussed how he found it funny how this country thinks it is in crisis...as he comes from Africa where there is a real crisis...he was really observant and hit the nail right on the head....what he was actually saying was we don't realise how lucky we are and he is right...... The latest earth shattering news item is concerns "doggy bags" in restaurants.... your dog.....

94. Breaking Bones
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Description: .The song this week I wrote and produced for wrestler #AdrianStreet...it is called "Breakin' Bones" and back in the day he used to enter the ring to it blasting out.... I had to laugh at the video someone put on the internet concerning the treatment of a lady with a pram...some little "tough guy" security man started kicking off and nearly injured the baby...suddenly a passenger told him ...he ended up with a broken nose and dislocated jaw and a few cracked ribs....oops. #IllieNastase has been in the news upsetting the lady tennis players during a tournament.....apparently he swore at the referee and upset our Joanna Konta reducing her to tears......and still on sport they had a chap on the news who has run 100 marathons in 100 days....raising money for charity....superhuman or what!!! In other news....speeding fines are going up...if you do over a hundred on the motorway or over 50 in a 30 limit you will be fines one and a half times your weekly salary..... There was a recent discussion on the radio concerning theatre prices and how you can pay a grand for a VIP ticket......yet ANOTHER rip off...and also how the agencies snap the tickets up as soon as they are on sale so they can add their ill gotten gains

95. How Don Made it to the top!
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Description: "I made It to the top" .. refers to the top of Mount #Snowdon.... album I produced for my pal #PaulDamian who pronounces the Welsh names accurately.. There was a 10 minute article on the news regarding "mumbling" in TV dramas....which I've been going on about for years...we discussed the #BBC big shot the other week coming out with gems like "It creates the atmosphere when actors lower their voices"...do these "stars" learn to act? There was an interesting article on the news about a couple of scientists who have discovered material which changes sea water into fresh water when poured through it..... On the entertainment front I watched #BritainsGotTalent .......I haven't watched it for years and thought it MUST have improved....WRONG.. I have been watching "Line of Duty" which is excellent.....the script is so cleverly written....also #Broadchurch" is another good drama which keeps you in suspense...thank goodness for #Netflix.

96. A Lucky Man
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Description: ..The song this week is called "How Lucky Am I"......extolling the virtues of this wonderful Peninsula....the DVD displays what I am singing about. There's a guy who took his kiddie out of school during term time to save ...if everybody decided to do the same it would totally disrupt the education system... It's the same with parking...there is a big issue at the moment about parking fines....I don't get them because I DON'T PARK ILLEGALLY... The record of the week on Radio 2 is a track off #Chuck Berry's final album and it is brilliant...a price can't be put on what we owe this guy...to me he is the absolute undisputed King of Rock and Roll.. Still on the music scene watched the Take That concert last Saturday night and thought it was brilliant.....#GaryBarlowe is a bit of a genius...#BradleyWalsh was pushing his album on the "Nightly Show"... Just got back from four days in #Caernarfon and the weather was wonderful... a place called Llyn Ogwen where you walk up to a mountain lake.....I'm off for a Welsh !!".......I do love Wales.

97. Seagulls Over Hilbre
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Description: ..The song this week is taken from one of my videos which I made a while ago showing the changes which have taken place in our area over the last 20 years.... have the seagulls over our beloved Hilbre Island. There is a programme on TV called "Little Big Shots" featuring very talented young kids ranging from 5 to 12...it is hosted by #DawnFrench and is brilliant. A problem with TV these days is all we seem to get is the same faces all the time...Tuesday night has #BradleyWalsh on with #TheChase I do wonder why the #BBC...who we PAY for via our licence fee...not only has the worst news programmes it also has the worst "catch up" system... April 1st had the usual April Fool gags in the media...like Prince Harry's secret wedding .....#TheWirralGlobe...

98. What happened to Julie?
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Description: .The song this week is from my doowop album "Doowop Days" which takes us back to the golden day of the 50s....the song is called "What Happened To Julie?" and wonders ... I watched Comic Relief....I must say it was a relief when to was over.......however I was well impressed with #Ed Sheeran who really is a huge talent.... I tuned into BBC #Newswatch where there was a lot of complaints about the excessive coverage of the death of Martin McGuiness and the London terror attack....which is what we discussed last week...lots of Emails and video appearances complaining...then they bring on this BBC bigshot who didn't answer any of the complaints..... I must say I do like characters who say it like it is....#JohnLydon was on the breakfast programme promoting his book and gave his opinions on Brexit,sovereignty,politicians and a few other topics...he is a strange bloke but talks a lot of sense... ....it concerns a huge explosion in #Bebington #Wirral which destroyed a large dance studio and several houses close by....

99. Burt Lancaster and Chuck Berry
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Description: The song this week is a track off an album I did taking a look at film stars...this one is called "The Ballad Of Burt Lancaster"...and came about after some ugly rumours were spread about my hero....he seemed to spend rather a lot of time in male company so eyebrows were raised....but I'm having NONE of it !!!!....as indeed the song says. .I was sad to hear of the passing of the great Chuck Berry...to me he was the undisputed king of rock and roll and was a huge influence on so many guitarists...myself included....his songs were not only lyrically brilliant they were uncomplicated and easy to play...once you get those classic riffs off away you go....no rehearsals required....I saw him live on three occasions and his charisma was stunning.....his sound wasn't to clever...but it was CHUCK....even today you play a bit of Chuck and everyone gets up to dance....he was a one-off...irreplaceable. The "experts" have been at it again....apparently if you work at the top of a high rise building you could get depressed...not necessarily because of the job...wait for it...because the building wobbles....obviously the buildings are designed to withstand the wobble (I hope) but those inside are apparently affected psychologically....they KNOW this because other countries have also done tests....and this wonderful experiment has only cost 7 million to come to this conclusion....good value or what?....it would be interesting to know how they arrive at this figure...and where the money actually goes ... ...and talking of money we are not being bombarded with the Comic Relief Appeal....which is great...as indeed are all these fund-raising activities....I'm even part of one myself where we have weekly rock and roll jam sessions and raise money for sick kids...but what I just don't get is why money should have to be raised for starving kids and the homeless etc by the general public....a bunch of billionaire Sheiks and Arabs and even our own Royal hangers on could solve the problem overnight...we are constantly being told that £5 will feed a starving child for a week...or buy a homeless person socks and gloves....Tony Blair gets 250 grand for ONE after dinner speech....that's 5000 fivers...how can you possibly justify this sort of payout?....and that's ONE person.....and the stupid part is the filthy rich wouldn't even miss the money....it's obscene...not to mention the 60 billion high speed train service no-one wants. I don't know whether it's an age thing but I find the news programmes are going worse...especially the BBC...I feel if I never watch the news it would make no difference as there is never anything informative...it's just constant drawn out items repeated every 20 minutes....the death of Martin McGuiness was reported as "breaking news" for an hour...how many times do we need telling?...fortunately ITV get a better balance....if you can stand the adverts.

100. Something Fishy About Sturgeon
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Description: The song this week is one close to my heart..."The Magic of #Wales"....it is sung by #Paul Damian and was the follow up to How To Say Llanfair P.G.....which has had 1.3 million hits on #YouTube There has been a lot of discussion on the news lately concerning speeding...they had a lady on whose son was killed by a speeding taxi........ #Brexit is building up to a crescendo...and still no-one seems to know what is going on...all made more complicated by #NicolaSturgeon still trying to get independence for Scotland.......everyone would go out and buy shoes with leather souls ... when you get to a certain age it is hard to find decent entertainment...I often wonder who decides to put boring soaps on TV...or people being chopped up in A & E...or sit-coms like Benidorm... Because there is so little of interest on TV I have been watching the remake of "Roots" which is very interesting...

101. Love at First Sight
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Description: The song I have sent is called "Love At First Sight" ..it is a track off my #Doowop Album called "Doowop Days" (available from my website www.donwoods.co.uk).... I was browsing through Facebook and came across an article about The Swinging Blue Jeans.....but if they can make money kidding people who fall for it good luck to them. I watched #TheVoice ...two hours of hopefuls hoping to "change their lives"...and wanting to "fulfil their dreams". We are now finding planets billions of miles away which could support life and finding new universes....yet we can't predict the weather for the following day.... forecasts why have them? With modern technology what I fail to understand is the mentality of those boneheads who send out viruses.......how sad must someone be getting entertainment from spoiling the lives of those you don't even know........but I have a better vision of someone finding them out and introducing their teeth to a baseball bat.

102. The Ballad of Barbara Stanwyck
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Description: ......I was watching an old #Hollywood movie this week and it starred #Barbara Stanwyck... wrote a song for a novelty album which explains this...The Ballad of Barbara Stanwyck... There has been a bit of a moan about bad diction in dramas... ...I have always gone on about this.......my wife tells me I'm going deaf but now she knows it's not just ME!!.....what's the point of dialogue if you can't hear whats being said... I always thought whoever came up with the idea of selling bottled water was a genius...it's WATER which in the civilised world you get from a tap.. has come up with bottled FRESH AIR!!!....yep AIR...and wait for it £80 a bottle... There has been a programme on TV about #WindsorCastle and the Royals don't come off too well. the House of Lords have been popping in to get their £300 daily allowance while leaving the taxi running outside........the scientists are at it again....they have discovered planets so many light years away which could possibly support life...wow!!...how mind blowing is that?...SO WHAT......the money could be put to far better use

103. Donald doesn't Duck!
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Description: The song I've sent you this week is ..The Ballad of Forgotten Popstars and lists those artists who entertained us in the early ... Big news ..a GLOBAL survey no less!!....it was discovered that vitamin D can prevent you getting a cold...so there....snd .....heading a football can cause dementure because some aging footballers suffer with this.. Stoke-On-Trent council have suggested giving expectant can't say "mothers" any more...giving expectant PARENTS vouchers to encourage them to stop smoking.......also Liverpool Council have come up with another wonderful idea.... I am really enjoying Donald Trump's appearances on the news...he is classic entertainment... Our wonderful ex PM. ...and we should rise up and vote again...to stay in...that's rich from a man who caused an unnecessary war ....So Tony thinks we should stay in Europe?...could the reason possibly be that Brexit might effect his 435 grand salary ....all supplied by the taxpayer...

104. Route 66
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Description: The song this week is a track off The Cheshire Cats album we made around 2005...it featured some of the local musicians who used to give their services free to the charity....this is Route 66 by my lad Steve....who played in my band for a while....he was a handy guitarist and bass player as can be heard...the Cheshire Cats can be found on our website www.thecheshirecats.co.uk ...we still meet up each week and rock. There has been quite a bit of coverage on the latest phenomenon....fake news......and about time too seeing as MOST of our population believe what they read in the papers......I don't know how they get away with it - they must have a good legal setup......as far as I'm concerned anything false which is put into print is slander which is an offence and those responsible should be hammered in court....the problem these days is stupid careless untrue statements can ruin lived thanks to social media....yet no-one seems to be brought to account. The Beckham situation hasn't done Mr.Wonderful any favours....on his hacked Email he was criticising those who received honours...including Kathryn Jenkins....how dare he criticise my favourite lady....she once did a programme on "The best views in Britain" and I wrote to a magazine letters page and said SHE was the best view in Britain....and got 15 quid for the "star letter"....Knights of the Realm should be present day versions of some armour clad macho man protecting our country from it's enemies with a big sword...like SIR Galahad....THAT is a knight of the realm....SOLDIERS are knights of the realm and should all be knighted....what has Van Morrison...Rod Stewart...Mick Jagger etc etc done except make a lot of money for themselves simply doing a JOB??...the whole system needs scrapping before we have SIR Jedward !! There is a KILLER on the loose !!....our sheeple are under vicious attack !!....they are getting their fish and chips STOLEN by evil SEAGULLS !!....y'know= those creatures who were flying round seasides thousands of years before the prat with a knotted hanky on his head existed...some woman said one landed on her head,pinched her chips,and chased her up the beach...I wish I had that on video. To me the seagull is the most magnificent creation....it is perfection....and thankfully they are regarded as an endangered species so they can't be harmed...so keep that junk food covered up !!

105. Greenfly in my Trusses!
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Description: The song this week is very educational...it is entitled *Greenfly in my Trusses" and was an idea I came up with back in the day when my mate the late Norman Thomas of Radio City commented that he was on his allotment and was horrified to find greenfly in his trusses....this began a series of incoming comments from the public with hilarious results...so I decided to write a song dedicated to him featuring all the problems you can have in a garden....the song is wonderfully performed by Peregrine Wilt (aka Paul Damian) and tells the story of love lost on a corporation allotment...the words might seem a bit odd but the details are accurate down to the last detail...listen to this and you could become a professional gardner. 2.Are we sick and tired of hearing about Trump and Teresa May or what?!!!...the guy gets hold of her hand to prevent her slipping BECAUSE THERE WAS A SLOPE that's it.....but oh no the media pile in making an issue out of nothing...and we've got demonstrations in the streets because Donald has been invited to meet the Queen...and none of the demonstrators have a clue why they are waving stupid banners around....they even have toddlers waving banners....there is NO hope......do they think her Maj gives a toss one way or the other?....or maybe they all think they might all get an O.B.E.?....who do they think they are - Ant and Dec?....as always the media just make matters worse. 3.The "scientists" have been at it again..."research" has uncovered the fact that primary school children learn more if...wait for it...they wear slippers....so along with their lunch they now bring in their fluffy footwear....it's only in one school at the moment as far as I can gather....so there you are...I wonder what happened to discipline?.... And Kodak must have shedloads of film left over since everyone bought digital cameras....they even made a classic statement to the effect that rolls of film are making a comeback....people are going out and buying FILM of their cameras...because FILM is better quality and "warmer" than digital.....what a load of tripe....as if we are going to buy rolls of film and PAY for it to be developed....nice try Kodak good luck with that one.....mind you the stupid demonstrators will probably fall for it. 4.We have obviously given up with Eurovision....this year the public have been subjected to a selection of songs sung by X Factor also rans.....and it's the viewers vote that counts friends....there was only one song which was almost bearable and needless to say that wasn't the one we voted for....oh dear....if the contest is judged on who can shout the loudest we are in with a chance....the girl is doubled over at one stage bellowing out the song.....I don't know why we bother....obviously someone is making money...probably Simon Cowell.....it's a big Nil Pwa from me. 5."Mothers" are OUT!!....they must now be called "Parents".....as in "expectant PARENT"....this is so the 1% of transgender parents are not offended....there is absolutely nothing I can add to this. It reminds me of the time when I was working for Merseyside County Council and the Trading Standards burst into a chip shop and told the owner he couldn't call his hamburgers hamburgers....as they did not contain ham....they were in fact "savoury rings"....so the guy put a huge notice in his window "OUR HAMBURGERS ARE NOW SAVOURY RINGS"....that's why Liverpool is such a great place.

106. Something very strange about a Cowboy!
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Description: The song this week is another Adrian Street classic from our recently re-released album "Shake Wrestle and Roll"...it is called "Something Very Strange About a Cowboy"....and poses one or two questions regarding their macho image......much to our delight. .....Piers Morgan was mouthing off in his opinionated way about the women marching for women's rights...and Ewan McGregor was supposed to come on the breakfast programme to talk about his latest film...but refused to appear with Piers as he disagreed with his comments...how pathetic is that?....his usual saracastic way...but for once I agree with his treatment of the situation...I don't think Ewan has done himself any favours. .......I went to The Empire last week to see a show and during the interval a couple came back from the bar with two plastic cups of white wine...they didn't look is too happy as they had been charged £17 !!!....how can this possibly be justified...it's daylight robbery...someone was telling me they went into a bar in London and were charged £21 for two drinks....someone's having a laugh...because of the bad crop due to climate change...what a load of tripe...but the sheep believe anything..because "experts" tell us.. ....RIGHT!!,,,toast is out!!...this is the latest from those hidden scientists who rack their brains all day trying to think of things to scare everyone...burnt toast can kill you apparently...also overdone chips can also kill you....y'know a bit like butter a few years ago....better to eat margarine...but that's all changed...butter is O.K. now...and marg can kill you....do these "scientists" get PAID for all this drivel?...I really do despair...could it be that we are buying too much sensibly priced bread and not being ripped off with the expensive stuff? ... .I have found a TV programme called "virtually famous" hosted by Chris Ramsey and it is really good...I've always rated Chris Ramsey but he never seemed to be given the right role...this is it...good light hearted stuff...also "Coach Trip" is back with Brendon doing his bit...good entertainment for a change.

107. Shakin, Wrestlin and Rollin'
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Description: I am subjecting you to another track from my recently re-released wrestling album....this is the title track "Shake Wrestle and Roll" which has been re-released in the States by Burger Records and is getting plenty of plays....all very strange as I haven't listened to it for 30 years (I wonder why?)....I wrote the whole album for wrestler Adrian Street back in the day and here we go again....and it's on VINYL!!.... It sure is a strange business. I had a few days up in The Lake District which was a nice break ...might as well be there in the drizzle as anywhere else...had a wander round Kendal which still bears the scars of last years floods but thankfully fully recovered....on returning we went to the Empire in Liverpool to see "The Commitments" which was musically very good...good live stuff...however the acting wasn't too clever as it was hard to pick up what they were saying and the strong Irish accents didn't help....fortunately I have seen the film so I knew the story...the niggle I've always had with this story is the brass section on the band has a trumpet and a sax....for me there has to be a trombone as well....it was the same in the film....but that's just me. A statue of Cilla has been erected outside the Cavern in Liverpool...it was unveiled in front of an enthusiastic crowd.....although the statue is very good it's not a particularly good likeness...whether that matters or not....it is similar to the one of Ken Dodd in Lime Street Station...that's not a good likeness either......at least they have put Cilla on the front of where the original Cavern was.....before the city geniuses knocked it down....a nice rags to riches story....not quite sure why it took so long...would have been nice while she was still around? At the time of writing we have the build up to Trump signing on....with half the nation protesting....as opposed to the other half had Hilary won...I don't know what they hope to achieve...this bad enough but what is really sad is the sheep in THIS country jumping on the bandwagon ridiculing a bloke who they know NOTHING about....everyone making wild assumptions....why not just WAIT AND SEE.....suddenly they go on about how wonderful Obama was..y'know...the bloke who was going to put us at the back of the queue....followed by all the knownothings spouting about how "Brexit" will never work....information they have heard from some politician who is panicking in case he loses his unearned fortune....the only chap who speaks ANY sense is Farage...we should make him Prime Minister AND president of the U.S.A. And finally....they had an article on the ITV morning show about women having babies late in life...they had a lady on who was in her fifties who had a 5 year old...she said she had to look after her mother for 17 years by which time she was 51 and thought she was too old to have a child but was successful...she said her only fear is that she may not see her child marry etc...but had experienced the joy of motherhood...a lovely polite intelligent lady....then in come the Emails at the side of the screen from the woodentops....thing like she is "selfish" and "having children late is unfair on the child"....what is it with these morons?...it has NOTHING to do with them and their shallow little lives during which they have achieved NOTHING....and there lies the problem.....FORTUNATELY for us ALL it was Thursday and Piers Morgan was replaced by Ben Sheppard....so we were spared an outburst from that idiot

108. Shake, Wrestle and Roll
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Description: I've sent you another classic from the recently re-released Adrian Street album Shake Wrestle and Roll...this one is called Imagine What I Could Do To You....and this is the one he used to enter the ring to....it was featured on videos in the States and ended up in a movie called "Grunt - The Wrestling Movie".....again it's back to haunt me from the 80's. was disgusted with Piers Morgan on the breakfast programme this week...they had a young girl on who had sent her 3 year old to a child minder and the kid came back with her £300 boots (!!) ruined....she then sent a bill to the child minder...it turned out that she had bought the kid 60 pairs of designer shoes...this is all very silly on the face of it but Morgan really launched into the girl and really upset her...reducing her to tears....the girl was obviously a bit misguided but a tsunami of shouted insults was totally unnecessary....what happened to impartiality on so called news programmes?....Morgan is just a revolting bully....I doubt if he would have been so mouthy with a young hard case....Fortunately he is only on three days (which is three too many) and there would be no point complaining as he is so pig ignorant it would be water off a ducks back....let's hope he gets his come/uppance at some stage. The train strike is causing havoc down south....I actually thought that the problem was they were doing away with the guards....but apparently this is not so....it's all about the drivers being in charge of opening and closing the doors...while the guards take care of other things on the train...I really do despair at this country....to disrupt so many people over a squabble between staff and bosses is disgraceful and should be illegal in a public service.....it is just hitting those who are not involved.....there doesn't seem to be a lot of brainpower used...they are like a bunch of schoolkids...holding the paying public to ransom is wrong... I had to laugh when I heard that FIFA are going to increase the number of games in the world cup....I can't imagine why...what a greedy bunch of scroungers they are...it hardly affects us as we are still living in 1966.....but I suppose the sheep will enjoy sitting there and watching games which are nothing to do with them....and what better uses all that extra money could be put to?...but there in no chance....we can't have these chaps surviving without a couple of yatchs....how would they manage? If there's anything I can't stand it's arrogant pompous oafs who seem to think they are above everyone else....and this country seems to have more than its share...this is perfectly illustrated in the film "The Imitation Game" about the guy who broke the German code and helped win the war...but when it was all over he was disgraced by the upper class trash because he was gay...so much so that he committed suicide...and nothing has really changed...we still have the chinless wonders who choke on their posh accents with their noses in the air expecting people to bow and scrape...roll on the revolution.!!!

109. What is the Point?
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Description: ...the song this week is one which sadly never made the classical charts...it is entitled "Breakin' Bones" and it was the first song I wrote for wrestler #AdrianStreet back in the early 80's... American record company called #Burger Records...on VINYL/CD/and CASSETTE.... I watched....# Robbie Williams.......that is when you could actually hear what he was singing.....see the point of fireworks.. ... why did people like Hoddle and Waddle make records?...they are FOOTBALLERS........better all round if they stick to what they actually do. .I don't quite know what to make of #DavidWalliams...he's a strange character.. brilliant....is comedy making a comeback I wonder? On the promenade on the #Wirral side on the #Mersey there is a marked cycle track which takes you 7 miles around the coast.......not to mention those who stand in the doorway at the end of a gig when you are trying to get your gear out....

110. Sad Losses at Christmas...
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Description: ....a tribute to #BobbyVee who was one of the many artists we lost this year.......Rick Parfitt from #StatusQuo....very sad....and #GeorgeMichael who I thought was a massive talent.......not forgetting #DavidBowie and Lemmy.. The TV over Christmas has been pretty bad........there are a few programmes which stand out....Room 101 with the great Frank Skinner and Would I Lie To You....but that's about it....and when you watch these "stadium" comedians with the audience falling about laughing I just don't get it. .... is the mis-use of the English language which is steadily going worse...the letter T seems to be redundant.........thank goodness we Merseysiders speak standard English. ...proof that some things never go away.....I wrote and produced an album of wrestling songs for exotic wrestler #AdrianStreet in the mid 80s....

111. Some Guys Have all the Luck!
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Description: The song this week is called "You'll Always Love The Game" and was written for a video I made for a mate of mine who used to put on rugby matches featuring veteran players... We had a few words about football and disgraced England manager, Sam Allardyce joining #CrystalPalace to keep them in the Premiership. The traffic is ridiculous at the moment....I just don't get why EVERYONE has to panic over two days.......we are also expecting Storm Barbara On the same subject the trains are going on strike........whereas I sympathise with those employees who are affected I think it's wrong to make the general public suffer.... I watched a sort of a celebrity quiz which included the audience.....I am not a prude (far from it) but the show doesn't need it.......who cares?...just get on with entertaining and keep your preference to yourself... Went up to the #LakeDistrict for a few days this week....and as usual was lucky with the weather........we stay near a place called #Carnforth and the station there was used in the film "Brief Encounter" from the 40's....

112. The Urban Cowboy
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Description: The song this week is called "Urban Cowboy" .....a classic showbiz tale....... ........We often discuss the mentality of a certain selection of out fellow human beings... and when the fire brigade arrived they were attacked with stones and bricks and had threats shouted at them.....this sort of behaviour defies explanation..... .....There was very little worth watching on the TV at the weekend so I decided to watch a DVD called "San Andreas"....and starred Dewayne Johnson...#TheRock........ .The #EverymanTheatre in #Liverpool has been in the news.....and at the time I was writing the odd musical... and one for #RadioCity

113. He's me Mate!
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Description: This week's song is called "He' Me Mate" ....I heard nothing until I was watching the Royal Command...... ....because of recent deaths on the roads due to dangerous driving the government have stated they intend to increase the penalties to include life imprisonment.. We complain about the cost of renovating the Palace...we complain about the Royals travelling to functions in helicopters.......George Osborne getting 80 grand for an after dinner speech is obscene. ......I was praising Cliff's latest single last week....HOWEVER... ....Chester is one of my favourite cities and it has recently made the news.....

114. The Story of Skiffle
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Description: The song I have sent you this week is called The Story of Skiffle and is a song I wrote for,and as a tribute to, John Lomax who was a dear friend of mine....I first saw his skiffle group called The Atlantics in 1958 and it was the first time I heard an electric guitar played live...40 years later I met him and we became good friends....this song got us a gig (via Chas McDevitt) at the Finland skiffle convention in 2001 and I put a group together (including John) and off we went....skiffle was the basis of rock and roll...sadly John is no longer with us and I miss him. .The Christmas countdown has begun....all the prices have 99 pence at the end £149.99.....£99.99.....purely to make the price sound cheaper...which people seem to fall for....YOU'RE GETTING A PENNY CHANGE for goodness sake....it's like the old 99 guineas...which was effectively £105........and we are bombarded again with all the old played out Xmas songs in shops and on the radio...A Child is Born...All I want For Christmas is You....and the dreadful Simply having a wonderful Christmas time...and the even worse Frog Chorus...if we must be subjected to Christmas songs PLEASE give us some new ones....yours sincerely Mr.Grumpy. Cliff has got a new single out called "Better To Dream" and it is really good....record of the week on BBC Radio 2 who are keeping in with him...I wonder why?...I'm not particularly a Cliff fan but he's done a good job on his latest album......and I became a fan of Andre Rieu after seeing him interviewed....what a great bloke and what a talent....I've always admired people who arrange parts for orchestras...to hear all the instruments in their head and to get it down on paper is a special gift...I think most people think they just stand in front of the orchestra waving a stick around. ...Football has been featured heavily on the news sadly for the wrong reasons...namely the sexual assaults by coaches on young hopefuls...it makes very uncomfortable watching...most of it seems to have been 30 years ago and has left some of the lads traumatised...what is surprising is none of them seemed to go back for revenge...but unless you have been in that situation you'll never understand...I think this is just the tip of the iceberg................also on the sporting front we have The Sports Personality of the Year coming up.... Andy Murray...despite having NO personality....tennis is possibly the most demanding sport and to achieve what he has this year sets him apart from the rest. .. finally....there has been a bit of an uproar about payouts to top executives....they get the lions share of the profits and the workers get nowt....they can complain and rise up as often as they like and it wont make a blind bit of difference....it's always been noblemen and serfs and it always will be....the bankers and the legal profession etc don't give us lot a second thought...and I doubt whether they even HEAR the moans.....locally we have to endure council cuts yet there is money available for a luxury golf course next to The Royal Liverpool which will "bring money into the area"....I wonder how much of that I'll see....I'll give you ONE guess..

115. Pots of money and potholes!
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Description: "The Colour of Time" is one of the few Don has co-written...it was a demo he did for a friend of his called Patricia Knapton who is a poet...... In the news this week the Queen has been given a rise.....30 million....and apparently none of this will go towards the 340 million to be spent on her house....us and them or what.?......yep we are all getting ripped off and there is nothing we can do. I had to laugh at the enormous pothole in Japan when virtually the whole of the town centre collapsed 30 feet....fortunately no-one was hurt...and guess what it was all rebuilt back to it's former glory in A WEEK !!!!..... On the music scene I see that ex newsreader Bill Turnbull has got a CD out....it's his "collection"....he's not on it he has simply put a collection of classical songs together and put his picture on the front "The Bill Turnbull Collection"...hmm...don't get it....does he get royalties?...if so what for?...."The Vince Tracy Collection of Beatles Songs"?... I watch "I'm a celebrity get me out of here"...but I don't know why...I suppose it's a bit addictive...but it is absolute rubbish..

116. Nosey Parker
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Description: The song this week is one I have found in my archives and had completely forgotten about...it is called "Nosey Parker" and is one of the many I wrote for The Krankies yearly pantomimes....this one was Pinochio....and wee Jimmy (aka Janette) had the title role.....each year they would ask me for an original song or songs...and I would demo it as simple as possible for them to give to the panto MD....when she sang the song the nose would get longer and longer until it was the length of the stage....all good stuff....They are good friends. How pathetically transparent are the BBC...suddenly they have decided to play Cliff Richard's latest album...hmm...I wonder why?...I suppose the school leavers who seem to run the organisation think Cliff might change his mind about taking them to court...I hope Cliff has the guts to take them to the cleaners after the way he was treated...along with the gutter press which have a similarity to reading a piece of used toilet paper.....actually the album is very good....pure rock and roll....which makes a nice change from the latest deluge of moaning whinging ballads we seem to be getting subjected to.....I was unfortunate to watch the U.K. top forty at a recent dinner party...what a load of rubbish.....quality music R.I.P. I often wonder at the mentality of those who steal from charity...the latest is the sale of the ornamental poppies from the Palace....apparently only one third of the money raised went to charity instead of the lot....so some low life has made a lot of money....these people should be investigated and have their faces all over the media....just to let people know what scum they are......when I watch the TV appeals like Children in Need it is awful to think all these problems could be solved by the filthy rich who stain our shores....the problems could be solved without them even missing the money...but I suppose they have to have a few yatchts and mansions to survive. Now there is a petition on the internet regarding closing shops on Boxing Day....our wonderful public think they should close so people could spend time with their families instead of shopping...this was discussed on the morning TV...is it me or have we gone completely round the bend?...the big stores are criticised because the staff have to work over the holiday...and....wait for it....people will go out shopping because that's when they get a bargain....it is obviously far to difficult for the sheep to stay at home when the shops are open....and what about none Christians?...as if the big stores will take a blind bit of notice...and as if the government will make it illegal to open on Boxing Day...I really do despair sometimes. The BBC have renamed the Radio 2 building Wogan House after Terry Wogan which is a nice thing to do...he was much respected and I watched a tribute programme from the Albert Hall which was very good...possibly could have done without Olly Murs singing swing but very nice....personally I was never a fan of Sir Terry but he obviously had a big impact on his fellow workers.....great show and the remains of Take That did a great spot as did The Vamps....and lastly they are back....the highly talented Ant and Dec...NOT.....they have apparently signed a three million pound deal with ITV....as I have said in the past if they do have any talent whatsoever it's beyond ME...they are now appearing on the celebrity jungle thing where they do an hour and a half of unfunny nonsense then go and play golf....well worth the money eh?

117. US Polls Trumped
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Description: .The song I have sent you this week is entitled "I'm In Love With Me" which I wrote in the mid 70's and was performed on TV by Bobby Sox and The Prizeguys......HOWEVER the version I have sent you was the original demo I did for wrestler Adrian Street who I replaced his voice for mine....the song was one of 22 I eventually wrote and recorded with him.....this version has never been played on air...Adrian went to The States and made a video of the song which was played on MTV.....it bought my house. ...Well well....no need to tell you what the news is full of.....Donald J. has got himself a new house...the whole thing has been a joke since the word go...everyone is jumping up and down for one reason or another....knowing only what the media want us to know....personally I couldn't care less....nothing America does surprises me...so it's best to wait and see instead of constantly trying to predict the future....on the positive side NO-ONE could be worse than George W. Bush. ...I regard myself as an average guy....and like everyone else I get totally confused with politics...which brings me to "Brexit"...the way I see it all is the country is run by greedy fat cats who feed us with all this complicated information which goes total over my head (and everyone else's)...so standing back I thought why should I be told what to do by the likes of Germany...and that's about it...having ignored the rest of the verbal garbage I voted OUT....but the fatcats tried to pull a fast one and "gave us a referendum" thinking we would all fall for the scare tactics..."throw them a few crumbs....then we can say it's what THEY decided"....but of course it all went horribly wrong...now they are all panicking trying to bring in laws to get them their own way....and even Prince Andrew has announced it would ruin the country...in other words it might be a bit more difficult for him to scrounge his millions off the State...times they are a changin'.....and we are all fed up with being ripped off by the filthy rich...the only man who seems to make sense is Nigel Farage....but he is leading a bunch of morons so he is like a great singer with a bad band. ... I have been watching a series on Netflix called The Crown which is about the Royal Family....it is very good and quite informative...how the other half live....I remember Churchill and Eden but didn't know much about them this puts you in the picture...my opinion of the Royals hasn't changed though...The Queen does a great job but the rest of them are a waste of space....with one or two exceptions...it makes you realise the distance between us and them....good programme though. ...I was surprised how quiet bonfire night was....personally I cannot stand fireworks...totally fail to see the point of sending money up in smoke...but the sheep must be entertained and given the opportunity to ogle at explosions in the sky and go "OOH...AHH"...and they had a big firework display on the Mersey I believe, but I haven't heard much about it...am I wrong or are we supposed to be making financial cuts?...not to mention the loss of eyesight and burns that ensues....I am not a killjoy but I have never seen the point of firework displays....the last one I watched was in Disney in Florida so there is little point attending any others.

118. School Without a Teacher
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Description: Has Don flipped? Is he really wanting schools to have no teachers? He applauds #teresamay standing up for the Poppy against #fifa. Don also looks at the terrible carnage caused by a lorry driver on his mobile phone on a British motorway. #Popstars who can't handle the pressure of showbiz also comes under scrutiny and Don ends by looking at the #prideofbritain awards

119. Mersey Sunrise
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Description: Don's song extols the virtues of the #rivermersey and the #liverpool waterfront. Items in the news.We discussed the lawmakers and what really constitutes news!

120. BEATLE CITY
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Description: @Donwoods tells me about his song #eatle city. It's a great story and a great song. Next we discussed the saga of #donaldtrump and #hillaryclinton in the #usa. Our next topic was the #bigband era and a show presented by #lengoodman. e then discussed recording techniques and their developments. #heolympics returned to #manchester in a triumphant parade and, once again, we discussed knighthoods. inally, we paid homage to the legend #chuckberry

121. Merseybeat Memories
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Description: The song this week is entitled "Merseybeat Memories" and reminds us of the contribution Liverpool made to the world of music back in the day....the song was the B side of a vinyl 45 which I was commissioned to write for the Merseyside tourism dept...the A side being Beatle City.....it sold very well in the tourist centres and to my knowledge was the first record to be released on a council label (my idea) ....We have been overdosed with the Donald Trump saga.....I must say it is very entertaining but makes you wonder about the result of the whole thing....Hillary or Donald?....what a choice.....I have never seen such an ugly exchange between two so called world leaders...it was like watching a movie...except you couldn't make that up.....the U.S.A. has definitely lost its way. ....I do enjoy Strictly Come Dancing....purely for the spectacle of talented fit young men and beautifully sculpted ladies gliding around the dance floor to the sound of a great band....all going well until the press get hold of it....alleging it's "rigged" and it's "racist" because the first two out of the competition were black.....it's beyond me why someone always has to put a downer on things .... probably stems from ITV who are struggling for viewers for the X Factor garbage......and Will Young has thrown his dummy out of the pram and walked out....so he won't be getting his full fee....now he only gets 5 grand......joke or what? ...On the racist theme....which always only seems to go one way....I read an article about my mate Jimmy Krankie (aka Janette Tough)...who was cast as a Chinese woman in the Ab Fab film...with Jenny Saunders and Joanna Lumley.....this American journalist was "disgusted" at the portrayal of a Chinese person with yellow skin and speaking in a weird voice....oh dear....some people should get over themselves...IT'S COMEDY!!!....get a life.......I know Janette well and the last thing she is is racist....fandabidozi. ....forget the soldiers risking their lives for the country...and the paramedics who save lives etc etc....they obviously don't deserve to be awarded or even knighted...unlike SIR Rod Stewart.....what is the world coming to....Rod the Mod....who I think gargles with sand...for his contribution to music.....isn't he just doing a JOB?...a knight of the realm?....Sir Van Morrisson...Sir Mick Jagger...etc...maybe I'm missing something but what have they done other than make money for themselves?....hey ho...that's what makes Britain grate. ...finally, we pay tribute to the wonderful character acting of Jean Alexander who played Hilda Ogden in the series Coronation Street.

122. The Wirral Country Park
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Description: Don's song is about #wirralcountrypark which came about after the changes to Britain's railways after Dr Beeching looked at the state network. Don's take on the news includes #louistheroux talking about #jimmysavile #montypython #dadsarmy #impressionists #comedy plus much more

123. The Magic of Wales
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Description: Don tells us about the magic of #wales and #beaumariscastle. We also discussed #samallardyce #football #theturnerprize #tracyemin #hairtransplants and #llanfairpg on the island of #anglesey

124. Karma with the Dalai Lama
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Description: #Don Woods brings the song of the #mersey #angelinajolie #bradpitt #emmerdale #paralympics #dalailama #piersmorgan #brianferry #roxymusic #billyfury #bbc4 #theartschannel #miranda

125. Great British Bake-Off? National News?
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Description: The song I have sent you this week is from a DVD I made about a place you will know well...Hilbre Island which lies off the north western tip of the Wirral Peninsula.....it is about 2 miles out and can be visited at low tide....it is magnificent and there is a colony of seals close by....I virtually wrote all the lyrics to this song while spending a few hours out there....you can sit and one way you have the Welsh coast and the other way you have the northern and western coasts of Wirral....wonderful....nowhere else I'D rather be. Saw a nice piece of news regarding the Great North Run....there's a young band called Little Comet and their drummer has major heart problems and requires a lot of medical help...the rest of the band did the run while playing their guitars to raise money for awareness to his problem....now THAT'S mates for you.....however this news obviously wasn't as important as the BBC losing the Great British Bake-off to channel 4.....I can't think of ANYTHING I could care less about....and this was NATIONAL news!!....it's pathetic...I've never watched the programme and incidentally Paul Hollywood went to my school (which explains a lot). I have to laugh at the "advert" the BBC have put out....telling people they mustn't forget that when their kids go to university and stream programmes on to their computers they need to pay for a TV licence....so listen up all you students -when you see someone approaching you through the smoke from your spliffs and you are just about to down your 6th pint...make sure you have your licence money ready....good luck with that one BBC.....mind you the beeb need the money otherwise they wouldn't be able to pay the likes of G ary Linacre and Graham Norton a million a year....so come on...PAY UP!!! .I've just discovered the ideal job....become a member of the House of Lords.....you walk in in the morning...have a 10 minute sleep...then walk out again....picking up your £300 on the way out....5 day week - £1500......78 grand a year...good value eh?...almost as good value as the HS2 rail link which is now costing 90 BILLION....and rising.....that would give EVERY person on this planet15 quid...EVERY person...and for a train line nobody wants....forget those poor souls who are starving....we need to save half an hour on our journeys from London to Birmingham...and the bloke in charge of this disgrace ...he is on 750 grand a year has been offered a better job with Rolls Royce which he has accepted..so he's O.K.......I'm SO pleased. They are thinking of making sexist remarks a HATE crime....so no more whistling at your ladies in the street...or light hearted banter....you might upset those poor females with their skirts a few inches below their backsides and their blouses about as low as they will go....I think a lot of the female population need to get over themselves....seems to me they make a huge effort to look attractive then moan when fellas enjoy looking at them......there is no excuse for rape or for embarrassing girls but most of them are quite happy to have a laugh with blokes.....on the "Lorraine" programme in the morning the women are all going on about Poldark taking his shirt ofand fanning themselves with a competition to find the most attractive blokes in underpants....maybe we should all insist on THEM being arrested for outright sexism?....oh no sorry....it only applies one way.

126. Friends of the Ferries
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Description: The song this week is one I wrote back in the day for an organisation called The Friends Of The Ferries....who,as the name suggests,are supporters of our famous ferry service....each year they have a Mersey Cruise which takes you up and down the Mersey and through the dock complex....the song is called Dockland Beauty and describes the sights as you travel through the docks...I also made a DVD of the cruise and this song is featured on it....they still sell the DVD at their various outlets. Prince Harry has suggested awarding all soldiers who put their lives at risk for their country....I couldn't agree more...how about handing out C.B.E.s and knighthoods to someone who actually DOES something for the country instead of SIR Richard Branson...SIR Jimmy Savile...SIR Rolph Harris....and all the government fat cats in their mansions....nice one Harry !!! There has been a lot of publicity regarding drownings on some of our popular beaches...the lack of beach patrols has taken some of the blame but what is needed is more education regarding tides.....when you live in a coastal area you tend to respect the water but a lot of people from inland areas travel to beaches during nice weather and have little idea of the dangers.....warning posters describing the dangers should be on every beach...and perhaps a bit of education on TV? I watched with some disbelief the "training" for when we eventually land on Mars...this was in Hawaii (I think) where future spacemen live in a big tent in their space suits....is it me or is someone havin' a laugh?....and how much is this waste of time costing?....I once had the pleasure of having a pint with Patrick Moore who convinced me to get a telescope and look at the stars ... which I did....but they looked the same...only bigger....my astrological career lasted about 15 minutes. I have been watching repeats of Hi-Di-Hi....and it is still so funny....it really stands the test of time...then again all GOOD comedies do...then I was unfortunate enough to watch the re-make of Are You Being Served...it was as bad as it gets....really bad...in fact pretty unbearable.....the original was good but with the new versions of the characters and the constant canned laughter it was abysmal...and guess what this one was written by the same bloke who writes the script for Benidorm...which explains everything....someone should have a word with Mr.Litton and tell him he aint funny....but he'll probably end up with a knighthood.

127. We're All in this Together!
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Description: .The song I have sent you this week is one of my many local songs about the wonderful area in which I live…which you know well…so you will be able to visualise what I am singing about…it is simply called “If” and points out what you are missing if you aint been there. It’s a track from one of my DVDs so there are pictures to go with it….I think you will enjoy the lyrics. 2.The news this week is about major tax dodgers and our wonderful P.M. has been dragged into it…and totally denies any wrongdoing. What makes me laugh is all this is treated as something NEW….wow!!...all these billionaires don’t give a monkeys about us…now there’s a surprise!!….the problems of the world could be solved by half a dozen of these greedy selfish you-know-whats…wheels within wheels…simple as that…they all look after each other and throw the odd crumb to us lot. 3.On the sporting scene it was good to hear that Nick Blackwell is recovering from his fight with Chris Eubank Junior.I saw the fight which should have been stopped a lot earlier…I feel the problem was they were holding out that Blackwell was “indestructible” which is never the case…I feel sorry for Eubank who was obviously upset… And those big hard tough rugby players are in the news…one of them called another “Gypsy Boy”…OOOOH MATRON……screams of “RACIST”…so now the nanny state has expanded into rugby…they’ll be providing the front row of the scrum with handbags next…it’s pathetic. 4.On the showbiz front I thought we were going to have a break from Ant and Dec now their Saturday show has finished…no chance…they are straight back on Britains Got Talent (which definitely does not apply to them)….perhaps instead of “Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway”….they could have a new programme “Takeaway Ant & Dec”. And The Rolling Stones have got an exhibition of their life on the road…the amazing thing is they have never changed…perhaps it’s because they always looked like they were in their seventies…you gotta love ‘em though….it’s only rock and roll but we love it. 5.Recently received a leaflet through my door extolling the virtues of remaining in the EU…..then I watch the news…and apparently EVERYONE has had one….to the cost of 7.5 million pounds. Is it me or are they having a laugh…if it was April 1st I would understand…..so 7.5 million pounds on paper that most people will throw in the bin….come back Henry the 8th and throw the lot of them in the Tower!!! On a bright note to finish… The Cheshire Cats are about to present a nice cheque to the Claire House Hospice on Wirral….who NEED the money to care for sick kids…money raised by our weekly jam sessions where local musicians give their time FREE….nice to work amongst decent folk….check out our website www.thecheshirecats.co.uk

128. We Are The Rovers
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Description: The song this week is a tribute to Johnny King…the most successful manager of Tranmere Rovers…who sadly died this week. wrote the song in the late seventies when he was manager…with the idea of getting the players to record it…however there weren’t many of the lads who could sing in tune so my version…which was originally the demo…was put out and it was played over the speakers at the home games and on the coaches for the away game……I had the pleasure of visiting Johnny at his home…up until then I had sampled the odd whisky…when I left his house I had sampled a lot more…great guy..sad loss….there is a statue of him outside the ground. On the football front Leicester City are still top of the league and virtually everyone is supporting them….even inJapan…they had a programme on TV where they had sold out of Leicester football shirts in some town in the Far East…..it’s always nice to see the underdog coming through…I hope they win the premiership….and England are in the final of the 20/20 cricket world cup…the slogging one…much better than the drawn out 5– dayers…here we go…here we go…here we go. On the entertainment front Jeremy Kyle has replaced Piers Morgan on the morning breakfast news show….and I hate to admit it but he is very good…much better than Piers…which isn’t hard….I’m amazed Ant and Dec aren’t on there…. And we have had the sad news of the passing away of the great Ronnie Corbett…to me he was a comedy genius and together with Ronnie Barker produced some of the best comedy ever…those were the years when comedy was FUNNY unlike today…they have been showing some of his classic sketches which never date. And also Brian Conley is back in the afternoon with special guests who recall their favourite TV….I am a big fan o fBrian Conley..he is a huge talent which seems to go un-noticed. There has been a programme about our Queen at 90….it wasn’t very exciting as it was basically clips we’ve seen before…it simply displays the ridiculous pomp and ceremony surrounding various events…even the making sure that knives and forks are EXACTLY in the right place at Palace functions…and how much does all this nonsense cost?….I’m sure the homeless are delighted for them. .And finally….our southern shores have been battered by storms of late…100 mph gales…caused by “Storm Katie”….but it is a strange situation as we in the North West got away scot free…missed us completely which makes a change….no doubt the blame will rest firmly on global warming or diesel cars….as SOMETHING has to be blamed.

129. Don's Made it to the Top!
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Description: The song I have sent you this week is about my favourite mountain….I wrote it back in the day for an album I produced for my pal Paul Damian…who sings it. I came up with the inspiration after one of my many climbs up Mount Snowdon in Wales…as it is always the first thing you say when you get there and get your breath back….there are a few different ways up there and I’ve done them all on several occasions…I’ve even put a video about it on Youtube….standing on the top is a wonderful experience with spectacular views. The news this week has been blanket coverage of the terrible terror attacks in Belgium…..we need to know the details of this sort of thing but doubt whether constant repetition of the same pictures and reporting actually helps…and the politicians using the situation to question our membership of the EU etc…it all gets completely out of hand…like most people I’m at the stage where I haven’t a clue as to what is actually going on anymore…all we get is conflicting opinions from publicity seeking politicians…they can’t ALL be right…someone has to be lying. My heart goes out to the poor folk of Belgium who innocently got caught up in all this…I don’t know what the answer is. We discussed him last week .. but let’s take our hats off and salute Eddie Izzard for completing 27 marathons in 27 days…TWO of which were on the last day….in an interview he said he now needs to do one or two a month to keep his fitness up….absolutely incredible…and Kelly Holmes has been on TV…she is making a comeback as a marathon runner…she has been out of the game for seven years when she retired from athletics…I must say I have keenly watched athletics since Roger Bannister ran the 4 minute mile in the 50’s so I have seen a lot..BUT the best race I have ever seen was Kelly Holmes winning a gold in the 800 metres in 2004…sheer guts…I was out of my chair….since then she has done a lot for charity…hence her knighthood. The Sport Relief raised 55 million pounds…let’s hope it all goes to the right place. Ladies tennis hit the headlines this week….some official had to resign after making sexist comments about the ladies…and as we know sexism is a one way street…as the “Loose Women” programme illustrates…they can say what they like and that’s O.K….this guy said ladies tennis has been hanging on the shirt tails of mens tennis for years…and Jocovich has added the men should get more money than the women….so all the girls are up in arms led by the Williams sisters. The answer is simple…make the women play best of 5 sets instead of three…on second thoughts I don’t think I could stand more than three sets….I remember Pat Cash saying that people would rather watch him knocking up than watch a ladies tennis match…couldn’t agree more….it’s like saying anyone who works three days should get the same as someone who works five. It’s time the ladies got over themselves…I wish them every success with their football,rugby and cricket but it aint for me…or most people…which is shown by the attendances….good job I don’t work in sport eh? Bear Grylls has a programme on TV called “Mission Survive” which is another one of those accidents waiting to happen….the whole thing is really a platform to show how tough Bear is.”look at me…I’m so macho”…he puts celebs through a series of survival tasks which could have serious consequences if they go wrong….I can’t really see the point….are these celebs that hard up? I gave up on it half way through the second episode…there should be a doctor on hand to see if the contestants actually have a brain........….and great news!!!...Britains Got Talent is coming back….hosted by Ant and Dec….this will follow Saturday Night Takeaway featuring Ant and Dec…after all this we’ll have I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here…hosted by Ant and Dec….I keep expecting the pair of them to turn up in the back of my car….is there no escape? If nothing else they prove that you can make a fortune with no talent whatsoever…they should form a trio with Cheryl Cole.

130. Ant and Dec's Biggest Fan?
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Description: he song I have sent you this week is a tribute to my all time favourite rock and roller…Ricky Nelson….I have always been a massive fan of him and his songs and his wonderful guitarist James Burton…I have utilised titles from Ricky’s records and set them to the “Poor Little Fool” combination of chords which have been used in many pop songs…it tells the story of how his love songs helped heal our broken hearts when we had just been back heeled by a love of our life in school. ... Speaking of James Burton he is coming over again in July….along with Glen D. Hardin….pianist with The Crickets and many others. Again I’m involved which is always nice…Marty Wilde and The Merseybeats are also on the bill along with skiffler Chas McDevitt. I’m doing a spot on the Floral Pavilion with James and Glen backed by a great local band called “The Shakers” and The Passionettes female backing group who I love….so it should be fun. I’ve never worked with Glen D. but he has backed Jerry Lee and Roy Orbison with James so I’ll be thinking along those lines for my spot….rock and roll !!! I’ve worked with James on several occasions…great guitarist…great guy. ..We talked about my pal wrestler Adrian Street last week…there is a nice tale about him….before I knew him I remember him having a wrestling match with Jimmy Savile….after we had became friends I asked him about it…he was supposed to wrestle a guy who had been injured so the fight was called off and in his place the promoter decided to replace him with Savile…Adrian was NOT amused..especially as he was told not to take Savile lightly as he was SAS trained….the fight went on much to the annoyance of Adrian who proceeded to throw Savile around the ring by his hair…and really inflict some serious pain on him…Adrians wife described the bout as an angry wolf chasing a frightened rabbit…Savile ended up in hospital and never wrestled again. Another spacecraft is off on it’s way to Mars….it has been successfully launched …I’m sure much to the delight of the homeless and lower paid....I’ve said it before but I still fail to see the point of all this space business….and how much is it all costing?...the powers that be just carry on without asking anyone or mentioning the cost…next thing will be more cuts in the NHS and the police etc….because there is no money…..I doubt if 99.9% of the population care less whether there is life up there..As long as the half dozen boffins who are involved are happy jumping up and down and patting each other on the back….that’s O.K. then. I would be a bit more supportive if they sent Ant and Dec up there…..one way. ...on the showbiz front I thought Jo Brand did amazingly well walking 20 miles a day from coast to coast….in horrendous weather….raised a lot for charity…great stuff…and Michael Crawford is making a comeback for Sports Relief…he was interviewed on The One Show and looks incredible…he is 74!!....and what a nice bloke…I think he once lived in Hoylake. And I think Saturday night TV has lost the plot….”The Voice” is dreadful (the beeb will be well rid of it)…and Ant and Dec’s Takeaway is as bad as it gets..they are never off the screen even when they have guests….and they copy routines originally done by Morecambe and Wise…who,lets face it,were the REAL deal.... …and as for Jonathan Ross…oh dear.

131. Goodbye Sir George the 5th Beatle
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Description: .In life certain things come back to haunt you….the song I have sent you this week in an example. It is a track off an album I wrote and produced for wrestler Adrian Street back in the 80’s which sold very well along with a few singles I did for him (two of which actually made MTV in the States). The album was called “Shake Wrestle and Roll” and was on vinyl….just when I thought it was safe to go back into the water it has suddenly reared it’s head again….with TWO record companies wanting to re- release it….one company in this country and one in the States. Four of the songs were featured in a film called “Grunt-The Wrestling Movie” which aint bad for something we did in my attic studio..plus the fact that Adrian aint no singer (but don’t tell him I said that) .I must say I was well impressed by the record breaking row across the Atlantic by our wonderful ladies….it really was a fantastic achievement and I can only salute them. I doubt if people realise how violent the sea can get…bad enough on a giant cruise ship…they should be knighted…And hats off to the designer of the boat which withstood everything that was thrown at them. .I’ve just about had enough of Piers Morgan on Breakfast TV….I would watch BBC but they only seems to cover a selection of grave illnesses and health issues…no thanks….so I’m stuck with Piers….when will presenters stop asking stupid questions….for example “How did it feel winning 6 million on the lottery?”….or “How did you feel when you found your house had burned down?”…etc….for heaven’s sake…IT’S OBVIOUS HOW THEY FEEL!!!….and whenever they have a statement from a politician he is always trying to make an argument out of it all….I feel sorry for Susannah Reid who is obviously fed up with him…like the rest of us…..it’s only a shame it wasn’t HIM that Jeremy Clarkson punched….that would have made good viewing. Very sad news about the death of Sir George Martin…I have always admired him and as far as I’m concerned it was because of his musical prowess The Beatles were so successful…which I feel is somewhat overlooked….the success of songs like ”Eleanor Rigby”…”Yesterday”,,,”Please Please Me” and many more were down to him. When a group of guys who don’t read music have a bloke like him on board you can’t lose….he was a genius. .Next week we have “Sport Relief” on ITV….where celebs and sports personalities raise money for charity….I’ve been contacted by the organisers who want to use my song “How To Say Llanfair PG”” in the programme next Friday night….so rock on….simply displays the power of the internet….little did I know that when I came up with the song over a cup of coffee thirty years ago that it would still be popular now. I’ve always said there in no time limit on a song….it finds it’s own way through life.

132. Bring on the Wellies!
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Description: The song I’ve sent you this week is one you will relate to as you know the subject well “Song of Anglesey” sung by my pal Paul Damian…although it is now on a CD album it was originally the B side of my now viral “How To Say Llanfairpwll….etc”….so in effect it sold just a many…which was a lot….the long word song is approaching a million hits on YouTube. I wrote quite a few songs for Paul and my one regret is I never kept the outtakes….I don’t know whose language was worse…his or mine…..great days…Paul now lives in Spain and I miss him a lot. 2.There is an obesity crisis in this country…or so we keep getting told on the news…along with an increase in dementure….and lung problems with fuel emissions…etc…etc….I’m beginning to wonder whether there is anyone who is actually well out there…..perhaps if people didn’t smoke they wouldn’t have lung problems and if they got off their mobile phones and did some exercise they wouldn’t be obese…or am I over simplifying things….or perhaps if the news was a bit more positive it might help instead of doom and gloom. The latest is they want to ban “tackling” in school rugby….in case the poor little chaps get hurt…so that looks like the end of future top class rugby for this country? We only need 30 minutes of news but we get 24 hours…thus we have 23 and a half hours of padding. 3.We have chosen our song entry for the Eurovision…..Joe and Jake are flying the flag….I watched the other contenders and theirs was by far the best and I think the girls will like them so there is a possibility we will get more than nil pwa this year…..I can’t remember the name of the song … oops…but it was quite good. Apparently the two lads are off the The Voice…so Mr.Cowell wonthave a finger in the pie for a change. I must say I watch the Eurovision and I enjoy it…even though I wish I didn’t. It was amazing…Ant and Dec weren’t involved!!!....can’t understand it….they are NEVER off our screens!!!....perhaps they should take a well earned holiday (couple of years?) and give us all a rest…we deserve it. They are even on the adverts..so there is NO escape. 4.I also watched the Academy Awards….is there some sort of controversy about the lack of black nominees?....er….I think so as they have been going on and on about it for months!! I must say that Chris Rock was brilliant…I am a huge fan of his and think he is one of the best comedians around. I always think it’s all a bit too glamorous and out dated for todays market….and fail to see the point…what do I care if Joe Bloggs wins an award…doesn’t effect ME in the slightest….I think the money could be better spent elsewhere. 5.There is a new programme on TV featuring Julia Bradberry doing Lake District walks…it’s great stuff especially as I recognise the places having walked there myself…plus Julia is very easy on the eye…and Griff Rhys Jones did a similar programme wandering around Wales…I particularly enjoyed the feature on Anglesey as I have walked around the whole island over the years. This sort of programme is of interest to everyone (or should be)….instead of being bombarded with idiots having tattoos removed or cosmetic surgery on their fat out of shape bodies…I can’t imagine anyone watching that garbage…but there you go.

133. All Steamed Up!
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Description: The song I have sent you this week is one that got away….it was an idea I came up with a long time ago while wandering through Liverpool…I was so impressed by some of the buskers…especially those in the subways where they get natural amplification and reverb…. And ”Subway Songman” was born…these guys play to an ever changing audience of thousands and most of them are better than most so called “stars”….the words say it all…I never did much with it so it stayed in my drawer until now….I might re-incarnate it. The Jimmy Savile scandal rolls on and is filling the news…..the BBC are taking a lot of stick over this…quite rightly so…and Tony Blackburn has been sacked over some past indescretion…I understand it to be not giving correct evidence in times past….in other words obstruction…I think a few more heads will roll on this one…..what seems to be overlooked is the amount of money Savile raised for charity…not that this is any sort of excuse but this was probably the reason for the cover up. I always regarded him as a complete talentless buffoon but obviously if he was of financial benefit blind eyes must have been turned ….I must say it is all quite riveting …I wonder who will be next…I bet there are a few knees knocking. I’ve just got back from a few days in The Lakes…the weather was great…frosty with clear skies…perfect for walking…on the way back down the M6 motorway as usual cars were hurtling past at ridiculous speeds despite the zero temperature and warning of ice on roads….then on the radio comes a report stating that there’s been a record number of speeding prosecutions involving cars travelling at over 100 mph…what I fail to understand is why the law doesn’t come down big time on these idiots….fine them thousands of pounds and ban them for life…problem solved….but you will naturally still get the brainless moron who continues to totally disregard the law…AND the human rights brigade must not be offended of course….God forbid…Or why not re-direct some of the money spent on sending some bloke into space to do summersaults and fill the motorway with speed cameras?…they would soon make the money back. Other news items have included Richard Branson’s replacement rocket ship which he intends to take people 60 miles above the Earth…despite the first one crashing and killing the pilot….is it me or is there any point to all this?…I’m sure it will be a wonderful experience for the passengers but personally I think they should all be declared insane. And the Flying Scotsman has made its first trip since its 10 year makeover…from London to York…£450 a ticket…and it has caused such a stir that it had to stop because over enthusiastic trainspotters strayed on to the line….words fail me…and one chap set his camera up to capture it going past only to have the historic event blocked by a Virgin train going the other way….priceless…as I said the other week we did an item on it about 12 years ago when I worked on Radio Merseyside…it was on display in Llangollen and we interviewed the driver on the footplate…it was HOT…very HOT!! I watched The Brits on TV last Wednesday….it was on the cards that Adele would clean up…which she did….she deserves her superstardom although I’m not a fan….couldn’t see the point of Ant and Dec and neither could anyone else by the look of the audience….and what was Alan Carr doing there?….I thought for a minute he was going to sing….I was just about to leave town!!…his squawking voice is enough…and isn’t it about musicians?…the highlight was the Bowie tribute….absolutely fabulous band and a classic performance from the young lady called “Lord”….I thought it was sensational and totally stole the show. And there has been some very bad news….”Benidorm” is set for ANOTHER series….roll up all you has beens for your free holiday in Espana.

134. Adrian Street-The Wrestler and much more....
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Description: The song I have sent you this week is one I wrote for my pal… wrestler Adrian Street….he used to enter the ring to it….”Imagine What I Could Do To You” Back in the day I took it down to RCA Records along with other stuff and was told it was possibly the worst record in the history of music (probably is)…however it ended up on MTV in America and in a movie called “Grunt”. At the time I put the quote from RCA on the sleeve along with a health warning…..I included this on an album I produced for Adrian…which has recently surfaced again and two record companies want to release it on blue vinyl…so take that RCA !! 2.Every week we have a jam session at a local venue where we raise money for sick kids charities…www.thecheshirecats.co.uk …this week we had a special guest in the shape of legendary songwriter Barry Mason. He sang a selection of his hits and told the story behind them … including Delilah…The Last Waltz…Bicyclettes de Belsize….and others by Tom Jones..Englebert…Des O’Connor and the Drifters etc….I put a band together to back him and we put a LOT of work in…and with only one rehearsal with Barry we stormed the place which was packed to the rafters. It was a great night and nice of the man to help our fundraising…and he looks incredible for his age. 3.There is a programme on TV called “The Jump” where celebs are trained to race down toboggan runs and carry out ski jumps…I’ve always thought this was an accident waiting to happen and it has….Olympian Beth Tweddle ended up with a broken neck and is still in hospital and there were several other injuries…I remember last year Mike Tyndall came a cropper on the ski jump and was very lucky not to do some serious damage to himself…the fact that he is a rugby player built like a brick outhouse probably helped. We all like to see celebs making fools of themselves but we don’t want to see them getting injured….can’t see the show lasting. 4.There has been quite a bit of news coverage on the big walkout by the fans at a Liverpool game….the club were going to raise the price of front seats to £77 each…..but have since backed down…which means they didn’t need to do it in the first place….oh sorry…I forgot about GREED!!!!...they are having a laugh….they could let the fans in free and STILL make a fortune….mind you anyone who pays silly prices to watch a football match needs help…..these club owners couldn’t give a monkeys for the fans. 5.The Flying Scotsman has been put back into service after ten years of repairwork…it is a fabulous piece of machinery and is highly respected all over the world…and…wait for it…I have been on the footplate…it was about 11 years ago when I worked with Monty Lister on Radio Merseyside…he was mad keen on locomotives so we did a programme on this famous train when it was on display in Llangollen…we interviewed the driver and I remember it being VERY hot in there…..our outings took us all over the place and I have even flown in a second world war plane (the name of which escapes me)…and been in an igloo in Norway…to name a few….great days.

135. That's Rock n Roll
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Description: The song I’ve sent you this week is one I wrote for David Alexander back in the day….it’s close to the anniversary of his sad passing…and I know he was very popular in Spain. It is called “Let’s Keep It Simple” which he recorded and put it on his album celebrating his marriage to Penny Page…..I wrote a pot of stuff for them both…including the title track of the album…great guy..I miss him. It’s been a busy week….top of the range songwriter Barry Mason is coming to do a show at our weekly Cheshirecats rock and roll nights which we put on every Wednesday. I’ve put a band together to back him consisting of Derek Green on bass (ex Del Renas)….Tony Cavanagh on drums…myself on guitar and a young genius called Paul Rowbottom on keyboards…because Barry sings in some very strange keys and we are working with songs arranged by the great Les Reed it is a major challenge to say the least …so we have been rehearsing and we’re getting there….should be a great show and a feather in the cap of our organisation. And this week it was nice to see Lee Curtis who brought his band along and Brian “Griff” Griffiths of The Big Three turned up (he’s on holiday from the States) and did a spot…so it’s all happening at the moment. Also on the music scene I read in the paper that Van Morrison has been knighted…I know the guy is a great musician and has a big following but…knighted? I like his music but he’s got no stage personality….so you may as well sit at home and listen to one of his CDs…..I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again …when is Ken Dodd going to receive his knighthood?…he has to be the greatest entertainer in history…and has given so much to show business….I don’t know how they come up with the names….(I wont mention Sir Jimmy Savile…and Sir Rolph Harris) There’s been a lot of complaints about parents parking outside schools when dropping their children off…it has been suggested by some empy headed politician that the teachers should be given the power to slap a parking ticket on offending cars….oh!…that’s a good idea…that will go a long way to help teacher parent relations….most people are fine but you’ll always get the odd one who doesn’t consider anyone but their stupid selves…that’s a given…not to mention the aggression which the teachers are not paid to endure. On top of all this a head teacher was interviewed on breakfast TV by the unbearable Piers Morgan who was asking really intelligent questions like “Are you happy to make disabled people have to park some distance away and have to struggle to get their kids into school”…which is about the level of Mr.Morgan’s intelligence….the whole point is to prevent the loss of life of a youngster….it only takes some fool in a hurry to back over a kid then everyone will jump on that bandwagon. A possible answer would be to have a proper contract drawn up with the rules and regulations of the school which the parents must sign….if parents break the rules they are in breach of contract. I had to laugh at a documentary on BBC4 about the rock band Uriah Heap….two of the original members were reminiscing about the old days…so funny. They said they were travelling first class everywhere and throwing big parties and didn’t realise that it was coming out of THEIR money….they made an album called “High and Mighty and decided to promote it with a photo session in the revolving restaurant at the top of a mountain in Switzerland (the one in the James Bond film) and invited the press to come along and enjoy the “free” travel and booze…when they got to the photo session a fight broke out amongst the band members so there was no photo session….now THIS is rock and roll. That’s what these young hopefuls don’t realise….the record companies give you nothing…it’s YOUR money you are blowing.

136. Don's Doo Wop Days
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Description: The song I have sent you this week is called “DooWop Days” and reminds us of the vocal groups past and present who produce this great style of music. It began in the States with street corner groups singing acapella and progressed into the rock and roll scene….it is similar to a rocky version of “barbershop”….it is a style I have always liked with those wonderful multi voice arrangements…..I’ve sent it because this week I got an Email from a guy called George Galfo who is the only original surviving member of The Mystics and thanked me for including his band in the song. The Mystics had a massive hit in the 50’s with a song called “Hushabye” which is still one of my favourites to this day…so much so I include their riff at the end of the song….the group are still performing and he told me they are soon off to Italy to do a DooWop concert……..that’s the power of the internet and it made my day. And I’d like to say hello to my mate Stevie Davies who plays bass and sings at our wednesday night jam sessions…great player and singer and great guy…and listens in. 2.Still on the music scene I’m not a massive fan of rap but I do like the visual of some of these guys….I saw P.Diddy on a chat show and he was undoubtedly the coolest dude I have ever seen. Last week Ice Cube was on The Graham Norton Show and was asked what he thought of the boycott of the Oscars by black actors….he said he couldn’t care less as he performs to his fans and it is immaterial what some so called academy thinks…and added that some of these stars need to get over themselves…..cool or what !!!....now THIS is sense !! Before they all scream “racist” maybe…just maybe…there are better actors than them? 3.There is a major scam going on in this country whereby cars deliberately stop and let the one behind crash into them…thus creating claims for whiplash etc….even BUSES are in on it. To me the answer is quite simple…false claims should receive a jail sentence…it’s fraud…simple as that….and anyone involved in the organisation of these scams should be jailed and receive a life ban from driving. ….including SOLICITORS who are a scab on society…..having said that if you drive safely you should leave enough room to slow down before going into the back of someone. A guy went into the back of me a few years back…..he hit my towbar and wrote the front of his car off….mine had no damage at all… so I helped him get out of the traffic and called it a day….I didn’t claim whiplash because I didn’t have it and I am not a lying grabbing piece of low life….the chap called at my house a week later with a bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine. 4.Also the media make matters worse with their one sided reporting…they had a feature regarding a lady who was “sitting at the traffic lights” and decided to peel a banana…she was seen by an unmarked police car and fined “£140” for not being in control of the vehicle…they had the lady in the studio who said she was actually moving but still in first gear…and had she not pleaded guilty it could have cost her over a grand. SHE WAS DRIVING WITH BOTH HANDS OFF THE WHEEL!!!..the moaners and wingers would be the first to complain if one of their family had been injured on their pushbike by someone peeling a banana If this is national news it’s time to call it a day. 5.I did a bit of baby sitting for my son last weekend and he sorted us out with “Jurassic Park”…..in 3D!!....it was unbelievable….more so in that it hadn’t originally been made in 3D….it was all done with modern technology….put the glasses on and there you are standing next to Sir Richard Attenborough…..it does make you wonder how far technology is yet to advance….

137. A new planet-WOW!
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Description: The song I have sent you this week is taken from one of my DVDs so there are pictures to go with it…pictures you will see in your mind’s eye as you are one of us. Easy to sing about as it is such a great place to live. They have found a “new” planet in our solar system….it’s so far away you can’t actually SEE it and it my not ACTUALLY be there…but by all accounts this is very exciting. Now…is it me or is all this space stuff a complete waste of money…we are told that children are starving and there is not enough money to pay the doctors…then we watch a guy doing sommersaults in a spaceship…not to mention the thing that landed on a comet as the batteries went flat…what happened to that?…plus we have been informed that the richest men in the worlds form 1% of the population and their wealth is equal to the rest of us…the whole thing is a joke. There looks like there’s been a bit of naughtiness in the Tennis fraternity….match fixing indeed….I don’t know why everyone is so surprised…where there’s gambling and money involved you will get scullduggery…tennis is probably the easiest game to fix because pros can hit a ball to within 6 inches of where they want it to go…so if someone has got a few grand on who will double fault first…no problem. It’s a tricky one to trace….but I feel sport has lost it’s way…even the Olympics are getting boring….Tennis has lost it’s characters like Nastase…Connors…McEnroe etc…now we have Andy Murray who is about as interesting as astrology ….and Jocavic…great as he is…not much entertainment value….or am I just getting old? They had a get together at Fort Perch Rock last Sunday in memory of Harry Prytherch who was a Merseybeat drummer with The Remo Four and did a lot to keep the music alive. It was well attended and they had a couple of solo acts and a couple of bands…I got up with one of the bands and did a few Rick Nelson songs as Harry once MC’d a show I did with James Burton. It was a a nice afternoon anf harry would have been delighted with it…in the words of Harry “May the Fort be with you”. .Great news for our fundraising Wednesdays with The Cheshire Cats….Barry Mason no less has offered to come and do a show for us….he will sing the million seller hits he has written and talk about how they came about…I have been dotting out his set in the strange keys he sings in and have got a band together to back him…I’ll be playing guitar. His hits include “Delilah”…”The Last Waltz”…”Bicyclettes de Belsize”….hits for the Drifters …Tom Jones and Englebert…etc…….it’s a big ask but a nice challenge

138. Is there life on Mars?
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Description: The song I have sent you this week is entitled “Wirral Wonderland” and is a track off one of my DVDs about the area….which you will be familiar with. I mostly send you demos of my songs but this is a finished job…I think you’ll like it….it goes well when matched up with the video. David Bowie has been heavily featured in the news…a sad loss indeed but whether it warrants blanket coverage on the national news is debateable…although he was a one-off…I was totally inspired by him when I first heard the ZiggyStardust album through headphones in 1969…it revolutionised recording techniques …brilliant…he started out as a sax player…my wife worked with a guy who sessioned on his records…a chap called Brian Wilshaw who became a music teacher…how cool is he….he certainly altered the path of popular music. The entertainment level of TV is gradually sinking to an all time low…I watched an episode from the new series of “Open All Hours” with David Jason playing the main character…how can someone of his status be involved in a dreadful sitcom like this…not only is it totally unfunny the canned laughter every 10 seconds is so irritating….surely Mr.Jason can see this? BUT….NOTHING can be worse than the new series of “Benidorm” which I watched out of interest thinking it can only be better than the last series which was diabolical….it wasn’t…in fact it was worse if that is possible….it has to be the WORST programme ever…it’s like a scrap heap for third-rate actors….an insult to any normal person’s intelligence….the cast MUST be short of money…. I also watched the new Tracy Ullman Show expecting good things….oops another dud. .It strikes me that modern television mainly caters for a very small percentage of the population….they put snooker on ALL afternoon….football matches at prime time .. and even had the FA Cup draw live on The One Show….as it happens I like sport but if you don’t your nose is pushed right out of the picture…I don’t understand why they can’t have a free sports channel?…then all the housewives can enjoy an evening in front of the box. The TV companies should realise that sport isn’t for everyone….and speaking of which I have yet to see the point of “Question Of Sport”….hard to believe that the charismaless “Tuffers” and Mat Dawson actually get paid for this none event….what was that song by Springsteen “100 channels with nothing on”. .A bit of local history for you….there is a small hamlet (which is a village without a church for your interest) calledSaughall Massie which is near the centre of Wirral (you will know it well)…on its outskirts is a small stone bridge which takes traffic over a narrow brook….this was designed by a chap called Thomas Brassey who is responsible for a great percentage of bridges and viaducts all over the world….this little bridge was his first venture…and there is a plaque at the side of it in his honour….another Wirral World First !!!…and that’s why I write songs about it.

139. The Price of Fame
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Description: The song I’ve sent you this week was from my more “commercial” era (lol)…..it’s sung by a friend of mine called Sue Young who had a great voice … she did the clubs as well but had a superb session voice…I used to call her “One Take” Sue…..I used to have a demo service where people would send me their songs in rough form (sometimes just a voice) and I would knock them into shape for them to send to publishers…and Sue would sing the female parts…she would have a couple of listens then hit it in one go…she was wonderful to work with.This was a song I wrote for her….we got radio play which gave her some publicity and some extra gigs. I used to use a few session girls singers…one being Pauline Daniels and another Julie Bright…these were the days before the modern trend of females shouting and yelling out songs and destroying them. I watched a programme called “Brucie’s Hall of Fame”….which was supposed to be presented by Bruce Forsyth…but as he’s not well his place was taken by Alexander Armstrong (who we talked about the other week)….he had artists on who were paying tribute to the stars they were inspired by….a good idea but sadly it didn’t come off at all…..Beverly Knight paid tribute to Sam Cooke with a yelling session…I like her very much but I think she is a bit misguided vocal wise…and other acts which were pretty bad…then I had to endure Alexander (who now fancies himself as a singer…which he aint) launching into some swing song slipping out of pitch on occasions…awful…BUT finished with a bigshouty note and got a standing ovation…so what do I know? .At the other end of the spectrum I finally finished watching “The Tudors” which I have on a box set….there are four series covering the reign of Henry V111 and was the best thing I have ever seen. It was brilliant and wonderfully acted and produced….I am now an authority on Henry….up until then I always thought that Henry the eighth was the bloke who invented fractions (gerrit?) What makes this series so good is it is TRUE….you couldn’t make it up…what a bloke he was….not one to upset. … on the history front this will interest you if you didn’t know….I was taking a stroll around Woodside in Birkenhead (which is where I took the photograph I sent you of the newly painted ferry boat)…the area has been totally renovated over the last few years and gives a wonderful different angle on The Mersey….I came across a plaque concerning the HMS Birkenhead which was built locally and was the first ship to come to a disastrous end….it hit rocks and the hull was split open…as there weren’t enough lifeboats the women and children were taken off first…this became known as “The Birkenhead Drill” and was used on the Titanic disaster years later…”women and children first”. I watched a programme about The Prince’s Trust where Ant and Dec interviewed Prince Charles and accompanied him on some of his charity missions.I thought The Prince came over very well and his organisation certainly does a lot of good. I must say I smiled at his visit to a prison where he spoke to three inmates….handpicked or what? No matter what you think of Chaz and his “privileged” life I must say I couldn’t think of anything worse….to be constantly hounded by people who either grovel or despise you must be awful…and there is no escape…fame always comes with a price…had John Lennon not been a Beatle he would have lived twice as long….fame – no thanks.

140. Happy New Year from Don and Vince
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Description: The song this week is a demo I found in the drawer which I had forgotten about….it’s called “Nosey Parker” and was a song I wrote for The Krankies a while back….it was for their panto where Janette played Pinocchio and sang it in the show….I remember her saying how they laughed at the way I sang “church”…and “perch”. I have written a lot of songs for them over the years but I have only seen them do one live….it was for a show in Blackpool where she wanted a mickey take of “I’m a Barbie Girl”….I came up with “I’m a boobie Girl”…which involved Jan coming on with these enormous inflatable boobs which went bigger and bigger as the song went on…it was hilarious. The floods have been unbelievable in Cumbria….people losing everything… I’m wondering whether all those countries we send money to will be having a collection for these poor folk….I very much doubt it. People have to place their belongings outside their property so the insurers can check….and there have been reports of some of it being stolen by organised looters … some really nice people around eh? One man was moving his furniture out and left his sons wheelchair on the pavement…and it was stolen by a passing car…even if you catch this scum they will probably get away with a warning….they should string them up in the street and hand out baseball bats.. Also in the Midlands there have been workers trying to get the power back into the town and…wait for it….parking attendants are slapping tickets on there cars while they are working…great stuff eh? I’m all for legal parking but when roads are under 4 feet of water I think a little bit of common sense is required…..the council however are apparently panicking to waive the fines…out of embarrassment….problem is you give a moron a bit of power and it goes to their head. I went over to Liverpool last Tuesday afternoon and the place was buzzing…..the atmosphere was electric….there were groups busking in the streets….top quality stuff too…and there’s even an outdoor ice rink down by Albert Dock….I met up with a pal of mine and we went for a pint and a bite to eat in The Pumphouse in Albert Dock…which you will know…and the value was top notch…hence the place was full. It’s nice to see the City doing so well…it’s a pleasure to go there. A few years back I decided to finish gigging…after my 50th consecutive new years eve bash….so going out is no longer an option….nice meal…bottle of wine … and a bit of telly. Looking back to the days when my band played from 8 til 2 in the morning I shudder. I watched the fireworks on TV at midnight … I wondered how much that lot cost?....and how about the high rise in Dubai going up in flames?...what is it made of balsa wood?

141. Don Woods and James Burton
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Description: The song I’ve sent you is a live recording of part of a concert I did a few years back with James Burton at the Floral Pavilion New Brighton….James was the guitarist on Ricky Nelson’s records in the 50’s and early 60’s and backed Elvis during his Vegas years…I was a huge fan of Ricky mainly because of the great guitar solos on his records .. so to eventually have the privilege of performing his songs with my guitar hero was a bit special…I have since done five concerts with the great man the latest being last July at Fort Perch Rock in New Brighton where we did 14 Ricky hits with those stunning solos….he is a great guy and a pleasure to know….this is “Hello Mary Lou” 2.The BBC have brought back the chat show where Claire Balding interviews sports personalities….sadly it doesn’t work….whereas I like Claire Balding very much she struggles to get any entertainment value out of her guests…sports stars are not showbiz….they should stick to what they do…it’s like those dreadful records footballers used to make (e.g. “Hoddle and Waddle)…they should not be let within a mile of a recording studio….they would have enough to say if Tom Jones turned out on the wing. I once composed a song for Tranmere Rovers…we got the players into the studio to sing it … resulting in MY demo being released….case closed. 3.I also watched the live performance of “The Sound Of Music” on ITV….it was brilliant…and LIVE!!...tough call that one…I think this will get plenty of awards…and I also enjoyed the documentary on the “Take That” tour….I was knocked out….the amount of effort put into the show was staggering….they certainly set the bar very high. Take That are an out fit I don’t want to like….but I can’t help it. 4.There has been a spate of programmes looking back at the sixties and seventies TV….and how un P.C. it all was….this was before the P.C.Brigade rose up and killed entertainment….I accept that through young eyes some of the antics on these programmes must seem pretty unbelievable but what is annoying is the likes of Biggins and some of the older female presenters looking totally shocked when watching it….they were there!!!...what’s the big surprise?..... Having said this we still have some funny comedians…Peter Kay being one of them…there was a great documentary on him the other night…he is very clever. Then at the other end of the spectrum we have John Bishop with his own show….oh dear. 5.I used to video the annual nativity for a primary school where my son was a teacher….and one year it featured two little 8 year old girls playing their violins…it was so bad I suggested to the parents that I send the clip to You’ve Been Framed….it was accepted and was featured on the Christmas special….we were invited to go along to the show and meet Lisa Riley etc….so the parents took their kids and I went with my wife…I got 250 quid which I split with the two kids….and I told them “no matter what road you take in life you can always say you played your violins on TV on Christmas day…AND GOT PAID FOR IT!!...and not many people can say that”……I wonder what happened to them?

142. Christmas and Sir Ken Dodd
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Description: To round off the Christmas play I have sent you two of the remaining songs….”Santa’s Song” and “In Me Christmas Stockin’”…..we have reached the stage where after our main hero Jimmy who doesn’t believe in Father Xmas wakes up on Xmas morning with no presents thus,to his mind,proving his point so he wanders round to his pals house to let him know he is right…meeting the milkman and the postman on the way…neither of whom can convince him he is wrong….he arrives at his mate’s to find him with all his presents….his pal then takes him down the road where Santa is just about to take off for home….he recognises Jimmy and tells him “if you don’t believe …you don’t get”….Jimmy apologises but Santa tells him it’s too late…he’ll have to wait til next year…Santa then sings his song explaining that it’s not just a once a year job.(Santa was played by my mate Carl Chase who can be seen in films like “The Mummy” and “Cut Throat Island”)….Jimmy is shattered….then suddenly he finds himself in his bedroom….he had been dreaming after all…AND he had a stack of presents….and his mum says she found a note on his pillow “I decided to make one more stop”…so WAS it in fact a dream?....the play finishes with Jimmy singing “In Me Xmas Stockin’”….. The play was broadcast by Radio City on two consecutive Christmas’s and was nominated for a Sony Award….it was taken up by many schools in the area which resulted in me writing two more follow ups. 2.I watched a programme on Ken Dodd…what an incredible man….to me he is the greatest entertainer the world has ever produced. Considering his age he is still at the top of his game….his contribution to show business is mammoth….and yet the powers that be have never awarded him a knighthood which he thoroughly deserves…maybe he is too funny (unlike the comedians of today) or maybe they are too busy awarding knighthoods to the likes of Jimmy Savile and Rolph Harris…to me he will always be SIR Ken Dodd. ….nowadays we have to put up with the likes of “Chattyman” Alan Carr squawking away with his unfunny gay inuendo 3.I read an article which made me smile….apparently Janette Tough who is Jimmy Krankie is to have a part in the “Absolutely Fabulous” film with Joanna Lumley and co doing their bit…Janette plays a Chinaman….but because her face is painted YELLOW…GOD FORBID…there have been screams of “RACIST!””….have you ever heard such absolute tripe…this P.C. lot need to get over themselves before they destroy comedy once and for all…it’s pathetic…it HUMOUR for heaven’s sake…..might as well cancel all pantos before some moron decides the dame is homophobic. Janette and Ian are friends of mine and they are a delightful couple who haven’t got a racist bone in their bodies….time some of our population got real. 4.On a similar subject…when you see these wonderful school Christmas plays and nativities what you are seeing a is a collection of young human beings who see each other as equal…there is no hatred no jealousy etc….the problem with the world today is the poison put into these innocent minds by parents who want to live through their kids. We go on about how kids should be taught when in fact they could teach us a lesson or two….maybe one day the world will see this. 5.We have had some very strange weather in this country lately….14 – 16 degrees in DECEMBER….warmest since records began…maybe I misheard our wonderful TV forecasters back in September when we were warned of temperatures of MINUS 30 degrees on their way…pretty close eh?...how much are these “experts” on again?....it’s very strange when blossoms are appearing on trees and daffodils are sprouting….personally I prefer the standard winter with a bite in the air. Had a stroll around the Chester wall this week…extremely quiet…I thought the shops would be heaving…not so…very strange….but very nice.

143. Still Not Believing......
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Description: The song this week is the continuing saga of the musical I wrote for Radio City back in the 80s. So up to now Jimmy,who doesn’t believe in Father Christmas,wakes up to find he’s got no presents….so he sings “There’s No Santa Claus” (which you played a couple of weeks ago)…he then hot foots it around to his mate’s house to prove his point…on the way he meets the milkman who tries to convince him he’s wrong and sings “If you don’t believe in Father Christmas” (which you played last week)…he then continues on his way and bumps into the postman…played by the late Joe Butler….who sings this lament “Letter Box Blues”….the demo is very basic as a lot of schools wanted to do the play so I arranged the songs to suit a single piano. The Lake District has taken a hammering with the recent storms and floods….I was up in Kendal last week….just got out in time. As usual there HAS to be someone to blame….if it’s not the Government for not spending out on flood defences it’s climate change….next it’ll be diesel cars polluting the atmosphere…..there doesn’t seem to be an answer….the locals don’t want the flood barriers too high because it will effect their view …so where do you go….what seems to be lacking is the safety side of it….people wandering down flooded streets should have a stick or a branch to make sure they are not going to step down a grid and break their leg….but I do feel sorry for the locals…what a mess. Tyson Fury has upset the applecart with his comments about women and gays….I don’t know why these guys don’t just sit back and enjoy being champion of the world and keep their mouths shut….his father was bawling and shouting at an interview saying people should now bow down to him….it’s all a question of intellect I suppose…he is heavyweight champion of the world (at the moment)….don’t spoil it all by trying to be funny and clever….there’s a move afoot to remove him from Sportsman of the Year – might teach him a lesson. I remember when Daley Thompson won it and got up to make his speech and said an unnecessary rude word…and quickly corrected himself….obviously to amuse his mates….didn’t see a lot more of him after that…silly boy. There has also been a news report about football refs being verbally and physically abused by fans and players….it’s disgraceful….when you compare it with rugby…talk back to the ref and you are off!!...why can’t they do this with football….. perfectly describes the difference in mentality….the football fraternity are too busy shovelling money into their bank accounts….. and footballers are getting a bit too big for their boots….so to speak……they should learn to respect those who put them where they are. watched the Royal Command Performance during a baby sitting session….so there was no escape….OH DEAR. I thought One Direction were about as exciting as watching archery….and the comedians proved that comedy is DEAD and BURIED…..Jeff Lynne stole the show…which wasn’t difficult as the rest of it was awful…definitely time for old Elton to call it a day….and a bucket should be supplied for the constant creeping up to the royalty…and making “risky” jokes….sad. Even little Kylie was pretty bad (miming I think)….it was just dreadful…at least Sir Brucie and Sir Terry weren’t involved….that was one blessing.

144. If you believe in Fr Christmas
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Description: The song this week is another from the musical I wrote for Radio City which was broadcast back in the 80s. the story so far….the main character Jimmy doesn’t believe in Father Xmas and has woken up on Xmas day to find no toys…so he sings the song you played last week (There’s no Santa Claus)…so he smugly goes round to his friend’s house to prove his point…on the way he bumps into the milkman (played by Paul Damian in the play) who tries to put him straight….to no avail…..this is the demo Paul and I worked from….next instalment next week…..exciting isn’t it? We have just been informed that Messi will be playing his football in Manchester….but he’s only getting paid 800 grand A WEEK……football really is becoming a joke. What is pathetic is there are no LOCAL lads in any of the teams….the game should be called “spot the Englishman”…..and they have the cheek to say it’s not the fans who are paying because the entrance fee is only a small percentage of the club’s income…..so why rip off the supporters with exorbitant prices? I quite enjoy watching football highlights on TV but I would never pay to see a game. 3.The X Factor is taking a bashing from the media….I don’t watch it…personally I find it the lowest form of entertainment….but it clearly shows the vulnerability of the sheep who do watch it…..and actually think they are part of it by VOTING…as if that makes any difference. I watched it years ago when it started until I was nearly sick….then I thought it MUST have improved so I watched the first one of this series…and I WAS sick….same old boring format…absolute drivel with Simon Cowell sitting there mentally counting his cash….a talent show judged by talentless people…unbelievable. Hey !! we have actually WON something….the cricket…which is about as interesting as a geology lecture…and The Davis Cup….which would be fine if Andy Murray enjoyed the moment instead of moaning about the lack of interest from our “up and coming” youngsters…..they showed the fabulous 2 million pound facilities we built after the Olympics….not a soul in sight…..I think the problem lies with the likes of Murray…he is BORING….youngsters want pop star type personalities as role models….not someone who sends you to sleep when being interviewed … for example Rafa Nadal….Roger Federer etc who are exciting and LOOK the part…Andy looks like he got his kit from a charity shop. 5.I hate to say it but I have been watching “I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here”…and REALLY enjoying it….the arguments between the infamous Lady C (who I had never heard of before) and the other participants is hilarious….and I’ve always been a huge fan of Chris Eubank….it’s classic television and even Ant and Dec are funny. It’s a programme you do not want to like but have no choice. Aparently Lady C is suing ITV because she was “bullied” while she was in the jungle…..great stuff….what was needed was Liam Gallagher in the mix….there’s a show right there.

145. There is NO Santa Claus
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Description: The song I have sent you this week “There’s No Santa Claus”…is from the musical I wrote for Radio City in the 80’s. I revolves around a little kid who doesn’t believe in Father Christmas….he wakes up on Christmas Day and hasn’t got any presents…thus proving his point…he then sings this song which asks some good questions…he eventually finds out how wrong he is…but you’ll have to wait til next week for the next instalment. This was the demo the kid worked from….the backing is in his key….that’s my excuse. I watched One Direction on Jonathan Ross….I know I am from a different generation but I’m blowed if I can see what they have….they have sold millions of records so I am obviously wrong…they are so BORING ….For me “bands” have to PLAY….for example McFly or The Sterophonics etc….that’s talent…just don’t get these boy/girl bands who are totally dependant on musicians.........and I don’t know whose idea it was to have Piers Morgan on ITV Breakfast television….it’s like a punishment….he is unbearable….I’ve never heard such a false laugh….sorry…guffaw. The problem I have with modern music is the production is “compressed”…and the use of vocoders makes it all sound the same….come back good old reel to reel all is forgiven…..the days when you had to play all the way through and sing in tune without assistance. There was a recent discussion on TV regarding the cost of court proceedings…and how those who WIN their case are hit with huge solicitors bills. They had the MP who was recently accused of sexual assault….got cleared in court and ended up with a £130.000 bill from his barristers........This is the problem with this country….it’s the greed which goes un-noticed…especially in the legal profession….how can this sort of fee be justified…the bloke was INNOCENT!!! Now he’s virtually bankrupt........... It’s like these hotels who charge 14000 pounds a NIGHT to rich idiots who don’t know what to do with their money….pure scavengers…it’s a disgrace….and the rest of us are asked to send £3 to help an underprivileged kiddie. This week I went to see my old pal Monty Lister who is now in a care home….on the way I collected another good friend of mine called Cliff Crozier….who was a headmaster in various schools in my area. He was telling me about his intended trip to Canada and about his recent non-stop activities…including a presentation to him of a telegram from the Queen….yes Cliff is 100 years old !!...an absolute one-off…he was telling me about the protocol which has to be observed during the presentation….where “no speeches” should take place etc…however the mayor of Wirral decided he would make the presentation and jumped up and gave a speech…..no comment…..I took a photo of Cliff and put it on my website…check it out …. www.donwoods.co.uk.....He says age is just a number which you simply ignore. Monty Lister worked on Radio Merseyside,as you know,and was the first person to interview The Beatles….he became a friend of mine when I used to produce jingles for the station back in the day…he asked me if I would help him out with his Sunday morning programme….as I was out gigging on the two or three nights before I didn’t really fancy it…but he said it would only be for a few weeks….5 years later I was still there!! But in that time I accompanied him and did the sound on his many travelogues he did for his programme…they included day trips to the likes of Rome,Marakech,Norway,Venice etc etc….and as Cliff was always there as well we have plenty to talk about on our visits to him.

146. I wish every day could be Christmas
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Description: The song this week is a song is from a Christmas musical I wrote for Radio City in the 80’s…..this is the demo the cast worked from…..the kids in the play sang the song and the play was broadcast on Christmas day two years on the trot….it was also nominated for a Sony Award….the cast included Johnny Kennedy…Paul Damian…the late Joe Butler…Carl Chase… and others. The song also recorded by Penny Page and Googi on vinyl….the play went on to be performed by a lot of schools…all good stuff. ….A friend of mine told me her son and daughter in law went to Rome on their honeymoon….while they were at the train station he went to sort out the tickets and left her with the cases…she felt water dripping on her head so she looked up…when she looked down the cases had gone…passports the lot …. obviously some moron with a water pistol…. I saw her again this week and she told me the same couple were in Paris over last weekend…with their baby…talk about unlucky….it’s nice to see the support we are giving to the French during these terrible times…it’s hard to believe it all. ………I enjoyed the podcast you sent me with your Albert Lee interview….he is a great guitarist but as he says there are so many different styles so it’s impossible to be the best “overall” guitarist…Albert is a guitarists guitarist enjoyed mainly by those who know what to listen for….(the average audience don’t know the difference between Segovia and George Formby)…and his “first” instrument is the piano….so imagine how good he is on that…..to play with the likes of these guys is very special but as I’ve always said you have Vegas… or the local pub…same pressures different venue. But what is nice is the respect you get from these guys…because they don’t need to feed their egos….they understand the game. On the subject of musicians….Alexander Armstrong (from the “Pointless” quiz programme) has decided that he is one….he keeps appearing on TV going on about how he is a trained musician but decided to take up comedy in his 20’s…Hmm…plays a bit of piano which is O.K. then sings…which makes you realise why he took up comedy. And of course it has to be all the “swing” standards that only the Rat Pack do properly…it’s pretty bad…BUT his album has got into the charts which proves you can kid most of the people most of the time…but he wont make much as he doesn’t write the stuff…then we have Peter Andre with his “swing” album…same stuff…and he’s even worse….but no doubt the sheep who phone in their votes for “Strictly” will buy it….give us a break guys…give us something ORIGINAL !!

147. Elvis is Back!
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Description: The song I’ve sent you this week is another from the Cheshire Cats album we did back in the day….it’s an oldie called “White Sports Coat” c/w “Butterfly” and is a track I produced for Derek Smith who was the founder of The Cheshire Cats…..he put a lot of work in to keep it all going and was a pleasure to know…he was a massive Elvis fan and used to dress up as the King and delight the crowd…sadly he is another one we lost a few years ago….he was my best mate and I miss him. Speaking of Elvis…Jonathan Ross had Prescilla Presley on his chat show…she is over here to promote a CD which features remasteredElvis tracks singing with the BBC Symphony Orchestra….she was very demure BUT also on the show was Danny Dyer who proved what an absolute YOB he is….playing the cockney “tough guy” with his unnecessary rhyming slang and bad language…poor old Prescill didn’t have a clue what he was talking about…then to top it all on comes Elvis Costello (complete with silly hat)….who Ross announced as “the greatest songwriter this country gas produced”….er….excuse me….I only know a few of his records…one being “Olivers Army”…and another “She”….neither of which he wrote….so forget Lennon and McCartney….or Tim Rice and Lloyd Webber…or Lionel Bart….obviously Jonathan is hearing something we aren’t…then they bring on the REAL Elvis’s guitar which Mr. Costello strums on and sings one of his own songs….proving he is definitely not the best songwriter or in fact the best singer…dreadful…felt sorry for Prescilla. The news covered a story this week about a lollipop lady who was sacked for waving at passing motorists….because the council had received ONE complaint….also a lollipop man was sacked for giving kids “high fives” as they went past him…from a similar complaint……this is according to the media….who only ever give one side of these stories so how true it is is debateable….however the fact that someone complained doesn’t surprise me…these people are out there looking for the slightest thing to complain about….e.g. a photo of Cameron NOT wearing a poppy……there should be a law forbidding these sad irritating types to ever leave their houses…they serve no purpose whatsoever to the human race. Another interesting news item featured a man who returned a lock to a locksmith because it was faulty….because of the way he was dressed the locksmith blew him a kiss and made some gesticulations…deeply “offending” the customer ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS……so much so he took it to court and was awarded 7000 pounds in damages…..apparently it’s the first case of it’s kind where nothing was actually said….what wasn’t explained was WHY he kept going back to the shop??....so it looks like we not only have to walk around with duck tape over our mouths…we now have to have our hands tied behind our backs…or we are in danger of being politically incorrect….is the legal system in this country serious??? And finally a classic….the BBC are asking the general public around the country to…wait for it….send in weather reports from their area….NOW I’ve heard it all….despite all the equipment the weather people have they very rarely get the forecast right…which is what we have discussed in the past…so this is the answer “we think people will be pleased to be involved” say the Beeb….nice cheap way out eh?....and people will get involved because they have nothing better to do….at least it might stop them complaining about lollipop ladies…..what a world.

148. Turn OFF the Lights !
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Description: The song I have sent you this week is another from the Cheshire Cats album we talked about last week….which we made back in the day….this song is “The Battle Of New Orleans” and is one I produced for my great mate “Skiffle” John Lomax…..who sadly passed away some time ago….I put the instrumentation together on the record…. John was a member of The Atlantics Skiffle Group who were one of the first in the area…I saw them in 1958 which was the first time I heard an electric guitar….they appeared on “Top Town” and John went on to make films…one featuring the final plight of Donald Campbell which won him an award….this led to a feature by the BBC called “Days Which Changed The World”…in which they used John’s footage and had an actor playing him. In 2001 I put a skiffle group together with him and we went to Finland to perform at a huge convention…..I loved John dearly and miss him very much. I just don’t get why certain so called celebs think they can sing those Rat Pack standards…..Peter Andre has brought out an album with a collection of them…WHY?...his version of “Come Fly With Me” is as bad as it gets…. Robbie Williams brought one out a while back….if they insist on swing music why not get some original stuff….if I want to hear that sort of stuff I’ll listen to Sinatra and his gang….who do it properly. And any day now we will be bombarded with all the stale played out Christmas songs….Kylie has just made a Christmas album of all the songs we are sick of hearing…WHY?....do something ORIGINAL!! I don’t know who puts certain people in positions where they can make major decisions….the latest classic is to turn off the street lighting in certain villages to save money….and…wait for it…they can put the lights on again if the locals pay for it….wait for it….7 PENCE a day each. You couldn’t write this in a comedy show……HELLO…street lighting keeps areas safe doesn’t it?.......oh sorry I forgot…we have to send billions overseas to help other countries…..I despair. The new James Bond film has been heavily covered by the national news….as has Adele’s new record….National News???....I don’t think so…..incidentally Daniel Craig is from Hoylake which is just down the road from me….one of the lads I play golf with knows a lad who went to school with him….said he was a bit of a wimp in school and never did any sport etc….his mate is now a mechanic and Dan is James Bond….how’s that for poetic justice. ……It’s Halloween time and the shops are doing well….I just don’t get Halloween….it was just a bit of duck apple in my day….all this trick and treating is something we ahave aquired from the States…like high fives etc….then we have Bonfire night where loads of kids will get injured….can’t wee the point of fireworks….or am I Mr. Bah Humbug?

149. Back to the Future
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Description: The song this week is a track I put together for a Cheshire Cats album back in the day….”Route 66” …which unfortunately I didn’t write but I came across it in a drawer….it is performed by a band we put together for our weekly jam sessions….it was a three piece me on guit…my lad Steve on bass and vocals…and a young fellow called Andy Thory on drums…Steve plays a mean bass …he was a good player and was great to work with…even though he’s the fruit of my loins…..he had his own band called The Black Knights….we sold the album for charity and was very popular at the time….happy days. 2.Last Wednesday was “Back To The Future Day” because in the film trilogy they travel to 21st October 2015…..I remember thinking at the time that on that day I will have been married 43 years…and here we are. The films were absolutely brilliant and dare I say it…ahead of their time….I have the box set and watch it all from time to time … it really is a classic….and it is very interesting how accurate some of the predictions were….great stuff. 3.We have yet to hear of the plight of the chap in Saudi Arabia who was jailed for making beer…he was due to receive 200 lashes last I heard….I know that the laws of countries have to be obeyed but this is going a bit over the top….these places seem to be living in the dark ages….also there was a girl on “The Apprentice” who said she was a sort of pole dancer in Saudi….now they want her deported….it is ridiculous….but they have the oil !!!....what we need to do is find our own sources of energy and backheel the lot of them. 4.There has been a lot of coverage on the news about the bobby who got hit by a stolen van….and sadly died….this happened just down the road from where I live. The driver and his accomplice had burgled an estate agent and the police were giving chase…the bobby threw a tyre stinger on to the road and the van swerved and hit him…needless to say the local community were devastated…he was only a young chap with a family…..the burglars have been caught and are awaiting trial….I have said it for years that there isn’t enough deterrent…they should get life sentences….but they wont. 5.Last week we mentioned the sad passing of Kenny Johnson of The Hillsiders country band….Billy Butler did a fabulous tribute to him on his programme….he played an interview he had done with Kenny and played short exerpts from his many recordings….what a great singer he was….and he has played on the Grand Old Opry in the states along with many big names….I feel Kenny was a true legend who sort of slipped under the radar. And Tom Jones has been on talking about his book….I bet that’s a good read….AND he is still with his wife who he married at 16…..Rock on Tommy !!!... ….and finally the nanny state strikes again….there is a suggestion that a tax should be put on sugar…because we are all obese….Jamie Oliver being one of the leading lights…the fact that it is assumed that people need help to not eat sugar is pathetic….I’m not quite sure who these consumer protectors think they are.

150. Gone but never forgotten!
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Description: We spent a few days in Lichfield in the Midlands and went to The National Arboretum which is a huge remembrance park for the fallen in the wars …this is our second visit and I find it deeply moving….thousands and thousands of names on display….but I do wonder why…such a waste. It’s a very flat part of the country and you need a lesson from Lewis Hamilton before you take to the road…..horrendous. Bit of sad news….my mate Harry Prytherch sadly passed away this week…..he was a great guy and a good friend…he was the original drummer with The Remo Four who were very big during the Merseybeat era…he will be missed by all who knew him. Also we have lost Kenny Johnson who was the singer in The Hillsiders….for my money the best country band Liverpool has produced…all sad stuff. On a lighter note I watched an interview with Ed Sheeran on TV….I am a great admirer of this fella….he really talks sense and has formed his own record label which is what I did back in the day….the ingredient required is belief…..I always had total faith in my songs and after receiving rejections from know nothing publishers I went it alone and proved them all wrong….the secret is knowing where to place the material. I also enjoyed watching an interview with Charles Aznavour….who is now 91…and still touring….again total belief….he said he was slated when he started but just kept going…rock on Charlie!! I thought “She” was an absolute masterpiece of a song…..wonderful lyrics. There has been a big fuss about kid’s clothing not being fireproof…despite passing various tests….again this is nothing new…every year this rears it’s ugly head when Halloween arrives. It’s hardly rocket science…GET IT SORTED!!…before any more kids get burned….or is money more important than kiddies lives? And speaking of ugly heads I’m getting a bit sick of Dom Littlewood the consumer champion…..bursting in on so called “rogue traders” together with a couple of security bouncers and a film crew….obviously trying to make a name for himself…..just leave it to the professionals Dom……he HAS made a name for himself with me….but it’s unprintable. Apparently “The Voice” is to be dropped by the BBC….due to budget cuts….I can think of a hundred programmes worse than this one….at least you have people who can sing judging the contestants…as opposed to the X Factor with people with no talent judging those who think they have……..and finally we have just been informed that Piers Morgan is to join the ITV breakfast show….which is bad enough with all the presenters giggling and talking over each other…now Piers…heaven help us all.

151. Is there life on Mars?
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Description: The song I’ve sent you this week is taken from a DVD I made about our River….the inspiration came from the view I had down the River from an early morning ferry boat I had to catch to Liverpool…the sun rises up over the Liver Buildings and illuminates the Wirral side of the river…beautiful….you’ll be able to relate to this. There was a big build up here for the “Supermoon” at the start of the week….it was going to be bigger than usual…and red….and you will see the shadow of the earth on it etc….and it will be on view at 3 o’clock. in the morning….which put a bit of a damper on it all….I actually got up to have a look…I’m not sure why as I couldn’t really care less…so up I gazed into the heavens and saw the normal moon. Next day there were displays of wonderful photographs on TV of this great event…which wont happen again til 2033 !!!.....not quite sure where I went wrong. On the same subject they think they have found water on Mars….WOW it’s all happening….then they were talking about the manned mission which will take a year to get there…then you have to get back…is it me or is there actually a point to all this?....we never hear about how much this is all costing…and whatever happened to the thing which landed on that comet just as the batteries went flat? Perhaps I’ve got it all wrong but wouldn’t the money be better spent on sorting thing out on THIS planet?....what I would like to know is what are they going to do when they land on Mars?.... The Beatles original contract with Brian Epstein…all signed and sealed…has been sold at auction for about 300 grand…I think they were expecting 500 grand….words fail me. I have my doubts as to whether it’s an investment….but The Fab Four seem to be going on forever…I remember when McCartney’s autograph was worth 70 quid…which is why he would never sign one…in fairness he would pose for a photo with you. There is still a big 60’s fad over here although some of the “I was there legends” are looking a bit worse for wear….which brings me to Paul Jones who is soon on locally with his blues band. There is a picture in the paper of them…Jones doesn’t look too bad but his band look like they have been exhumed. I remember back in the day John Lennon said “when I heard Paul Jones singing ‘I’ve been a bad bad boy’ I was nearly sick…when I SAW him singing it I was sick”….then on Top of the Pops Paul was asked what he thought of the Beatles latest double A side (I think it was Day Tripper) he said “one side is absolute rubbish and the other is sort of O.K.”…..a short time after he was in Liverpool to sign his book….guess what NO-ONE showed up….shame. Donald Trump has been in the news this week regarding his building of a golf course in Scotland…..the locals are not happy….the billionaire said it would bring millions of pounds into the area…which it hasn’t and it would create a thousand jobs…..250 actually….and the Scots are NOT HAPPY!!.....their views have been spoilt etc….and one old lady has taken it to court…good luck with that one… and finally…..a “cold call” centre has been fined a couple of million for annoying people….their 2 o’clock in the morning robotic phone calls have not gone down too well….the company are appealing against the ruling…sorry guys not a chance…I am delighted to say.

152. The Beetles Controversy
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Description: I have just got back from a few days in Caernarfon and did some walking around Snowdonia…which reminded me of the song I have sent you….The Legend of Prince Madoc. It’s a gentle song performed by my mate Paul Damian….it tells the story of how the WELSH discovered America 300 years before Columbus. I composed and arranged it in an acoustic style which works well. Volkswagon have been filling the news over here with their “cheating” regarding the emissions….again it’s GREED. As far as I am concerned they are the most overrated car on the road…and I’ve had two of them…I once bought a brand new VW Golf….worst car I ever had…RUBBISH….there was allsorts wrong with it from indicators not working to the automatic choke cutting out every day….later I bought a VW Caddy van which I used for the group…again load of rubbish….the exhaust disconnected on the motorway…and the back door had to be opened from the inside….I went to the dealer who said the whole mechanism needs replacing…120 quid….when I checked it out it was down to a small spring on the handle which had worked loose (about 2p) clipped it back on and all was well…so I hope VW get a roasting…I would NEVER entertain another one. I have been watching the breakfast show on ITV….or should I call it “The girlie show”….there is Kate Garraway AND Susanna Reid side by side reading the news both giggling and talking over each other…then they have the main news read by Ranvia Singh then it’s over to Lorraine for her show…all rambling on about how sexy David Beckham is….not forgetting the weather girl…oh yes and not forgetting the occasional BLOKE…..ONE person could do the lot. Trouble is if you turn to the BBC all you get is how they are trying to find cures for all sorts of illnesses etc…..or moaning about the NHS. Somebody once said of Little and Large…..Eddie Large should lose 9 stone…Syd Little…. Then I thought of who I wouldn’t miss if they were removed from my screen….Alan Carr with his dreadful chattyman show with his squawking and stupid cocktail cabinet and his unfunny gay inuendo which we are all sick of….the panel and the backstage families on the X Factor wouldn’t be missed…and we don’t need JUDGES…let’s just see the acts….and I certainly wouldn’t miss ALL the soaps. What they should have is a channel to put all this garbage on…then those who want to watch it can sit there with there eyes fixed on the screen and nothing going on in their head….then I would know what to avoid. 4.Roger Moore is about to go on the road with a sort of chat show where he tells the audience about his many anecdotes….he seems a very modest sort of chap and I remember him way back in the day as Ivanhoe…wasn’t mad keen on his James Bond but then I am not a Bond fan…he sure looks good for 88!!....speaking of which Daniel Craig comes from Hoylake and a chap I play golf with knows a bloke who went to school with him…said he was a bit of a wimp in school….didn’t do bad though did he? 5.I watched a very interesting documentary on George Martin….what an incredible talented man….he mentioned that when The Beatles were about to do their last album Lennon said to him “we don’t want any of your rubbish on it”…meaning orchestration….he seemed quite hurt…also Lennon was featured on another programme when he did that sick “clap your hands or stamp your feet” thing on stage supposedly mimicking the disabled….not funny….George Martin MADE the Beatles…..just about sums John Lennon up….I was never a fan.

153. LlanfairPG, Feminists and MPs still fiddling
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Description: … it’s all been happening this week….with the song I have sent you.I got a mail from 41 WMGT which is an American TV channel in Georgia asking if they could use my song and some of my YouTube clip for a news item on their channel. This came about after Liam Dutton did a weather forecast on the BBC and mentioned the village name faultlessly…and went viral. ...I gave them my blessing and they sent me the finished job which is brilliant…..since then I have had about 300 thousand hits on the YouTube clip …taking the total to well over half a million….and I have been flooded with new subscribers to my channel. This song just will not go away….I always said it was timeless. I watched a programme about TV in the 70s….and how UNBELIEVABLE things were said back then….how RACIST and SEXIST everything was. I find it hard to believe how far we have come BACKWARDS…..this was COMEDY and it was funny…very little was intended to be offensive…but of course someone is ALWAYS offended…and it always seems to be women…and I mean this in the nicest way…..unlike back then you can’t look at a womans cleveage…(which is on full display over a low cut dress)…without being a pervert…or make a comment without being regarded as SEXIST….but it seems O.K. for “Loose Women” to say what they like on daytime TV….not to mention twerking all over the place leaving very little to the imagination on pop videos….and there’s only one reason they do it…. Women are wonderful but they are not blokes…and it’s as if we have to apologise for that….99.9% of ladies have no problem…it’s just the odd few. Daley Tompson recently came under fire for saying that the girl who lost in the javelin in the world championships “threw like a girl”…OH!! how dare he say that…the fact that he added “instead of an athlete” was totally overlooked….it’s 2015 and I think you should get over yourselves girls and enjoy life….and perhaps leave the football and cricket to the blokes….oh sorry this is NOT the 70s…can’t say that. I watched Piers Morgan interview Lionel Richie about his life…purely because I like Lionel Richie…I don’t know how Piers gets away with it…if he’s not asking unnecessary personal questions he is howling laughing at nothing…maybe it’s me but I’d love to see someone punch him in the mouth…OOPS can’t say that…this isn’t the 70s. I do like Lionel Richie though….big talent and a nice guy. Another strange thing is the bloke who wanders up and down the country naked…known as the naked rambler….he has served a total of 10 years in jail over time….I just don’t get this at all…a mass murderer wouldn’t get much more….it’s as if he is giving away a great secret showing his parts…if anyone doesn’t know what they look like (and they are all the same) should go back to the planet they came from. I fail to see what harm he is doing and those holier than thou lot need to get a life….there is nothing more natural….10 years…very strange….very sad….they will be putting trousers on dogs next. His jail time has also cost the taxpayer a million quid…so we are told. The politicians are STILL fiddling their expenses after all the publicity…these are running the country…it really is pathetic and we now have Labour getting a new leader….blaming everything for their dismal performance in the last election….the answer is simple…Ed Miliband…simple as that…nice fella but zero charisma and a bit of a prat….politics is showbiz…the sooner they realise that the better….and to round off…I was watching Mathew Wright while I was away and he had a section of his show discussing the shortening of names…I always shorten names because it is a friendly gesture but Mr. Wright insists on being called MATHEW and not MAT !!.......

154. The Queen of the River
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Description: The song this week is one from the dim and distant past….it’s a tribute to The Royal Iris which graced the Mersey for many years….it was affectionately known as “the fish and chip boat” as there were many functions held on board where fish and chips were top of the bill…my band played on it on several occasions and on it’s last day of service I went down to Seacombe Ferry where it was moored and made a video…as I was the only one there I am the only one with footage of its last day…it is now rotting away down south somewhere….but it played a major part in the River’s history. Just when I thought television couldn’t get any worse I was unfortunate enough to watch the X-Factor under the misapprehension that it would have a new format…WRONG!!!...it was the same old drivel with the same old sob stories (which have no bearing on the act) with a gaggle of judges headed by Simon Cowell playing God…..with the contrived looks of surprise when someone delivers a reasonable performance which they MUST have seen in rehearsals….all that is required is to see the acts…we don’t need the camera,cutting to grandma and the whole family backstage every time their little darling hits a high note. There was a young guy on who was dedicating his song to a lost friend….with Cowell brushing away an imaginary tear…showing he does have a heart after all……..pass me the bucket…I need to throw up!!! It’s a big fat NO from me. I’ve just thought of a way to make an extra £300 a day….become an MP…build a moat….claim expenses for having it cleaned which guarantees you a seat in the House of Lords…job done…then all I have to do is make an appearance get my 300 nicker and do a U-Turn and go back home….to my moat. You couldn’t write this stuff….while they are building fences to keep out the immigrants they should build a 50 foot brick wall between us and the politicians….because we would get more sense talking to that. I think the government should have volunteered for this Mars project because they would fit in better up there than here. I have a good friend who is Indian and he tells me about the traffic in his country and there are 370 odd people killed on the roads EVERY DAY….this is more than those killed by terrorism or even wars….and this is a world problem…I’ve said for years that the police need to get a grip on this….but then we get the “lack of money” chestnut….I cannot see why cameras can’t be erected everywhere….with just a random selection working at any one time….THAT would slow the idiots down…AND it would make a fortune in fines…. Which links to the bus lane situation in Manchester….they have made 7 million pounds in fines over the last 5 years….2 million this year alone….of course this has caused an uproar…the answer is simple … don’t go into the bus lanes…the Liverpool Council have ceased the practice…maybe they should rethink. One of my pate hates from the past was The Monkees…I couldn’t stand those awful episodes where they were all trying to be funny…and failing…however I did like the songs because they had the help of REAL musicians….NOW they are over here (or two of them) to do a reunion tour….Peter Tork and Micky Dolenz have announced they are going to do some stadium gigs….they were on breakfast TV looking a bit worse for wear with Micky Dolenz still trying to be funny….not good….why do these so called pop stars have to try and be zany?...especially when they are dinosaurs….they are obviously short of a few bob….mind you the show should finish early so the audience can get back to the old folks home…..do me a favour lads…time to call it a day methinks.

155. The Dibber Song
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Description: The song I have sent you this week is one that failed to make the classical music charts which it should have done. It came about after Radio City’s Norman Thomas told his listeners how he went out to buy a dibber…which is a garden tool used for manually boring holes in the ground to plant seeds in….so Norm buys what he thinks is a dibber only to get home and find he’s bought a handle off a shovel….he took a lot of stick over this so I came up with The Dibber Song and sent it to him….he played it every day for about a fortnight. On one occasion he was interviewing Cilla about her forthcoming panto and played this song to her and got her to join in on the chorus….but sadly never put it on any of her albums…….I wonder why. We have a new golden girl….the wonderful Jessica Ennis is world champion again….she is a great role model for sport which,as we discussed recently,is about WINNING. Let’s hope a good proportion of our youth switch off their computers and iPhones and get out there…..then perhaps they’ll stop moaning about being bullied on line….and hats off to Usain Bolt who did it again …just as well because if the other guy had won we would never have heard the end of it….all good stuff….better not mention the final test match. 3.The BBC are “sacking” the Met office who have been supplying them with weather predictions for years….it’s about time too…the forecasts can be very iffy….I use the weather channel on the phone and it is very accurate…so why don’t the Beeb use this instead…….the local forecast has been atrocious and Diane Oxberry comes on next day and makes a joke of it….”oooh we got it wrong yesterday hee hee” which is all very well but a lot of people depend on the forecast and base their day on it…..so with a bit of luck we might start getting decent forecasts from the Beeb for a change. 4.There has been huge news coverage of the plane crash at the display in West Sussex….again a terrible tragedy…these things seem to be happening a bit too much lately. The fact that passers by lose their lives makes it worse. How unlucky can you be to be hit by a plane whilst travelling on the main road…..I think this needs to be thought about a lot more…..the Red Arrows give a display every year in a local place called Hoylake…but they do it over the sea for this reason…maybe this practice should be adopted by everyone….the “experts” have been saying that there has been no public fatalities since 1952…which they seem to think makes it all O.K…..ONE loss of life is one too many…nothing is worth that…..anyway it looks like things will change. 5.I’ve lost a lot of sleep lately since hearing the news that One Direction are splitting up….Oh My!!...there has been a lot of tears…mainly from their management and record company…oh yes and from the teeny boppers. I’ve never felt this bad since The Dooleys split up !!!....Harry Stiles?...that’s the only name I know…and they have sold 50 million records….it’s a sad time for us all…I’m sure the immigrants who are running for their lives will be very upset about it. They all sound the same to me…but then again I am 60 years outside the age range. I don’t know why they call these guys BANDS…they are a vocal group…a BAND plays instruments…like McFly….who are good….and have a bit of talent.

156. Don and Carol!
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Description: The song I have sent you this week is called “The Colour of Time”…and it was one of my rare collaborations…a friend of mine called Patricia Knapton came up with the title…I composed the music and we both worked on the lyrics. I really like this song and it has a nice twist at the end….I produced this back in the 90s but I am thinking of re-vamping it…I have a few ideas for it. .E cigarettes have hit the news….because they are 75% safer than ordinary ciggies (according to research…probably by the makers of E cigarettes)…it has been suggested that they go on prescription from the NHS….which is struggling by the way….what a load of tripe!!!...who comes up with these brainwaves?....”Oh…it will help people stop smoking”….smokers will save money buying these things…so why don’t THEY invest THAT…instead of ME paying for their filthy habit?...whichever way they go you can guarantee the cigarette companies wont lose money. Bullying has reared its ugly head with kids in school being made very unhappy…Boo Hoo…perhaps if they get off the internet for 5 minutes and get out and play they might find the problem is solved. They are coming up with allsorts of reasons why they are bullied….but we never hear the other side of the story…..or see the parents. What these politicians don’t seem to comprehend is you cannot legislate for stupid morons who have yet to evolve….there will always be bullies…there always has been … but they are a minority…a brainless minority. Strictly Come Dancing is coming back soon…I must say I do enjoy it….with celebs and wonderfully sculpted ladies gliding around a dancefloor what is there for the dads not to like. One of the celebs will be Carol Kirkwood the weather girl who is great….so I’m looking forward to a bit of decent telly for a change…..and no more Brucie…it gets better all the time!! Last week they had a programme looking back at the history of Saturday night TV….there were some really good programmes back then…where did they all go? Morecambe and Wise….Game for a Laugh…Candid Camera…..etc. Britain’s Got Talent has come under fire because the woman and her dog who won it CHEATED!!!....she had TWO DOGS!!!...what is the world coming to…she’ll be taking drugs next and entering the next Olympics. And all those viewers who voted for her are going to get a refund….it’s like a comedy sketch….anyone who sits in front of a TV and wastes money on a phone call to make someone else famous needs serious help.…but there you are…there is no hope. 5.There was a programme celebrating the music of Frank Sinatra with various celebs singing his songs…I know the guy was enormously popular…and I know he was world famous…and I know hw sold millions of records…but I just didn’t get him…never did….I liked Bing and Perry Como and Danny Kaye…great crooners…but I always found Sinatra to have a “dry” voice and in his later years was a bit out of tune. He did nothing for me I’m afraid…but I like the songs and have sung many of them myself with my band…..and I’m sure if Frank was still here he wouldn’t care less what I thought........Come to think of it I never got Johnny Cash either…but there you are.

157. The ONE NOTE Song!
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Description: The song I have sent you this week was one I came up with for Radio City’s Norman Thomas back in the day….the one note song. It came about when someone told me they couldn’t sing a note…so I disagreed and that sparked off this song…as EVERYONE can sing one note…anywhere…you could go into a pub in China and everyone could sing one note…there are no language barriers or key problems….as the song explains. Maybe I was a bit ahead of my time….it did however make the local papers. 2.This has reminded me of the guy at every wedding (usually Uncle Harry) who always wants to get up and give ‘em a song at the end of the night with the full support of his family…the song is generally “Spanish Eyes” which he warbles through singing the same note….and invariably goes down better than the band….who are frowned at by the bloke paying them wondering why they are getting paid and uncle Harry sang for nothing….the fact that the band have just done 3 hours and built the crowd up to the drunken crescendo they are in and Uncle Harry has sung the same note for 2 minutes….is somehow overlooked….it’s a dream come true Simon. 3..I’m sure the victims of financial cuts are delighted to hear that Prince Andrew has just bought Fergie a 5 million pound chateau in Switzerland…..or should I say WE have bought it?...nice to know he is so generous…and there has been a disaster at Sandringham Palace!!…..the poor pigeons are devastated because their loft is rotting away….but you’ll be pleased to know the Queen has come to the rescue and had them a new one built for 40 grand…. Her pigeons are reported to be delighted….and unseen photographs taken by lord Lichfield of Charles and Diana’s wedding are about to go on sale in New York….and expected to fetch millions….hip hip hurrah!!!.....I’m so pleased for them all. 4.When I listen to the various dialects in this country I begin to despair….what happened to the English language….”T” seems to have vanished as youngsters now go to a par-y on sa-aday…or “I like i-“…and we have those dreadful Eastenders so called actors who replace “T” with “F”…I FINK I’ll do this and FINK I’ll do that and has anyone seen Kaffy…then we have Coronation Street with “we’re goin’ t’ shops”….it’s awful and it’s not difficult to pronounce words correctly….as we do on Merseyside….or maybe I’m a bit biased? 5.And on the subject of television….we have definitely hit an all time low….maybe it’s me…I don’t know….but is ANYONE interested in embarrassing bodies?...people being brought into A & E?...third class actors being “killed off” in soaps?...and now we have a plethora of “happy family” shows where ordinary members of families can win holidays….with one of them trying to be funny…why should I care if someone I don’t know wins a holiday?...I though we had seen the last of these dreadful cheap to make shows with the retirement of Bruce Forsyth....it’s bad enough when celebs are involved but at least the money goes to charity. If someone comes up with an alternative to television (and they probably will) they will clean up….sooner the better.

158. I'd like to strangle my boss!
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Description: The song this week was one I came up with in the 70’s “Strangle My Boss”….it has changed a bit since then but it opened a few doors…it got me a publishing deal with Evolution Records (with the help of Leapy Lee)…and this particular song was actually recorded by The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band….didn’t do much and later it was recorded by some Australian DJ on vinyl (I’ve still got a copy somewhere)….I also recoded it in a big studio in Clapham….don’t know what happened to the master tapes but hey…that’s rock and roll. ..There has been an article on the news regarding a “posh” hotel in Ireland where a bottle of WATER with your meal will cost you 26 quid….this is an example of capitalising on the mentalities of those who wander amongst us…those who can sell WATER have always had my admiration…it’s pure genius…proving that some people will believe anything “Oh yes you can tell it comes from a Swiss mountain stream…etc”…bit like the football fraternity who receive 60 quid from someone who can see the match on the tele for nothing…thinking that they are an actual necessity at the match…and even when you lose they don’t want their money back…genius!! There is a hotel close to here which provides champagne for £500 a bottle….and apparently they sell lots of it…..sad isn’t it? ...The witch hunters are out in force….Edward Heath has been accused of inappropriate behaviour with children….the guns are out…all over the papers…all over the news….despite NO ACTUAL EVIDENCE as yet….plus the fact that the bloke has been dead for 10 years…..so what is the point of all this?….when the police fail to investigate a car crash where two people were trapped in a car for three days…and both died…one would think that priorities seem to have gone astray somewhere. Not to mention the valuable members of the House of Lords getting £300 a day for just turning up and doing a U-Turn and going home….£300 a day for NOTHING….I wish someone would tell me what purpose they serve while they are snoring away with their daily wad….WHAT A BUNCH OF FREELOADERS!!...the country’s full of them. ..Sport has taken a dive….since the 2012 Olympics less and less people are getting involved in sport….they reckon we are losing interest….the answer is simple….let’s get back to educating kids that sport is about WINNING not “just taking part”….these days there can be no winners and no losers…everyone must be involved…TRIPE!!...unless they include throwing the beanbag in the Olympics we may as well count ourselves out….let’s teach kids to WIN and not to stop until they do….that’s SPORT….the rest is simply exercise. ....and finally the country is mourning the sad loss of Cilla….I don’t think she realised how popular she was….it’s a real shame as she was a true star…sadly I never met her but watched her rehearsing for a show on a local theatre and she was laughing and joking with the band….and I once saw her in panto….a sad loss indeed…a Liverpool lass through and through…she’ll be missed…

159. The Dustin' and the hooverin' can wait!
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Description: The song I’ve sent you this week is ANOTHER football song….again I found this in a drawer and must admit I laughed my head off…I had totally forgotten about this…it was a song called “We’re All Going To The Match” and I did it for Radio City when Liverpool played Everton in the cup final back in the day….I got Pauline Daniels in to do the girl’s part….as I recall we couldn’t do it for laughing…but we eventually got there…definitely a classic. We are all very proud of Chris Froome after he won the Tour de France….brilliant….and what a shower of miserable losers the French turned out to be….I’d like to see them spit at Mike Tyson if he cycled past….there’s a show right there!! It’s hard to imagine how hard that race is…the lad was brilliant as were the rest of the team….and it will help the sport as we only take notice when we win something.. The only thing the French are good at is striking and disrupting thousands of people’s lives….if this was an Olympic sport they would get the gold every time. When I heard 69 year old Lord Sewell from the house of Lords was caught snorting Cocaine with a bunch of prostitutes I though WOW rock and roll or what…then I saw him….He looked like the uncle you hate…whatever he is he aint a rock star. This just displays the brain power of these idiots in high places….he’s making a fortune for doing very little and he has to do something stupid like this….but as usual nothing will happen…he will resign and get another cushy number in the government no doubt….what a wonderful set up we have in this country. As there was absolutely NOTHING worth watching on the TV at the weekend I watched The Jeff Lynne Concert at the BBC…which I recorded a while back….he performed all those great E.L.O. numbers backed by the full orchestra….what a sound….fantastic. I regard Jeff as one of…if not THE best musicians of our time….his stuff is consistently brilliant…and he came over as being a bit blown away by it all. I have been fortunate enough to do concerts with a full band a vocal backing groups….it is like riding on a wave of sound…there is nothing quite like it…and at that level it must be mind blowing. Wirral is going to have a fabulous new golf complex…..it will be built by the Royal Liverpool in Hoylake….and they have Jack Nicklaus on board who I assume will design the course. All very nice for those who play golf or can AFFORD to play at this sort of venue….but as yet there has been no mention of COST……it’s amazing how money can be found for these massive ventures and yet the council have to make drastic cuts in staff because of the apparent lack of it. Next will be the usual “It will bring money into the area”….oh sure….it wont go into MY pocket…or the pockets of the employees clinging on to their jobs…..but no doubt mansions will be purchased on the profits. What I can’t understand is how many golf courses do we need….there are about 20 courses in a relatively small area….and that strip of coast has The Warren…The Wallasey…Leasowe….The Royal Liverpool and the Hoylake Municipal….virtually side by side.

160. The Rovers
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Description: WE ARE THE ROVERS !!!!....this is a song I wrote for Tranmere Rovers round about 1979……The idea was to get the players into a studio and record the ones who could sing….sadly none of them could so this version (which was the original demo) was used. It was played every week at the home games and on the coaches for away games…..years later I was warbling away in a local restaurant where I was resident and a crowd came in and recognised me…they were Rovers supporters and got me to sing this….I just about remembered it….such is fame. You gotta laugh at some sad folk….I was watching the Open Golf and during the playoff they had a shot of one of the wives to which Peter Allis commented…”If he sinks this she’ll get a new kitchen”…WHO !! you can’t say that…there was a sunami of feminists complaining….Allis should know that it’s O.K. for women to skit at blokes and make sexist remarks BUT NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND!!!...shame on him…I do think it’s about time these women got over themselves…but there you are. Also on a more sombre note a young girl threw herself in front of a train in London and an onlooker was interviewed and said how disgusted he was with the attitude of so many people…complaining that they would be late for work…which just about sums up the majority of the population. I am in demand at the moment…there are two record companies who want to release my Adrian Street classics on vinyl….one is in this country and another in the States…all very nice but I’ve heard it all before…just get on with it guys and send me the money,,,,,so watch this space….has the world finally caught up with us? Seagulls are now in the firing line….they are spoiling people’s holidays in Truro…they dive bomb and pinch their pasties…boo hoo….a cull has been suggested…what a load of wimps we are becoming. The seagull is a magnificent creature…the perfect flying machine and my favourite bird….they are only nasty when they think their chicks are threatened….it’s not too difficult to keep your pastie covered up…or maybe it is for some of the neaderthals wandering around……if you hold a piece of bread up over your head they will take it without touching your fingers…they are wonderful….so leave ‘em alone. There is a new programme on TV about look-alikes…I must say it was very funny….it’s about a lookalike agency run by a Ricky Gervais lookalike….there’s Joanna Lumley,Will Smith.Mr.Bean’David Beckham and a few more …good stuff for a change….let’s hope the standard is kept up for future episodes.

161. Arise Sir Tommy
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Description: The song I have sent you this week came from an idea I had when getting off the train in Liverpool and saw this guy busking in the subway….it’s called “Subway Songman”. Sugar is on the menu this week…every time you turn on the TV or the radio we are getting reports of record tooth decay in kid’s teeth…all because of sugary fizzy drinks. It’s a miracle how guys of our age survived….I remember having sugar butties when I was a kid…and drinking gallons of lemonade…and I’ve still got my teeth….they are saying that some kids have to have ALL there baby teeth out….and so the scare mongering continues…and the dentists get richer….any day now we’ll be back to the old humbug of lead in toys…it’s about time that cropped up again. Some genius has worked out that supermarkets are misleading us with their pricing….wow there’s a surprise….isn’t it called “business” …and if they can legally get away with something they will…apparently they are saying that things are reduced when they are not….this has always been the case….the way the law used to be was you had to sell something at a certain price for 28 days before you could drop the price and call it a “reduction” or “Sale…you could then only sell it at the new price for 6 months before it was no longer a reduction or a sale…get it?...confused?...yeah so is everyone else…which makes one ask how these carpet firms have sales which go on forever? The BBC have come under attack because they are going to put the licence fee up for those on a high salary or something…they are complaining that people are not watching TV…they watch their iPads etc….it has been suggested that they put adverts on which would subsidise the money they waste…..but this was instantly rejected. What they need to do is put something on which is WATCHABLE instead of the tripe we are constantly subjected to….last Saturday I watched The John Bishop Show….oh dear … this was about as bad as it gets…I like JB but he should go into acting because he isn’t funny…and the up and coming “comedians” he has on are bysmal….annoyingly so……HOWEVER after thinking comedy was dead and buried I watched Frank Skinner’s “man in a suit” stand up and laughed for the whole hour…he is so funny and clever….he should run classes for all the modern rubbish comics and show them how it’s done. I was delighted to see Tommy Steele on The One Show…..he is 78 and looks great…..he really should be knighted….back in the day he was the only original pop star we had in this country…all the others were Elvis clones….Tommy had his own style and has worked the big Christmas shows ever since….I’ve got a lot of time for him and wish I’d had the opportunity to meet him. But alas like Doddy he has sadly been overlooked….much better to give knighthoods to those who really deserve it…like Jimmy Savile or Rolph Harris?

162. Don and James Burton
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Description: .The song this week is a live version of Ricky Nelson’s Travellin’ Man which was recorded a few years back when I was in concert with James Burton…the guy who played on Ricky’s records…he is over here again and I’ll be working with him again this weekend…I’ll be singing 14 Ricky Nelson songs….I’ll also be interviewing him before the show…all good stuff. We have had a run through the stuff with him and it’s sounding good….got a great backing band who I’ve worked with before. Every Wednesday night we have a jam session which raises money for sick kids…it’s called The Cheshire Cats and ever so often we have a guest band…this week we had a Viking invasion…we had a band from Denmark called Chimbo’s Revival (look them up on the net)…and they were great….the singer even had a Bill Haley kiss curl….they had the place rockin’….the selection of songs was spot on. On the sport scene there was big excitement over our ladies getting to the semi final of the World Cup….then in true English fashion we blew it in the dying minutes…DOH!! And the tennis is in full flight at Wimbledon….with all hopes pinned on Andy Murray….who is BRITISH when at Wimbledon….but I think he’ll have to go some to beat Jockovic….I played tennis at club level for many years so I know how good these players are and I enjoy watching it all…what I don’t need is John McEnroe rambling on….putting his own pronunciations to various names…e.g.JOEkavic…I find it irritating…let’s just watch the game eh. These French strikes a re a disgrace…..there should be a law forbidding this sort of behaviour….they are holding people who are not involved to ransome….they may have their reasons but to disrupt thousands of lives is sickening…and they do it every year…..they disrupt road traffic,ships and flights … and at a time when there has been loss of life…they should be ashamed … and all given life sentences…it’s a shame we have to travel over their country otherwise I say bankrupt the lot of them. 5.The BBC is commenting on the drop in people paying for TV licenses….apparently folk are watching stuff on their iPhones and IPlayers…..perhaps if the Boring Broadcasting Company gave us watchable programmes things would be different … television in this country has hit an all time low…you might as well stare out of the window. What is needed is proper professional staff who KNOW what entertainment is….I think the majority of the workforce have just left school…..I waved a fond farewell to comedy years ago.

163. There's always money for Priorities!!!!!!
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Description: The song I have sent you this week is called “More Than A River” and was featured in Radio Merseyside’s tribute to The Mersey….Billy Butler did a live programme from the promenade in new Brighton and gave me a ring and asked me if I would come along and play one of my songs of the river live….couldn’t do it at the allotted time as we were presenting a cheque for £3000 to a local children’s hospice called Claire House…this was on behalf of The Cheshire Cats which is our local organistion which raises money for sick kids…. Some interesting news this week….the police have been criticized for spending time on stupid complaints…for example a woman complained that someone in her sons school rubbed nettles on his arm and he got a rash… Talking of the shortage of money….we can’t afford to pay nurses a decent salary…we can’t afford to make houses affordable…etc…YET the THREE BILLION to renovate the Houses of Parliament will be found… If The Houses of Parliament are such an iconic tourist attraction why not just let it stand and build a church hall for the politicians to fall asleep in?... And speaking of money well spent I wonder how the satellite with the dud batteries is getting on on that comet?. There has been a increase in fatal traffic accidents recently….the news reported this week that a car ploughed into a bus queue killing several people including two kids….the car was allegedly doing 70 mph and driven by a 24 year old….who I think had no insurance and has got a three year sentence…. .... lastly there was some bloke who put his wedding photos on twitter or facebook showing him in tears because he was so in love…then came the lowlifes out of the woodwork with horrible nasty comments…

164. Deep in my Heart it's Texas
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Description: The song I have sent you this week is another I have found in my drawer...it is entitled “Deep In My Heart Is Texas”…and is one that got away….it was one of the few collaborations I have been involved in over the years….this stemmed from and idea a friend of mine had…her name is Patricia Knapton….and she came up with the title and a few ideas…I thought the finished job was pretty good but it wasn’t to be….people didn’t GET the title….maybe this play might bring it to someone’s attention….Wagons HO !! 2.It is 800 years since the signing of Magna Carta…(not THE Magna Carta we’ve been told…just Magna Carta)…so there has been quite a lot of fuss on the TV….it’s one of those dates I never forgot…”King John at Runnymede in 1215”….many years ago I went to Sunbury on Thames to visit a relative and he took me to Runnymede .. and in those days it was just like a bandstand in a big field…and I remember thinking “Blimey this is where it all began”….it looks a bit different now…I also remember I was wandering round London in 1968 and you could walk down Downing Street and virtually stand outside number 10…how times have changed. 3.There was a very interesting guy on the TV who has his own show … he is called “The Man of STEAL”…and is a professional pickpocket and shows you how easy it is to get robbed….he had a guy standing in front of him and virtually emptied his pockets without him even knowing….people don’t give credit to how clever some of these thieves are…they can even get your credit card number through your pocket with some device or other…brilliant….I’ve known of friends who have lost everything at airports…so a bit of education is definitely needed. 4.As you know I play golf and do a bit of sailing…so I tend to watch the weather forecast on the tele in the morning….lately they have been nowhere near…especially the BBC. One day last week the forecast was blanket rain….not a drop….and gusty south easterly winds….they came from the south west….and sometimes the local forecast bears no resemblance to the national one…and when they get it completely wrong all we get is “Oh we really got it wrong yesterday” followed by a few giggles…..I doubt whether people who plan their day on their predictions find it funny….considering the millions of pounds worth of gear they have they should do a lot better….they couldn’t predict nightfall….in any other job they would be sacked for incompetence…except bankers…they can lose all your money and reward themselves with big bonuses apparently. There is a place on Wirral called the Proudman Oceanic Laboratory who can predict the exact times and measurements of high and low tides for the year ahead…maybe they should take over the Beeb. 5.Midge Ure was on TV this week talking about the music industry…very interesting….he says the industry as we know it is finished and the only way to make money is to go it alone…which is what I decided 35 years ago….he has been giving talks in America to young musicians and organised his own tour…even to the stage of personally getting his money for the gig. What the X Factor kids don’t seem to realise is that it’s a BUSINESS and whatever YOU make someone else will be making a lot more….the glamour soon goes out the window….it’s 5% show and 95% business…get that in your head and you may end up like Simon Cowell.

165. Don Shook Batman's Hand!
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Description: This week’s song is called “Laughter is Everything to Me” and was written for my old mate Pauline Daniels back in the day. Pauline has a great voice but she decided to turn to comedy (and did very well) so I wrote this song for her act…the lyrics get the message over and she sings it great ….I used to enjoy recording with her as she was such a good laugh. She hasn’t been too well of late but I think she has recovered…. Sad to hear of the death of Christopher Lee….he was the ONLY Dracula….this was the first horror film I ever saw…I was 13 and sneaked in (as it was an X)…I have never been so frightened…I saw it TWICE and still got the jitters even when I knew what was coming…a classic film. He was one of those characters who made the part his…there is only ONE Superman…Christopher Reeve….only one Batman…Adam West…and only one real James Bond…Sean Connery…all the others are imposters….speaking of Batman… Adam West was doing a book signing in Liverpool in the 90s so I popped along got in the queue bought his book got it signed and shook his hand…I couldn’t resist and said “I’d like to thank you for all the good work you did in Gotham City”…he said “..sure thing” and instantly dismissed me….but I shook Batman’s hand !!!!! 3.The Government are talking about banning homework from junior schools….I didn’t even know they did homework…we never did (which probably explains a lot). They reckon it is making youngsters stressed…I couldn’t agree more…mid you these days they would spend their time on their computers and mobiles…I say ban homework and force them to play out in the street…then they might learn how to enjoy life. There is a move afoot to prosecute nuisance callers who constantly try to sell you things over the phone…it apparently affects a lot of older folk who feel intimidated. This is a good move and needs sorting….personally I never have a problem as I have an instant two word response (which I can’t repeat…but I think you can guess)…it seems to work….one guy suggested answering in an Icelandic accent asking them to constantly repeat the question…but I haven’t got that sort of time…my way takes 2 seconds. 5.The news has been covering (so to speak) the girl who had her picture taken naked on the top of a Malaysian mountain …very strange…the locals have accused her of offending the mountain Gods…and could cause an earthquake…..I’m sure the young lady meant no harm but it’s a strange situation when looked at through Western eyes…I’m all for respecting the beliefs of others…it’s a shame some of the immigrants who come into this country don’t feel the same.

166. More Cowboys-Yee ha!
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Description: The song I have sent you this week has a tale attached to it which you couldn’t write….It’s called “Small Town Cowboy” and I was commissioned to write and record this for a guy called Brian “Sundance” Brooks back in the day…he had a shop which sold cowboy gear in Birmingham called “Urban cowboy” and I was informed he was going to put on a huge western show in one of the arenas…bringing over all sorts of stuff over from the States….so I came up with this song…the original title being Urban Cowboy….and on the label it was “sung” by Mr.Brooks….there were all sorts of big companies involved but after meeting “Sundance” I requested my money upfront (a habit of mine)…got paid and sorted out the record….only to be informed that Brian had absconded with a few million in his hired Rolls Royce. I gave the 500 records I had pressed to a local charity and that was that….I think I was the only one who got paid…..hence the change of title…that’s showbiz. .I watched the news coverage of the Britains Got Talent show….apparently the winner had a dog act and used TWO dogs…OH NO….this could be the end of the world…and of course everyone jumps on the bandwagon…but she got to keep the winnings,,,and the guy who came second did a card trick (which I saw and was well impressed} but all the knowalls were ringing in saying they saw a hole in the bottom of the lemon he used in the trick…IT’S A TRICK MORONS !! just go along with it. I know several good card tricks and when you do them there is always someone who has to try and be clever…just enjoy the trick. Alton Towers has been in the news with a nasty accident on one of the rides….these things happen…fortunately there were no fatalities but it wont do business any good…and why they have to have endless news bulletins from outside the closed gate is beyond me,,,.I once wrote a song about Alton Towers and sang it with my session singer Sue Young…I took the completed job to them and they bought it from me lock stock and barrel,,,it was used on their radio and TV adverts with Terry Wogan doing the voiceover. This was shortly after they opened. There is a big increase in the number of pubs closing down….there are many things getting blamed but you have to move with the times if you want to survive…drinks are to expensive in pubs and personally I prefer to drink at home…and when I do go out I go to Wetherspoons which has great food and drinks and is CHEAP….that’s why it is always full. Maybe the average pub can’t compete I don’t know but if one pub charges £2.80 for a pint and another charges £1.99 where am I going to go? ...... along with good quality Wetherspoons have free wifi….it really is no contest…sad but that’s business. .....and finally….the FIFA saga is all over the news and is very entertaining…old Sepp has decided to stand down..I wonder why…and Jack Warner is going to blow the gaff…he has done very well since Dixon of Dock Green…Evnin’ all….what is a disgrace is this has been going on for years with no-one doing anything about it…including us lot…and it takes the FBI to intervene…..and suddenly all the sponsors are pretending to be shocked…as if they didn’t know. The amount of money these crooks make is obscene…especially when there are those starving in the world…I hope they all get life sentences.

167. Don Woods-The Cowboy
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Description: .The song I have sent you this week is the original demo for a song I wrote for Penny Page and Googi the Liverpool Duck….I wrote several songs for her all of which she recorded…this one was a B side. You will appreciate it’s Liverpool appeal….it’s called “I’d Like To Be a Cowboy”…the words were changed to suit Googi…ie “Cowgirl”…but this demo is what they worked from on the record…..don’t say I don’t send you unique stuff. Now then…The Eurovision….I really don’t know why we bother….it wouldn’t matter what song we entered we would still be bottom of the pile. Can’t we see that other countries simply don’t like us?…what is annoying is we put in a lot of money (wonder where it comes from) hence our direct line into the final…the song wasn’t that bad…certainly 10 times better than 90% of the others…even better than the winner in my opinion….pure politics…..the bookies were offering 80 to 1 on us winning…I thought it might be worth a quid….it wasn’t. The only answer is to let them get on with it….then the results wouldn’t be so painful to watch. A law is about to be passed which will involve a £1000 fine for people who drop litter….what we are not told is WHO is going to enforce it?...the amount of the fine still wont make any difference to the lowlifes who don’t give a monkeys….the main offenders are teenagers so who do they think will pay the fines?…it wont be them….perhaps if they installed more bins around the area and got some of the community service criminals to empty them it might help….. I watched Sunday Night at The Palladium for the first and last time….Jason Manford reminding us that humour has finally died in this country and a “new” comedian who re-inforced it…plus a selection of variety acts who get about 5 minutes each…awful…..then we have the same old faces on all the time…Ant and Dec....I started to watch a new series called SunTrap starring Bradley Walsh….couldn’t take more than 10 minutes…it was TERRIBLE…so I turned over to ITV and guess what there was a programme about the history of game shows…presented by Bradley Walsh…who is also on a Saturday night load of rubbish called Play The Whistle AND he’s in the drama Law and Order…that’s apart from being on every night in the Winter on The Chase…he’s probably a nice chap but I’m sick of the sight of him…give us a break let’s have some new faces. I think all those involved in TV production should go back to school and learn what entertainment actually is. I had to laugh at the news footage of the Liverpool Football Team enjoying their holiday in Dubai (?)….all dancing around led by Steven Gerrard…the recent 6 goal thrashing didn’t seem to be bothering them…mind you when you are on 100 grand a week who cares?...the fans should have been given a full refund. Then there’s Sepp Blatter…oh dear…he had no idea that 7 of his staff were ripping off the world….yeah sure…..football is becoming a joke I’m afraid.

168. He's Me Mate!
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Description: The song I’ve sent you this week is a demo from way back with an interesting tale….I originally wrote it for Cannon and Ball who I understood liked it but I didn’t like hanging about in those days waiting for people to make their minds up…so I dropped a cassette of the song off at one of our local theatres where The Krankies were performing….soon after I got a nice letter from them saying they would like to put the song in their act….so there I was watching the Royal Command on the Palladium and on they come and sing the song….they also did it on several TV shows….about 10 years later I was on the same show as them and made myself known and we became good friends and I have been writing songs for their pantomimes ever since….never heard from Cannon and Ball….I think they recorded “Wind Beneath My Wings” instead,,,which got nowhere…shame. .There are moves afoot to teach young learner drivers how to drive properly….as there have been so many accidents with newly qualified drivers……this has to be a good thing because the quality of driving…especially from the young…is terrible….they are also considering halving the drink drive limit….not before time I got done a few years back for speeding (35 in a thirty limit)….and I had a choice pay the 60 quid fine and get three points on my licence…or pay 90 quid and go on a course and not get the three points….so off I went on the course with the intention of letting them know I was a professional driver with 45 years experience and NO-ONE could tell me how to drive….how wrong I was….the course was brilliant and I learnt so much…THIS is what is required for everyone as far as I’m concerned….then perhaps some of these would be would Lewis Hamiltons may live longer. I watched a programme on 20 things which rocked the world…..we were reminded of Diana’s crash….the sinking of the Belgrano….the Lockerby disaster…and quite high up the list was DAVID BECKHAM’S alleged affair with Rebecca Loos….so this amazing,unbelievable event ROCKED THE WORLD!!!....am I missing something??? here’s me thinking Beckham is an over-rated,overpaid so called celeb with not a lot of brain cells married to another celeb who needs to EAT!!!.....but there you go…I MUST be wrong....and that is why journalism is in the state its in….I doubt if anyone could care whether Mr.Beckham slept with the Queen of Sheba. Then we have Sterling who wants to leave Liverpool because he’s not happy with his 100 thousand pounds a WEEK…I’m sure the queue for the food banks will be delighted for him. I hate to say it but I do enjoy the Eurovision….it’s a great spectacle and we don’t have to endure a bunch of talentless plonkers passing judgement….I quite like our entry although it’s a bit dated..but that could be a good thing….I haven’t seen it performed which is usually what it’s all about…as with the bearded lady….no doubt the vote will be political as usual but it’s still good entertainment…ANYTHING but Britain’s Got Talent!!....however I have seen half of one of the semi finals…..I couldn’t face the second half…so I might be switching channels ... finally…this weekend the THREE QUEENS will be sailing down the Mersey….and I am NOT talking about You,Me and Dave O’Connor!!!....it’s The Queen Victoria,the Queen Elizabeth and the Queen Mary…so there will be a lot of spectators along both sides of the River….it should be a great spectacle…. .... there was a strange case of a firm being taken to court because they refused to make a wedding cake for a gay marriage….they said it was against their Christian belief…and the court ruled in favour of the customers….saying the firm were discriminating against gays…..what a load of tripe…..a contract is made when you purchase something…there has to be an offer and acceptance….the offer is not made by the seller as everyone thinks…they merely display their wares and invite the BUYER to make an offer which they can either accept or refuse…that’s it….the firm should have just said “no” and that would have been that…there doesn’t have to be a reason….so the court got it wrong I’m afraid.

169. Fools Rush In
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Description: We are rehearsing for the upcoming show with James Burton….his son isn’t well by all accounts but hopefully he’ll be O.K. by July….the song this week isn’t one of mine (sadly) but it’s part of the live concert I did with James a few years back…it’s one of Ricky Nelson’s classics….listening to it brought back a lot of memories. I watched the VE Day Concert last weekend and was blown away….I thought it was sensational…the orchestra were top of the range as were most of the artists…the sound man should be knighted…it was brilliant and very moving….I felt the rendition of “You’ll never walk alone” at the end by Alfie Boe and Katherine Jenkins was a bit misplaced….the song was written in 1945 when the war was over…but maybe Alfie is promoting his latest CD?...apart from this I thought the show was outstanding. Then we have the mindless morons who always appear from under the nearest stone with the slightest excuse to have a stupid demonstration over the election result…part of which was to daub graffiti on the memorial to the women who played their part in the war….spraying “Tory Scum” along with an expletive on the memorial…THESE are the dopes who the heroes were fighting for…makes me sick….it achieves absolutely nothing ….and sadly we have to wait another million years for them to evolve. Art has been on the news this week with a Picasso fetching 120 million quid…very nice…considering a sixth former could do better….apparently these things are purchased as an investment…in 10 years it will be worth twice that….but it doesn’t work with cheap paintings…you have to be a billionaire to double your money…so that’s O.K. then……..then we have the wonderful Turner Prize…we’ve had the unmade bed…now we have the street in Liverpool which up until recently was derelict and run down….causing the council to sell off the houses for ONE POUND….but they have grown a few hedges and grass and it’s up for the famous Turner Prize…am I missing something here?. ....and speaking of billionaires I have been watching the Cannes Film Festival with all the stars including Cheryl Cole…who proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that you can get anywhere with absolutely no talent. Lastly….we must all feel sorry for Kevin Pieterson who can’t get into the England cricket team…despite scoring a record 350 in one innings for his county….but the selectors don’t like him…boo hoo he’s not my friend…for Heaven’s sake cricket is by far the most boring sport under the sun and that’s when you are WINNING !!....these guys get very well paid and why I’ll never know….yawn yawn. Oh and congratulations to Ant and Dec for getting another BAFTA award….one day we will be able to turn the TV on and they wont be there looking back at us…but not at the moment.

170. Prince Madoc
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Description: The song I have sent you this week answers a simple question…”Who discovered America?”….you’re thinking Columbus…WRONG!!..it was Prince Madoc in 1170…300 years before Columbus….this song sung by my mate Paul Damian tells the story….after depressing you last week with Beddgelert this should give you a lift…the song is off the same album I composed and produced for Paul…I love this song…and there is no-one in the world could sing it better….the album is available from my website….www.donwoods.co.uk 2.Did you know that William and Kate have had a baby girl?...if you didn’t know you must have been asleep for the last week….sadly the only break from this on the news was the election run up…talk about no news….SURELY there must be something else going on in the world….suddenly all these “royal correspondents” come out of the woodwork grovelling away saying how wonderful it all is….oh we are so lucky to have such a royal family who care so much about their subjects….I don’t think. 3.It’s finally over and Dave goes back into number 10……personally I couldn’t see any other result….no matter what anyone says it’s about personalities and I’m afraid Ed didn’t have any despite his many lessons on how to present himself….if you aint got it …you aint got it….and as for Ed Balls he wont be missed….I think it would have been a different story if David Miliband had been in the mix. I thought there were two main turning points….Cameron’s plugging of “the mess” Labour left him with last time…and how they cleaned it up…great angle I thought…and Ed involving that idiot Russell Brand…big mistake….all Dave has to do now is get rid of Gove and he’s cracked it...so perhaps now we’ll get a bit of decent TV…probably not. 4.There have been a lot of celebrations regarding the anniversary of VE Day….although somewhat overshadowed by the elections….it is great to see old film of the dancing in the streets etc….great stuff…one of the best gigs I ever did was a VE Day fancy dress do at a local restaurant a while back…everyone entered into the spirit and I sang all the songs from the time “There’ll always be an England…..”…etc…it was really good fun and as the place was packed out the guy who had a parachute on his back wasn’t too popular….a real good laugh. 5.There is a move afoot to get people to vote for a national bird…apparently we haven’t got one…so some bloke is driving around with a loudspeaker on the top of his car asking people to vote…the robin is one of the favourites (which would get my vote)…the barn owl is another…..but if it was up to me our national bird would be Katherine Jenkins….LUVLY!!

171. Beddgelert-The Faithful Hound
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Description: The song I have sent you this week is one I wrote for the Welsh album I composed for Paul Damian and tells the legend of Beddgelert. I’m sending this one because we have just spent a few days walking in the heart of Snowdonia and it doesn’t get any better….we also visited a Slate Museum in Llanberis which was incredible…it is built on the site of a Quarry and is mind blowing…and is FREE!!...it is a credit to the Land of Song. The news has been covering the terrible tragedy in Napal….and the journalists have been at there usual mindless interviews with families worried about there relatives caught up in it all…”how did you feel when you heard the news etc……”….how do these fools get employed?....it was good to see the response form rescue and aid workers….the power of nature brings everything into perspective….we moan about such trivial things…let’s hope everything that can be done is done. Michael Flatley is about to retire and has created a “painting”… by splashing paint on a canvas and rubbing his hands all over it while river dancing….it sold for 70 odd grand …maybe I’m missing something here but to me it looked a complete mess…talk about the kings new clothes. It reminded me of an art exhibition I went to in Liverpool by Rolph Harris…before his dilemma…and I couldn’t believe the prices they were asking for thumbnail cartoons which couldn’t have taken more than a minute to draw….when he comes out of jail he should be thrown back in again for ripping us all off…..I can’t imagine they would be worth much now. Bear Grylls has got yet another survival programme on the TV….I fail to see the point of all this….apart from Bear proving how hard he is….it’s an accident waiting to happen…and for WHAT?...so you win the competition and prove you could survive in the jungle…skills you are NEVER likely to use…I find it very uncomfortable viewing......and on the subject of fitness Paula Radcliffe has run her last race….what a great example to the world of sport….I don’t know how anyone can run that far…count me out. I enjoyed the clip you sent me with Penny Page and various co-incidences….You mentioned Marvin Rainwater who had the 50’s chart topper “A whole lotta woman”…Monty Lister interviewed him at the time when he was on the Liverpool Empire and asked him if he would come over to Wirral to meet some of the patients in Clatterbridge Hospital….Marvin not only did that he took the whole show over and entertained them all…and I did a gig in Finland back in 2001 and got chatting to this guy who was a local and asked me to listen to some rock and roll on his car radio….so on goes the CD and on comes Monty Lister interviewing Bill Haley in 1956…the guy couldn’t get over the fact that had I not been there in the Arctic Circle I would,at that precise moment,be on the radio with him….how’s that for a co-incidence?....and back in the 60’s I was on holiday in Palma in an apartment…next door was Jack Charlton who I got quite pally with (great guy) and he asked me if I was related to Ray Wood (who worked in leisure services in Wirral council)…because he was the brother of Roy Wood who played for Man City and who was a good friend of Jacks….I told him I wasn’t but I knew Ray very well and his other brother Charlie was the bass player in my first band…all creepy stuff…

172. Gone for a Burton
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Description: James Burton is due over here in July and I have been asked to do an hour spot with him…so I am doing a Ricky Nelson set as he played all those great solos on those records….it’s a real pleasure to play with a legend…(but I think he’ll get over it)….therefore the song I have sent you this week is one I wrote last year called “Tribute to Ricky Nelson”…..I’ve always been a huge fan of Ricky and of course James. The election is now reaching an even bigger boring climax….it’s a bit like watching puppets….and even Wirral has had a mention…something to do with giving us a few free goes through the Mersey Tunnel or something…I don’t now where the money they make on the two tunnels goes….there is a constant flow of traffic through all the barriers with cars paying £1.70 a throw..and wagons much more…it’s a joke…we drive though several tunnels in Wales to get to Anglesey FREE OF CHARGE. There has been a terrible sad incident in Hoylake whereby a young 16 year old girl threw herself in front of a train at a level crossing….apparently her mother had just died and she had other problems…I always think suicide is so sad and tragic….it’s a real sad situation….I’ve known a few friends who have taken their own lives…and I always think if they could have ridden the storm for a while longer they might have come through…but it’s easy to say. The royal baby is due….so this will provide a filler for the news…we already have TV reporters standing outside the hospital waiting for something to happen…and guessing as to the name etc…it will have blue blood y’know…..I must say I do like Kate and William….again the crowds will gather…direct from the Richard the Third procession…..I often wonder what these people would do if it wasn’t for our regal rulers. 5.The Gas Board will be replacing all pipes in the country over the next 8 years…they have been in my road for two and a half weeks….looks like world war three….what a mess….however one of the guys showed me a piece of old piping which looked like a flute….they have JUST filled in the three big holes in my driveway….so I got my kayak out and went to Chester and rowed up the River Dee in idyllic conditions…which put me in a better mood. I absolutely love Chester.

173. Let's Keep it Simple
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Description: The song I’ve sent you this week was another I wrote for David Alexander…which he recorded and put on his wedding album….it is called “Let’s Keep It Simple”.It was also recorded by Julie Bright and Sue Young back in the vinyl days…..it did well…in fact I might resurrect it. The election is now taking over the evening TV with all the parties (with some exceptions) slugging it out on the podium….what a load of boring tripe!....I thought UKIP were doing well and thought I might even vote for them….then they announced they were going to allow smoking in pubs…big error…whoever came up with that idea has blown their chances… The “scientists” are at it again…proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that you can actually get paid for nothing…….an American university (where else?) has studied peoples eating habits and have come up with the devastating conclusion that what you watch on TV determines how much junk food you eat….so if you are watching an exiting action film (if there is such a thing) you eat less than if you are watching a slow boring programme…so there you are…earth shattering stuff…..and this was NATIONAL news. I am in the habit of watching the news at 8 in the morning….and I generally watch the headlines on the BBC before it goes off on a boring tangent…which is after about 3 minutes…I then skip over to ITV which is a bit lighter and saves me falling back to sleep….HOWEVER the ITV morning show has had a guest presenter this week…Piers Morgan….heavens above WHY?...he is the most arrogant,ignorant,self opinionated talentless excuse for a TV personality in the history of broadcasting….I felt sorry for the normal presenters.........I’ve never quite fathomed out why they need more than one presenter anyway….but to bring in a complete moron like Piers is beyond belief… We are being bombarded with some terrible stuff on TV at the moment….there is a show with Philip Schofield who I quite like whereby members of the public get hypnotised and make idiots out of themselves….sending entertainment down to a new low….Then we have “Britains Got Talent”…..HELP!!!!!....nothing changes…it’s still all about the judges playing God and charismaless hopefuls being watched by their dying granny….the fact it is so popular says a lot about our population….IT’S RUBBISH !!....bring back Opp Knox or New Faces and leave the doting family members out of it….and don’t get me going on Ant and Dec !!!!!....it must be at least five minutes since they were last on the tele.

174. The Other Woman
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Description: The song I’ve sent you this week is called “When You’re The Other Woman”” which was written for and is performed by Pauline Daniels….I This was on the B side of the first record I made when I formed my company (you have already played the A side “You’re No Good To Me If You Can’t Boogie”)…whereas the A side was aimed at radio play this one was specifically for her act.She started out as a singer and sang stuff like “Send In The Clowns”…and “Pearl’s a Singer”…so this one fitted into her act…it is what it is like to actually BE the other woman…the one who gets the blame…..I had to craft it to her voice so she could get the big note at the end….I achieved this by having a key change in the middle which went DOWN a tone…the only one to do it I think….then there’s another key change which actually brings it back to the original key…clever eh? My publisher in the seventies was called Mingard Music and it is where I befriended Angie McCartney (Paul’s stepmum) and her daughter Ruth…when they went to the States they suggested I go it alone which I did…I built an 8 track studio in my attic and paid for it by doing demos for people…I advertised in a national mag and ended up doing 200 demos….some of them were horrendous with customers simply singing the song in the bath etc..and I had to put it into shape….I was always helpful…one guy sent me a song to do called “My Old Man’s A Policeman” to the tune of My Old Man’s A Dustman….I told him I would alter a few chord progressions so he didn’t get sues and suggested he call it “Top Of The Cops”…which he did…it was still horrendous. Sue Young uses to do the female vocals…great days. The news here is a constant barrage of election rubbish…which just results in me being more confused than I was beforehand…..and when you switch channels all you get is every illness being discussed in length…that’s all we get all the time. If I could I would like to suggest a channel with things of interest on it….good well written dramas….good documentaries…and FUNNY comedy….then Ant and Dec,Sarah Millican,John Bishop,Ross Poldark,and all the cooking programmes and all the cures for obesity can be avoided…..with 15 minutes of news. .....having said this I have been watching “Hi-De-Hi” which is on every day at tea time….I never used to be fussy…but it is so funny and so well written….it is a continuous story which is great fun to keep up with…it is written by the guys who wrote Dad’s Army…it really is brilliant…and what a breath of fresh air. ...The blokes who were allegedly plane spotting at some foreign airport are STILL in jail and their case come up next Monday….I bet they are panicking now…also we had the robbery of a big jewellery store…and they reckon the thieves got away with 200 million pounds worth of stuff…and no-one knew they were there for days….I think a few heads will roll on this one….also the French air traffic control strikes are causing havoc to our holiday makers…this sort of thing should be outlawed…it’s disgraceful. ...finally we are experiencing air pollution from France and The Sahara….don’t the know we are British….KEEP YOUR NASTY AIR WE DON@T WANT IT !!!!!

175. April 1st and King Richard 111
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Description: The song I’ve sent you this week was a demo I did to pitch at David Alexander….hence the big finish.It’s called “I Love You”….David not only recorded the song but made it the title track on the album he made to celebrate his wedding when he married Penny Page…. I didn’t think it would be long before the publicity obtained from the discovery of Richard the Third spread further afield…yes they have now found the BED that belonged to Henry the Seventh !! WOW!!....I wonder if they will parade it through the streets so everyone can throw flowers at it?...It’s only a matter of time before they find the arrow with King Harold’s eye on the end of it. The bloke who designed the cover for the Sgt.Pepper album has been commissioned to paint one of the ferry boats…….apparently he got a one off payment of £200 for the album cover…he should have settled for a penny a copy…I suppose the tourists will like the boat….if you can get away with a yellow submarine you can get away with anything. The police have uncovered a scam that has taken place in Chester…..it’s where a car purposely collides with a bus and a so called solicitor convinces all the passengers to claim for whiplash….the driver is also in on it..... the upshot is that the police are nicking the ringleaders AND doing the passengers for fraud…great news…if it was up to me the whole lot of them would get ten years… There have been some good April Fools activities…someone almost convinced the TV to cover a sighting of a great white shark from the ferry boat….when all was revealed…and the same paper another year announced that the Mersey was due to be at it’s lowest for 1000 years and it would be possible to walk across from Wirral to Liverpool….again the crowds who turned up were not amused.

176. The King's New Clothes!
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Description: ..I’ve just spent a few days in Wales…hence the song “The Magic Of Wales”….this was a sort of follow up to my Llanfair PG song….again sung by Paul….I put this on a single cassette…one song on one side and one on the other…same as Llanfair.. … got some good lines in it…The grey of Blaenau’s quarries with their crumbling hills of slate”…I was well pleased with this one. The news this week has been all about the terrible plane crash in The Alps….again the stupid news presenters are making wild guesses as to what happened…without any knowledge…which again achieves NOTHING…..one of the ridiculous questions was “Do you think there could be a possibility of terrorism?”….which only serves to get all the sheep who watch the news all worked up…for goodness sake WAIT AND SEE !!....This was followed by a woman whinging and moaning about how women are regarded in the workplace…they’re not problems … the families of the passengers on that plane have PROBLEMS. Speaking of sheep I was watching in disbelief as crowds of people lined the streets for the “Royal” funeral….of supposedly Richard the Third…..have some people got nothing going on in their lives…they were even throwing flowers on to the box…sorry…coffin….and one bloke got stopped from taking a selfie of himself by the coffin…despite blanket coverage from the television….parading a box of bones through the streets on the assumption that it was once a king of England defies description…with religious characters getting themselves into the act with “…ah yes King Richard would have thought this …and would have said that etc”…we definitely all need help. If I hear Jeremy Clarkson’s name once more I think I’ll scream…he had a barney with a bloke … and got the sack…THAT’S IT!!...I don’t care if he gets picked up by another channel…I don’t care if he starves…the only thing I wish he’d done was punch Richard Hammond in his annoying face….then I could enjoy watching the blanket news on the subject. Also the news has made a massive deal about Cameron saying if he wins the election he will only serve one more term…oh blimey…EVERYONE has piled in….he said he wants to spend more time with his family….then what do we get…..Milliband being photographed walking his kids to school….oooh look at me …I’m also a family man….talk about transparent….they must think we are all impressed with all this nonsense….mind you I’m beginning to think most of us are!

177. Why do Penguins Waddle?
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Description: The song I’ve sent you this week is totally un PC but it was one I wrote for comedian Tom Pepper back in the day. He recorded it and got a lot of mileage out of it…he used to do a double act with Pauline Daniels and he’d sing this to her…she would sing the women’s reply.t….. ...The “scientists” have been at it again….on the national news…they have been in London Zoo finding out why penguins waddle….AND the scientists came over from America…how interesting….not.we have just had a partial solar eclipse….It was blanket news coverage….the moon passed between us and the sun….so everyone is out buying the special overpriced sunglasses and getting really exited … SO WHAT !!... I watched Comic Relief last week and found little to deserve the description on “comic”….I often wonder what happened to comedy…Jasper Carrot is making a comeback with his mate Bev Bevan (ELO’s drummer) … ...Television has reached an all time low in this country….there are nights when there is absolutely nothing worth watching….unless you want to watch boring baking programmes or people having fat removed from their obese frames… Speaking of talent…every Wednesday local musicians meet up for a jam session (which you know about) and all the money raised goes to sick kids’s charities…we call it The Cheshire Cats… … and the standard is very high….after watching all these award programmes and X Factors etc etc I have come to the conclusion that there is more quality on a Wednesday night than all the other stuff put together….and as the guys never ask for anything and all give their skills free of charge I decided to create a Cheshire Cats Hall of Fame and inducted then ALL into it…I sorted out a plaque for each of them as a small gesture…they are great guys to know and to work with….Rock On !!!

178. How to sayu Llanfair PG
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Description: As I am now big in Kazakhstan this weeks song has to be my minor classic…….a copy to Lady Di…and more recently to Wills and Kate got me a couple of nice replies from the Palace…it got a play on Radio 1 and the World Service……and now it has recently been featured in a concert in the new opera house in Astana in Kazakhstan … .Still on a musical note….I have been watching “The Voice” and have been somewhat disappointed..males and females sing in different keys (hence you will generally get a subtle key change in male and female duets….for example “Islands in the stream” with Kenny Rogers and Dolly)… .Birkenhead Park has been under the local spotlight…to survive it may need voluntary help as the council needs to make cuts…y’kow to help pay towards the 15 billion underground in LONDON!! The tragedy of the two helicopters colliding during a reality show overseas has been on the news…three Olympic athletes losing their lives…this is so wrong…we’ve got a new reality survival show here featuring Bear Grylls……it only need a few feet of water to drown you…these programmes are accidents waiting to happen….it makes very uncomfortable viewing… I don’t get the latest major problem with “tweeting”…..first off I don’t really know what it is…but apparently peoples lives are in ribbons because of malicious “tweets”....Why don’t hey switch off their mobiles…and not “tweet”?....

179. Mersey Man
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Description: The ditty I have sent you this week is called Mersey Man and is taken from a DVD I made a while back about the River&.I filmed the Mersey from start to finish........ Last sunday I compared a show at the Floral Pavilion in New Brighton ....it featured big band music performed by The RAF Swing Wing...they had a good front man and some great female vocalists doing all the old stuff.............The news has been featuring the two men who got arrested in some foreign clime whilst plane spotting....they have been thrown in jail and as usual we only get one side of the story............... The muttering actors in TV dramas has reared it's ugly head again this week.............my beef is with the producers of programmes like Strictly Come Dancing where Mr. Ego on the desk is flitting from one angle to another...missing most of the actual dancing....IT'S THE FEET WE WANNA SEE MATE !!..........PLUS MUCH MORE!

180. Madonna-The New Caped Crusader?
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Description: Don's song this week is another classic….”Geriatric Scout”....He told me..."I wrote this way back for the local gang show as I recall….when I listen to this stuff I honestly don’t know where the lyrics come from…….”my ging gang goolies goin’ out of tune”…they don’t write ‘em like that anymore. The obvious shortage of news means we have been told about the three teenage girls who have left the country to join ..…and while we are at it we could all pop over to New Zealand and help them save the beached wales seeing as that was national news. The “scientists” have been at it again….too much sleep can cause a stroke … they THINK….it’s not definite but it’s possible…...and…wait for it….to prevent us having peanut allergies it is suggested we feed our 4 month old babies peanut butter….again they THINK this will help in later life…WHAT IF THEY ARE WRONG??.... To reinforce my theory that most of us have yet to evolve….people are scrambling for a one way ticket to Mars….yes they are out there….perhaps we should have the opportunity to suggest who should go? I watched the Brits with Madonna doing a back flip off the stage….she was lucky she didn’t do some serious damage…I think the cloak will have gone straight in the bin…...It was nice to see the likes of Paloma Faith,Ed Sheeran and Sam Smith getting their just deserts…talented youngsters indeed, and I was well impressed with “Royal Blood”….sensational…what a sound from just a bass and drums….then we had Kanye West…

181. Don's in Love Again
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Description: Got a call from a guy who works on The One Show asking if they could use a small section of my YouTube song about Una Stubbs….as she was a guest on the show…I naturally agreed and they used a small section of the chorus when she was introduced….was somewhat hidden by the applause for her but hey nice one eh? I wrote this song many years ago and actually got a record deal from a major record company….which didn’t materialise so I recently re-recorded it and put it on YouTube and on one of my quirky albums…I also sent her a copy and she phoned me up and thanked me…a national treasure indeed… I have been watching repeats of the original Hi-De-Hi series and can’t believe how good it was…it’s hilarious….the wonderful cast and classic scripts…absolutely brilliant…unlike “Benidorm” which has totally lost it’s way…thank goodness it’s finished…a 5 year old could write a better script…and by co-incidence Ruth Madoc was in the last episode…talk about one extreme to the other…let’s hope that’s the last we see of it…total waste of air time. I had to smile at the news of the daughter of the Korean Airline boss stopping the plane because she didn’t like the way they served the nuts….I think she is one herself….she made the pilot back up and told the purser to get off the plane…she’s now in jail under the anti terrorist laws…you couldn’t write this…they should have included it in Benidorm….might have got a laugh for a change. There was a slight slip up on the tele recently….it involved a scam which set up Bradley Walsh…the idea was to book him for a talk and secretly set him up…the guy said Bradley wasn’t too happy as he thought he was going to get 10 grand….TEN GRAND!!!...for a TALK!!!!....Bradley Walsh!!!...this is the problem these days…anyone who pays out that sort of money wants a reality check…it’s scandalous….I remember back in the day we put a charity show on at a local theatre for sick kids…the top of the bill let us down so we rang up a well known comic….who agreed to step in….(as he obviously had nothing else on with the very short notice)…all the groups and dancers did it for nothing…this guy…who gave a third rate 30 minutes…wanted 1500 quid…personally I wouldn’t have paid him 15 pence….greedy greedy. There’s a big hoohah at the moment concerning the Chelsea fans who kept stopping this black guy from getting on the train in Paris….of course the press are straight in…it’s RACISM…and the guy has come up with the usual ”It’s because I’m black…etc”……

182. Yes Sir I can Boogie!
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Description: The song I have found this week was the first record on my label back in 1980…BIG DEE RECORDS….this was BD 001….It’s called “You’re No Good To Me If You Can’t Boogie” and was sung by my good friend Pauline Daniels who went on to big things …it was on a 45 vinyl and I used a drum box alongside the actual drums….to my knowledge I was the first to do this?....happy days….watch the false break doesn’t catch you out…….it caught a few of the local DJs out at the time. 2.What have I been saying for the past two years…”There’s too much time devoted to news on the tele”….therefore most of it is padded out to fill in the 24 hours…..two half hour bulletins would do….NOW this is being discussed,,,,saying that there is not enough news to report…well well there’s a surprise. At the moment all we are getting is the NHS problems and all the illnesses 50% of us are likely to get….when you finish watching the news you feel like hanging yourself. We recently had 20 minutes on a girl who got some disease after having tattoos removed….NATIONAL NEWS?...I don’t think so. 3.Leon Britten has just died and he was allegedly involved in some sort of sex scandal…so what they are having to do is bury him in an unmarked grave in case the Neanderthals desecrate the grave…a sad situation but just shows the mentality that is wandering around…it’s like the beheading of Margaret Thatcher’s statue which we discussed last week…they are DEAD…what does these sort of activities achieve?...it’s pathetic. 4.The Mersey Tunnel is considering putting up the fee from £!.70 to £1.80….this is beyond me…you have a tunnel which has been there since the thirties and they constantly announce that they are still paying for it…..there are about 8 booths which each take £1.70 a minute right through the day…..that is a LOT of money…I would like to see a breakdown as to where it all goes….there’s not a lot of staff and don’t tell me it’s for maintenance…the tunnel through the mountain at Conway is FREE….how do they work that one out?....and Wirral Council are employing a new Chief Executive and he will be on £170 grand a year…so there will have to be job losses to pay him….good stuff eh?...that really makes sense….is someone having a laugh? 5.There have been a lot of complaints about “mumbling” actors on TV…which is what I’ve been saying for ages….”24” was the worst…one minute Keifer Sitherland is mumbling…next he’s shouting his head off…HE CAN’T ACT!! simple as that … and there is a programme called “Broadchurch” starring David Tennant….I can’t understand ONE word he says….apart from mumbling he has a Scottish accent … I may as well watch the test card….what happened to ACTING?....come back Sir Larry all is forgiven!!!!!

183. Seasons....
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Description: The song I have sent you this week is another from one of my local DVDs….Seasons…it is dubbed over film which matches the words…sunshine,snow..the lot.….it says it all…I write about the place I love which is why I live here…which brings me to my next point. .I watched Cilla Black and John Bishop on a chat programme in the week…I have to laugh at the way they both layer the accent on really thick and go on about how wonderful Liverpool is…says Cilla who lives in Surrey and J.B. who lives out in Cheshire….even The Beatles moved out as quick as they could and Ringo wont even talk about it. No matter what anyone says The Beatles put Liverpool on the map and the City certainly capitalises on it which seems to be the only reason people are so “proud” to apparently come from there so they can be indirectly linked to the fab four….lorra lorra laughs… I watched the Australian Open last Sunday….Andy was beaten by Novak who is the better player…full stop….WHY do we have to listen to commentators who think they are on the same level?..Andrew Castle…what’s he done?...…and John Virgo is another with the snooker…tells you what shot the player will play next and is never right….let’s just watch the game please… A poor little pensioner was mugged outside his house and received a broken collar bone….a young girl felt so sorry for him that she organised a charity collection and raised 250 grand!!...which shows how nice MOST people are…what should be done now is hunt down the dross who mugged the old guy and sling them in a cage for a month and feed them scraps…obviously the doogooders would be screaming human rights… After the film about the Enigma code with Benedict Cumberbach where the guy who solved the code and brought a quicker end to the war then was thrown in jail because he was homosexual…typical of the attitude of those in power at the time…well the upshot is there is a move afoot to pardon all those similar cases from back then….can’t see what the problem is JUST DO IT !!...

184. Roll us yer cap Uncle Stan
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Description: The song this week was one that came so close...it was inspired by a TV advert where two young girls asked their uncle Stan to roll his cap across his chest then round the back of his neck...I came up with this song which Norman Thomas played every day on Radio City...I sent it to The Grumbleweeds who said they would do it if the advert went national...sadly it didn't because the despite the ad being so popular no-one knew what it was advertising...which was British Beef...close but no cigar. Katie Price has been taking some stick in the news regarding her receiving benefits from the Government to pay for taxis to take her disabled son to school...despite her being worth 45 million. In my opinion she's earned her money and pays her taxes.......I admire anyone who makes their fortune...and it's always the scroungers who seem to complain . I watched The Voice last week and to my delight one of the contestants was the singer from Black Lace...he didn't get selected but I was a big fan of the group...BUT it was uncool to like them...in fact some of their songs were voted the worst records ever...THEY WERE GREAT!!...you can't argue with full dancefloors....my band ALWAYS did Agadoo and The Conga...guaranteed to get everyone up....loved 'em!!....it’s called entertainment…something a lot of bands these days could do with a lesson in, I have been watching coverage of the 70th anniversary of the Holocaust...it's hard to believe this happened...no matter how many times you see it. It displays how low humanity can sink with their treatment of fellow human beings....soon there will be no living survivors to tell the story which MUST be carried into the future so this never happens again... Further proof that there are many morons roaming amongst us..there is a statue of Maggie Thatcher in an art gallery which has been moved to a small corridor and cordoned off...because some bright neanderthals decided to behead it...no matter what you thought of her when she was P.M. what does that achieve?...and having street parties when she died just shows how some of us have yet to evolve.Looking for someone to man a one way journey to Mars?....look no further…

185. Quality TV
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Description: Massive world changing news this week…..”experts” have stated that they now know that more women than men believe in God…..yep we had ten minutes on this incredible information, ALSO there has been a change in the exercise situation….we don’t have to run…we can walk…and 10 minutes a day will do…so there you are…isn’t that worth the licence fee….and…wait for it….it’s TRUE... that carrots help you see in the dark….there’s something in them that improved your eyesight….Buggs Bunny will be delighted with this national news. The latest nonsense is the intention to pass a law requiring cigarettes to be sold only in plain packets….this will put people off buying them…the rotting tar covered lung on the packet apparently isn’t doing the trick. I watched some of the TV awards with the highly talented Ant and Dec getting their annual trophy. This was during a week where it was impossible to find ANYTHING worth watching….Stars In Their Eyes…or should I say The Harry Hill Show…I’ve always quite liked Harry Hill…until now…Harry (over the) Hill.. There’s a new programme about “fails” where they simply take clips off YouTube…then we have Benidorm…..oh dear … it was so bad I switched over to BBC 4 and watched “Top Of The Pops 1972” only to be greeted by Paul Jones followed by Rod Stewart and Freddy flamin’ Garrity…..life doesn’t get much worse. 5.Sad news about the death of Ann Kirkbride off Coronation Street….it had a lot of press coverage and is indeed very sad….but there’s a strange phenomena in this country where people actually BELIEVE that soaps are real life…they march and put up posters requesting someone or other be released from jail etc…..IT’S A PLAY…that’s all….they are ACTORS!!....and we wonder why he country has it’s problems…can’t say too much because I know you watch the soaps !!!!

186. Wrestlemania
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Description: The song I’ve sent you this week was the first one I presented wrestler Adrian Street with (in 1980) ……this was to result in me writing and recording 22 songs for him on two L.P. s and going over to the States and doing TV etc….the songs have recently come back to haunt me- as an independent record company want to re-release the stuff on coloured vinyl… Not that I watch big Brother…it’s about as bad as television gets…but the news has featured one of the celebs being removed because he made racist comments……which left me wondering what happened to free speech?....I think a large percentage of the population need to get over themselves… Our wonderful Government has announced that more schools are required because of the increase in the young population…and it will cost…wait for it….12 billion pounds….. to put it into perspective the population of the world is 7 billion….so if there is a spare 12 billion why not give the whole world a couple of quid each?... There is such a shortage of news the BBC are bombarding us with the latest scare tactics….we are all living longer…and there wont be enough money to fund whoever is going to look after us…HELP!!...but we can help by EXERCISING…. On a lighter note I have been contacted by an American TV company who feature unusual places to visit and have asked if they can use my Llanfair P.G. song…….I looked the company up on the net and saw that they have been nominated for an Emmy award…so we’ll see what happens.

187. What Have I got in my Hand?
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Description: The song I’ve sent you this week was the extended version of a jingle I did for Norman Thomas on Radio City. It was for a daily competition he used to have on his programme called “What have I got in my hand” whereby he would give out clues as to what he was holding and the public phoned in with their guesses….the winner getting 20 quid. It was really funny stuff and Norman did a great job…he sadly died a few years ago….I did quite a bit of stuff for him…he was a great bloke I watched the Michael Buble Christmas show just before Xmas and was well impressed…I thought it was real quality…unlike the John Bishop comedy show…whatever happened to FUNNY…he wasn’t even slightly funny and the string of comedians he had on weren’t much better….these guys are in serious need of good comedy writers…they seem to think they can do it on their own…they are wrong. I went up to Carnforth in The Lake District for a few days up to Xmas Eve to take in the ambience….it BUCKETED down so Bowness didn’t look too Chistmassy….then we spent a reasonably dry day in Lancaster…which is one of my favourite cities….it has a certain magical charm about it with it’s collection of shops and restaurants and the wonderful castle…great place to visit. I wish someone would start a movement to ban played out Christmas records on TV and radio….while travelling up to the Lakes we had radio 2 on….one after the other…simply having a wonderful Christmas time…all I want for Christmas is you….have yourself a merry little Christmas…etc etc etc…for goodness sake GIVE US A BREAK !!!…is there no imagination in the world…there MUST be new songs out there…thank goodness it’s over…I can’t take much more. The Krankies panto in Glasgow has received great reviews…they were on with John Barrowman in Cinderella….the panto includes all sorts of effects including 3D….where a giant spider wreaks havoc over the audience…The Krankies are friends of mine and I have written loads of stuff for them over the years…for this panto I wrote a parody of Miley Cirus’s “wrecking ball”…...I’d be on for a free ticket but it’s a bit far away.

188. Liverpool-You Rock the World
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Description: The song I’ve sent you this week ....... I wrote and recorded as the B side to Beatle City which you played a while back….it was a vinyl single which the then Merseyside County Council Tourism Dept commissioned from me. It sold well and I think you’ll enjoy the sentiment. There has been a bit of an outcry regarding Cheryl Cole’s “live” performance on the X Factor…..fortunately I didn’t see it….it was alleged she was miming…but they deny it…COURSE SHE WAS MIMING…SHE CAN’T SING!!!....it’s as if it’s a big surprise….The X Factor proves you can kid most of the people most of the time… It’s Children In Need time again….I find all this stuff somewhat annoying year after year….Heavens above I hate the thought of ANY kiddie injured or starving….I help run a children’s charity myself every week…but when I hear the talentless Terry Wogan bleating on about how £2 can save a life etc…….why not have a collection from Jonathan Ross,Wogan,Beckham,all the politicians in their mansions,all the footballers…and those in charge of the forthcoming rail link…etc….PROBLEM SOLVED !!....the likes of these could solve the problem and not even miss the money. I was on about “nobility” last week….I think a lot of this “we’re above it all” attitude is on it’s way out…..I’ve always disliked the Golf Club mentality where everyone grovels around the captain…and sailing clubs with the”Commodore” etc….my band was a function band so I saw this sort of snoberry at close range from masonics to every kind of society….I naturally went along with it because I was getting PAID but I always found it hard to believe that some,not all,of these types really think they are above everyone else….however as the generations change these organisations are struggling to survive….local golf clubs here are offering a weeks golf for 15 quid….looks like modern youngsters wont put up with pomposity….good for them. .At the moment I seem to be in demand….I have been approached by an American film company who are making a documentary on North Wales and want to use my Llanfair P.G. song…no problems there as long as I appear in the credits….I was also approached by a record company who want to put out the songs I wrote for wrestler Adrian Street in the 80’s…they want to put an album out on coloured vinyl….I’ve sent them copies of the masters (after brushing off the cobwebs)…so that’s as far as I want to be involved….so seeing as I have all the songs (22 of them) I have decided to bring out a CD album myself….I’ve been in touch with Adrian and he’s sent me a load of hilarious photos which I will use on a promo video for YouTube…he told me that a drama company want to do a musical of his life story….is the world ready for this?

189. Rock around the Clock!
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Description: The song I’ve sent you is from an interesting period of my songselling activities. It was originally written for the Blackpool tourism dept and it was called “It’s Blackpool Magic”…they didn’t want it so I changed the lyrics to “Long Live The Isle of Man”…sent it to Norman Wisdom who lived over there ............ I was quite moved when I watched “Rock Around The Clock” on the TV recently….this was the film which changed the direction of my life in 1956 when I saw it on the pictures…it still has that same magic…as John Lennon once said “before rock and roll there was nothing”….what surprised me was one of Bill Haley’s Comets played an accordion…unbelievable…a classic film. As always there is the annual debate about bonfire night…WHY?... I was watching the programme they had on the guy who cracked the Enigma code…thus saving thousands of lives and helping to end the war…but oh no…that’s of no importance …HE WAS A HOMOSEXUAL!!... Nothing has changed in this country….as I always say it’s serfs and noblemen…if the Sheriff of Nottingham decided to extend his land he would have.......

190. Watch this space!
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Description: The track I’ve sent you this week is frmo the album “Portrait of Wales” which I produced for my mate Paul Damian….. Went to The Floral Pavilion Thursday night to see “The Magic of Motown”…absolutely brilliant….packed house all on their feet…worth every penny. There was a Portuguese lady on one of the news programmes stating that the Brits are always complaining about foreigners coming into the country yet they are virtually taking over Portugal… On the same topic the police burst into Cliff Richard’s house (while he’s away on holiday) and ransacked it…. I’m back in touch with my mate Adrian Street….and recently we have been approached by an independent record company who want to put the stuff out there again…

191. Dick Turpin 2014
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Description: The track I’ve sent you this week is called “The 4122” which was the last train down the Wirral way before they closed the line and converted it into the present footpath and cycle track. There can’t be enough to fill the news so the BBC have resorted to reporting “killer” mussels which are arriving in the Thames from foreign climes ..this together with “killer” shrimps which are already here it’s time to worry about this and not the threat from terrorists. I pay £285 road tax and there is a move afoot to ask people in local constituencies to volunteer to fill in potholes in the road…. The NHS have been on strike…first one in 35 years because Mr.Hunt has decided we can’t afford the ONE PERCENT wage increase they are asking for…says the man who will get a NINE percent rise. Mind you people who keep us alive can’t possibly be as important as a high speed rail link that no-one wants…and costs BILLIONS. My pal informed me he is making a will and against my advice he went to a solicitor…...even Dick Turpin wore a mask.

192. Don's in Love!
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Description: The song I have sent you this week is about everyone’s favourite lady Una Stubbs…...she said she was delighted with the song and THANKED me for the compliment…. After the recent Liverpool Everton Derby game a pal of mine told me that as the fans walked past his house there was an Everton supporter ..it’s a FOOTBALL MATCH…that’s all…but to some morons it’s warfare…........ There has been a lot of publicity surrounding “Trolling”… I recently watched John Lydon (aka Johnny Rotten) on morning TV... The BBC have recently been spending our licence fees on making serious attempts to promote classical music to the masses........

193. Gin Gan Goolie
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Description: The song I’ve sent you this week is one I composed and produced in the 80s for the Scout Movement….”Scouts of The World”....As you know the scouts began in Birkenhead in 1908 by Baden Powell… I was again a bit taken aback by our wonderful legal system….Dave Lee Travis…who was cleared of 11 out of 12 sexual assault cases was found guilty of one INDECENT assault … On a similar note Stella McCartney has upset the feminist brigade by saying girls should be gentle and show their frailty instead of trying to prove they are just as good as any man… Last week we were discussing postal scams where people were told they have won a fortune and letting their greed get in the way of their better judgement…WELL…believe it or not I got one of these letters THIS WEEK… I watched a drama on the tele about a guy called Neil Baldwin who suffered with learning difficulties….it was a true story of how this guy dealt with the problem…amongst his many strange adventures he approached Stoke City FC and asked Lou Macari if he needed help…

194. I'm in Love with Me!
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Description: .The song I've sent is one I wrote for wrestler Adrian Street and was one of the first records I made on my independent label...."I'm In Love With Me" We got so much mileage out of this minor "classic".. Despite the stick we took on this song Adrian went to live and work in the States and had a video made of the song which was played a lot on MTV. There has been a big issue here about people being scammed through the post... After the Scottish fiasco they are now talking about home rule for councils.. The "experts" are at it again....must be no news....it has been suggested that rugby players bathe separately after the match...otherwise they might get skin problems or boils etc.. It is the 20th anniversary of "Friends" which in my opinion was the best comedy series ever...consistently good and brilliantly written...

195. Scotland-Sorted!
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Description: Thank goodness the Scottish referendum is over… This week I have found one of my ancient classic novelty songs which I composed for The Liverpool Health Authority. “The Exercise Song” went down really well….….it aint rock and roll but it’s close…. ....speaking of Liverpool did you see the drama about Cilla?...Rory Storm with black hair?...and The Beatles looked nothing like…a little bit more effort to detail would have been better. The BBC coverage of the Oscar Pistorious trial was ridiculous…........ Remaining on the subject of getting ripped off…my car tax is due…£285 a year… Sunday Night At The Palladium is back….which will sort the wheat out from the chaff… it’s now O.K. to have salt…it’s SUGAR that’s gonna see you off. .....and finally there was a short announcement regarding a space satellite which has landed successfully on a planet 250,000 miles away….and hey the surface was rougher than they thought…

196. Messing About on the River
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Description: I spent this afternoon on my kayak in Chester….it was paradise…so I thought I’d send you a tribute to this wonderful city which I composed many years ago…it was actually a B side of a vinyl…the A side was a song I did about Chester Zoo which I sold to the Zoo who used it on radio and TV adverts (handy royalties)…this is my original version of the song…the one I marketed to the Zoo was sung by a good friend of mine called Julie Bright who I used on a lot of my demos which required a female vocal…she was great. Bit of a panic going on around here regarding “necessary” financial cuts which have to be made because of cash shortage…this doesn’t seem to effect things down south as the politicians have awarded themselves a 9% wage increase…I’m so happy for them….no wonder Scotland want to get out of it all…this will be the news now for the next couple of weeks….I’m thinking of starting an “Independent Wirral” campaign…..I’ve never believed in aliens but when I look at our government I’m beginning to wonder. I’m delighted that the little lad with the medical problem is getting sorted out after his parents recent disgraceful ordeal…but WHY do they have to have BBC reporters outside the hospital in Spain and then in Prague?...just TELL us the news instead of giving these reporters a free holiday on the licence fee…same thing with the new royal baby….we have to sit and look at some reporter struggling to fill in the time outside the hospital…telling us NOTHING!!!....GIVE US SOME NEWS!!...or refund our licence!! The Tate Gallery in Liverpool is having an exhibition of modern art…hmm…I maybe totally wrong but I just don’t see four or five squares painted on a canvass as being art?...it’s rubbish….but the “experts” are all gathered round drooling over this stuff….I thought Tracy Emin’s unmade bed on display was pretty hard to take but this tripe…..I must be missing something….people can certainly get fooled these days. I remember years ago when someone put a canvass on the floor of a scrapyard and got kids to throw paint over it and ride their BMXs over it…the finished job was put on display and all the “experts” (who didn’t know haw it was produced) could see real “meaning” in this work of art…what a bunch of plonkers Did you see my mate Prince Harry on the news….they asked him about his thoughts on the new royal babba…he said he was delighted…and they then said this would take him further down the line for the throne…he just laughed and said “Yeah…GREAT!!”…..he is working with injured army guys and girls getting them into sport…you gotta love this lad.

197. The Vacuum and Skiffle
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Description: After slating the X Factor last week I thought I’d have a look at the new series to see if had improved…horrendous…it’s even worse than ever. It’s the arrogance of the judges that gets me…Cheryl Cole and Mel B telling someone they are out of tune….rich coming from two talentless females who have spent their careers MIMING. The programme is a perfect example of the level of intellect of the British viewing public…I salute Cowell on cashing in on this. The news has been heavily covering the case of Ashya King…the little lad who was taken out of a hospital here and taken to Spain because the parents were not happy with the treatment here…because they took their kid without consent the wonderful legal system drags them through the courts and sends them in handcuffs to jail…is it me or is the world losing the plot?...to drag ANYONE through the courts is a dreadful ordeal…let alone innocent parents…at least the Spanish judge saw sense and tossed the case out….the whole thing was a disgrace and I hope the parents get a good solicitor and sue the lot of them !!! The EU strikes again!!....everyone is panic buying vacuum cleaners because the EU will soon be making a law to restrict the power to 900 watts or something….then it will be coffee perculators and microwaves etc…apparently this will save the planet…great stuff…here’s some facts while we are on the subject of the EU Pythagoras’s theorem had 29 words The Lords Prayer has 66 words Archimede’s Principle has 67 words The 10 Commandments has 179 words The Gettysburg address has 286 words The EU regulations on the sale of CABBAGES has…….29,911 words I rest my case They had a programme on Prince Harry at 30……no matter which way you swing with the Royals this lad has it all….what a guy…he does so much for so many charities and makes the rest of the Royals look a bit sad….great programme…I think it will open a lot of eyes…great example to his generation. The song I’ve sent you this week “The Story of Skiffle” is a tribute to where it all began…..it’s a song I wrote for a mate of mine (sadly passed away) round about 2000…..he played it to Chas McDevitt (of Freight Train fame) who suggested he sends it to Finland for the annual Skiffle Convention….which he did and we were invited to perform there….so we threw a skiffle group together and off we went…a great experience.

198. Wirral- World's Best?
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Description: .Sad news about Richard Attenborough....He was in one of the funniest sketches I've ever seen...it was about 25 years ago in a programme called "Alas it's Smith and Jones"....with Mel Smith and Griff Rhys Jones.....he said he had just completed filming Ghandi and required the music track...to which Mel said he had the man to do it...the best...Griff then turns up on a pushbike with a banjo and sings a ridiculous song in a 48 track studio....Sir Richard played it dead straight concluding with "GET HIM OUT OF HERE!!"....I always admire anyone who sends themselves up.....great guy. Kate Bush has recently made a comeback after 30 odd years...and stormed it in a live concert...rave reviews....never quite got her...bit too far out for my taste...but good luck to her....however I did like the orchestration on Wuthering Heights….and unfortunately the X Factor is returning….the least talent being behind the judges desk The Nanny State strikes again!!....some bright spark who is obviously trying to create a job for himself has suggested that the over 50's should be advised (via a leaflet) on how to handle forthcoming old age...re organising pensions and how to keep fit etc.....OVER 50's!!!!!....then another bright spark suggested this was too young...maybe OVER 65s....I looked at these blokes and thought I'm better looking...more intelligent....and more talented than both of them put together...they know where they can stick their advice. When a nine year old girl gets taught how to use an automatic weapon (with drastic consequences) one has to seriously question the mentality of Americans….they are so quick to condemn others….what a hypocritical nation they are……and the “proud” parents filming it……I despair. The song I have sent you this week should be close to your heart as it's about your home......The Wirral Song.....this came to me when I was standing on Thurstaston Hill in the 80s and thought there's the Mersey...there's the Dee...and there's the Irish Sea....gotta be a song there so I came up with this one....I took it to the Wirral Council who ordered 4000 copies to promote their leisure services...I wrote a a Bside (as it was vinyl) about the Wirral Way....the song actually made the local Top Ten as compiled by one of the local major stores

199. Beatle City and Leave Cliff Richard alone!
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Description: Cliff….oh dear…the witch hunt continues…as usual no charges – probably no real evidence…yet he’s all over the papers….guilty before he’s even spoken to. I think we are all getting a bit sick of all this….I’m not a fan of Cliff as you know (he just wont go away) BUT he has got a bit of a rough ride ahead of him and I do feel for him….his faithful fans are buying his record in an attempt to get it to the top of the charts….the whole thing is a disgrace and all this trial by media needs sorting out…preferably by a judge who can keep awake. 2.Jon Culshaw is back on the tele….I am a massive fan…I love impressionists (your mate Paul Melba being a top rater) and Jon Culshaw is the best…he is so funny and talented. I’ve always found impressionists to be really entertaining especially live….give me a good one as opposed to a good singer any day. He was on Aled Jones’s Sunday morning programme (which is excellent) and he was brilliant. 3.There’s a new celebrity challenge programme reared its head called “Tumble”…and involves celebs doing acrobatics (after weeks of training) live….seems to me to be an accident waiting to happen….the panel of judges mark them on their efforts…and soon the public will be able to vote by phone…like the public know what they are talking about….which will make a few bob for ITV….can’t see the point myself…another dud…I didn’t think anything could be worse than “Splash”….but I was wrong. 4.You’ve gotta laugh in this country….everyone is moaning about the intended increase in train fares….the authorities reckon it’s to maintain the tracks etc…and the companies only get 3p in the pound profit….so why create another service which will cost BILLIONS?...that’s a lot of 3ps….and where’s the money coming from?.....no wonder the new high speed service has suddenly gone quiet….keep building fellas while nobody is noticing….and hope the farmers don’t see you ruining their land. 5.The song I have attached is called “Beatle City” which I was commissioned to compose around the mid 80s by the then Merseyside County Council. They wanted it to be called by the title but I felt it was cashing in a bit….but when you get a big order for a vinyl 45 you go along with their wishes….I talked them into creating their own label thus becoming the first council to release a record….they sold it in the libraries and souvenir shops etc and it sold very well…the B side was a rocker called Merseybeat Memories which mentioned a load of old groups. It’s always nice to sell a job lot. I don’t think I have a copy of the 45…..MIGHT BE WORTH A FORTUNE NOW!!!!

200. Nanny State and Aunty Beeb
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Description: The Nanny State strikes again...now drinks have to let you know how dangerous they are for your health via labelling....like cigarettes...I'm sick and tired of being told what is and isn't good for me by so called experts who are probably part of the manipulation process of big greedy companies....there is also talk of bringing down the drink drive limit...which I'm actually all for. Sinead O'Connor was recently on (plus hideous tattoos) talking about her latest album...the concept being that SHE'S the boss....she quite rightly stated that artists who sign up to record companies are doing them the favour...not the other way round...which is right but hopeful artists are 10 a penny these days...so if you don't want to be a puppet go it alone....which you can only do if you are good enough. I don't know how the BBC have the nerve to charge us for a licence......here's an example...Monday 11th August...3.00 Escape to the Country (repeat)...3.30 The Hairy Bikers (repeat)....7.30 Fake Britain (repeat)...8.30 Miranda (repeat)....9.00 Death In Paradise (repeat)....10.35 Have I Got News For You (repeat)...11.20 who do they think they are (repeat)....it's only the news programmes which aren't repeated...and they are tripe!!....are they havin' a laugh?...they should pay US to watch. Sad news about Robin Williams...I wasn't a fan but very sad....I always found him uncomfortable to watch and he always seemed troubled...his best film was "Dead Poets Society"...great film....depression is a terrible thing which no-one can really help you with....tragic. On the subject of great films I decided to watch "Back To The Future"...although I saw it first time round I forgot how good it is...great story wonderfully written and acted....why can't they make this sort of film these days...instead of the dragged out computerised trash we are subjected to.

201. War..what is it good for?...Absolutely Nothing!
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Description: Edwin Starr said it all in his song WAR. What is it good for...absolutely nothing and such a waste of human life with all its attendant misery. However, we are celebrating the centenary of WW1. The latest news from the UK Govt is that we will be fined if we leave our motors running in traffic queues. Oh Yeah! That's an easy one to police. Don went to see Eric Faulkner (ex Bay City Rollers) and was disappointed. Find out why in the podcast. There's a new show on TV and the winner, a singer, Takes it All. Yet more dross this time presented by Alan Carr and full of today's technology.Count me out! ....and finally, these are the Doo Wop Days and Don tells us about the title track and how it links with a radio station in America.

202. MPs to be fitted with Lie Detectors!
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Description: I watched Terry Christian on a chat show recently…I LOVE this fella…he says it like it is…he said the public should be allowed into Parliament to ask questions and the MPs should be put on lie detectors. He totally shares my views about the lying,thieving,selfish shower of public schoolboys who supposedly run the country…and have you seen Miliband lately?...he’s had a major make-over…hair,teeth,the lot…he looks even more slimy and slithery than he was before….and Cameron with his botoxed forehead and Eric Pickles looking like he needs a fork sticking in him to see if he’s cooked…it’s a freak show. I also watched an interview with Tony Blackburn who has been around for 50 years…what a great bloke…he’s on 7 radio stations he was saying and deservedly so…should be knighted. Here we go again…it those “scientists” again….these “experts” have come up with a brilliant discovery….last year we had to eat 7 portions of fruit a day….but that’s all wrong!!!...these experts have decided that any more the 5 portions a day does NOT increase your life expectancy…AND what’s more…if you drink heavily in mid life it could affect your memory in later life…hmm….I wonder how much these people get paid for this drivel….oh yes and you only need 5 minutes exercise a day….I assume that includes steering clear of the pies. I was very very upset to hear that British Gas had suffered a drop in profits because of the hot weather…and one of the other energy companies are also whining that their profits have also dropped to just OVER A BILLION!!!....I’ll be losing sleep over this….all this together with the banks ripping everyone off it’s all good stuff…the latest garbage is that the ridiculous bonuses they paid out to their top men for losing all that money will have to be returned…OH SURE…I can see THAT happening…it’s a joke. The problem with the inhabitants of this country is most of them need to get a life….they love to grovel and courtesy to those “above” them….personally if His Royal Highness Prince Philip asked me to get him a glass of champagne I’d tell him to get it himself…it’s that word “Highness” that gets me…for goodness sake….my band used to play for a local member of the royalty (mentioning no names) and I was chatting to his gardner/butler who was so proud to have served his lordship for nigh on 30 years…and his father before him…I thought wow two generations of doormats. And THAT my friend is the problem. Track 9 on my CD takes those of a certain age right back to their youth….I tried to make it in a “street corner” style…so it should bring back a few memories.

203. What happened to Julie?
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Description: .......and to track 8 on my CD “What Happened To Julie?”…which begs the simple question as to whereabouts of one of your young schoolboy crushes…it would be nice to know what happened to those lost loves and what they are doing now…….or not? Still lots of sport on the tele….the Open was a huge success…it was £75 to get in on the Saturday and Sunday…£11 for fish and chips…and a fiver a pint…and it is much better on the TV…but there you are…The Commonwealth Games are now upon us…I saw the highlights of the opening ceremony which looked the same as every other opening ceremony where we watch hoards of athletes jogging past waving at the camera…I’m sure those involved have a great time but I find it all a bit boring…the swimming is a good cure for insomnia….along with Rod Stewart who should have called it a day years ago. The news is still covering the terrible tragedy of the Malaysian airliner…it’s heartbreaking and unbelievable but what you don’t need is the gutter press showing a photograph of a lorry carrying something which is covered over with the headline “IS THIS THE WEAPON WHICH BROUGHT DOWN THE PLANE?”…nobody knows so why speculate with this stupidity…all it does is aggravate the situation…and the Dutch guy who made a speech coming out with stuff like “Were they looking into each others eyes when they knew they were going to die…were they linking arms…we will never know?”…This doesn’t help…the poor people who are grieving their loss don’t need this sort of unnecessary banter IT DOESN’T HELP!!! I was watching Mathew Wright one morning last week and they had Jim Davidson as a guest…I never used to like him but he won me over when he successfully defended the case against him regarding sexual abuse …he was describing the hell he went through being hung drawn and quartered by the press…and how his accusers (who he had no knowledge of) get away scott free. He is an example of a media witch hunt….people who falsely accuse should be thrown straight into jail….I’m now a fan of Jim..and anyone else who tells it like it is. The Giants are back in Liverpool…those wonderful giant puppets from France who walk the streets and tell a story….they are worked by many puppeteers who swing on ropes etc and bring these marvels to life…last time it was the story of the Titanic…this time it’s World War One as seen through the eyes of a gigantic Granny who has been on display sleeping in a monster bed in St Georges Hall before rising and strolling the streets in front of thousands of onlookers…a wonderful occasion and great for the City….AND the weather has helped…great stuff.

204. Hi de Hi-It's Ricky Nelson!
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Description: ..and to the 7th track on my album…”Tribute to Ricky Nelson”….I’ve always been a huge fan of the guy..preferred him to Elvis in the 50’s…so I thought he deserved a place on my CD….it tells of how his love songs brought us all through the dark times after just being chucked by the love of your life…sit in a dark room with your Dansette and put on “Lonesome Town”…problem solved. the weather here has been very hot…great for sailing and all outdoor activities…EXCEPT for the poor pensioners….this country has to be top of the charts for moaners…a few weeks back it was too cold and the poor pensioners needed looking after (The one’s who aren’t cruising round the Medi that is)…now they are too HOT and need looking after…in case they de-hydrate…next thing will be the droughts…what does it take to make some people happy…beats me. ..The Open Golf Tournament is upon us…..and Hoylake is buzzing…I decided to go out in my kayak on Thursday and row on the Dee alongside the Royal Liverpool in the hope of getting on the tele….but to no avail…it’s the only way I’ll ever appear at the Open….I don’t quite get the attraction of watching live golf when it is so much better on the tele…anyway it looks like being a big success. Have you been watching?...some great shots of Hoylake from the air….but I wish they would stop calling it THE Wirral…..it’s WIRRAL!! .We went over to Liverpool in the week to buy some electrical stuff from Maplins…the service was superb and the guy who served us was a scream…amongst the stuff we bought an extending window scraper for a fiver…as it was so long they offered to deliver it FREE…it arrived NEXT DAY…I have written to Maplins and thanked them for great service which I didn’t think existed anymore. .On a similar subject we went to Wetherspoons in Caernarvon and had two delicious mixed grills…AND a bottle of quality wine…all for 15 quid….it’s hard to believe the value of the place…and it’s less than two quid a pint!!!....I’m a fussy eater but I can’t fault Wetherspoons…this is the reason they are always full and all the other places are empty….wonderful.

205. What the Dickens is going on?
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Description: ..track 6 on my CD (Doowop Pioneers)was an idea to educate the world as to what is actually Doowop...it originally began on street corners in the U.S.A. whereby a group of guys would congregate and harmonise...similar to our barbershop...and it developed into those great 50's classics such as Blue Moon...Teenager In Love...Why Do Fools Fall In Love...etc...this song is a tribute to them. ......O.K. Brazil took a hammering in the World Cup...but if you went by the headlines you'd think it was the end of the world......the country was "HUMILIATED...SHAMED....DISGRACED...." and people in the street crying....it's a FOOTBALL MATCH!!...that's all...surely there are other things to think about?...mind you to stand alongside thousands of people overnight to see a bunch of cyclists fly past for 11 seconds....I begin to wonder whether some people actually have a life. ......The news is full of the "missing" documents regarding child sexual abuse....when you watch the media's re-action you would think that the country is run by a load of perverts...what is it with these people? Mind you I would think there will be a few quaking in their boots. ....The Open Golf is at Hoylake a again next week....already the road signs are up and there is talk of a big hotel complex being built...amazing how they find the money for these big events and yet the public sector gets told there will have to be cuts....and they will have to work until 68...so they go on strike - which will have no effect. .....Obviously there is so little news the BBC have to let us know AGAIN that we are the most obese nation in the Universe...."scientists" have studied this and that and have come up with this amazing conclusion which helps fill 20 minutes of BORING BBC news...I personally don't care...I keep myself fit which is easy to do if you are prepared to put in a bit of EFFORT...something these blobs don't seem to be able to do...their problem - not mine...and I don't want to hear about it on the news every day.

206. Rolf Harris-Is the Sentence too light?
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Description: Rolph Harris has been all over the news this week….WOW…what a fall from grace…MBE OBE CBE and portrait painter to the Queen…oh dear. What I still don’t get about all this is someone MUST have known back in the day?...why take so long to come forward…anyway he’s got 5 and a half years….I went to his exhibition in Liverpool a few years back and his drawings and paintings were on sale…at a ridiculous price….they wont be worth much now, Our roads are getting more and more dangerous for cyclists…according to those in the know….I must say I steer clear of main roads these days when I’m on my bike…but we are very lucky on wonderful Wirral as we have a coastal cycle path right round the peninsula…so you can do a thirty mile stint without going on the main road and risking your life…..they have cycle lanes along a lot of roads which are O.K. providing idiots don’t park on them. There has been a very informative survey by “scientists” at one of our universities and have come up with the staggering information regarding “headbangers” at rock concerts…..their activities could cause brain damage….now there’s a surprise…..you would think some halfwit wrenching his head up and down 6 inches away from a PA speaker hammering out 1000 watts would be fine….what they seemed to have overlooked is to receive brain damage you first have to have a brain…so most of the Motorhead fans should be quite safe. The Navy have been on the news displaying their latest addition to the fleet….an enormous aircraft carrier…the size of 3 football pitches…named after our majesty….all very nice but it has cost 6 BILLION….didn’t I hear someone say we had cut jobs to save money?....6 BILLION……out of the taxpayers pocket….but there is no money around?...do me a favour. 5.Track 5 on my album is called “The Bobby Vee Song”…..I had the pleasure of working with Bobby on two occasions…once at the Floral Pavilion in New Brighton…and again at the North Wales Theatre in Llandudno….I found him to be a great guy and we hit it off from the outset…so I thought he HAD to have a spot on my album….it tells the story of how Mr.Vee stole my girlfriend’s heart back in the day….I thought she loved ME…but she loved Bobby Vee. It was great to meet and work with one of the top teenage idols and to discuss his hits (Carole King etc) over a coffee.

207. News Bytes from UK and Spain
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Description: Now we are out of the World Cup we can have a change of subject on the T.V. for a change…that is when the Suarez incident has died down…he got a 9 match ban but I think the lad needs help…why not just take all his teeth out?...problem solved. Having said that the Coulson affair has taken over….and as usual the BBC drag it out for 50% of the bulletins….as I have always said the press get away with far too much…they couldn’t care less who gets hurt as long as they sell their trashy papers…..looks like Coulson is taking the hit but if it was up to me they would all go behind bars…..and Cameron hasn’t come out of it too well. Also someone has “come forward” with allegations regarding Jimmy Savile…saying he saw Savile drag a young girl out of a chidren’s home and the girl was later found dead….there is as yet no evidence whatsoever but guess what…headlines in the paper “CHILD KILLER” with a picture of JS….Proof?...who needs proof?...let’s sell papers….something needs to be done. I must say I do enjoy Wimbledon….I played tennis at club level for many years and know how tricky the game is….I don’t think people realise the amount of fitness and training is required to be at the top of the game – it’s probably the toughest sport of them all…..requiring so much skill. I go to a local gym which is part of a tennis centre where they have pro tournaments from time to time….when you watch these guys play you wonder how they SEE the ball never mind get it back…and these guys are NOTHING….I’ve known a few pro players who say unless you are in the top 20 you don’t make much of a living … tough game…come on Andy!!…but I think old Novak will win it. The Liverpool International Music Festival….ex Mathew Street Festival…is once again the subject of criticism – nowadays all the groups are young tribute bands and the old rockers aren’t too happy…they think it should reflect original Merseybeat…I’m not sure how I feel about this…a part of me says move on where another part says The Beatles still pull in the tourists from far and wide….but I’m not too sure whether a bunch of ageing sixties bands still have the appeal to the young?...at the end of the day it’s about money I suppose Track 4 on my Doowop album is entitled “Rock and Roll Princess”….this song came about after I’d written “Love At First Sight” (track 1)…and a guy in Germany got hold of it and put it on YouTube…he set the song to a picture of Venice (?) and when the chorus kicked in he put a photo of his little daughter holding a uke…it was so delightful I got in touch with him and said she looked like a Rock and Roll Princess and it went from there….I dedicated the song to the little girl (Laura) for the inspiration….it was after this that I decided to make the album.

208. England crash out of the World Cup
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Description: …it’s been all World Cup…and as usual England are consistent….I don’t know how much the so-called expert pundits get…but whatever it is it’s too much. They sit there and go through the details of a match you have just watched…with all sorts of suggestions,,,bottom line WE LOST…AS USUAL. But what I can’t understand is how upset people get…it’s a football match…with a bunch of overpaid sportsmen…that’s all…it’s not the end of the world!! I’m not a betting man but I put a fiver on Germany to win the cup….you can’t bet against them guys …….and you have to laugh…the tennis has the “hawkeye” technology…the rugby has the video playback for the ref…and world football has splashed out on a can of shaving foam. Next we’ve got Wimbledon where Andy Murray will crash out along the way in front of “Murray Mount”….why aren’t Djokovic and Nadal among the constant flow of immigrants into this country…at least they would come in handy…..what gets me every time is we are still going on about the 66 World Cup ……mind you while the schools are told that there must be no winners or losers I can’t see us ever getting anywhere in top class sport unless it’s throwing the bean bag. There was news coverage of a local cricket match whereby some moron went into the changing rooms while the match was on and stole all the mobile phones…however there was a tracker device on one of them so the whole team chased after the culprit and caught him…and handed him over to the police…with a few cricket bat impressions on him I would think ……… Also a classic where there was CCTV footage of a rough looking guy in a bank who was having a bad day and in comes a guy in a crash helmet with a gun…so the bloke at the counter starts yelling at him and realises it’s not a real gun so he goes for him….the bad guy takes off out of the bank followed by Mr.Angry who picks up a fire extinguisher on the way and clobbers this bloke with it….the robber then hits Mr. Angry with his crash helmet but Mr.A’s mate saw all this and joined in….and “apprehended” the bank robber….and got an award from the police…who never mentioned what state the criminal was in. ……and finally….track three on my Doowop CD is “King of the Hop”….this came about when one of the lads on a Wednesday night played Bobby Darin’s “Queen of the Hop”…and I thought there’s never been a KING…so off O went and I’ve given my pal Joe Conroy the honour of being the main man…HOWEVER….you also get a mensh (Vinny was a macho quarterback). Runaround Sue is a number we do occasionally at our weekly jam sessions with the Cheshire Cats so I based the beat on that…..it’s all rock and roll.

209. Funny? I don't think so!
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Description: .I was watching the Great Ormond Street Hospital Chidren’s Comedy Gala……bearing in mind this is a CHILDREN’S charity the language out of the so called comics was disgraceful. I’m no prude but there is a limit…John Bishop opened the show with every other word being the F word…followed by Lee Evans who did the same…and so on…I turned it off in the end…what happened to FUNNY…the occasional swear word can add to a joke but not all the time…these guys need to get themselves some decent script writers….having said that the audience were falling about which must say something about the next generation….I think we can kiss humour goodbye 2.There is to be a series of programmes on TV about football hooligans…..WHY?...who’s bright idea is that?...if that is entertainment it’s time to pack up…..watching bunches of boneheaded morons going out looking for trouble will only encourage other similar types to do the same…I don’t care if they fracture each others skulls as they will feel no pain…but innocent bystanders end up getting hurt for no reason. All this trash TV demonstrates is how little some of us have evolved. 3.The government are going to quadruple speeding fines on motorways…so all these would be Lewis Hamiltons will get a 4 grand wake up call…of course this has caused an outrage amongst certain members of our society…I can’t see the problem…DON’T SPEED…it’s not rocket science….personally anyone doing a ton down the motorway should be flogged and thrown in jail. 4.There have been doubts as to whether true talent is found via TV…Britains Got Talent…X Factor ..etc…..of course not….the poor contestants are only pawns to line Simon Cowell’s pockets (good luck to him…more fool them)….I once knew a chap who went for an X Factor audition….queud from 7.30 in the morning to 5.30 at night….did a three minute audition and it was “Next!”…..it’s BUSINESS…if you want to make permanent money you have to pay your dues…that’s the reality….before we met I sent a song in for the Op Knocks song contest and got through to the final (a young girl sang my song)…met Hughie ..introduced my song etc….all good experience but somewhat fixed…I didn’t win by the way but it opened a few doors.

210. Time for a new Anthem?
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Description: Don sent the following... There has been a lot of moaning about the National Anthem being sung by the England football team….it has been said that it is only a song aimed at the Queen and not England, Personally I couldn’t care less…I think the song is so bland and boring it’s time for a new one.It’s supposed to be a NATIONAL anthem but only England seem to sing it…the Welsh and the Scots sing their own tunes…..definitely time to have a nice lively anthem…Don's available for the job…. The UK Education Minister, Mr Gove, is taking a bit of stick since he came out with the idea of scrubbing certain GCSE’s … regarding them as a waste of time and of no value…for example media studies and manufacturing studies and drama…etc…I must admit I have to agree with him…it’s all very well having “qualifications” but if they are of no use in the real world what is the point?...he is also in the limelight regarding extreme religious factions taking over schools…I think this is hyped up by the media…I can’t see it being a problem that can’t be solved. This is classic….it has been announced by our wonderful weather people in the met office that there will be very serious constant flooding in 2100 …. They can’t predict ONE DAY ahead correctly so I don’t think we need to worry too much….mind you I wont need to worry at all…..and on the subject of the media…it’s time they stopped catering for the minority….how many of us in this country are interested in goings on in China and hours spent on American prisoners being swapped for terrorists …and Italian economy…etc…WE DON’T CARE…tell us what’s going on HERE!!!....the BBC News is so BORING and depressing because they seem to think they appeal to the more “intelligent”…they DON’T…they are BORING…hence I’ve switched to ITV where you get a bit of variety in the news. The TV has been giving a bit of publicity to our historic ferry boats….the IRIS and the Daffodil played a major part in the first world war by getting troops to Zebrugge against the might of the German navy…they came back full of bullet holes…repaired and put back into service…gaining the word “Royal” in front of their names…great stuff…also a collection of Dakota planes have made a flight across the channel in memory of their part in the second world war…and I had the privilege of having a flight on one several years ago with Monty Lister…and I have the certificate to prove it…wasn’t too comfortable. I’d like to tell you the story behind Track 1 of my Doowop Days album……”Love At First Sight”….the album took me 6 months to complete and can be obtained from my website......www.donwoods.co.uk

211. The Big Cheese
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Description: There has been a big outcry against the health and safety dept……in their wisdom they decided that the age old English activity of “cheese rolling” is highly dangerous…this event takes place each year in one of our Shropshire villages and involves chasing a ball of cheese down a very steep hill…..as there have been many casualties the H & S have stepped in … and instead of using cheese they made them use a ball of polystyrene….which was a disaster as the ball wouldn’t roll against the wind…..so the villagers rose up and got their way…so it’s back to cheese and A & E. Vauxhalls have announced they are bringing back the VIVA…..but it wont be like the 60’s one….THANK GOODNESS…I had a Viva SL 90 in my younger days and it was the WORST car I ever had…by far…the differential went west…the front suspension was replaced…I replaced the clutch..and eventually replaced the ENGINE…so I don’t think I will be in the market for another one….the second worst car was a VW Golf…had it from new…heap of rubbish. There is a move afoot to put young drivers on a four year curfew after they pass their test…. They wont be able to drive at certain times at night….this will “cut down on accidents”…can’t see it….since when did youngsters take any notice of anything….let’s hope the police are up for it….good idea but I don’t think so. Oh dear…poor old Kate Middleton is in the news again…..someone took a picture of her with her skirt blowing up in the wind showing her bare backside….it was printed in a German newspaper….none of our papers…even the Daily Mail…didn’t put it in….but only for legal reasons….so the poor girl has been snapped topless and now semi bottomless (so to speak)…..why don’t they leave the poor girl alone. As there is very little of her I doubt whether there is much to see….they should send Harry round with some of his mates to sort the reporter out On the showbiz scene One Direction have been in the news allegedly filming themselves smoking spliffs in a taxi….I don’t know how this stuff gets into the public domain but it’s not good…even though they must be bored senseless with each other they are up there as an example to the youngsters….this isn’t a very good one…..I’ll give then 12 months tops. I was also sad to hear that Bert Weedon died in 2012…I’ve just found out….he was the one who taught us all to play guitar back in the 50’s…I always thought he should have been knighted…but then again he hasn’t got the raw talent of Sir Terry Wogan.

212. My Boy Lollipop
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Description: To save money our wonderful government are cutting down on lollipop people….you know …those people who,unlike themselves,are of value to the community….not only are these folk part of the school runs they are there to prevent kids being injured by the fools on the road…..I see the MPs have just voted themselves an extra THREE week holiday because they haven’t got enough to do…maybe if they donated their inflated salaries for the weeks they are now lazing about it might go towards solving the problem? 2.Apparently the rich are now 15% richer than last year according to the “rich list”…..now I have no problem at all with people who make lots of money but it’s hard to get my head around Jamie Oliver being worth 240 million….what for?...maybe I’m missing something…..when you look at the so called rich list it makes you wonder what they do with it all….old Jamie is always banging on about school meals etc….he should try banging on about those who have to queue for food parcels. 3.What I found very sad this week was the bloke in some firm who was ordered to take the Queen’s photo off his wall…..do these small minded plonkers who are “making a stand” think for one minute that the Queen could care less about what they think…even if she knew….it’s pathetic…are their lives so empty that this is their only way of making a point?....it’s their big moment…that’ll show the royalty!!...get a life lads. 4.Staying on the subject of our leaders Prince Charles was having a private conversation with an elderly lady who was a survivor of the Holocaust…and casually mentioned Putin’s activities as being similar to Hitler’s….bearing in mind this was a PRIVATE conversation….but close by was a piece of paparazzi vermin who scurries off and puts the comments in the headlines of his 10th rate newspaper….so this rat can make a bit of money he has created a situation which could prove very awkward when Charlie meets up with Mr.P………….it’s this sort of unnecessary and stupid activity that causes wars….no matter how “important” anyone is they are entitled to their opinion which does not need broadcasting if it’s said in PRIVATE. 5.Which brings me to something that really got me going this week….the Scudamore affair….this guy sends a private Email to his mate joking about women…and his loyal reliable female secretary catches it on the way through and off she goes to the media…calling him sexist etc etc etc….and no doubt receiving remuneration for her efforts. Now what we have here is a JOKE!!...it’s called HUMOUR!!...something which is slowly dying in this country thanks to the feminists and so called racists etc…..the attitude of women makes me laugh….it’s fine to have a programme like “Loose Women” who ridicule blokes for the whole session … if it was the other way round there would be a huge outcry…but blokes aren’t bothered because they have a sense of HUMOUR…..and another example was on the Academy Awards when some young fit guy goes up to collect his award and the woman presenter sneaks up behind him and rips his shirt off to the waist….imagine THAT the other way round… It was then announced that Scudamore who is on 2 million a year should stand down….what’s his salary got to do with it? It’s time these ladies stepped on to planet earth and got over themselves….and as for Scudamore’s secretary…she is a trainee lawyer…obviously hasn’t heard of client’s privacy….can’t see her going very far after this….I hope not.

213. Was Eurovision Song Contest 2014 a Joke?
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Description: .The Eurovision…..what a joke….the winner was like a fairground side show…BUT…and I could be wrong…BUT I get the feeling it was a spoof (Peter Kay and his Irish female alter ego springs to mind)….I’ve heard the actual record which is definitely a girl singing…I think this character is probably a comedian and will announce next year how everyone was taken in….certainly got everyone talking….just a suggestion….because he cannot be serious….I hope. Gary Barlowe has been under fire because of a tax dodge….he was advised how to dodge tax legally….advice which ANYONE would take…but oh no all the do-gooders and honest politicians think he should be stripped of his O.B.E. despite the millions he has made for charity…but Cameron (who is his mate) said he should keep the O.B.E. but pay the tax he owes…you know the tax he saved LEGALLY…perhaps he should be more honest like that prat in the House of Lords who signed in for 20 minutes and gets £300 a throw….or our mate who “fessed up” after making a grand a day for asking questions in Parliament. Good on yer Gary … tell them where to go and where to stick their O.B.E. Mind you to get a knighthood you have to be very talented…like Sir Terry Wogan. Rolph Harris has already been hung drawn and quartered by the media…tried and found guilty by the back street barristers…the same ones who wrecked Freddy Starr’s life and many other celebs. These vermin seem to begrudge anyone who makes money…despite the fact they EARN it….something needs doing about all this it’s a disgrace. There was a local BBC radio DJ in the west country called David Lowe…who unwittingly played the original “The sun has got its hat on” which contained the “N” word…shock horror!!!!....the poor guy was sacked by the Beeb…..then had a nervous breakdown…the Beeb offered to re-instate him but he refused…apparently he had been working for this wonderful organisation for 30 years….I’m sick and tired of all this tripe about “N” words and “F” words…either say what the word is (which is obvious) or put it another way…it’s like listening to Watch With Mother. Speaking of Knighthoods Sir Brucie has finally packed in Strictly Come Dancing….I think the show will go downhill now…although I’m not a hug Brucie fan I do think he has a lot of talent…he has been replaced by Claudia Winkleman…big mistake….I never rated the tall blond girl (I thought Bruce carried her)….but it will now look like Little and Large…may wo

214. Time for Action
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Description: This kidnap situation in Africa is unbelievable…200 young girls…and the filthy scum responsible bragging on a video…makes you wonder what the world is coming to….let’s hope the Americans and the SAS catch up with them…see how tough they are then….the authorities over there are under severe criticism but you could never see that coming….let’s hope it gets sorted. It’s Eurovision time again…I’ve seen one of the semi finals….no comment…….They had Bucks Fizz and The Brotherhood of Man singing together on “The One Show”…the latter having beefed out somewhat. I was never a fan of The Brotherhood of Man I always thought they were a third rate imitation of ABBA….and as for their Eurovision “Kisses For Me”..it was a dead rip off of “Tie A Yellow Ribbon”…so much so that we used to go into one from another and see if anyone noticed…..Jay from Bucks Fizz still looks good. They had a programme on Neil Sedaka which was fascinating….and a similar one on Gary Barlowe…and how they went from the top to the bottom very quickly…but what I don’t get is why they complained about lack of money….the royalties for both of them must be none stop with all the hits they had…..what I didn’t know was Sedaka only wrote the melodies…and also when he went down the pan with the rest of them when The Beatles came on the scene he came over here and did the working men’s clubs…just shows you….anyway there both back where they belong. The other week I mentioned the apparent drop in interest in golf….well this week it was announced that the Yanks have noticed this (ahead of our time or what) so much so that they are going to make the game easier by having bigger holes….hmm….15 inches….which would make it easier to play…they have already altered 42 courses… unbelievable….it’s like when they found snooker a bit tricky they invented poole…which is a joke. I’ve just completed an album called DooWop Days…..took me 6 months to make it….it looks back on the golden years of Rock and Roll through the eyes of someone who was there….I’ve sent you a copy…I’m still recovering from the price of the postage…..it’s now over three quid…and to send a LETTER to Ireland its £1.47 (second class)……BUT I can’t see the post office lasting very long at this rate.

215. Cash for Questions-MPs at it again
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Description: Did you see that MP who resigned over cash for questions;.Patrick Mercer;you gotta laugh;what a twit! he came out with I openly admit my wrong doing;I was a soldier and when soldiers get things wrong they FESS UP;.as if this makes it RIGHT !!...the guy was making a GRAND a day;but it's O.K. because he has resigned.should be behind bars !! There has been blanket coverage of the poor teacher who got stabbed to death, a terrible tragedy;but the media don't help going on about how she was in on her day off and how wonderful a person she was etc etc;.it doesn't help in any way.it needs sorting -not used to pad out the papers.it's a horrible tragedy and I'm sure her family don't want it plastered all over the papers every day. The government are trying to get those on benefit cleaning the streets;.HOW DARE THEY!!...my lad teaches kids who come from four generations who have never worked;the outcry is that if they are subjected to;voluntary work; they wont be able to look for jobs;.but I don't think it's voluntary;wouldn't they be EARNING the money they pick up?...like someone who works for it?....surely cleaning the streets IS a job? Good job we've got widescreen as the new ITV morning programme has FOUR presenters sitting in a line;..it's been slated but then again anything new is always slated;personally I find the new blond girl very easy on the eye;more so than the Beeb's Bill Turnbull. And there is a re-make of Dad's Army underway;it wont work;it has to be the originals;.they tried it with Bilko and Popeye;disasters;who come up with these ideas? and finally Richard Madely sat in for Terry Wogan last Sunday on his Sunday morning programme (which was a vast improvement by the way);he interviewed Wilko Johnson of Dr Feelgood;.this guy was diagnosed with cancer a year ago and was give 4 months to live and he's still here;the interview was top drawer radio;very moving and Madely handled it brilliantly;..it was a privilege to listen to it.

216. Golf Downswing?
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Description: Primark have made huge profits and are taking a bit of stick from our army of do-gooders…they are suggesting people boycott the store because the stuff they sell is made in China by workers who are poor and mistreated…..the stuff they sell in the store is CHEAP !!!....that’s all 99% of shoppers are interested in I’m afraid. My take on this is if Primark can sell cheap so can the big stores…end of. ...I went to see “Dreamboats and Petticoats” on the Floral Pavilion in New Brighton….it was sort of O.K….but not worth 28 quid a ticket….the music which is live was good but the acting let it down…I’ve seen the show before on the Empire which was much better…shame. ...I watched a drama about Tommy Cooper on tele this week (did you catch it?) it was brilliant…the guy who played him was great (David Threlfall?...who was the star of “Shameless” which I never watched)…it was a great insight into the life of T.C. (I was never a fan)…I think the guy will get an award for this…it was excellent. ...I was listening to Boney M on the radio the other day and was reminded how good their records were … great bass player and drummer on the records….the song was “Rasputin” …it took me back to an interview on BBC with one of the girls in the band who said SHE was the only singer on the discs….the dancing fool in the middle couldn’t even sing…his voice was actually the managers voice….another great pop revelation…which reminded me of a guy called Tony Burrows who kidded them all…he was in the original Brotherhood of Man before the Eurovision lot took over the name…he was also the singer in White Plains,Eddison Lighthouse AND The Pipkins…..who all got in the charts at the same time…and appeared on Top Of The Pops…..so the secret was out and he got a ban from the Beeb…classic stuff. ......I am back playing golf and of late the courses have been virtually empty…this is over the last six months…I also have a mate who lives near the Royal Liverpool who will be hosting The Open this year…and he intends to rent his flat out (you can get 10 grand for the 5 days)…but up to now he has had no takers…he has two estate agents on the job and had had to bring the price down….could it be that golf is fading in popularity?...the same thing happened with squash when I used to play in the 70s….interesting.

217. Killer Crabs and Tripe
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Description: Britain’s Got Talent is back…..now I KNOW it is very popular (which shows the mentality of the masses)…but WHY subject us to idiots who are happy to ridicule themselves on national TV?...and WHY Ant and Dec?....heaven knows we’ve seen enough of them over the last six months…can’t see the point of them on this show….and WHY the same old format with talentless “judges” playing God and the same old sob stories from the contestants which have NOTHING to do with their act…….bring back Opportunity Knocks I say…at least we were looking at genuine contestants. Great to see Nigel Evans fighting back…the guy was dragged through court … was TOTALLY cleared of any offences…and ended up 130 grand out of pocket….he is starting to kick up a fuss and good on him….he says the CPS should reimburse the cases they lose….and so say all of us !!!! Now we have had a few weeks of nice weather…you’d think we’d all be happy…what with no storms and no floods etc…NOT A CHANCE….the media are straight on to their usual scare tactics….”there’s a hole in the ozone layer which means the sun will be much stronger and we are all going to get burnt…even when the sun isn’t out”….and “scientists” have discovered new creatures from overseas which are a threat to humanity…they EAT our plants…not forgetting the KILLER CRABS who have arrived in the Thames on the hulls of boats…these monsters burrow into the river bank…HELP!!! our country is being eaten away…and all because we have had a bit of sunshine….there will be a hosepipe ban any day now….somebody call Bruce Willis !!!! To add to the tripe on Television which consists mainly of rubbish soaps we are now being subjected to a programme which films sewer workers at their daily tasks….very nice when you are having your supper…this together with “Embarrasing Bodies” where we can see the obese having bits sliced off them makes a good case for listening to the radio…..is Radio Luxemburg still going? and finally….to lighten the mood…I had to laugh at the front page news of Cameron being stung by a jellyfish on his holidays….I would think they will be searching for the said jellyfish to give it a rabies jab….and a little two year old was playing about with his dad’s phone and accidentally phoned the police…..when he cut the call short the police went round to the house and found a load of cannabis plants…OOPS !!..classic stuff…and lastly they have been talking about the fact that kids do not know the true meaning of Easter….they asked a little 4 year old and she said “You have to believe in the Easter Bunny…the more you believe the more eggs you get”…..she’ll go far.

218. The BBC and the Oscars
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Description: Taking kids out of school in term time is back in the news…asking whether there should be some exeptions…eg Police and servicemen. The consensus seems to be that it should be one rule for all…the problem lies in the rise in price of holidays when the schools are off….if parents want their kids educating they can’t have it all ways. I have been watching Wills and Kate in Australia with their new nipper….I must say that Kate is a lovely girl and very photogenic and I think she is doing a great job out there….When she was talking to an old serviceman she held his hand which I thought was really nice and she was great with all the kids who came out to see her…..nice example. I wish the BBC would get someone in the news department who give us SOMETHING of interest on their bulletins…I am sick and tired of the OscarPistorious case taking up so much time with NOTHING happening….we really are NOT interested in this country…all we need to know is the result….as I have always said…there is too much time given to the news…two half hour bulletins a day would do. The Crown Prosecution Service has come under fire for wasting time and money on cases that should never have been brought to court…e.g. the Nigel Evans case…he was cleared of all charges when the WITNESSES said he hadn’t done anything wrong…they ruin a blokes life,put him through hell…then come out with some lame excuse….the boss of the CPS (woman) saying that 87% of cases they take end in prosecution…OH so that’s O.K. then…let’s not worry about the lives ruined,the money it’s cost and the false accusers getting away scott free….celebrity witch hunts or what? And finally there was a chap on tele explaining how he had accosted a couple of burglars stealing stuff from his goods yard….he approached them and one of them picked up a plank and attacked him…he managed to take the plank off him and “defended” himself leaving the burglar in a right mess…although he deserved congratulating he was arrested and taken to court for unnecessary GBH….HOWEVER the case lasted 20 minutes before rightly being dismissed….the legal system in this country needs shaking up…I think those in control are from another planet. Not to mention some guy in JAIL who got knocked about by another prisoner being awarded DAMAGES….I give up !!!

219. Smoking and Choking?
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Description: There is a girl called Judith Hill who is starring in a documentary film called “20 feet from Stardom” and it is about all the great backing singers who never get recognised. She has backed the likes of Michael Jackson and never got a mensh on the credits. Sounds like an interesting film….but that is what the game is all about really…it’s the session guys who go the distance. On the subject of films I watched a Will Smith film called “Hancock”…er….they don’t seem to be able to round films off these days…too much CGI and not enough story…mind you it also starred Charlize Theron who is very easy on the eye..so that helped. We have had the Sahara Desert descend on us…mostly on my car….and there have been pollution warnings….as usual let’s scare everyone….however it has made me a bit throaty and has cut down the visibility …it wont be long before the Government are blamed. There is a move afoot to ban E cigarettes from public places….they reckon it is encouraging smoking amongst the young instead of helping people pack in. It’s a tricky one really because on one hand you have the right to basically do what you want and on the other you have the offence caused to non smokers….to me there seems to be a lack of education regarding smoking….it should be obvious to even the densest of people that to start smoking will do you no good in the long run…but they still do it…and of course you have the genius who comes up with BLANK cigarette packets…oh yes that will solve the problem….all that will do is save the ciggy companies a fortune on ink. I went on the ferry this week to do a bit of filming for one of my songs which I’ll be outing on YouTube……it’s always been a delightful ride on the River Mersey…despite Gerry warbling “Ferry Cross The Mersey” down the speakers…HOWEVER they now have a narrative throughout the whole journey BY GERRY !!...has to be heard to be believed. One of the Wednesday night musicians from our weekly jam sessions (The Cheshire Cats) has sadly died and has donated all his gear to the organisation…we are in the process of selling it off and putting the money into the fund.It all goes to children’s charities.His church also gave us the donation they received at his funeral…(£400)…his name was Arnie Neale and was a lovely fella who will be missed. We rock on regardless.

220. From Missing Planes to Golf Clubs
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Description: It’s disgusting the way the media are covering this missing plane incident….there are poor grief stricken relatives who are in turmoil only to have a camera stuck in their face to broadcast their anguish to the world…what does this achieve?…NOTHING…it doesn’t help in any way…just so some pig of a reporter can get a story without an ounce of human decency…this needs to be sorted. The Royal and Ancient Golf Club are to have a high power meeting as to whether they let WOMEN on the course…heavens above…what is the world coming to?….as you probably know G.O.L.F. means “Gentlemen only…ladies forbidden”…which obviously the R & A and a few other courses still stand by. We have a Golf Club close to where you once lived which is a men only set up…….I think in this day and age it’s time for Golf Clubs to get over themselves…speaking as a guy who has performed (musically) at hundreds of them I can safely say that they are all the same…overloaded with snobs and outdated rules and regulations. If you want to get away from the ladies go to the wood section of B&Q…..just the smell of timber and the odd DIY bod wondering round in peace…wonderful. There has been a survey regarding accidents in the home…WHICH IS ALL I NEED TO HEAR AT THE MOMENT!!!...and the major cause is a combination of ill fitting SLIPPERS and STAIRS. Apparentlly there are more accidents in the home than on the roads…which makes sense I suppose…it was showing how kids get scalded in kitchens by pulling pans etc off stoves…this sort of thing should be drilled into people more often…instead of prattling on about what we should and shouldn’t eat. I watched the Sport Relief show on tele….it was the usual mele but it’s all in a good cause..HOWEVER I thought David Beckham in the “Fools and Horses” sketch was genius…a classic piece of comedy. And I also thought Alex Jones was very brave climbing that rock face. They also had a programme about ignoring kids who may be lost…they set a little girl up on her own in a mall and filmed people just walking past her…..WHAT DO THEY EXPECT?...the media have made it quite clear that EVERYONE who makes contact with a kiddie is a paedo. Now they are saying that kids shouldn’t regard EVERYONE who approaches them as dangerous….who are these people who come up with this tripe? On the subject of the little girl…she was standing outside a shop in which you would naturally assume her mother was in…the whole exercise proved nothing…..waste of time.

221. How Cool was that!
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Description: The Budget…..Osborne has been holding up the red bag….which has pleased the old folk (prospective voters)….so it looks like our savings will make a bit of interest for a change. However up jumps Ed Balls with his totally negative view on the whole thing….no matter what one side does - the other will disagree with. There has been a programme on the attempted kidnapping of Princess Anne 20 years ago…I can’t remember this can you?...apparently her car was blocked by another on the Mall and her bodyguard got out and was shot three times….he has received an award for his bravery…the guy tried to drag Anne out of the car….what was I doing 20 years ago? There is a programme called “The Big Re-Union” where boy and girl bands are reforming to go back on the road…it’s quite interesting but I think some of them need therapy. It all looks a bit contrived to me…and has a feeling of desperation about it….but good luck to them…I think they will need it. The Northern Lights are back in the news….Carole Kirkwood the weathergirl did an item on them where she went back to her native Scotland to see them…camera crew at the ready…but it was too cloudy so that was that….I know the feeling…as I have told you previously that I went to Tromso in Norway to see them…and you can’t get any closer…but it was one of those RARE cloudy nights…however I had the pleasure of Patrick Moore’s company with whom I discussed planets you can see which are light years away…I learnt a lot from this character. I tuned in to radio 2 during the week and caught an interview with Albert Lee…who for my money is the best guitarist in the world…and he was saying that because he played country in the sixties he was overlooked because everyone was switching to heavy metal….he’s backed The Everlys,Emmy lou Harris,Shakin’ Stevens,Clapton and loads of others….including Don Woods. Last year I had the pleasure of standing in at a rehearsal with him and James Burton….I can now say I’ve been backed by Albert Lee and James Burton …AT THE SAME TIME !!!...if that aint cool I don’t know what is.

222. No News is Good News!
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Description: The schools have had to cut back because of lack of money…council jobs are in danger because of lack of money…the hospitals are having a hard time because of lack of money…etc…YET fortunes can be found for blanket coverage of the winter Olympics which I doubt many people are interested in…and 24 hour news which simply repeats 15 minutes of important news. You need a noose to watch the news in this country…unless it’s killings and illnesses and doom and gloom there is no coverage. Scrap the Olympics…have a couple of 15 minute news bulletins (like it used to be)…cancel the bankers 140% payrise… and direct the savings elsewhere…problem solved. On the subject of schools our mate has been in the news again…with actually a decent idea…at the moment if you take your kid out of school without permission you get a fine…which increases if you fail to pay up…old Govey has come up with a plan to take the fine out of the offenders benefit. Oh this has caused uproar…they had one “campaigner” shouting out “they’re MY kids and I’ll do what I want”….his fine is up to over a grand…clever bloke eh?...and some empty headed woman was on saying that she saved 1500 quid by going on holiday in term time and was moaning because she got a 240 quid fine…there really is NO hope….what these “above the law” morons don’t think about is if EVERYONE was like them there would be no education system and everyone would end up with a solid bone head like them. On the showbiz front there is a new chat show hosted by Michael McIntyre….who is,apparently,the highest paid comedian on the circuit…personally I would want paying to see him…but that’s beside the point…out of interest I started to watch the show…first guest Terry Wogan…I could only take 10 minutes….chat show hosts should pipe down and let the guests get a word in….dreadful stuff….and BIG NEWS Cheryl Cole is back on the X Factor in America…YAWN….she is a perfect example of how to make a fortune with absolutely NO talent…but I’m sure the out of work council workers will be delighted with the million she’ll get for the show. If I hear one more news item about what we should or should not eat I’ll scream…don’t eat this and don’t eat that and there’ too much sugar in this and too much salt in that…hey Mr Advisor mind your own business and get a JOB!!! I was in the Lichfield area this week and visited the National Memorial Arboretum….which is an out huge door tribute to the fallen in various wars….the place is stunning and very very moving. It is a credit to those who created this masterpiece….it was a very emotional visit but well worth it.

223. Let's Hang On ...
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Description: I went to the Floral Pavilion new Brighton last week to see “Let’s Hang On” which was a tribute to the music of Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons….it was sensational…the quality of the musicians and singers was outstanding.It was a full house and the whole place was on it’s feet at the end…brilliant. I love the Four Seasons stuff and last year went to see “Jersey Nights” on the Liverpool Empire which was also brilliant….the main show “Jersey Boys “ has been on in London for a few years but I’ve heard that will soon be touring…that will be on my agenda. For me the music has to be authentic and this was. We have our song for Eurovision….it sort of came out of nowhere…no judging no pack drill…never heard of the girl singing it but good luck to her. The song is called “Children of The Universe” and is like a million others….the girl singing it also wrote it so let’s hope it gets more than the usual nil pwa….I must say I quite enjoy watching the spectacle but why on earth WE get involved is a mystery to me….I’m still recovering from Englebert two years ago. The Scots are building up to the vote for independence….I must admit I completely failed to see the point until I heard the word “OIL”….what a load of absolute nonsense to have a separate country on an island as small as ours….if it comes off,which I doubt it will,I think they will be making a big mistake…but there you go …that’s politics and greed. A ship which sank off Africa in the 1800s and which was built at Camell Lairds has been commemorated this week on the front at Woodside….the ship was called “The Birkenhead” and went down with the loss of 140 lives (?)…however ALL the women and children were saved because of the “women and children first” situation…this became known as “The Birkenhead Drill”…and still is to this day. There were a couple of female footballers on the local news moaning about sexism in football….oh dear…I quite enjoy watching women’s footy but let’s hope they don’t start whining about the slightest thing…like the blokes do…300 grand a week and sobbing because someone called them names…come on girls…man up !! And lastly…this made me smile…some teacher has been reprimanded for taping kids mouths shut when they were making too much noise….it was obviously a bit of fun but the press are straight on to it…child cruelty the lot!!...and of course one of the fathers has come out of the woodwork alleging his child’s mouth BLED when the tape was removed…yeah sure….possible claim in the offing eh?

224. I don't do chords-DD Woods
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Description: I had a fall and dislocated my shoulder last week and off I went to A & E……I also needed stitches in my ear….the doctor involved was telling me he treated Jimmy Krankie when he fell off the beanstalk during the Glasgow panto five years ago….when I told him that Jimmy was singing one of songs at the time we were both a bit flaggergasted…..small world or what. Reminded me of the time I was invited to form a skiffle group and and appear at a big concert in Finland…I was working on Radio Merseyside at the time with Monty Lister…the show took place in Hankasalmi which is 500 miles north of Helsinki…after which a guy invited us to his restaurant and on the way put on a CD of Rock and Roll…and what comes on…Monty Lister interviewing Bill Haley in 1958……at the precise time I would have been on the radio with him that morning….some co-incidence? The Northern Lights have been on full view in Scotland….can’t see them from here….I once went (with Monty Lister) to Tromso in Norway…the most northern town in the world…to do a radio programme on the famous Lights….despite the fact you couldn’t be any closer we couldn’t see them through the clouds…so I have YET to see them….I did however meet Patrick Moore and have a chat over a beer…great character…sad loss. Watched a programme on B.B.King….fascinating…I’ve never been a blues fan but I really enjoyed the documentary……he is living proof that if you want to be a success you really have to WANT to do it. His classic line was “I don’t do chords”…as B.B. sings then throws in riffs…never plays and sings at the same time…he’s now 88 and much respected by all the top guys. On the news front it has all been a bit depressing…blanket coverage on the two terrorists who killed the soldier have got life sentences…outside there were mass protests wanting hanging to be brought back…all carrying home made wooden gallows….and the Irish bomber whose trial was abandoned because he had received a letter (mistakenly) saying there would be no further action…there has been a backlash on that…but people have to realise WE don’t count…what we think or feel makes n difference to those in power who merely pay us lip service…that’s how it’s always been and that’s how it will always stay. Don’t even get me going on “human rights”. and finally…..there is a move afoot to give lonely old folk,who have nobody, food bags for £2……along with a distinct probability that the minimum wage is going up by 70p or something…then in the same breath we hear that the top bankers are getting 140% rise….while the staff get 3%...they don’t call it “bonus” any more…it’s a payrise…which makes it O.K. Then we have the highly intelligent Wayne Rooney getting £300 thousand a week……which is the wages of 600 soldiers….now there’s food for thought. There’s THEM and there’s US……end of.

225. The Brits or The Brats?
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Description: The Brits went off OK but I got a bit bored halfway through…it’s a sad situation but the music game is slowly going under….technology is seeing to that. I was listening to Andrew Lloyd Webber being interviewed on Radio 2 and he was saying that he once wrote a song for ELVIS and thought he had reached the summit of his career…however he never made a penny!!...as Elvis puts his name in the writers column and Colonel Parker takes over the publishing…so nothing really changes. I remember Elvis asking Dolly Parton if he could record “I will always love you” (with presumably the same set up as Lloyd Webber) and she chased him….nice one Dolly. Now the record companies are blubbering because they are not making money…boo hoo…they have been ripping everyone off for years. I have made a lot of money from music …none of which has come from any publishing or record deal (of which I had several)…I did it myself. Gove is at it again going on about how history should be taught (like HE would know)….saying that pupils should learn dates…..now the reason I didn’t like history in school was DATES…too many of them….these days I find the subject very interesting because I study the facts and don’t have to remember DATES…wake up Govey….he has also been going on again about “no winners and no losers” in primary schools…a subject we have covered in the past. There was a tragedy locally last week…a poor old lady had put a microwaveable hot water bottle in the microwave to heat up and left it in too long…these thing are filled with grain and heat from the middle…she then put it in her bed…took a sleeping pill…and fell asleep…the hot water bottle went on fire and burnt the house down…the poor old lady lost her life.......this sort of thing should never happen. We are doing O.K. in the Winter Olympics…but I wonder what percentage of us care?....the only people who seem to get excited with the curling are the competitors and the commentators….It has blanket coverage each day on the BBC….and I wonder how much THAT is costing….when a half hour highlights programme would do it at night…again nice to know where our licence fee goes. Perhaps they could put some of the money towards the homeless and "hard done by"... finally….Joan Collins made a guest appearance in “Benidorm”…WHY?...she must be hard up…….They had the guy who plays the barman on one morning and he said that “stars” are queuing up to get on the show…..I have come to the conclusion that it’s ME……I must have lost my sense of humour somewhere along the way…..I watched “Birds of a Feather”….women yelling at each other….terrible unfunny tripe….Mrs Brown’s Boys getting awards?….I give up….

226. UK under siege-Water Management
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Description: The UK floods down south have been completely dominating the news….they seem to have stopped blaming everyone for the weather and are now trying to sort it all out.I’ve just got back from The Lakes…I’ve never seen anything like it….not sure what the answer is. These kids who do stupid things and film themselves on YouTube have been in the news…after a few of them have died….again everyone is to blame except the parents…”there should be warnings in schools etc…there should be laws against selling legal drugs etc”…the problem is you can’t legislate for idiots…simple as that. I watched a programme on Jim Davidson…very interesting….He had it all but refused to change…whereby I admire him for that I felt he could have toned things down a little bit and he would have been fine…he won Big Brother so somebody still likes him…he needs a bit of good advice but I doubt whether he would listen….shame. Claire Balding has taken a bit of stick over her TV involvement at the Winter Olympics in Russia as she is gay and the Russians have banned gays….the gay community feel she is letting the side down by not boycotting the whole thing…I think it’s time the gay community got over themselves…they are getting BORING…you’re gay SO WHAT?...nobody outside Russia cares….I love Claire Balding…good on ya girl!!! Another little kid has been mauled to death by a pit bull type dog in it’s home….what does it take to get through to people who keep these pets…and to not leave them on their own with a toddler…how much more publicity will it take?....but there again as I said you can’t legislate for idiots…..a terrible price to pay.

227. Water, Water Everywhere...
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Description: The floods have been horrendous down south….I have never seen anything like it….coastlines washed away taking railway lines and houses with them…so sad for the poor folk who have lost everything…the government have decided to take action and said it will cost 20 million to sort things out (so someone is due to make 20 million)…there was a guy in the North East who solves the problem there by utilising tree trunks and branches to slow down the flow of rivers…successfully…they asked him how much he thought he would be able to solve the problem down south …have a guess….200 thousand… .Let’s all scare the life out of everyone with EXPLODING BATTERIES !!...yes a couple of modern batteries have gone bang in the WORLD so the media are straight on to it…”It could cause plane crashes…it could blow your hand off …etc”….then we see an experiment where a laptop battery is blown to pieces….so DON’T buy counterfeit batteries !!!....I wonder if the manufacturers of the originals have anything to do with this…losing a bit of money are we?...before we know where we are there will be a third one going off in the world. The tattoo and implant market is booming in this country…maybe I’m getting old but are people losing their marbles?...for the life of me I can’t see the point…especially after all the negative press with implants…which to me LOOK like implants…..and as for tattoos…well….and they wonder why they can’t get jobs. There has been a programme on the tele called “The Jump” which involves a bunch of celebs competing against each other on ski slopes….sounded O.K. at the outset but it was another dud despite Davina McCall showing as much enthusiasm as she possibly could….there were only two left standing at the end…the rest of them sustaining quite serious injuries…totally pointless…at least there were no fatalities…but it came pretty close. I was delighted with the news that Bill Roache was cleared of all the alleged sexual activity he was accused of forty odd years ago….but notice the accusers get off scott free…the law is in need of serious changes on this subject…lets hope this case helps all the other “rich” celebs who are there for the taking. and I couldn’t believe it was 10 years ago since the cockling disaster in Morecambe Bay when those poor Chinese lost their lives…and the scum who was responsible has only served part of his sentence and been shipped off back to where he came from…he should have been hung drawn and quartered…but that’s our so called justice system.

228. Don's favourite TV Show!
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Description: Don told me, " I watched Benidorm this week to see if there was any improvement…absolute rubbish…badly written with a collection of mismatched characters who can’t act…with a string of unfunny jokes and a helping of bad taste…plus an appearance by Mathew Kelly to add to the trash….ITV have hit rock bottom with this one. The BBC are a bit worried about their viewers using modern technology to watch their programmes on I Player…because apparently the licence fee only applies to LIVE tele….so when you watch recorded stuff you may not need a licence….I’ve always said the Beeb want sorting out…they have just abandoned a set up which was to involve a “digital storer” designed to store thousands of programmes…it failed…it cost 20 million quid…which has now gone down the drain…nice to know where our licence fee goes. .I watched the Paul and Ringo get together on the Grammy Awards…I must say they both looked good…I’m going to invest in whatever make-up they were using….I thought Katy Perry was quality as she was burnt at the stake…and Pink who was hanging from a rope around her ankles and spinning round…makes me glad I’ve semi retired if that’s what you’ve gotta do to get a gig these days. There’s quite a lot on the tele about the Great War with it being the anniversary…the diaries were fascinating showing that there was a lot more to it all than “going over the top”…all this should be shown as it should never be forgotten…whether we will ever learn is another matter. Coach Trip is back with good old Brendan camping it up…I must say I love this programme…especially the last bit when they have to vote someone off….also there is another good programme with Griff Rhys Jones travelling around Wales..this week was Anglesey…brilliant. The latest is to make smoking in cars where there are children illegal….what next?....in my opinion people who smoke anywhere should be issued with a goldfish bowl to be worn over their head so they can recycle their own smoke…but then again I don’t endulge…..but the people who come up with these ideas should be employed to enforce them instead of giving the police more work." ....and we looked at other news headlines that are taking the eye.....

229. Witherspoon or Withoutaspoon?
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Description: Big outcry from the road safety campaigners about a Wetherspoons pub they are building at one of the motorway service stations…I would doubt if it’s any campaigners – more the rip off motorway services who charge extortionate prices for their second rate food…bit of competition eh?...at last a bit of value on the motorways……they come up with nonsense like “It will encourage drink driving”…what a load of twaddle….they also sell coffee as well as good value food…..if drivers want to drink all they have to do is pull off the motorway and drive a few hundred yards. I wish these so called organisations would stop telling us what we can and can’t do !!!! I would like to congratulate the TV channels for managing to have absolutely NOTHING worth watching last Tuesday…that is unless you want to watch some overweight blobbys attempting to lose a bit of blubber…no thanks…….oh yes and Coronation Street which made the headline news with one of the characters dying…real cheerful stuff…and people think it’s REAL…..a sad situation all round. They are still going on and on about this MP who wont apologise for something he has been found innocent of…WE ARE NOT INTERESTED !!...get over yourselves ladies you are getting very boring….on a similar theme..they had a lady on the morning news who has created a “Cuddle Club”…whereby people who feel down can have a cuddle….sounds like a recipe for a few more court cases….I would urge blokes to steer clear of that one. The Anelka offensive salute….is that what it was?....I doubt if 99% of the terraces would have picked up on that one…including me…..what would they make of Denis Law showing his bare bum to the Liverpool Kop in the old days?....oh I forgot…they were the days when you could have a laugh…how I miss those days….when you didn’t live in fear of being taken to court by some holier than thou doogooder or some over sensitive female. Speaking of laughs I was reading in the paper about Lee Mack…who I rate as one of the best comedians….meeting Prince William who said “You need some new jokes”…to which Lee replied “I don’t tell you how to be a future king”…to which William replied “I was only joking…I really enjoy your sitcom”……OOOPS….but I love Lee Mack…

230. Bogged Down!
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Description: I’ve been in the Lake District this week doing a bit of walking….on the Sunday we went around Silverdale…on the Monday a car was hit by a train on a level crossing…in Silverdale…the crossing we had been over the day before….I know the area well and have always thought the crossing was a bit dodgy…so there you are I was right. 2.We have been informed that MP’s have their portraits up in Parliament…paintings which cost 12 grand a time….which begs the question why paintings?...why not photographs?...or indeed why any picture at all as NONE of them are worth looking at……I wonder if they pay for the work themselves…I am joking of course…nice to know where my taxes go. 3.The trials of Dave Lee Travis,Rolph Harris and Bill Roache have been all over the news….women who have suddenly remembered that they were indecently assaulted 50 years ago…whatever the outcome these guys are finished…the media have seen to that….nothing should be reported until there is a final decision…it’s a disgrace….remember Gerri Halliwell bragging about pinching Prince Charles’s bum….but THAT’S alright….there’s not a problem that way round….as DLT put it…they can smell money. 4.After the horrendous floods (and before the oncoming drought and hosepipe ban) our roads are full of potholes….it’s going to take 27 BILLION (that figure again) to fix them…it has been asked why the continent don’t have the same problems…the answer was that they spend more money on their roads than us…so that’s O.K. then…..I reckon I could find a few blokes who would do it for a few BILLION less than the above quote. 5.Headline News!!!...they have found Hitler’s bog…yes the toilet from one of The Fuhrer’s battleships….it was in a garage somewhere in the States and there’s been a big stink over it (sorry about that)….with all the morons out there it is bound to appeal to someone…I think I’ll pass on it….oops sorry again…..so there you are – something for your mantelpiece.

231. The Punishment must fit the Crime
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Description: The government have announced there will be major cuts in legal aid…which has resulted in a mini “strike” by solicitors….they say it will reduce their clientele…thus losing money. I think these guys should compare their hourly rate to that of a council worker or shop assistant…..how will they survive without their brand new BMs and Mercedes every year?...I feel so sorry for them. A pal of mine went on jury duty and said it was a farce…nobody on the panel,including the chairman,had a clue about the law…they were judging people by how they looked. I’ve never been able to grasp the jury system…they should consist of intelligent educated people with a good knowledge of the law…SOLICITORS FOR EXAMPLE…there you are I’ve found jobs for them. There is a big thing at the moment regarding cyber bullying….youngsters are getting threatened on twitter etc….now I know I am from the 50’s but isn’t the answer to not read the tweets?...or is that too simple. It strikes me that anyone who makes threats on the social media is an idiot who needs to get a life…so why bother with them?...or am I too old to understand? Immigration…now there’s a word…all we hear on the news is people complaining about so called foreigners coming into the country and getting a free ride….personally I am totally confused…one minute they are telling us that immigrants can come here and get benefit for 3 months until they get a job (sounds like a good deal) BUT then we are told that they should have a job lined up before they get here…perhaps someone will eventually tell us what is going on…because I haven’t got a clue. It’s that old humbug again on the news about over enthusiastic parents at school sports events……it’s NEVER going to change…parents want to live through their kids (at least the dopey ones do)…in my opinion sport is for winning…that’s why it’s there….and you’ll always get morons on the touchline…it will never change….so move on eh?

232. Benidorm New Series Reviewed
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Description: We are bracing ourselves for the next storms and high tides…you watch the tele and you’d think this had never happened before….talk about scare mongering…80 mile an hour gales forecast here for Friday morning….I had 18 holes of golf in a bit of a breeze…Because of the bad weather down south there have been power cuts leaving folk with no electricity over Christmas and the power companies have come under heavy criticism…,because they took so long to get the power back on….now I don’t know enough about the situation but I would have thought it’s the fault of the weather…which no-one has any control over…but I suppose in true British style SOMEONE has be blamed. .I am getting rather miffed at modern American films with dialogue which is impossible to decipher…the trend seem to be to deliver the script with a whispering growl…you turn the sound up and then the music blows you out of the room…will SOMEBODY teach the Americans how to act and ENUNCIATE !!!!......I watched a film called “Shooter” with Mark Whalberg…gave up after 20 minutes…couldn’t make out a word they were saying…similarly I watched a film on the story of Chess Records which I found very interesting except again I couldn’t hear a word…not only that - they grumble without their lips moving. Train fares have gone up by 3%....which makes travelling by train a bit on the pricey side….a contract from Dover to London will now cost over 5 grand…one from Manchester to Liverpool will cost 3 grand. I don’t travel by train but it sounds expensive to me…they had a half witted official from the railways prattling on about how people will be travelling 16000 miles and it is a lot cheaper by train than by car…er excuse me….I’ve worked out that 16000 miles in a car that does 35 to the gallon will cost less than 3 grand (and that is diesel)…so I don’t know where Mr.Railwayman gets his figures. …Oh I forgot they need to rip everyone off to get the money for the high speed train service that no-one wants….do me a favour. I watched the first in the series of “Benidorm”…oh dear…oh deary deary me….totally lost it’s way…I’m only glad it’s not coming out of my licence fee…..I also enjoyed the new year fireworks in London…always nice to know where our taxes go…did someone say “recession” ??...don’t be daft.

233. Bah! Humbug! What a fuss!
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Description: We have had some horrific storms … mostly down south…poor folk flooded out as the torrential rain burst river banks…I don’t know how these people can get insurance..let alone sell up. We haven’t had it too bad here…but I went on line to insure my house and one on the questions was “do you live within half a mile from a river…if so we wont insure you”…bad news. The damage at New Brighton after the recent high tides has been sorted…I went down there on my bike on Xmas morning (bit of pre dinner exercise) …there weren’t many takers…probably because it was very cold…but everything looks O.K…..until the next high tide and 60mph gale. What I will NEVER understand is the mass panic to the build up to ONE day….I went into TESCOS to buy a jack plug (£2.50)…I couldn’t get out…there were raving loonies at the checkout with trolleys piled to the ceiling….it’s like a disease…and as for the boxing day sales….unbelievable…we are a sad lot really. 4.I don’t gig a lot these days…so I can relax up to Xmas without worrying about getting a cold or damaging my fingers etc….so I watched a bit of tele…oh dear…the BBC put on a three hour drama about the Great Train Robbery….same old stuff…we KNOW the story !...we’ve seen it a hundred times before !!...so why waste our licence fee (£145) on old hat?...fortunately I spent Xmas day at my lad’s house so I was spared the television…and as for the variety shows words fail me….I’m thinking of going back on the road. I have just completed a DVD about the history of my birthplace..Wallasey…I did all the filming throughout our lovely summer and recently finished the music and narration (which takes a long time)…I enjoy making these local DVDs because you learn a lot of things you didn’t know….for example The Guide Dogs For The Blind was founded in Wallasey in 1930 and there is a statue of a dog outside The Floral Pavilion commemorating this (I must have walked past it a hundred times)…also the Stableford system of scoring in golf was invented in Wallasey Golf Club in 1930 by a doctor Frank Stableford….plus a long list of powerful men from the early 1900s who were involved in shipping and the slave trade……all good stuff…..I intend to distribute the DVD through my website to those who know the area…it has limited appeal but ex pats will definitely enjoy it.

234. Stonehenge, Scandals and Storms
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Description: Don told me, "We have had some incredible storms here over the past few weeks….on the Wirral Peninsula where I live there is a place called New Brighton which is on the coast and it has just been rebuilt after previous storm damage….so what have they built …cafes and huge department stores…which all got flooded out…..in 1979 the same thing happened…the tide destroyed a ballroom (which was attached to New Brighton Baths)…I know…because my band were playing there on that night…it needs a bit more sea defences because it will happen again… Stonehenge has had a facelift….you could drive past up until recently but not any more….they have taken down the small visitor centre and replaced it with a fancy new one…at a cost of …wait for it 27 million pounds!!.......I don’t know how these people arrive at these figures…it’s a bunch of rocks for goodness sake…but no doubt someone will be making a load of money. Our MPs have come under some criticism regarding “signing in” to Parliament…apparently if they “sign in” they get paid…even if they are only there for a few minutes…..a radio presenter was on and said that he interviewed an MP who “signed in” before he came to his programme…which meant the MP must have simply gone in and out….along with their 11% rise and all the expenses scandals you’d think they would learn wouldn’t you…. The words “dress code” really get up my nose….nowadays you get an invite to a wedding and the “dress code” is “black tie”….which means you have to fork out for a dinner SUIT followed by a present…followed by drinks at extortionate rip off prices followed by bed and breakfast….it’s bad enough being invited to a wedding reception of someone you hardly know without being taken to the cleaners by some overpriced hotel cashing in on snob value….but it’s their big day so that’s alright….there’s a hotel not far from here where you can pay up to £500 for a bottle of champagne…are they havin’ a laugh or what? Rock and Roll is still very much alive on Merseyside…despite our ages…Harry Prytherch (once the drummer in the Remo Four) had a Xmas bash at Fort Perch Rock last Sunday afternoon which was great fun…the actual venue is a cellar so it was shoulder to shoulder…they had three bands on and a good time was had by all….then we had our Cheshire Cats party last Wednesday…rockin’ from 8.30 til 11.45…all the money goes to kids charities …great stuff…we can be checked out on www.thecheshirecats.co.uk .....we can still ROCK…providing we have a lie down afterwards…

235. At least there's Harry!
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Description: With wonderful timing the Government MPs have been awarded an 11% rise in their salaries…taking them to over 74 grand a year. This is when everyone else has to accept 1%....but it has been said that this brings them in line with surgeons and doctors etc… Soon we will not have to get a tax disc for our cars….we do it online and go on record….now this will be great for our older citizens who can’t even switch on a computer…and for the traffic wardens who will have to check with the central set up set up to see if cars are taxed…I’m wondering why?...ah well they must know what they are doing…I suppose….sounds like another disaster to me. Football is under scrutiny after a few lower league guys have been accuse of match fixing…it’s a disgrace….pure greed…they should be banned for life.On the subject of football John Terry was seen in Poundworld buying his wrapping paper and crisps….he’s on 170 grand a week…which shows you can take the man out of Poundworld but.... …there is a move afoot to do away with FM radio and replace it with DAB…they had a chap on from a local station saying it would cost a fortune for them to transfer over…and I wonder about our car radios?...good stuff eh?...I don’t know whether this will come off or when but there you are….someone has made this wonderful decision probably without thinking it out as usual. finally…did you see The Royal Command Performance?....Hmm…Oh Dear…..it started well but went steadily downhill…..the comedians they had on were appalling .. not even slightly funny…who books these blokes? And as for Dame Edna I think it’s time to call it a day. The show has always been second rate with some acts trying to suck up to the Royals and others ill prepared…I would have thought by now they would get it right. But there’s always Harry…what a guy…he’s just reached the South Pole on foot with some disabled army lads…he’s fourth in line to the throne…I say crown him now!!!

236. Panto Dames and Christmas Shopping with a Difference
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Description: We are now out of the top 20 when it comes to children’s education…which is hardly surprising considering the country is run by morons…..the teachers are on a hiding to nothing these days…it needs a qualified teacher to get into the government and run the system instead of the chinless wonder we are stuck with…..a coach of a young village football team has got the sack for telling the kids he has no time for losers…only winning will do !!!....OH this caused a major outcry from the parents…we can’t have winners and losers…EVERYONE must be the same…no wonder it’s difficult to find an English footballer in the Premiership. The panto dame will soon be a thing of the past…because a bloke dressing as a woman is not PC….I’ve heard it all now….and as for the principle boy…what are the dads supposed to watch if she goes?…..a principle boy slapping a long shapely leg…Yes Please !!!! The latest thing from the police is to shop anyone who you think is over the limit…even your own mates…and if they get a prosecution you get £200….interesting eh?....…I think we need to try and get older heads on to the youngsters. Chester has been given an award for being an historic city…it beat the likes of Venice,Bruge and Prague……personally I think Chester is a masterpiece….the town itself is class and has a great atmosphere not to mention the walk around the Wall….I am fortunate enough to do a bit of kayaking in The River Dee which runs through it…scenery doesn’t get any better than that…Chester Rocks !!! There are quite a few ageing popstars making a bit of a come back….Boy George has got a good song out and he sings it well and has developed a likeable way about him…unlike uncle Rod Stewart who has made an album all about himself…….I was never a fan of Sinatra because all he ever did was sing about himself….and I wish Robbie Williams would get over himself…he is a GREAT performer (one of the best) but he always has to be stupidly suggestive… Russell Watson is a good lad and he has made a record showing the rough edge to his voice and it’s brilliant….I’m not into the opera stuff..it all sounds the same..but this one is the biz…go Russ!!!

237. Who's a real Celebrity-Get me out of here!
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Description: The news has been full of this Scottish independence thing…what is it with people these days…we are a small island…LET’S GET ON WITH EACH OTHER!!...O.K. the English once marched on Scotland…and Wales…and Ireland…I’M SORRY!!! But I WASN’T AROUND AT THE TIME!!!...Get over it….I have absolutely nothing against my fellow countrymen but when I wander into the odd pub in Wales I get the feeling I am an illegal alien. It all seems like one way traffic…it’s always the English who are the bad guys. The Scots want to go it alone BUT keep the Bank of England…and the Queen etc…come on guys give us a break….if they get this it will be their biggest mistake I feel. I also get a bit annoyed at the rugby and football events when Wales Scotland and Ireland sing their own anthem…and we sing the NATIONAL one….which is also theirs….I think we should sing Land of Hope and Glory….or even better Googi The Liverpool Duck? ”I’m a celebrity get me out of here” is on tele EVERY night…with Ant and Dec trying to convince us that it’s all gonna kick off any minute….I’m not quite sure what we (including me) are turning into when we sit and watch celebrities sleeping and sunbathing and getting 80 GRAND for their efforts….….is that paint dry yet? There is a big shortage of male primary teachers in the country….in our day it was mostly men…but then again if your teacher got hold of your arm in them days he wasn’t faced with parents kicking doors down screaming paedophile!!.....what do they expect….you can’t speak to a kid these days without becoming a major suspect…..so why apply for a job with so much hassle?….…..it’s the parents who need educating not the kids. Because the television is so bad I have decided to include “Netflix” to my TV package……this gives me the opportunity to have hundreds of films at my disposal…and do you know what…try and find a decent one!!….they seem to have lost the art of making decent films these days…it’s all sci-fi…and vampires….and special effects..with NO story…the trend seems to be to mumble their way through a two and a half hour film with a 10 minute plot……what happened to ACTING?...and enunciation?...and the problem is you get so far into a film that you are FORCED to see it through…and 99% of the time it’s a complete load of rubbish…..come back all you Hollywood Greats!!....or am I getting old? How do you know when Christmas is coming?....out come the CDs of all the same old played out songs….PLEASE someone give us a decent NEW one if we MUST be subjected to them. Every shop and supermarket has the same old stuff every year droning away in the background….I HATE Christmas songs….but at least I expect “stars” to give us original ones instead of regurgitating all the old stuff. Just use the Slade one and bin all the others…Cliff…Bing…even Buble…..for goodness sake……

238. Hull, Flowers, Doddy and Pythons
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Description: Hull will be the 2017 capital of culture….I am pleased for them because the city has taken some stick over the years….getting this status made a huge difference to Liverpool…it is now a fantastic place to visit and brings in thousands of tourists….last Monday my wife and I decided to jump on the ferry boat and take a look around the Museum of Life on Pierhead…first off the boat takes you up river with a fascinating commentary on the history of the area then pulls in at the new landing stage at Pierhead. To say the Museum is stunning is an understatement…wonderful…and FREE!!!......it shows the history of the city from the word go…on three floors…fantastic. Ken Dodd has a small section dedicated to him at the museum….when you consider how much this guy has put into showbiz and how popular he STILL is and yet he has not got a knighthood…makes you wonder …especially when you think of SIR Terry Wogan and..dare I say it…..SIR Jimmy Savile… I caught up on the bit of Children in Need programme I missed last Friday…. I really enjoyed McFly who I think are a great talented bunch of lads…and Jeff Lynne who did a great job of Mr.Blue Sky”…and it was nice to see Agnetha from ABBA singing with Gary arlow….Barlow wrote the song they sang together which is O.K. but not a patch on some of the other stuff on her new album….absolute masterpieces…I don’t know who has written or produced the songs but they are top notch. They also had a bloke called “Passenger” (foreign I think) who sang a song with just an acoustic….respect. How about this guy who was the boss of the Co-op Bank eh?...Paul Flowers….into allsorts (allegedly)…drugs etc……and Miliband (whose party gave him the job) has been on saying we must move on… The Monty Pythons are making a comeback…..they had a press conference and the whole world was there…Palin made me laugh when a Spanish journalist asked him a question and he said “I didn’t expect the Spanish Inquisition”….some people never found them funny but I was a huge fan…

239. Help these People B4 Disasters!
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Description: Terrible situation in The Phillipines… these things make me so angry…..there are Sheiks with billions …greedy bankers with billions…footballers with billions….how about them putting up the money to build these people shelters BEFORE the event…they wouldn’t even miss the money…this should all be sorted beforehand ….we know it’s coming … but oh no ordinary folk must get involved…we can’t have these “princes” doing without the odd solid gold Rolls Royce….and Beckham has just moved into his 40 million pound mansion…he’s also made an advert about his own brand of after shave…it’s a real throw up job. The Children In Need Appeal has been in full flight … with Terry Wogan at the helm…..WHY?....there are many top class young presenters out there so why do we have to constantly put up with Sir Terry with his unfunny quips looking totally ill at ease in the suit he has squeezed into….I’ve always failed to see what it is about Wogan…totally talentless as far as I’m concerned…call it a day Tel and give us all a break. At least Brucie is talented…. but well past his sell-by date on Strictly Come Dancing….he’s painful. Blackpool hired Gary Barlow and Jonathan Ross to switch the lights on….I’m O.K. with Gary but why they book that grinning village idiot I’ll never know…again I wish someone would tell me what talent he has…Oh Yes he’s a chat show host…ANYONE can do that…..my point is proved in as much as the Blackpool Council decided to charge a tenner to see these celebs…and LOST 375 Grand!!...which make you wonder what Mr Ross’s fee was? When I was working on Radio Merseyside I was asked by the people of Ellesmere Port if I would attend their annual function and crown the May Queen…I felt quite honoured…so along I went and was treated like a local celeb….they then asked me what the fee was…to which I told them a nice cup of tea would do the trick…they then said that the year before they had another local radio personality (who will remain nameless) who charged them £750….and THI is the problem with the planet. ..And finally someone sent me an article from the Daily Mail regarding my mate…wrestler Adrian Street…who once had a novelty wrestling match with Jimmy Savile back in 1971…they were trying to promote Jimmy as a tough guy who had trained with the Marines etc…I remember Adrian telling me about it…he wasn’t happy and made sure Mr. Savile never stepped in the ring again…he nearly killed him…which is why I never sent Jimmy any of the records I wrote and produced for my violent friend….. …. Don't Forget….Don's been working on a doowop song for a new friend in the States….His name is Doowop Joe Conroy and he has a internet radio station in North Carolina...he checked out Don's website and noticed Don writes novelty songs. He asked Don to write one about all the doowop groups….….the song is called “DooWop Days” and can be found on YouTube……

240. Dr Who and Eleanor Rigby
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Description: Energy bills which are set to go up here…good old Ed Milliband announced if he gets in he will freeze them….so guess what .. up they go.I wish someone would give us a breakdown on where the money goes…everyone seem to blame everyone else….and they have announced that only about 10% of people shop around to find cheaper tariffs….but it’s so complicated I’m not surprised. On a similar subject…I took out insurance last year to cover the underground pipes from the road to my house…as they are not covered under the house insurance…it was £39 which I thought was worthwhile…especially if they have to dig my path up….I’ve just had a renewal reminder…£73…..SO I rang them up and asked them why it had gone up…they came up with some nonsense so I told them I didn’t want to renew…..”OH…what if we knock off £7 ?”…”No Thanks”…”How about £15 ?”….”No thanks…keep going”….”The best we can do is £22 which will make the renewal £51 ?”…I agreed to this…what can I say…is it me or is the world going nuts? We talked about the wonderful work on the old tapes they have found from Dr Who….wonderful modern technology……BUT is it really newsworthy when hundreds of Africans are losing their lives trying to get across to Europe in boats. Some guy on the news has made a life size statue of Eleanor Rigby out of…wait for it….the remains of a million pound in notes. He approached the Royal Mint and asked if they could give him any shredded paper money….and they happily gave him a million pounds to make his paper mache statue….you gotta admit it’s original..And finally…the lottery tickets have gone up to 2 quid…..there are a few more prizes but the chances of winning are the same…33 million to one…….now I played golf with a taxi driver mate of mine who was always going on about winning the lottery…to which I told him he had no chance which is why I don’t do it…and I have saved all those pounds by NOT doing it…..he only goes and wins 2 and a half million !!!It was interesting being that close to someone who had done it….it was bringing in 4000 a week in interest….don’t see much of him these days…can’t imagine why.

241. Real Ale for Real Men
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Description: Don chatted about Real Ale this morning and confessed to not being the biggest fan of the potent beers brewed by those chaps at the Real Ale Festival. We disussed whether there is a type of aficionado and you must listen for our conclusions. Don told me about an 80 year old man who works as a guide for the treacherous currents in Morecambe Bay. You might remember a dreadful event when many Chinese Cockle pickers were drowned. The man works for the princely sum of 15 pounds.......Elsewhere Don told me about an association for friends who fought together in the World War and now are involved in other things.

242. Schoolboy Politicians running the UK
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Description: Don came back from the Lakes last week and had to go straight out to Anglesey to sort my caravan out ready to be stored for the winter….stayed a few days and the weather was fabulous….23 degrees and clear blue skies…went for a walk along Rhosneigr beach and never saw a soul….there was no wind and there was absolute silence except for the breaking waves…doesn’t get any better than that. So it’s bye bye to the Island til next April….but I do love Autumn…my favourite season. A bit of sad news…Jackie Lomax (ex Undertakers) has recently died…..Jackie moved to America and worked with George Harrison and many top bands…he was great guy and each time he came over from the States he would appear at our weekly Cheshire Cats bash with Geoff Nugent and Brian “Saxophone” Jones….he went to our school and was a great lad…he’ll be sadly missed. Also another local musician has also passed on…Tommy Hughes who was the original singer in The Swinging Blue Jeans….and was one of The Kansas City Five….he was a good pal of mine and a true gent….he was a great keyboard player and has played in many bands over the years…I’ve worked with him on many occasions….these guys are irreplaceable. On a lighter note…Mr.Milliband has been wandering around with a fixed grin on his face pretending to be one of the lads and has announce if Labour get in next time he is going to freeze energy bills….I don’t know who writes his script but you can freeze your own bills on several deals with suppliers TODAY….so I haven’t quite worked out what he’s on about…..and Eric Pickles has stepped away from the pies for a few minutes to announce that CCTV parking cameras will no longer be used…the fact these make millions for local councils doesn’t seem to come into it….”it’s interfering with human rights”…so let’s all park anywhere and gridlock the country…get back to the buffet Eric. The Firemen have had a short strike over pay and pensions…they are now expected to work until they are sixty to receive a full pension….I think their salary is 29 grand on average,,,how much are those back benchers on again?..seventy grand?.....and who would you rather have in a crisis….quite…..not to mention the soldiers. Brian McFadden is on tele a lot (he’s in a programme called “Stepping Out” which is a rip off of Strictly Come Dancing…except the celebs dance with their real life partners)…now I’m not a fan of boy bands…Boyzone only had one singer – Steven Gately- and he died…I wouldn’t pay the rest of them in washers…similarly Westlife only have one singer – the gay guy … BUT I do have a lot of time for McFadden…he made a few good records on his own AND can play….he recorded an incredibly brave song before he went to Australia called “Irish Son” which heavily criticizes his vicious Catholic upbringing…I have a lot o f respect for the lad.

243. Policeman Caught on the Job!
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Description: Don looked at the work of an artiste called Kanye West who is a famous rapper …he was on Jules Holland’s programme and kicked off because he had requested everything in his dressing room to be white…including the flowers…and he wanted the set re-doing in white…and…wait for it…he wanted the carpet in his dressing room IRONING because it was Kanye was taking the mickey but I know what I would have told him…..these “stars” have got a problem once they start believing their own bull***. Don told me he'd worked with and known about divas both male and female….they need a reality check. The news has been full of the muslim girl who wouldn’t remove her veil during a court hearing….Don always respects other peoples beliefs and religions but can’t see what the problem is…you can’t wear a crash helmet or a hoodie…or indeed smoke in court…it’s the law of the land…where’s the problem? Prince William has left the forces to do Royal things and his two guard dogs have been put down because their “career” is over…this has caused an outcry from the “know very little” brigade…The fact is the dogs are trained protectors…that’s what they do…one false move and you’re a gonner.It was only a few months back everyone was up in arms about a dog killing a child….I like dogs but you have to be realistic. The problem of drunks wandering the street has reared it’s ugly head…The police are moaning because it’s taking up their time. They reckon it’s costing 11 BILLION to sort this out….They are talking about “drunk tanks” to throw these hooligans into and charging them £400 to get out next day (some hope)…however it would cost £400 to keep them there…brilliant eh?...close the pubs at half ten I say…it was good enough for us !!! Finally…this is classic…an armed bobby was caught in an uncompromising position with a lady….when he was on duty….he was sacked but re-instated because he said his gun was still available for use…namely around his ankles…he also said he was on his lunch break and his activity was no different than having a cup of tea…..now whoever was his solicitor needs a knighthood…that guy is GOOD!!! Another point of view is that this policeman has clearly illustrated why Britain is in a mess. He has acted in a way that brings the police into disrepute then the lawyers have got him off. This brings both the judge, and the legal system into disrepute for me.

244. Kevin- back to Coronation Street?
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Description: Michael Lavelle has won his case…..great news…..but what will he get for the two years trauma…probably nothing……and I suppose the accuser will get off scot free. As we have been saying the police reckon there isn’t a witch hunt going on….not much….anyway nice to see a bit of justice. It has been announced that CASSETTES are making a comeback…Hmm…sounds to me like the record companies are trying to get rid of there obsolete stocks…tell me about it…I’ve got a garage full. There is no way they can come back … you can’t compare a cassette to a CD…however I was very surprised that mini disc didn’t take over the world…they are brilliant. There are a lot of programmes on the tele about “Rogue Traders”…and “Rogue Builders”…with Ester Rantzen and a couple of cronies playing God and Dom Littlewood playing the tough guy with various traders...I would like to see him try it without a camera crew and no doubt a couple of security guys….having dealt with a multitude of traders in my old job I found 99% of them fine…and just out to make an honest living….what should be done is a programme on “Rogue CUSTOMERS”…because in my experience they are bigger rogues than the traders. The high speed train service from Leeds to London is still in the news….which we have discussed in the past…BUT it’s cheaper than we were originally told…it now ONLY going to cost 42 BILLION…oh yes…plus the trains…that makes it 50 BILLION…..nobody wants this but they are STILL trying to convince us it will be good for the economy….but they don’t tell us how…..it will obviously happen as there is a fortune to be made….and on the subject of news I tend to watch the BBC news at 8 O’Clock in the morning….the other morning they were droning on about septicitis so I turned over to ITV were I was entertained with a few interviews with film stars and a bit of Hollywood gossip and a bit of music…then I tuned back to BBC about 15 minutes later and they were STILL droning on about septicitis….BORING BORING…lighten up Beeb. …a friend of my wife’s went to a cash machine and it “ate” her card….so she went through the whole process of cancelling it and getting another one…a few days later she got on the bus and couldn’t find her bus pass…but had TWO credit cards…yep you guessed it…

245. E Cigs, Celebs and Kilroy was Here
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Description: Derby County Football Club are handing out free “E” cigarettes to their fans - designed to prevent youngsters starting to smoke….I’m not quite sure how they work this one out….I don’t know much about these electronic ciggies but I do know they are expensive and they contain nicotine…seem a strange exercise to me. Sad to hear of the recent death of the Disc Jockey/Broadcaster, David Jacobs….he’s been around virtually all my life…I remember him in “Journey Into Space” on the wireless in the early 50’…..half seven to eight…Monday nights…I could stay up for that one….then there was Juke Box Jury etc…..we are all getting old. ”Kilroy was here” was an expression which was written everywhere during the war….I read an article on who he actually was….his name was James Kilroy from Massachusetts and apparently he worked in an aircraft factory and checked that the correct amount of bolts were put in place…he would do this by initialling the job…but the workers used to rub out the initials and get them checked again by someone else…thus doubling their wages…so Kilroy started adding in big block letters “KILROY WAS HERE”….this became a phrase which caught on and was used by American soldiers who would write it in all the places their battles took them…good stuff eh? The Savile Saga marches on…Dave Lee Travis…Rolph Harris and some bloke off Coronation Street…….all tried and convicted by the press….without any proof of course….to show how wonderful our legal system is they have just found a bloke who murdered a girl 13 years ago by matching his DNA….that is after the guy who was originally accused served 6 years….it really does need sorting. Blackpool have switched on the famous lights….inviting famous celebs to be involved…and lost a packet. Firstly, The Script were supposed to be headlining but dropped out because of a family problem…so Gary Barlowe stepped in…and to give him his due he wanted his fee to be paid to Children in Need…also included was Eliza Doolittle and buffoon Jonathon Ross who had the honour of switching on the lights ……however it was decided to charge 10 quid to see this…….there were not many takers….total cost 500 grand…total income 300 grand…OOPS…..lesson learnt I think.

246. Soup Kitchens v High Speed Trains UKI2013
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Description: We are so poor in this country that “research” has revealed an increase in the attendance at SOUP KITCHENS….it is so sad that people have to return to the 1930’s because they can’t afford to feed their families…this is what we are told…and in the same breath the proposed high speed rail service from Leeds to London (which we don’t need) will cost…wait for it…80 BILLION !!!... So let’s take a closer look….the population of Britain is 64 million…..so 80 BILLION would give EVERY person in the country 1248 quid EACH….the population of the WORLD is 7.1 billion…I’m not even going to go there……. where’s the money coming from? Speaking of ridiculous amounts of riches being bestowed on the chosen few….we had a refreshing look at football…in the shape of Accrington Stanley which has the least money to their credit in English football…even the manager cleans the terraces and toilets….and the players and the fans are all keen to succeed…AND they do it for the GAME…..like all the sunday leaguers….GO THE STANLEYS!!...they have my support. Continuing from our chat last week about the “flash for cash” scam….there has been a court case….three Liverpool guys organised a coach trip to a football match and on the journey the coach was “struck” by a small car….so much so that the driver never even noticed… and there was hardly a mark on the coach….HOWEVER…this resulted in EVERY passenger claiming whiplash…through the SAME solicitor…when asked if the passengers knew each other they all denied it…so after a scan of Facebook etc it turned out the guy driving the car AND all the passengers were in on the scam…..the driver suspected something when he returned all the “injured” passengers back to Liverpool and they all vanished into the pub….The outcome was that the three blokes responsible got jail sentences….BUT I think every claimant should have joined them…it’s FRAUD simple as that…and the sooner our legal system gets a grip on this the better… A big recycling plant in the North West has gone up in flames which brings back memories of the similar incident caused by Chinese Lanterns,,,,and are these firebombs still on sale? I hear you ask….OF COURSE…can’t expect too much of the overpaid health and safety buffoons….too busy banning conkers in playgrounds. Concluding with a delightful story….two little 9 year old girls have achieved the record for “wing walking”….these kids were strapped on to the top wings of two biplanes and flown around their local airfield…their granddad was driving one of the planes….the girls were an absolute delight and did it to raise money and awareness for their friend who had a bad illness…their friend was 6. Maybe some of the 80 billion could be donated…oh no…sorry…we need another railway system to clutter up the countryside….so the rich can get richer.

247. Donald How's your trousers?
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Description: …some bright spark in the Government has decided we all drink to much and it is effecting our health…so that’s alright then….he is suggesting wine companies make their wine with a lower percentage of alcohol…oh yeah…that’s a good idea…..personally I only drink wine I like and I don’t need any politician telling me what to do thank you. It was even suggested that they make wine with the same alcohol level as beer….which means we’ll drink it in pint glasses…I wish these attention seeking MPs would get real. Train fares are going to rocket which has upset a lot of people…..one girl on the tele said she pays 5 grand for a season ticket to get her to work each day…which means she works 3 months to pay the train fare…good stuff eh?....In the next breath they are telling us that billions will be spent on a superfast service from Manchester….which we don’t need…..I’d love to know where all this money is coming from. Never heard any more about the 12 billion a year we send to aid the poor countries who are trying to send a rocket into space…old Dave Cameron did a quality side step on that one. Chester Zoo is going to have millions spent on it to transform it…it will have waterways with islands…it’s a very popular attraction but not for me….I find it extremely boring…but it’s O.K. the millions will be well spent…resession? The new motorway laws have come into force…it’s now £100 spot fine for tailgating or hogging the middle lane,,,,,how this will be enforced is a mystery to me…..it’s time the driving test was brought into the present day…..the quality of driving on our roads is horrendous….EVERYONE is impatient and rude….they get in a car and their personality changes….aggression comes to the surface. THAT’S why there are so many accidents…because people can’t drive…..the driving age should be 21 and the test should be a lot stiffer….and excessive speeders should be banned for a year… Two men had a set to in a car park (one was 64 the other 65) which ended up with one bloke punching the other…and killed him…that one punch will change a few lives. On the same subject there is a new scam going on called “Flash for Cash” (I’ll get my big overcoat out of the wardrobe)…it’s where rogues flash to let you out o a sideroad and deliberately crash into you…claiming allsorts ….they target old ladies and school runs…..tricky one to solve…..personally I always take my right of way and rarely let anyone out….because if you flash your lights the wrong recipient may pull out.

248. It's a Bloomer!
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Description: Paul Gasgoine has appeared in court after assaulting a railway official…when he was drunk……these so called celebs really brass me off…they have it all and throw it down the drain…and people STILL feel sorry for them…the guy is a waste of space…George Best was another….got a kidney transplant and still drank himself to death…the kidney might have saved someone else’s life… Gibraltar has featured heavily on the news here re all the disruption….is it me or isn’t Gibraltar in SPAIN?....it would be a different story if Spain laid claim to the Isle of Man I feel…..your take on this would be interesting. Godfrey Bloom…is a UKIP member and stated that this country is sending a billion quid each MONTH to foreign aid while we are having to close down hospitals and cut down on health care etc……while we continue to send money to “bongo bongo land”….OH!! HEAVEN’S ABOVE!! Everyone as usual piles in with their attention seeking opinions…”Racist”…etc…..the guy just says what everyone thinks…and it strikes me that the one’s complaining are the ones who keep these activities under their hat….from where I stand 12 BILLION a year would solve a lot of problems….but it doesn’t seem to…… tell it as it is Godfrey….and on the same theme Opra Winfrey was in Switzerland and wanted to have a look at a handbag…the girl in the shop told her it was too expensive…so what does she come up with?…”I was the victim of racism”….I think it’s time to put the race card away…it’s getting BORING!!! On a similar theme there was a “Billboard Competition” in the north of Scotland where there was a prize for the best design…third place went to a picture of Jimmy Savile and a load of schoolgirls….WELL!!..this was reported in the paper which has led to all the holier than thou brigade piling in….people who haven’t even seen the item….we are addicted to outrage in this country…any excuse to jump on the soapbox with no knowledge of what they are talking about….. Went to Anglesey for a few days this week and decided to go on a walk which starts in a place called Llangoed and takes you down to the Penmon lighthouse…wonderful walk…however you have to go through Beaumaris to get to Llangoed….talk about heaving…bumper to bumper through the town…car parks bursting at the seams…pavements crammed……..get to the walk and saw no-one….which shows how little imagination the human race have…sad…but good for us walkers.

249. Don Woods-Do you think I'm Sexy?
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Description: There has been a lot of complaining about the money councils are obtaining from parking fines….this has always been a bone of contention with us Brits….personally I can’t see a problem…DON’T PARK ILLEGALLY !!...some people seem to think they are special and have some sort of “right” to park wherever they like with no consideration for anyone else….I find the car parking charges a bit excessive in Birkenhead so I park outside the zone and walk in…no problem. On the same subject high street shops are up in arms about the business they are losing because of double yellow lines outside their premises…SO there is a suggested move by the government to allow parking on them for a short time….have you ever heard anything more ridiculous?...can you imagine the havoc this could cause…the yellow lines are there for a reason…namely to prevent gridlock and keep pedestrians safe…or have I got it wrong…and how can this possibly be successfully monitored? On the subject of money collection there is a programme on the tele called “The Sheriffs Are Coming” and it is about a firm of debt collectors who go round and get money from people who wont pay up.It is based around people who take firms to court and get a court order for money they are owed and when the firm doesn’t pay up the “Sheriffs” are sent round….and you would definitely not argue with these guys.If they don’t get the money they seize allsorts of stuff to the value…furniture,cars..the lot….……and great guys to stand behind if any trouble breaks out. We watched a bit of Rod Stewart being interviewed….and Don couldn’t take much of it…. "Rod is one of those blokes I can’t stand…he has that Robbie Williams factor…don’t know what it is I just can’t stand them….he has an album out which he has written himself…the latest single from it is all about him…totally self indulgent…these blokes need a reality check…..”Do you think I’m sexy?”….er…NO Rod….I think you should call it a day!" There was an article on the news about drunks at railway stations and on trains…and they showed a video of this plonker…totally out of the game…trying to go up the down escalator….he was upside down trying to get on his feet….I must say I found it quite funny and even funnier when a woman came down and when she reached him booted him off the staircase…and another moron tried to kick a pigeon and lost his balance and ended up falling off the platform on to the trainline….all very entertaining but there should be a way of preventing these dopes from getting through the turnstiles in the first place…if we can get men on the moon (?) I think we can devise this.

250. Too Much Baby Talk!
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Description: The Royal Baby……in case you didn’t know Kate and Wills have had a baby…there was nothing else on the news for three days….even on the day before they were babbling on about nothing…Nicholas Witchall talked for 20 minutes about absolutely nothing at all….every time I see him I think of the time he asked Charles a question (I think it was in Switzerland) and Charles whispered to William “I can’t stand that man”…trouble is his mike was still on…oops!!....how you can get weeks of news out of “William and Kate have had a baby…it’s name is George”….is beyond me…not only here but worldwide…GET A LIFE !!!! ....bought a second class stamp the other day….50p……that’s 10 bob to post a second class letter….are the post office having a laugh?...what was it in our day tuppence ha’penny?...and the health and safety bods have been at it again…killer flip flops…you can’t wear flip flops for work in case they get stuck in a lift door….but you CAN wear them when you are putting a naked flame into a Chinese lantern….I understand Spain and France don’t have a health and safety executive?...if you trip over the pavement look where you’re going…am I right?....also an old age pensioner was in the news when she was at the seaside and took her teeth out to eat a banana…and a seagull swooped down and pinched her dentures….a seagull with teeth….that would be worth seeing. The train crash in Spain has been filling the news here…it looks terrible…it is alleged that it was going too fast….but it will all come out eventually….they showed the actual crash…very upsetting….what’s the take over there? The James Burton Concert went well….I was pleased with my set…the band were brilliant and old James was well on form…..he also backed Pete Wylie and Dave Nash….I reminded Charlie Landsborough of his Mersey Royal days and we had a good laugh….he did the last half of the show…great guy…..also on the bill were the Liverpool Ukelele Orchestra…Cliff Roberts,Vince Earl,Nick Crouch and Geoff Nugent and Dean Johnson….Billy Butler MC’d it all and was well on form. ... spent the rest of the week in Anglesey and enjoyed some great weather….Monty Lister and myself once interviewed a guy called Ian Skidmore who ran “Radio Brysiencyn” from his house….I’ve even got a R.B. tie…we have our caravan in Brynsiencyn so I made a few enquiries in the pub….apparently Ian moved on and eventually passed away…fascinating bloke though.

251. Over-Heated and Ripped-off UK
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Description: What are we like in the UK?…We have had two weeks of a heatwave …NOW they are issuing health warnings…”people could DIE!! In this unbearable heat!!!”….employees are threatening to walk out of the workplace if the temperature gets to 30 degrees………a month ago we were all complaining about the COLD and worrying about DROWNING with the floods…..I’m waiting for the “Drought Alert” which will happen any time now. I must say it certainly brings out some strange sights on the streets…not pretty ones. Our fundraising organisation The Cheshire Cats gave £500 to a local kids charity and our “chairman” was invited by the charity to join them on their invite to Prince Charles’s house…This included a tour around the gardens and a two course meal….for which you had to pay 32 quid….this plus the train fare and suit hire obviously put him off…...reminded me of my friend Monty Lister being invited to the Queen’s garden party at the Palace…..it bucketed down so Liz and Phil vanished back indoors and left the 3000 guests to brave the blizzard in the Palace Grounds…before returning home on the train soaked to the skin….er…don’t think ... The education system is being changed AGAIN by you-know-who…..11 year olds will now be graded form 1 – 6…and compared to other schoolkids around the country…can’t see the point…the teachers are saying that it will lower the kids confidence and the government are saying it gives the parents a better insight…I don’t know why the MP’s who have NEVER taught just leave it to the teachers who KNOW what they are doing. There was a programme on the tele about being ripped off on foreign holidays….Car hire was one subject whereby you think you have paid in advance for a car but when you go to pick it up there are allsorts of added extras…ie no refund on returned petrol…extra for damage insurance etc…one woman paid an extra 120 euros for a weeks car hire. Also it went on about cruises…whereby when you buy a drink there is service charge and VAT added…and if you travel as a single person you get well and truly ripped off….but that is the way of the world…and what can you do?.....I recently bought some “Extra Long Life Batteries” from TESCOS..their own brand….lasted a couple of weeks in my radio…I shall be notifying the customer services and telling them where to stick their batteries very soon. We have had the final rehearsal for the James Burton Show this weekend…This show is to celebrate 40 years since the “Aloha from Hawaii” which featured Elvis Presley….James backed Elvis on that show but he was also Ricky Nelson’s guitarist in the 50’s and early 60’s which is what I’ll be doing….I’m singing 5 Ricky Nelson hits and Roy Orbison’s “Pretty Woman” as JB has also backed him….the band are really good and we all know each other so we should have a good time.

252. Murraymania..Bad Telly and Arty Farty Festivals
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Description: .Great euphoria over Andy Murray’s win…. …..at last we have someone who can serve…that’s the key….….as for the ladies final…oh dear..none event or what…AND they get the same prize money as the blokes…….but I don’t know why they have to put so many pointless statistics on the screen…the ball revolved at 200 rpm etc…who cares?....it somewhat overshadowed the British Lions win…there was hardly a mention on the news…any other time they would have been lining the streets. There have been several arty festivals up and down the country….now I don’t know about you but poetry leaves me cold…especially when it doesn’t rhyme…and the poets go over the top when they are reciting their “works”…I just do not get poetry….don’t mind the odd naughty limerick but as far as I’m concerned it’s money for old rope......and a village down south is scraping up road kill and keeping it in fridges in case it is claimed… The television is atrocious at the moment….so I have been attempting to watch the odd American series….why is it that the Americans mumble all the time…they CAN’T act……BRING BACK SIR LARRY !!!.....darling. .... as for the BBC news….it’s time the Beeb got a grip….they had a young girl in the studio whining about a ticket collector on a train who approached her when she was breast feeding her baby and told her there were facilities in the toilets if she wanted more privacy……is it me or was there absolutely no point to this…there are charities out there who could really use 5 minutes on the national news… .....on the subject of the BBC they have been criticized for paying out big money to the past bosses…including the one who only lasted a few weeks…personally I wouldn’t pay any of them in washers…and the MPs are getting a 10 grand rise…they “reluctantly” voted in favourof it…surprise surprise….but it’s O.K. their lunch allowance will be reduced…

253. Chinese Lanterns-potty idea?
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Description: .As you probably know a Chinese lantern landed in a plastics factory and set the whole thing on fire…this is a display of the sheer stupidity of this nation…these things have been a hazard for years now…last bonfire night I was watching a load of them drift past my house and some were lading in trees and starting to burn…fortunately it was winter and the trees were wet….what does it take to make these halfwitted health and safety plonkers see further than the end of their nose…THE THINGS ARE DANGEROUS AND SHOULD BE BANNED !!!....FULL STOP…it’ll be a garage forecourt next…oh sorry…they are far too busy banning conkers in the playground. The M.P.s are thinking of giving themselves a 10 grand rise…it’s not decided yet…they have to vote…I wonder what the result will be?....I think it’s time EVERY M.P. was forced to give us all a breakdown as to where their salaries actually go…that would be interesting. Some member of staff in Sainsburys has refused to serve a customer because they were on the mobile phone….and Sainsburys have apologised…WHY?...people who spend their time on mobiles are just plain ignorant…but that’s the way of the world…we are developing into a nation of morons….however there is a school down south teaching manners to the pupils and showing them how to behave at the annual school prom…it was refreshing to watch…bring back manners I say ..... Also there is a move afoot to include first aid into the school curriculum…about time too…this could not only save lives it would give the kids a bit of self confidence… I spent a bit of time in Anglesey last week and went to the Holyhead Country Park…..the last time I went to Holyhead was with Monty Lister on one of his travel programmes when I worked with him on Radio Merseyside….we were on the train so I only saw the station and was not impressed at all…HOWEVER…the Country Park is wonderful…it is the site of an old quarry and is constructed around Holyhead Mountain with great coastal walks which take in the harbour…and while we were there we were surrounded by young schoolkids on a daytrip…and they were really polite and courteous…so maybe there is hope for the future generations.

254. Hairy Leg Tights-ugh!
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Description: The sentence of 5 years for the teacher has received a lot of disapproval from the general public … but of course all the “do-gooders” are calling him a pervert and a paedo…and of course all the overpaid psychologists come out of the woodwork with their “expert” opinions on how this could ruin the girls life etc….had it been France there would have been no problem….I think the girl is old enough to know her own mind better than some holier than though windbag. There was another happening where the bloke is a low down rat…someone took a photo of Nigella Lawson’s husband allegedly grabbing her throat in a restaurant…which gave all the “men haters” a chance to pile in...all with their one-sided opinions…I failed to see what it had to do with anyone…but oh yes…the bloke is to blame….Nick Clegg was asked if he would have intervened had he been there (which was a stupid question) and he said no…BUT Ed Milliband said he would have waded in…perleeeease…I know a chap who intervened in a similar situation in a pub and they BOTH turned on him…oh I forgot Ed’s got a few big bodyguards on hand…..how about Heather Mills taking Macca for 10 million and all these gold diggers who reel in the footballers and clean them out…….AND they get paid the same as the men at Wimbledon even though they only play three sets of tame tennis…WHY? On the subject of terrible men the Chinese women can now purchase tights with hairs on..which make their legs look hairy and stops men ogling at them…this is TRUE…….some women walk around with low cut blouses and short skirts and complain because blokes eye them up…..and all those ugly old womens libbers need to get a reality check….isn’t the attraction of men to women and vice versa the reason for the human race…isn’t that the point?..or have I got it wrong? I am a fan of Brendan Sheeran…the guy who does the “Coach Trip” series…but he has a new series (Brendan’s Magical Mystery Tour) with a different format whereby the passengers have competitions and the ones who win stay overnight in posh places whereas the losers stay in dumps….sadly I don’t think this works despite Brendan’s efforts…should stick with the original format I think…but it might pick up. Had a rehearsal this week for the upcoming James Burton Concert….it was with the full band…including my favourite backing singers The Passionettes…Louise and Dionne…they are wonderful…Nicky Crouch and Geoff Nugent were there running through there spots and I met Pete Wylie (The Mighty Wah) for the first time…great guy…he’s also on the show….which is over three days19th.20th and 21st July….the Friday is at the Floral Pavilion and features Liverpool Express,Suzi Quatro,and Chris Clayton…..the Saturday has Geoff Nugent,Vince Earl,Cliff Roberts,Nick Crouch,and Pete Wylie…I’ll be doing a Ricky Nelson set with James followed by Charlie Landsborough…the Sunday is at Fort Perch Rock and features Paul Young so it should be a good weekend….rock on.

255. The Liverpool Duck....
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Description: Big news!!....the Liverpool amphibious Duck sunk in the Albert Dock….and everyone had to swim for it….several of the tourists ended up in hospital and most were rescued…calamity or what?…they are blaming a tyre which was floating in the dock and got caught around the propeller….can’t see that though….I have a possible theory….it apparently passed all the safety tests but hey it’s a world war 2 job….I think there will be a bit of suing going on…especially when the solicitors get their teeth in…..and…guess what…it’s the same duck that the Queen and Prince Pip were on last year….close or what? In Racing, Royal Ascot is underway…and the dress code was announced on tele….ties NOT cravats must be worn and top hats must be black etc etc….what a load of pretentious tripe….this is the reason I hate golf clubs…”Oh you must have a collar on your shirt when on the course and you must wear a jacket and tie in the bar etc etc”…..give me a break !!!!....try moving into the 21st century. There is a programme on the tele called “The Call Centre” and it is hilarious….it’s about a huge call centre in Swansea with an over the top boss…the characters are great as they deal with the general public who do not want to know…I’m not a lover of reality programmes…I think they are a cheap option but this one is great television….makes you a bit more sympathetic to cold callers. How about the cricket team in Norfolk who have been told they can’t use hard cricket balls anymore for health and safety reasons…they can only use the hard ball in the nets…when they are on the pitch it has to be a TENNIS BALL……as you can imagine the 100 year old club has ignored the power crazed health and safety department…and has been BANNED from it’s own ground…good stuff eh? nd finally….you can no longer report U.F.O.s….because the department you report them to has decided to close…...they mentioned one case on the tele about a guy who went camping and his car and his dog and his TENT were abducted by aliens…I wonder if the camp site charged him.

256. Abba Letdown....
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Description: We both watched the documentary on Agnetha Falskog (the ABBA blonde)….for 63 she still looks good…….however we were a bit disappointed …didn’t tell us anything we didn’t already know…she never even mentioned Anafrid so all in all it was a bit of a damp squib…she has got a new solo album out and …she has done a duet with Gary Barlowe who suggested they do the song live at some stage…. Also there was a documentary on the history of The Eagles…very interesting…they never quite hit it off at any stage but the music was great…groups?...….it’s the constant pressure that gets through to you which is what audiences don’t see. Another light aircraft has crash landed in the midlands…fortunately there were no fatalities….one hit some trees at Caernarvon airport a few weeks back…it was hired from Blackpool and the hire company said it must have been pilot error because that particular plane had done over a MILLION miles without any problems…and has been regularly serviced…I know nothing about planes but I don’t think I’d get in a CAR with a million miles on the clock……..and those electric cigarettes may be taken off the market…because they could be regarded as medicinal….ciggy companies losing a bit of money then?...I thought the government were trying to get people off cigarettes?...which is what these things are supposed to do….maybe I’m wrong. Blurred Lines .... which is top of the charts…and the dodgy lyrics… finally….Status Quo are back on tour…and they have made a film….…they are pop royalty…..Rick Parfitts said he took some steroids to combat a skin infection and his hair suddenly started to fall out…

257. Sting...Coffee and Sir Cliff
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Description: Big hoo hah about the intention of Wetherspoons opening up a place on the motorway….”It will encourage drivers to drink”….”Those struggling to abstain will be tempted”….…the reason for the complaints is probably because Wetherspoons do cheap good value food and cheap COFFEE … unlike the present rip off service stations….and maybe PASSENGERS would like a pint…I’m a big fan of the ‘Spoons .. go get ‘em guys. Two more items of scary news this week….full out announcement - “shower gel could have a bad effect on pregnant women’s babies…and they must avoid eating food which has been plastic wrapped”…this is from the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynacologists (imagine working there and having to say that every time someone asks you where you work)….but they later added that this is only an assumption…so let’s scare everyone first!!........ALSO there are KILLER jelly fish in the Med….purple ones !!....a jellyfish is like a nettle…they don’t chase you and in virtually every case you rub a bit of ammonia on the sting…end of….BUT NO everyone get your harpoons ordered….it’s hell out there !!! There are new motoring laws coming in soon….it’s an on the spot fine of £60 for tailgating…and for hogging the middle lane on the motorway…I’m all for this but I don’t know how they are going to enforce this…also use of mobile phones while driving fines go up from £60 to £100…and driving without insurance from £200 to £300…..personally I think anyone driving without insurance should get a life ban….all good stuff but it wont make a blind bit of difference…you’ll still see the loonies out there. There was a discussion on the tele about lack of quality time served entertainers on TV….people who are professional…all we get are amateur talent shows (which do my head in)…but I think the whole business is struggling because “stars” were charging too much….a pal of mine Paul Williams… ran a club in Birkenhead and back in the early 80’ people like Anita Harris were allegedly charging 3 grand……not worth it…but it crippled the game. NOW talking of major celebs…your mate Cliff has been on tele pushing his latest tour….I must say he looks very well…..now don’t get me wrong…I LIKE Cliff but he is always on a high telling us that his latest tour has had rave reviews and that he has sold x million records etc etc….we KNOW…we were THERE Cliff…….just give us Livin’ Doll and we’ll all be happy.

258. Mindblowing Research....
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Description: The “Researchers” have been at it again…. (a)…a university study has revealed that if women don’t talk about their age…they are much happier and contented… (b)…if you hold a 5p or a 10p piece in your hand for too long you can be affected by the nickel in them…because there is more in these coins than in others…this could be a major problem in Yorkshire I’m thinking. (c)…If you take painkillers it could cause cancer…according to research of course…this was a big announcement on the news…then they said in a quieter voice that it is only certain painkillers…but let’s get everyone panicking first. (d) …talking of panic…headline news for two days “if you go in hospital for an operation on a Friday you are more likely to DIE than if you go in an a Monday”…I’m sure all those lined up for a Friday session will be delighted with this news…..I don’t know what goes on in the heads of these TV people….they must get a big kick out of scaring everyone. . .On the subject of TV it’s getting harder to find ANYTHING worth watching….I would like to know if ANYBODY wants to watch garbage like “Embarrassing Bodies” or the selection of cheapo reality garbage…and as for the talent shows…well….what happened to quality entertainers and variety shows…even when someone wins you never see them again on TV…..there wa a young thing on tele recently who has made it big incorporating ballet with her skills on a violin…she is now world class…despite the highly talented Piers Morgan telling her she was going nowhere on America’s Got Talent. .....The Battle of The Atlantic celebrations have been in full flight in Liverpool….their surviving heroes make you proud to be British…and they also had on tele two surviving paras from the D Day Landings…saying how when the war was over they just had to get on with it…..WHAT !!!.. .On the local scene my good mate Harry Prytherch who was the drummer in The Remo Four…put on an auction of 60’s memorabilia at Fort Perch Rock which raised cash for various charities including Cancer Research…..I went along and it was a full house and hilarious..the banter from the crowd was great….there were quite a few old rockers there… ..and finally….our lovely barmaid at our Cheshire Cats jam nights at the Legion in Wallasey has donwe a parachute jump for charity….the Cheshire Cats sponsored her for £1000 which she duly earned…a very brave girl and we are all proud of her…..this and all the other money she raised goes to Alder Hey Children’s Hospi

259. Killer Cows
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Description: Here's Don's take on the week in the UK..... The price of fuel is under investigation in the UK with the big boys being accused of price fixing on oil…..we all know already that we are being ripped off as companies like Sainsburys and Tescos offer up to 12p off a litre when you spend a certain amount in their stores so they are obviously making a tidy profit to begin with….apparently the offices of the big oil companies have been raided and evidence gathered…this is after the Office of Fair Trading looked into the situation and found nothing wrong……a pointless organisation with no doubt highly paid staff…they are about as useful as a sponge hammer…. It’s all getting a bit out of hand with all these “researches”…the latest one is by The Institute of Economic Evironment ..or something…who have stated that their “research” has revealed that people who stay at work and don’t retire are healthier and happier than those who don’t…...Don wonders how much that cost…."I remember back in the day when I played squash…some geek who was a “Sports Scientist” clipped a load of electrical things on one of the lads and after his “research” after the game came to the conclusion that you are tireder after 5 sets than you are after three…I never went to Uni but I think I could have told him that before he started." …..someone has been trampled to death by a bunch of cows….apparently they were walking through a field with their dog and the cows attacked ….this is very tragic but of course the media are straight on to this…and during a phone in on the radio there were all sorts of similar tragedies with everyone jumping on the bandwagon….”cows forming semi circles and attacking”….”people getting chased by angry stampeding herds”……I am a walker and spend a lot of time hiking through fields of cows…if they have calves you give them a wide berth…which is obvious…and if you have a dog you give a bit of thought before disturbing a bunch of animals who wish to protect their young…..the nation are now programmed to think all cows are KILLERS…..the actual statistics are 10 people have been subject to fatal injuries from cows….in the last DECADE.….but I suppose it will make people think and act responsibly in the countryside…as well as being paranoid about cows. The government are trying to alter the law to make criminals who kill a policeman to remain in jail until the end of their days…this is due to the two policewomen who were recently murdered by a gunman while on a routine call out….whereas I totally agree with this I still think the stone cell and bread and water is the answer………I remember when killing a cop was a hanging offence….but they once got it wrong and hung the wrong bloke…hence it’s abolishment. ... on a lighter note….I have just spent a few days in Anglesey and have slowly come to the conclusion that the Welsh Tourist Board definitely need serious help….I visited Llanfair P.G. and had a wander around Pringles which is on the car park of the station with the longest name….I have never seen such a load of overpriced rubbish….people were arriving by the coachload and wandering around with blank looks on their faces buying NOTHING…..twacky overpriced clothes and tacky overpriced souvenirs…the place could be a goldmine if anyone had ANY idea……I also went to Caernarfon which consists of a wonderful picturesque famous castle and waterfront with a load of run down shops behind it….I just don’t get it…they should visit Chester or Shrewsbury and see how it’s done….if Llanfair P.G. was in Vegas it would bring in millions.

260. Sir Alex Ferguson-legend or interference?
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Description: Don looks for what interests his lively mind and it is always an interesting half hour to see what has been trending. There was a lad on the television who has worked out how to save a fortune on shopping-by using vouchers He is only 16... but what a character! He goes on line and anywhere he can get discount vouchers he gets them and in one instance he reduced a shopping bill from £104 to £1.30. We discussed Jimmy Tarbuck who has allegedly historically sexually assaulted some bloke in the seventies. Don thinks this is all getting very silly and out of hand because no charges have been made yet (as usual). Even the speaker in Parliament has been accused of raping two men IN THEIR TWENTIES. He said he was socialising with one of his accusers just last week. We also looked at the balance in the presentation of news as events are taking place in the UK celebrating the war heroes who are still around….the North Atlantic convoys who took supplies to the Russians dodging U-Boats is one point of reference where many lives were lost and, at last, the bravery of these men is now being recognised and the few survivors are being airtime on television. To spoil this occasion there is mass coverage of Sir Alex Ferguson’s retirement. Football has its importance but this was one item with which it should not have interfered. There has been a tragic speedboat accident in the West Country when a man was thrown out of the boat which then went out of control and circled around at high speed…killing him and a young girl…the other passengers were rescued but are in a bad way….This has happened because anyone can get in a boat and put to sea. It should all be licensed like cars…and you should have to take a test by law. . Finally,…The Cheshire Cats is still going strong and still raising money for sick kids…our lovely barmaid Michelle is going to do a parachute jump next week {weather permitting} to raise money for Alderhey Children’s Hospital….we are backing her with a thousand pounds….she’s worth every penny…and pulls a great pint…..the website is www.thecheshirecats.co.uk

261. Who's Going to Mars?
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Description: .The Jimmy Savile squad have been in action again and have arrested Bill Roache who plays Ken Barlowe in Coronation Street…he’s 81 now…..it’s for alleged sexual activity with a 15 year old girl in 1967…at this point in time he hasn’t been charged so why is it all over the media…the “victim” gets total anonymity so why not the alleged “criminal”….no matter what happens now his life is in ruins…very strange….and Stuart Hall who is now 83 was recently arrested and plastered all over the news..however he has ADMITTED to sexual behaviour back in the day with girls ranging from 9 to 18…..this is all bad stuff but let’s hear about it after the case is tried eh? There is a move afoot to give prisoners a hard time….torture?..no…they are taking their satellite TVs off them….AND making them wear prison uniforms until they behave themselves….and if they cause trouble they will NOT be allowed to play snooker….whatever happened to bread and water?..................On the subject of the law the spinning sign outside Scotland Yard has been moved 15 feet for whatever reason….same sign – different location….this major job has cost 16 grand…I know a guy who could have done it for 50 quid !!!.....even the police can get ripped off….again we are not informed as to how this amount is arrived at…but never mind…just take it out of our tax. Amir Kahn has been on the tele talking about his career and has introduced his young brother to the world (he has just won his first pro fight)…what a nice pair of lads and great role models…we need more of these kind of guys…and Ronnie O’Sullivan made me laugh….he says that he doesn’t enjoy snooker anymore and he had intended to pack it in but he has just entered the present tournament because he needs a few bob for his kids school fees…but this will be his last…a great shame for the game but he knows his own mind…I’m a big fan. The United Kingdom Independent Party have done really well in the local elections…I think this is because everyone is sick of the present set up….but I have a feeling the success was more out of protest…I doubt if they will do much when the main event comes up….but I hope so…I like their line of thinking…..and Mr. Gove isn’t involved. finally….I don’t know how true this is but it was on the news and in the papers so it MUST be true….there is going to be a reality show whereby contestants will win a ONE WAY TICKET to Mars….yep you heard right….the idea is they will be sent to Mars where they will set up a colony (I’m assuming inside a dome of some kind) and stay there….now this will cost 4 billion….up to now I think they have raised something like 50 thousand…so there’s a bit of a way to go…..and…wait for it…they have had 4000 applications…..at first I thought aye aye 1st of April….but no…….so get your name down quick…a one way ticket to oblivion.

262. The Eyes are Watching You!
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Description: Don went to Anglesey for a few days this week…it was windy and cold…but he got a few good walks in…one of which incorporated walking the length of the beach at Rhosneigr…and he never saw a soul for the whole two miles … most unusual…and he made the mistake of getting some diesel while he was in Llanfair PG….£1.50 a litre !!!!....£1.35 everywhere else…lesson learnt….and Sainsburys give you 12p off a litre when you spend 60 quid in their store…..so they CAN do it…hmmm….and the petrol bods tell us they are not making a profit. The guy who created a “bomb finder” and sold it to the middle Eastern countries has been on the news….he made 50 million pounds…and the thing was a fake….and they are still using it at checkpoints in various countries….what I find hard to understand is why NO-ONE checked it out first??...this guy must be some salesman…he has a huge house in Bath with a built in Roman swimming pool etc etc….the device is like a car aerial on a plastic box and is of no use whatsoever…very very strange…I’ve heard of selling sand to the Arabs but this is ridiculous. There is a new idea which has emerged…designed to cut crime….it’s a picture of a pair of eyes which is placed near bike sheds etc…which supposedly puts thieves off because “they are being watched”…apparently this has worked…however now it has been broadcast all over the TV the would be thieves who probably thought there was a camera now know there isn’t…so we’ll see how this transpires…yep I sometimes wonder what these people are on. Guess what…this country is becoming one of the most “peaceful” in Europe…..the Norfolk Broads now has little or no crime and is the most peaceful part of the country according to “research”…however some of the towns around the east end of London are the least peaceful…but once they have sorted out the gang culture we will all live in harmony….unlike New York,Amsterdam…etc….I don’t know who comes up with this rubbish but I’ll bet they are on a good salary. On the showbiz front I was well impressed with Petula Clarke who is about to embark on a tour to promote her latest album…which is very good (the bits of it I have heard)…she was on morning tele and she looks fabulous…considering she’s 80 !!!...there’s hope for us all….and the latest thing for old rockers is to do the cruises where they have a free holiday and get paid…a couple of members of Genesis were on the tele talking about their plans to do just this…….I did a couple of gigs a while back with Bobby Vee and he asked me if I did the cruises and I told him I didn’t and never really fancied it…about a month later I was looking on the internet and saw “Carribean Cruises featuring The Bobby Vee Show”….DOH !!....you can’t win ‘em all.

263. Don is Blown Away!
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Description: It has been really windy here over the last week…worse than I can remember seeing it….we had gusts of 80 mph…..my garden was devastated..it lifted metal tables into the air and totatlly destroyed a solid wooden bird table….the March winds shall blow…..................................The government are going to cut benefits to make it more profitable for the scroungers to actually go out and find a job…which has upset a young single parent mother of three…she has been on complaining that she can’t afford to have her benefit reduced because she can barely survive on her present…wait for it…500 quid a week !!....she says it will mean her children wont be able to go on school trips…which makes you wonder what she is doing when her kids are in school ??.... We have just received a letter telling us we have to now PAY to have our garden waste bins collected…35 quid a year….which is O.K. I suppose…but this will obviously mean that our collection of morons wont pay it and will simply dump stuff in the street…on their way to the bookies….. There were plans to have a lazer beam twirling out of the centre of the Mersey to celebrate the Olympics…but unfortunately the 2 million pound project didn’t happen for whatever reason…well it’s now been scrapped altogether….it’s O.K. though…they have only wasted half a million on it….….I don’t know what planet some of these so called officials are on..and that will be the last we hear of it…no-one will be brought to task…but there you are. Had first rehearsal for the James Burton concert in July…the band are great….Young fella on bass and his mate on drums…and my old mate Mick Davenport on keys and my old school pal Mike White on guitar (and MD’s the whole thing)….I’m doing eight Ricky Nelson numbers on the show….we virtually got it right in one take….so I’m ready to rock !!!!!!

264. Maggie's Legacy and Goal Line Technology
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Description: The news has been swamped with Maggie Thatcher's passing....as usual the media hone in on ALL the negativity giving publicity to all the morons which sadly make you ashamed to be British......celebrating someone who has died by dancing in the streets is sickening to watch....especially as most of the idiots weren't even born when she was in power.........and to further indicate the sad situation someone has re-released Judy Garland'sThe Wicked Witch Is Dead-which is flying up the charts....the BBC are wondering how to get round this...;we may as well all go back to living in caves and start again. Speed limits have come under fire on country roads due to the high number of deaths by idiots driving too fast........again it's down to lack of grey matter.........WOW they are now talking about goal line technology in soccer.....blimey it's 57 years since the German goal was disallowed...you know..the one that was 9 inches over the line?...and that one of ours a few years back which was about 6 feet over the line?...... finally on a lighter note..there is a band called Aurora who put a tenner each on the horse of the same name in the National and it came in at 66 to 1which gives them over 600 each except for one of the guys . His mum told him only to put 2 quid on it!!...at least he listens to his mum....

265. The New Bond Girl.....
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Description: A vicar in a village near Huddersfield has given each of his parishioners £10 each and told them to go forth and multiply the money for the church…which,amazingly,they did…a young girl mad cards out of her photos and sold them.. and someone else made bird tables…and the £550 he forked out brought in 15 grand for work on the church…. There was a terrible tragedy on Windermere Lake where a family had taken out a motor launch and got poisoned by carbon monoxide fumes from a faulty generator….a young girl and her mother died and the father was left in a critical condition…this shows the hidden dangers of this deadly gas…which has no detectable smell…I think carbon monoxide detectors should be fitted to anywhere this is likely to happen…e.g. tents and caravans…. Our wonderful benefit system is heavily featured in the news at the moment…attempting to make you “better off if you go to work”….now the problem here is these out of touch “lawmakers” don’t seem to realise that everyone is different…….it’s like the brainless morons who drive around with no tax or insurance and can’t see anything wrong…even when the cops catch up with them and take their car away…sadly we need to bring back public flogging and stoning… On a lighter note one of the most difficult tasks at the moment is trying to find something worth watching on television…it really has reached a new low….the BBC occasionally (very occasionally) has a decent drama…but it’s always the same faces…the same ones keep popping up in different things which sort of takes away the reality…and as for ITV we now have to watch adverts with bits of programme in between… ..... finally the Queen has been awarded a special BAFTA award for her appearance in the James Bond spoof at the start of the Olympics…she seemed to be made up…and has been hailed as the most memorable Bond Girl….great stuff….makes us proud to be British.

266. Doo Wap, Mathew Strreet and Fat Mansions
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Description: We chatted about Don's Doowop record on the internet programme With Doowop Joe Conroy before moving to The Mathew Street Festival which has now been re-named - The Liverpool International Music Festival….the old days of bands hammering out Merseybeat seem to be over…now it’s tribute bands from all over the place. There will be a few big stages around the waterfront and no doubt the pubs around the area will have live bands….it’s a great day out for those into it all…I have done it in the past but lugging gear over peoples heads to get to the stage in the Cavern doesn’t do a lot for me…..but the tourists love it….I found an old video of a gig I did at the Cavern…I stood in for The Black Knights and played bass ….with a mate of mine who stood in on guitar….and neither of us can remember it….sad or what. The UK is the most obese country in the world….according to the media….so the government are putting a tax on fattening drinks etc…..making a few more bob for the MPs expenses….I can’t see why they can’t bring DOWN the price of healthy food and drink…HMM…..that obviously wouldn’t work because then they wouldn’t be ripping us off. The new mansion tax has come under fire…..the rich should pay more because they are rich….the way I see this is that it seems all those complaining seem to be the ones who don’t want to get off their backsides….to get rich someone somewhere along the line has worked for it in most cases so in I personally don’t see why they should subsidise the scroungers. Everyone’s moaning that the Poles are taking all our jobs but they had a farmer on and he said he offers jobs to the British citizens first but they don’t want to work…they want to knock off at three…and last about two days…whereas the Poles work from 8 til 6 without complaint…THAT’s why they get the jobs….they should sort out the benefit system here …and soon. Don's in the throes of preparing for the James Burton Concert in July celebrating the Aloha from Hawaii concert he did with Elvis….it’s over three nights and sounds good…there are some good acts…Suzi Quatro,Liverpool Express,Charlie Landsborough and a string of others…Don's doing a Ricky Nelson set with JB….so you get the guitar solos as per record…this will be Don's fourth gig with him. Always a buzz to play with your idols….he’ll have to get practising.

267. T'Internet, Horsemeat, Alarms and Page 3
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Description: Don's been up to the Lakes this week…wonderful weather except for Wednesday when it snowed all day…but otherwise it was great..he did a bit of hiking around Windermere. Talking of The Lakes there is a place south of Lancaster called Arkholme and the villagers are brassed off because they can’t get Broadband…because the powers that be reckon they are too far out on a limb to fit optic cables….SO they have done it themselves….they have dug the ditches and fitted the necessary electronics…AND funded it themselves…to be saluted. The horsemeat scandal is reaching boiling point…they hav found 100% horsemeat in one of the top supermarkets offerings…..and as usual the media is trying to create mass panic…what I have yet to see is anyone who has suffered health issues…the way they go on you would think everyone is dropping dead from meat poisoning. Some young guy has got 4 years jail for making some statement on twitter…he said he was going to blow up some airport…it was a joke…and he deleted it next day…but still got the sentence. I’m all for prosecutions for false statememts about people on the internet but this seems a bit harsh…when you consider what some get away with. Looks like it’s over for page 3 of the Sun newspaper…personally I could never see the point of photoshopped young girls…not quite sure who it’s aimed at….it wont be missed in Liverpool because no-one buys it after their report on Hillsborough. The Pope has resigned….did I ever tell you that I had the opportunity to meet the last Pope?....an interesting little tale

268. Jersey Boys and Dodgy MPs
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Description: Last Saturday Don went to the Empire to see “Jersey Nights” which is another version of “The Jersey Boys” which is on in London…"I’ll tell you what I was blown away…I’m well into The Four Seasons stuff and this show was the business…brilliant." The Mersey Tunnel tolls are going up AGAIN…this is for a tunnel which was originally supposed to be paid for in the 1940’s….needless to say there’s a lot of shouting but it wont mean a thing. It will now be £1.60 each way….I just don’t get it….it MUST make millions and there are only a handful of staff….where does it all go eh? MP Chris Hune has owned up to lying about a speeding fine he got last year….he said his wife was driving…then had a affair…OOPS!!...….he has resigned …but I wonder if he’ll pay the 15 grand he was given to cover him after leaving the cabinet…or the 50 grand he was awarded to fight the case…probably not as he lives in a different world to us… The Open Golf is coming back to Hoylake in 18 months and the tickets are now on sale…..no answer to that….they make so much fuss about this event when there are more important issues in the area…oh yes…I forgot …it will bring money in…yeah sure. Lastly…a mate of Don's backed into a woman in a petrol station and did NO damage…she was happy and that was that…next thing he gets a letter from her insurance claiming allsorts…crumpled bonnet…broken headlights etc…BUT he notified his insurance who checked the CCTV….nice one eh…the woman was told where to go…BUT my argument is that shouldn’t be the end of it….her and her insurance company should be taken to court for a false claim which SHOULD be a criminal offence….it’s too easy to accuse people these days…

269. Nuclear Waste, Petrol Prices, Seagulls and Being Nice
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Description: We chatted first about Angie Mccartney's book launch at the Philharmonic in Liverpool which Don attended. T here has been a “victory” in the wonderful Lake District….the government wanted to build an underground nuclear waste dump near Bowness….which would create jobs etc….…HOWEVER the locals have gone on the march and reversed the decision and are celebrating….….someone suggested an ideal site for this project…just down the road from Prime Minister David Cameron’s house. Another Great British rip off has come to a head…petrol prices…..of the £1.37 per litre 80p goes to the government….which is approx 60%....seeing as oil has dropped in price this was put to the Office of Fair Trading…who found this was all in order….….greed greed. On the local scene this week I was at the traffic lights waiting for them to change when a car crashed into the back of me…fearing the worst I got out to be greeted by a very apologetic young chap…looked round the back expecting to find a huge dint and there wasn’t a mark…he had hit the towbar…..and hooked himself on to my car by his grill…I had to tow him out of the traffic then we had to jack his car up to get it off my towbar….as there was no damage and he was a nice guy I told him that as far as I was concerned just forget it………..the upshot of the whole thing was the young chap turned up on my doorstep with a bottle of wine and a bunch of flowers for my wife…it’s nice to be nice. I went out on my bike yesterday…I get the train into the gale force wind and return with it behind me…I came back along the embankment and the tide was in and giving it plenty…the sun was out and it was paradise......then as I was enjoying the ambience I thought I’ll give Vince a few interesting facts….if you are in your car and you want to know the wind direction…a standing seagull always faces directly into it….and while I’m on the subject of facts DID YOU KNOW (I didn’t) that in 2008 the £1 coin was made with a shield on the back….and every other coin (1p,2p,20p,50p) all have a piece of the same shield on their backs…so if you set them out it forms the shield on the back of the £1 coin

270. How Showbizz Works.....One Big Family....
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Description: I made a lovely podcast with Sir Paul McCartney's step-mother Angie McCartney, via an introduction from Don. ....http://vincetracy.com/angiemac.html Don first met Angie through a friend called Mike Banks who asked him if he would like to meet Leapy Lee …Leapy is a regular on my shows. They all arranged to meet at the New Brighton Rugby Club and Leapy rolled up with Lee and Angie with her daughter, Ruth…Leapy ended up getting Don a publishing deal with Evolution Records who had a few big names on their books. Don wrote a song for Diana Dors and The Bonzo Dog Doodah Band….then the company went under….a few years later Don was pushing his stuff to various publishers and one of them told him that a guy from his company had moved up North and set up a company in Birkenhead…so round he went…walked in and who was part of the company? - Angie and Ruth who signed him up….they managed Gary Glitter (long before his demise) and Don learnt so much from them that he ended up in 1980 setting up his own company....that's how showbiz works, folks! Don is also a friend of another of my podcast guests, Mike McGear. Mike is Paul McCartney's brother. On one occasion Mike was going down to London to RCA Records to push some of his stuff and asked Don to go along and push some of his own songs.….At that time Don had just produced a single for his wrestling mate Adrian Street . During the visit he played it to one of the bigwigs and watched his eyes slowly glaze over….... he said It was possibly the worst record in the history of music…Don asked him if hecould quote him on that..he agreed…so that went on the label….when Adrian moved to the States he made a video of the song. This is on Youtube along with the others Don did for him…it got MTV play and went into a film…..and paid off Don's mortgage…… ….Don had to laugh at the concert Paul McCartney did recently in New York….the show was running over time and he was halfway through a duet with Bruce Springsteen and they switched the mikes off! …. finally….Don's been working on a doowop song for a new friend in the States….His name is Doowop Joe Conroy and he has a internet radio station in North Carolina...he checked out Don's website and noticed Don writes novelty songs. He asked Don to write one about all the doowop groups….….the song is called “DooWop Days” and can be found on YouTube……http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83mEgF9W5VU

271. It's Not Your Time
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Description: The news this week has featured a helicopter which hit a crane in London and crashed down into the street….the amazing thing about this is only the pilot and a pedestrian were killed…considering it was on a busy road in the rush hour…and the driver of the crane has overslept for the first time in his life…otherwise he would have been a gonner….lucky or what… There was a programme on parking fees which featured this bloke who refused to pay them…to make a point….he deliberately parked in places where the yellow lines had been tarmaced over and in parking bays where the line was worn….announcing that he was in his rights and intended to take the council to the high court…which he did…and lost…40 grand…oooh…..cost the silly boy his house. They had a mens' fashion show in London….there were blokes strutting down the catwalk with huge dalek-like woollen headgear with just their eyes poking out and a bare midriff…and another bloke had criss cross broken fencing across his face (looked like the result of a terrible motor bike accident)…and other blokes with hideous skirts…. English Heritage have stopped putting up blue plaques on famous peoples houses….they say it’s due to costs???...I would say it’s because they have to keep taking them down when the celeb is suddenly found out to be a sex offender…and if you want to go and watch a football match at Arsenal it will cost you 62 quid…plus the extortionate train fare…good value eh? ..finally….HMV have gone under….…the music industry has been far too greedy for far too long.They never ran with the pack and now they have been left behind…GOOD!!!....when I was working we had to go out and nick people for selling cheap pirated cassettes….when the record companies could have charged the same and still made loads…In the cassette days you would have to pay 10 – 12 quid for a cassette….the raw materials cost 17 PENCE.

272. Something Fishy and MPs at it Again
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Description: .Just had a wet week in The Lakes….we stay near Carnforth which has a railway station where the 50’s film “Brief Encounter” was made…starring Trevor Howard. I’ve seen the film and it hasn’t aged well… but it’s interesting to see Carnforth as it was 60 odd years ago.......... MP.s have announced they deserve a 20 grand a year rise…this has gone down well with the public sector - kept to 1%....regular truanters should be rewarded for good attendance…with a computer/Xbox etc…….the ones who turn up on a regular basis get nowt. A couple of lottery winners who scooped 110 million have been in the news…they have had to close their music shop because of people/scroungers asking them for free money to “help them out”. ….apparently the interest on the money is something like 6 grand a day… On the showbiz front there is a new programme featuring Tom Daley where he teaches celebs to dive…it’s called “Splash” and has taken a battering from the critics…..I watched it and it was pretty bad. Dancing on Ice has also just begun and Pammy Anderson got voted out first…..she received 1000 pound a SECOND while she was on air….did someone say recession? finally….a classic…..some lad entered a fishing contest in the English Channel……….won 800quid for the huge bass he “caught”….someone thought the enormous creature looked familiar and started to check out the situation….it turned out the lad had nicked the fish from an aquarium….not much more to say about that….he got 12 weeks community service or something…he should go into politics.

273. Happy New Year-Train Fares Go Up
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Description: Everyone is up in arms here about the train fares….they are going up by 4 – 10%....some geek from the rail companies insists they are not making a profit.…nothing has changed on the trains .. you still have to stand nose to nose at rush hour....and rumour has it they are stopping Bus and Train passes …looks like I’ll be making a banner and getting my marching boots on. Also car insurance is also getting silly for younger drivers…it can cost up to 3 Grand…. parking legislation has also been changed to include distance from the pavement….you have to be within 29 inches from the pavement or you get a ticket… There was a very interesting programme on tv about “The world’s richest songs”…it was the top ten highest earning songs….”Yesterday” was in there as was “White Christmas”….the 10 consisted of songs which had been recorded by multiple artists over the years thus making big royalties. The top song which has earned 30 million was…wait for it…”Happy Birthday”. The programme included interviews with people involved with the songs and one was “Pretty Woman” and they interviewed James Burton who played on the 80’s Orbison concert. The interview was at Fort Perch Rock on one of his visits…and at the risk of dropping a name I’ve performed this song on two occasions with Mr.Burton…so there!! Gary Barlowe had a show over the festive period “Gary Barlowe and friends”….great show…great band and a few surprises…James Corden did a spot with Gary and was really good…as was Peter Kay. What I love about Gary B. is he can do it live with or without a band…the lad is brilliant.

274. Water, Water, and still more Water
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Description: This has been the wettest winter on record;we are lucky here as we don't get the extremes but there is nowhere for the water to go so everywhere is muddy. The southwest has had it worst;.and as the train lines have been affected by floods and landfall there's been no way out or in to the place.and houses and villages have been flooded out..what was that about a drought? ;The two Aussie DJs who made the prank call thankfully will not be prosecuted;apparently the nurse in question has attempted suicide twice before; The traffic problems over the Xmas period has been horrendous;a crash on the M6 caused an 11 mile tailback;and the usual seasonal strike on the London railways has caused disruption;nice one guys holding the country to ransom at Christmas; Wirral Council have brought in some highly paid trouble shooter from Bolton who is going to sort out the financial problems by making cuts and getting rid of staff HOWEVER, ;this aint Bolton and they had a meeting at West Kirby Concourse and the crowd gave him loads of stick; The film Cockleshell Heroes was on the other night;.I saw this with my dad in about 1956-still a good story;so much so that I was inspired to go kayaking in Chester with my lad. Problem was The Dee is so full with all the rain it had a tidy old flow and paddling upriver wasn't easy ....

275. Give 'em all tickets!
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Description: On the news recently…..an infant school was having a nativity play and 10 minutes from the end a copper trundles in and tells the parents they are illegally parked and if they don’t shift the cars immediately he would give them a ticket….this went down well with everyone complaining….good stuff…but if anyone had have got knocked over because of stupid parking there would have been an uproar. Also on the news an old lady (who is suffering from cancer) got burgled…they took the lot and her savings and she was really upset…after the TV report was shown she received all sorts of money and stuff from viewers and companies….a great story….There is going to be a remake of Dad’s Army with a woman playing Mainwaring…it’ll NEVER work….They have just erected a plaque on the Birkenhead waterfront in memory of The Cockleshell Heroes….one of which came from Birkenhead (Frederick Laver).It was my favourite film with Tony Newley and Jose Ferrer…a great story of bravery by the Marines…they shortened the war by 6 months by canoing out to the German fleet and attaching explosives to the ships…12 went out … two came back…Plebgate has again reared it’s ugly head…Andrew Mitchell always denied he called a copper a pleb….and now they have found out that the guy who “witnessed “ the event wasn’t even there…and he was a copper….OOPS!!....so it’s all kicked off again……

276. Newtown Shooting, Patrick Moore and Rod Stewart
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Description: The dreadful shooting in Newtown USA takes precedence then...We lost Patrick Moore this week..Don had the pleasure of meeting him a while back when he was involved in programme for Radio Merseyside which took him to Tromso in Norway to see the Northern Lights-Tromso being the most northern town in the world..needless to say it was too cloudy so he didn't see them but Patrick was giving a short lecture while he was there and he had a chance to chat to him afterwards..and he was a delight and educated me on several points .Rod Stewart had a Christmas show on the tele..it was definitely the Rod show....no-one else got a look in .....he had a fabulous band for him to croak in front of..dreadful whoever told him he could croon needs arresting ..he had two guests ;Michael Buble and Kylie..who were each invited to sing a duet with old Rod and that was it ---also prattled on about how Scottish he was then proceeded to sing Auld Lang Syne at the end of his boring show and GOT IT WRONG!!...On the other hand McFly also had a show of their own and they were fabulous...great personalities and great LIVE music...those guys can play....and they had two guests...Bruno Mars and his band who were great and Al Murray (the pub landlord) who did his comedy act and was then invited to play drums with the McFly boys....and what a drummer..brilliant (apparently he started out as a drummer) ;THAT'S what entertainment is all about..;take note all you legends...I read that when Mike Tyson parted from his then wife Robin Givens he continued to call round and see her...he popped round one day unannounced and found Brad Pitt (before he was famous) in bed with her I'd have paid good money to see the look on Brad's face...DOH!!.....

277. Who is to Blame?
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Description: The Royal couple are having a baby…and a radio station in New Zealand played a prank on the hospital. This has now escalated as the poor nurse who took the call has killed herself. Who is really to blame for this poor nurse's death? …. the advent of modern technology is turning the UK into a nation of morons….we don’t speak anymore because we are always on our ipads etc…There is a “helicopter” you can buy from Amazon which is radio controlled and has a small camera on board so you can fly it and take movies from the air which you can send directly to your phone…. There has been a national disaster….the DANDY is no more!!....the last copy has gone on sale!!....I think they are going to go on line.They tried the comic out on young kids who were not impressed…they said it wasn’t exciting enough….……however the annuals sell well according to bookshops………nowadays if you don’t run with the pack you are a gonner. I watched The Royal Command Performance … a little too much opera perhaps….…I like Katherine Jenkins …but for a completely different reason…in fact when she sings ballads in her lower range she’s great….I thought Diversity and the young dancing acrobats were really good and even the comedy wasn’t bad with a few exceptions (Rhod Gilbert and poor old Des)…but otherwise good stuff for our royal ruler to enjoy.

278. Don Woods International
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Description: A lot of euphoria newswise at the moment…with the release of the SAS guy who had a gun he shouldn’t have had.....he was given a gun as a gift when he was in Afganistan (or somewhere) and he brought it back here by mistake and the military gave him 18 months jail.... he’s out of jail on a suspended sentence. A friend went to The Echo Arena to see the “Once in a lifetime tour”…starring Smokie…Hot Chocolate…Leo Sayer…and David Cassidy…she said she couldn’t wait for it to finish….mind you she is only 40… However another mate went to see Marty Wilde on the Phil… Don's written a song for The Krankies for their Xmas Panto in Glasgow….Jack and The Beanstalk…..with John Barrowman…..the song is about the Scottish Olympic medal winners.Don's also about to embark on a doowop song for a guy he met over the net in Cleveland Ohio……The Wednesday night jam sessions are going well….what is fascinating is you think you know songs you’ve played for years until you do the same song with someone else in a different key……Don's lad has just completed a 12 mile organised mud run…….12 miles crawling through mud and carrying logs over electrified fences etc…..arranged by the Army…who else?

279. Don meets the Caped Crusader
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Description: There seem to be a lot of “comebacks” at the moment….there was a bloke on the tele who was such a big fan of The Smiths (who are threatening to re-form) he got Morrisey to sign his arm and then got a tattoo over the signature. All very dutiful…but this bloke is 50!!...Don went to Liverpool in the week to soak up the atmosphere……while he was there he thought he’d pop into a huge store and buy his daughter-in- law a present. He saw a penguin which lights up for about 40 quid…so he went to the desk to ask how to buy it….after 5 minutes of waiting for a young shopgirl to come off her mobile........ Don decided to go back to the display and try and find another member of staff…which wasn’t easy…then he spotted one walking past…staff training!...Prince William was the subject of a photoshoot while he was doing his work for the RAF on Anglesey…all good stuff…but when the photos were put out for his subjects to see there were MOD passwords on the wall in the background….OOPS….......Someone has come up with the idea of making disruptive pupils wear a bright yellow jacket so teachers will be able to spot them…GONE are the dunces' caps ….this will REALLY teach them a lesson…. …On a lighter note…Don once met BATMAN!!!...the REAL one (Adam West)..he was doing a booksigning in Liverpool ….you had to buy his book if you wanted an autograph..so Don got in the queue and eventually came face to face with the Caped Crusader…..he scribbled his name in the book and Don said “I’d like to thank you for all the good work you did on behalf of the citizens of Gotham City”…….he said ....

280. Where's the Proof?
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Description: We've been saying for weeks that people who make allegations should be checked out and brought to task if found to be false…..the bloke who called a Tory peer a child abuser has suddenly decided he had the wrong bloke…....so his Lordship is now going for the Beeb and anyone who twittered libellous comments…. and this guy’s got the money to do it…..the problem these days is organisations like the BBC are run by young upstart yuppies who have no experience of life……it’s time this freedom of speech bit was sorted….you’d be jailed for libel in Russia. Robert Powell was on a chat show recently….he is married to one of the 60s dance group Pan’s People and he said that the BBC were very strict on who could get into the Top of the Pops studio…..you had to be OVER 16……interesting eh? On a lighter note Don had to laugh at the news that someone had broken into the TOWER OF LONDON and got away….if you can burgle that place you can burgle ANYWHERE….the police haven’t found him! On the showbiz front a bunch of local popstars have signed a guitar which fetched £6000 for kids hospices….people like the Stone Roses and The Gallaghers…great stuff…should be more of this type....and, finally, Don was once on Newsnight…..back in the day….commissioned to write and record a comedy song about the Knowsley North Bye-election….and he appeared on the programme busking his song in the street…

281. How to deal with Time Share
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Description: The Krankies have recorded the song Don sent them for the Panto in Glasgow…and he's also working on a project for a young girl . Don's working on an album of original doowop songs…Bonfire night came and went…with the usual injuries around the area….. why do the morons throw bricks at the fire engines?... There is a woman in the States who has set up a business….she will cuddle you for an hour for $35…..ONLY a cuddle...Don thinks controlling one’s instincts for an hour is asking a lot. .. we are in for a load more ALLEGATIONS…. Eddie Izzard was on the tele today…what an incredible bloke….he is about to tour the world with his comedy which he does in different languages... AND he ran 50 consecutive marathons……the guy is superhuman and very clever…... do you watch Strictly Come Dancing? The orchestra are a bit special and did you know that the black guy on vocals is Lionel Hampton’s son?.....and we discussed the time share hard sellers last week……I ended up with free car hire…Sony walkmans …and bought nothing…the secret will be revealed in this podcast

282. Something to wrestle with......
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Description: Don's looking at scams which are still catching unsuspecting victims in the UK. The Queen has revealed how she became part of the 007 scene and Don tells us how Adrian Street wrestled Jimmy Saville. The footballers are scrutinised and Trick and Treating is also part of the podcast. It would not be fair to finish the podcast without extending our best wishes to all those suffering the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.

283. Saville Saga still running...
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Description: On the news front ......The blind guy who was Tazered by the police is suing them……..and the Savile thing is gaining momentum….it will be interesting to see who’s next for the firing line…apparently there are 10 more suspects.......They had an item on the news about the Rubik Cube world championships…….these young lads were solving the thing in SECONDS…unbelievable. Part of the contest involves doing it BLINDFOLD!!!!...I’m sure these talents could be channelled into something that could make them a fortune............On the political front it has been suggested that pensioners should WORK for their pensions…DOH!! Correct me if I’m wrong but doesn’t a pension give us the money back which we have put in?... The Government are telling the gas and electric companies to get their acts together and offer the cheapest tariff to their customers without them having to have a degree in accountancy. Apparently the cost of power has gone down but the big companies are saying that they bought it in when it was more expensive…yeah..sure.

284. It's Raining again......
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Description: Because of the wet weather the price of food is going to have to go up…..too rainy for the crops…...and talking of crops some old guy and his missus bought a plant from a car boot sale which turned out to be a cannabis plant….which attracted the attention of PC Plod…I can understand why how he didn’t... know because I wouldn’t have…There is a bit of a hulabaloo about the price of going to a footy match….apparently the cheapest ticket is 20 odd quid…a pie £3…a cup of tea £2.50… but you can pay up to £125 a game...a young pal of mine has got a season ticket for Liverpool home games…800 quid….he also pays out for the away games….that’s just one bloke!!..imagine a family of four. .apparently someone reported seeing a man wandering around with a samuri sword…so the police spotted this poor fella with his white stick (which they thought was a samuri sword) and told him to stop…

285. Still more SavilleClaims...... out of the woodworks
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Description: We can now injure any burglar we find in our house….providing we don’t overdo it. This is the latest legislation from our great leader. On that subject, a classic recent story….some yobs tried to pinch AMIR KHAN’S car….and he caught them….and knocked ten bells out of the lot of them…great stuff. The moral of the story is if you are going to nick a car don’t nick Amir Khan’s. I’m a fan of Gary Barlowe but my admiration is slowly fading.What is he doing getting involved in the phoney set ups on the X Factor?...the guy should stick to songwriting and stay far away from 10th rate rubbish. It has to be the lowest form of entertainment…and must cost nothing to produce…bring back pro entertainers….whose grannies haven’t just passed away. The Saville saga is still going on…..and how much is it all costing…and who’s paying?...a few bob for those poor hard up solicitors? Genuine claims obviously should be looked into….but false claims should be dealt with in the same manner…with the same ferocity….get the facts and make ONE statement ! Next, the Space Shuttle in America…they are moving it from L.A. to California for its final resting place….they have to chop down trees and take down traffic lights etc to get it through the streets at 2 miles per hour…….all very scientific til you see a bloke walking in front of it with a hand held remote…..now that IS some responsibility….one wrong button and there goes the grocers….great stuff. I was up in Lancaster for a few days last week and decided to have a couple of hours in Morecambe to see if it had improved at all since I was there last about two years ago….it hasn’t. It really needs help…considering what it has with a great expanse of waterfront someone should get a grip…it’s a dump….boarded up shops etc…shame.

286. The Beatles, Jimmy Saville and Jeff Lynn
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Description: It’s 50 years since “Love Me Do” got into the charts…and there’s a big celebration on local radio…all things Beatles. Don is Beatled out …BUT admits it’s impossible not to be fascinated by them when they appear on tele.BBC 4 have had a film documentary on George Harrison… It pulls you in…strange isn’t it….but I felt the guy was lost. Jeff Lynne of E.L.O. is over promoting his latest CD….to Don he is the best there is…the guy is a genius. He has made a self produced CD of old 40’s and 50’s songs and remade “Out of the Blue”…. The late Jimmy Saville is under investigation....... how come these victims never came forward in the 70’s (or since) which is when all this is supposed to have happened……apparently he has been in court twice in the past over similar allegations.. and cleared…they’ll probably take his knighthood off him – Trouble with these situations as soon as the press get hold of the story the guy is GUILTY no matter what. The news at the moment is dominated by the search for April Jones, the 5 year old who was abducted. We can’t think of anything worse for a family…. First and Virgin made bids to take over the west coast railway line…First winning the bid….it now turns out that certain Civil Servants got their sums wrong and it’s back to square one….all very well but this is costing the taxpayer 40 million ….The said Civil Servants have been suspended….so that’s O.K. then…..what a carve up!

287. Water, Water Everywhere!
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Description: The UK weather has been bad ….and off we go again with all the villages getting flooded. Don feels sorry for these people because they have just dried out from the last session….I’m not sure what the answer is…they have been promised a flood protection programme 4 years ago. If they can spend billions on the Olympics why can’t they find the money to divert rivers?...when the rain stops we’ll have a draught…they are STILL going on about the “Pleb” business.….if this is headline news there’s no hope.It’s been a week…all the stupid fool had to do was say he lost his temper. how much has this “news” cost the licence payer?.....as for the John Terry case….well…he’s been fined £220 grand….ONE WEEKS WAGES…obviously big tough footballers can’t call each other names now…they’ll tell their mummy! ....there is now a bus service from Birmingham to the foot of The Himalayas…..Cashmir to be precise…..the fare - £150…..13 days on the road.Don enjoyed my podcast with Penny Page….Talk about connections….Don was reminded of a classic showbiz moment…."I was doing an after dinner spot at a masonic gig..whereby when they finished their meal I came on and entertained them. I sat on a stool with electric acoustic…gave them singalong stuff and cracked gags in between…..I was going down really well and as I was halfway through “Delilah” I was aware of a bloke who had been standing next to me for about 5 minutes…so I stopped halfway through the song and said “Can I help you?”….”Yes someone wants to go home and your car is blocking them in…can you move it please?” So my one spot turned into two…priceless…imagine that on the Royal Command Performance!

288. The World's Gone Mad
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Description: The national and local news is full of the terrible tragic shooting of the two policewomen….guns and handgrenades..what next?….something’s got to be tightened up. ..Plus some sicko has posted his approval on facebook…what goes on in the heads of these morons.Problem is it’s not an offence….just offensive...........The Ladies British Open Golf was on last weekend at The Royal Liverpool at Hoylake.The weather was horrendous…so much so they had to cancel the Friday. I watched a bit of it on tele and there didn’t seem to be many there….they reckoned 44000 over the four days…I’ll take their word for that......... Port Sunlight Village is celebrating the life of William Hesketh Lever this weekend….for my money the guy was one of the greatest. He came from nothing and created a world empire….his story is classic. Don's just sent off his latest song for The Krankies Christmas panto….they are on again in Glasgow with John Barrowman. They wanted a song about the 2012 Scottish Olympic medal winners…so it was on to the net…got the names and churned the song out …no problem. When Don's recording it he puts their photo in front of him so he can “see” them doing it….here's Don with The Stop Tap latest….."after reporting my stuck stop tap to United Utilities and having TWO plumbers round to tell me there was nothing they could do until the cut off in the road was repaired…plus a load of calls from U.U……plus a waterboard guy who came round and painted the grid blue……a huge wagon with a trailer arrived with two guys and dug up the grid….which took ALL DAY….next day an articulated lorry with a mechanical digger on the back came and filled the hole in……next day another wagon arrived and a couple of blokes put the THREE flagstones back….the grid is six inches square. I can now have my stop tap sorted as per the three phonecalls received from United Utilities…..is it me or is the world losing it?"

289. Much ado about nothing?
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Description: Mike Tyson is visiting Liverpool to inspire young boxers...he was due to come to Wirral but there has been a big moan from a couple of councillors (who obviously want to get their name out there)...saying he should be banned from coming here because of his past....I wouldn't wanna be the one to tell him.....The Hillsborough disaster is filling the news ... the police look like they are going to come out badly from this...anyone else messing with evidence would go straight to jail...it'll be interesting how this pans out. 3.Wirral Council have announced they have to save 17 million so jobs will have to go....my suggestion would be to ask some of the high paid boys what they actually DO...not what they are "responsible " for...in other words what difference would it make if they weren't there?....that's one way of saving a lot of money...but they will all look after each other....as usual. 4.There is blanket coverage on the news of the topless photos of Kate M.... IS THERE NO REAL NEWS OUT THERE?...for heaven sake WHO CARES?!!!....they are having a great FREE luxury holiday...with everyone bowing low....I think they are making mountains out of molehills.....so to speak. .I decided to have the stop tap in my house sorted (it's stuck)......phone a plumber?...simple?...NO CHANCE....it nearly turned into an international incident....modern workmanship....give me a break.

290. Good for Harry!
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Description: With all the wonderful publicity prince Harry’s had…which has endeared him even more to everyone…the grand old Duke of York is trying to get in on the act by abseiling down a building…for charity…yeah sure..The price of petrol and diesel is under investigation….it has been announced that when the price of crude goes up the prices at the pumps also go up immediately…but when the crude price drops nothing happens ....... There’s a big thing about child care going on here…and how single mothers have difficulty feeding their children….now I maybe totally out of line here but the mothers they show are…how can I put it…easy to see…hardly starving… another classic from our wonderful legal system….some judge (who is obviously spends all his time in his country manor) has let a burglar walk free despite him having burgled 3 houses in 5 days…AND has a prison record……and finally, there was a recent move afoot to bring the Royal Iris back to the Mersey….but there’s no chance as it would be too expensive to do up...My band played on it many times and my memory was of everyone dancing from one side of the dancefloor to the other as the boat rocked from side to side….and a classic gig when the engines started up all the blew all the fuses in the amps…and all the lights went out…thankfully a couple of torches got the show back on the road….but not until about 45 minutes into the voyage. AND you had to get the gear off pretty nippy at the end…otherwise you could wave it goodbye from the landing stage.

291. The legendary Chas MacDevitt
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Description: Don met the legendary Chas McDevitt gave him a copy of his song “The Story of Skiffle” ....there’s a council somewhere in the Midlands who have put CCTV cameras all over the place to catch litterers and dog muckers etc…..Scottish comic, Frankie Boyle,   has caused a bit of an upset regarding his jokes about the Paralympics….The Mathew Street Festival was on last weekend ..... on the Monday the whole thing was washed out with torrential rain;.so the outdoor events were cancelled;a real shame.....on the subject of the weather..;.there was a ballroom attached to the late New Brighton Baths..called The Riverside.......about 20 or so years ago there were the worst storms Wirral had ever seen.

292. It's all Kidology!
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Description: On the Olympic scene our wonderful Government have done a bit of a U-turn -they will only be awarding ONE honour for a gold medal in the honours list.    Good one eh?...how do you pick ONE?   Recognise ALL the successful athletes…or none at all…Will someone please tell me what Beckham has …a with a personality by-pass….The banks are being brought to task about advertising “free” banking when they charge for all sorts…..  We all moan about the banks but nothing seems to change.Gary Barlowe did a great advertising job for the X Factor…so much so I actually watched it…BIG MISTAKE…what a load of contrived rubbish…..time to draw the curtain on this one I think...tripe. A while back we did a gig for a local Lordat his mansion on the Wirral.We set up in a marquee in the grounds where all the local gentry arrived  in their Bentleys and proceeded to knock back the gin like it was going out of fashion.We were in a corner of the tent and when they had all settled down for the meal we began with our background repertoire.   Everyone was well oiled and not taking any notice of the band.After about an hour I decided to take a break…for half an hour…had a few beers and went back on.We were just about to start up when his  Lordship staggers over and says “You chaps are working very hard why not take a break”….NO-ONE had missed us…so we took another half hour blow….it aint rock and roll but it’s near enough.

293. Playing Fields of Eton
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Description: On the Olympic front you really have to laugh….our wonderful Government have apologised for misleading us regarding the sale of school playing fields….they announced it was 21 of them but in fact (after someone rattled them) have announced it was in fact 30…..but it’s all O.K. because they have said sorry…so that’s alright then. Imagine being approached by the council tax lot…“Oh…didn’t I mention the extra 5 rooms in my house…SORRY”….or to the taxman “Oh..didn’t I tell you about those 50 gigs…SORRY”…I somehow think that would be a different story......

294. The Olympic Legacy
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Description: .Don is totally shattered after the Olympics.....;he's run and cycled every race and sailed every wave....How many of us choked up when the Judo girl told her late mum she loved her..;Mo Farrah...Jessica....;the boxing girl..Bolt...the cycling...;Ben Ainsle....I enjoyed every minute. Not sure about the Closing Ceremony..the UK Government are now going on about making P.E. compulsory in primary schools and putting more money into sport. All very good but really they are not displaying sport as an enjoymen... as if you have to apologise for coming second... teach kids how to win..and lose...and spot the good ones and get them into clubs where they can be coached?..and let's give the successful ones the same publicity as they give the rioters . .. Don bumped into a mate who plays in a band.... he was telling me how the scene has changed for the worse. Where you have committees or concert secs ....always going to be problems.....stupid health and safety and compulsory insuranceYou now have to take out insurance in case anyone falls over the gear and gets injured (which lets the ballrooms and hotels off the hook);and you must have the electrics means tested every year. ...and finally some small town reported a lion was on the loose..;so out come the police and fire brigade etc .... it was a bloke who had strayed from a fancy dress stag night.I would have thought the can of lager would have been a give-away!

295. Medals, Medals and more Medals......
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Description: The negative build up to the Olympics was a disgrace….the British press should get a grip…they were criticizing everything.    First it was the security (which was a bummer but it was solved)…then the transport…Next, .The hotels took a bit of a hammering….they had to drop their prices by 80% in some cases….which probably brought the price down to what it usually is...   Greed again…well this time they got their eye wiped.    It was the same as the millennium celebrations….everyone wacked up their prices and no-one showed up. Even when our athletes get into a final and don’t win a medal…it’s “She only managed 5th place”…we are talking about a nobody reporter who has achieved NOTHING criticizing-   an athlete who is not only the best in the country but is 5th in the WORLD!!....pathetic.   Clare Balding got a bit of a telling off for suggesting Rebecca Adlington was expected to get a gold but ONLY got a bronze…..she did apologise. The medals are pouring in…the emotion is overpowering…anyone who doesn’t get a lump in their throat at the medal ceremonies needs to get a life.What a refreshing change to see all these youngsters setting an example to all those people moaning and  layabouts who riot and steal and place no input into society…and get all the publicity.    Perhaps one or two of them will realise that he only place success comes before work is in the dictionary…..but I doubt it.

296. Good for Harry England and St George
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Description: Don did a show last Saturday with James Burton and Albert Lee. The sequel was Radio Merseyside DJ, Billy Butler, rang him in the afternoon and told him he had Albert on his show that morning and played him the Ballad of Randolph Scott (as he is a cowboy fan). He said Albert loved it and wanted a copy-SO Don arrived for the sound check and said , Hi Albert I'm a huge fan....here's one of MY cds. Apparently it cost 310 grand for the UK Eurovision entry..... There's a big thing about using the Olypic Logo or to sell anything with 2012 or the Olympic rings on it unless you are authorised..Some jobsworth Trading Standards official is wandering round the Welsh market stalls laying the law down. ...... We have found another Michael Gove (or Goov as he wants it pronouncing)..A new MP who obviously needs to get his unknown face on is DAVID GAUKE. He is the Treasury Minister.and he has announced that ANYONE who pays cash in hand to anyone is morally an accomplice to tax evasion....Finally, my favourite Royal has not let me down....young Harry has booked himself a seat at one of the Olympic events where he will make a personal appearance-guess where?..yep you guessed it-the Beach Volleyball.

297. Hosepipes, Flooding, Tears.......water, water, everywhere
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Description: This week the last of the hosepipe bans has been lifted….BUT NOW it’s too wet for the crops to grow…SO we might have to pay more….like we were going to have to do when it was too dry...….for goodness sake…Andy Murray lost…and don’t we know it!!...they are STILL going on about it.....finally…a classic….some bloke was fined £60 for ogling a passing young lady while he was driving… ....

298. Trains and Boats and Planes
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Description: The bill for the Royals travel expenses has just been published….6.5 million...The most expensive one is The Grand Old Duke of York….225K….by jove Andy really is good value…considering we never see him…and I wonder what he does? ...and apparently the Royal Train is used a lot which costs a fortune.....

299. Hosepipe Ban Lifted....Hallelujah!
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Description: The hosepipe ban has been lifted as the nation travels in kayaks.......the ;politicians are claiming the Olympics are coming in under budget but which figures are being used?......be wary of thieves if you're travelling and dresses are out on approval......

300. Water, Water, Everywhere Ma'am
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Description: .A soaking for the Queen and Duke, the Jubilee concert , the Bovver Boys in the Ukraine and parking in flood stricken Aberystywyth

301. The Eurovision Disaster-an inquest
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Description: The Eurovision disaster...The Olympic torch........bribing the children to study....the church on Anglesey called Llangwyfan

302. Eurovision Song Contest
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Description: Rolf Harris, swimming, car insurance and thieves help Don get his feelings ready for the evening's Eurovision song contest

303. Prince Philip and the Zip
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Description: Don is chatting up the lady at the house of Charles Darwin in Shrewsbury.........the drinks are too pricey in London and Prince Philip has been offending the PC brigade by chatting up the girl with the zip!

304. Litter Louts
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Description: A brilliant way top conquer the problems of litter....cars are having their clocks put back to deceive buyers and .........a progrmme on TV featured my friend Ricky Vallance

305. Water..Bedding Women..Anglesey..Respect
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Description: They can’t afford more reservoirs but they can fork out for the Olympics....has announced he has bedded 1000 women.....go down to Moelfre to pay my respects to the late Dick Evans.....another piece of England’s heritage bites the dust.....finally…..there were headlines in the paper skitting at Roy Hodgson’s speech impediment

306. Go Compare.....Conkers??
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Description: Conkers...Bonkers...Bala.....Football Ref assaulted...and GoCompare......It's Don's weekly look at the UK news...

307. Fort Perch Rock
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Description: Don's met some interesting people at Fort Perch Rock and the booze is still a problem in Britain. Never mind...there's always the weather...

308. The Liverpool Waterfront....of the future
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Description: It's not as cold on the Wirral as Winter bites the UK. There are some fabulous plans ahead for the Liverpool waterfront and Billy Connolly has won an award

309. Don loves Una Stubbs
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Description: Don professes his love for Una Stubbs on You Tube and looks at the ships on the Mersey.....

310. Americans on the Moon?
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Description:

311. Don and the Royal Yacht
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Description: 21st January 2012 ....Hang on....a new yacht for the Queen? Aren't we in the middle of a recession? The stricken luxury cruiser is in the news and the Captain is taking the blame. What is Don's take on this?