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Podcast title Emergency Pants Podcast
Website URL http://emergency-pants.net
Description When life gives you lemons, you put on your emergency pants.
Updated Thu, 24 Jul 2014 03:49:33 +0000
Category Comedy
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Link to this podcast Emergency Pants Podcast

Episodes

1. Episode 235: Butt Stuff
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Description: It’s episode 235 of Emergency Pants! Butts! Discussed: Butts Cats Nerd Poker podcast Hemlock Grove on Netflix Kickstarters and many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 235


2. Episode 234: Is this some kind of porn thing?
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Description: It’s episode 234 of Emergency Pants! AWWWWW YISSSSSS Discussed: Poop Wordishness made funny stuff! Cats Portion control And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Episode 234 Listen:  


3. Episode 233: It’s hot and we’re tired.
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Description: It’s episode 233 of Emergency Pants, in which it is so hot you guys ugh yuck ew Discussed: Thrilling Adventure Hour Zeus Grants Dumb Wishes Cats Jesus fuck all, you guys, it’s hot up in this camp And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download Listen:


4. Episode 232: HI GUYS HEY HI
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Description: It’s episode 232, in which we talk about where the hell we’ve been! Discussed: Jobs and lack thereof Love and marriage Kids, man. Kids. Cats Dogs Our awesome listeners And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Episode 232


5. Episode 231: Because giraffes.
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Description: It’s episode 231 of Emergency Pants! Awwwww yissss. Nobody likes Toby Sugar highs Kiki is water-curious The celery showdown SPOON! and many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Listen:  Download: Episode 231


6. Episode 230: Yes, Ron, there is a lady boner.
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Description: It’s Episode 230 of Emergency Pants, where everything is possible if you just believe! Discussed:  Bee and Puppycat Kickstarter!  The truth about onions We masturbate with you in mind and many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Listen:  Download: Episode 230


7. Episode 229: Goddammit, David.
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Description: It’s Episode 229 of Emergency Pants, in which we shame robofrakkin! Discussed: That one memo Penile functionality Crushes Wine: A Love Story Balls and many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Listen:  Download: Episode 229  


8. Episode 228: NO TOUCHY!
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Description: It’s episode 228 of Emergency Pa-ants *jumps* HEY! DUDE! NOT OK! Discussed: Butts Cheese guns Colors! Focus groups Halloweeeeeeen! and many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Listen:  Download: Episode 228


9. Episode 227: NOPE!
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Description: It’s Episode 227 of Emergency Pants, Meeeeeeeery! Discussed: How about OreNO? Shae needs sweet songs sung to her. Hop to it! Puppies v Kittens Poopstuffs And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Listen:  Download: Episode 227


10. Episode 226: The Hammock District
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Description: It’s Episode 226 of Emergency Pants and it’s time for some smooooooth jazz… AW, WE’RE JUST FUCKIN’ WITH YA! Discussed: Two turntables and a new microphone Delilah Hammocks Expose Aaron Neville BLUE IS A COLOR / I LIKE PIE / PILLOWS ARE SOFT / TREES ARE MAKE OF WOOD etc. And many more! Join us, …

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11. Episode 225: LOVE M.U.S.C.L.E.
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Description: It’s episode 225 of Emergency Pants! You wanna fight about it? Discussed: Guts Pants v pants Tit Tatts Two turntables and a microphone Starfleet Escape Podcast Spank banks Breaking Bad Back to school And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Listen:  Download: Episode 225


12. Episode 224: CPAP Clap Trap
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Description: It’s episode 224 of Emergency Pants! DON’T LOOK AT US! DON’T YOU EVER FUCKING LOOK AT US! MOMMY! Discussed: cats cpaps faux pockets Japan v Mississippi kayaks The Penny Nickels Books That Will Ruin Your Life Club things And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 224


13. Episode 223: Hippo Birdie Two Ewe!
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Description: It’s episode 223 of Emergency Pants! GET OFF OUR LAWNS! Discussed: It was Shane’s birthday! It will be Bridget’s birthday! It’s our birthday month! HUZZAH! Getting old Physical therapy Bionic replacements Werther’s candy Poop diseases Space dress And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 223


14. Episode 222: Newtella
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Description: It’s Episode 222 of Emergency Pants! Hey, um… you got a little… right there on your… there, you got it. Discussed: Dogs! Birds! Gum! Feelings! Style! NORMAL! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 222


15. Episode 221: HOT BALLS
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Description:   It’s episode 221 of Emergency Pants! Discussed: How hot are balls? The art of not wearing pants Star Wars, Star Trek, and other reasons we never got laid in high school On butts And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 221    


16. Episode 220: BUTT STUFF BUTT STUFF BUTT STUFF
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Description: It’s Episode 220 of Emergency Pants! Do ya like that? You like that, don’t you? Discussed: Butts People Snacks Cartoons And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode (_!_)


17. Episode 219: FLAMES. FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE.
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Description: It’s episode 219 of Emergency Pants! Discussed: I hated her SO. MUCH… Mrs. Music Feelings and how dumb and stupid they are Children will destroy and/or get jam all over everything you love We like you! And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 219


18. Episode 218: Poor Larry.
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Description:   It’s episode 218 of Emergency Pants, and THE FLOOR IS MADE OF LAVA! Discussed: Everybody hates Larry Meeses Superfight! cats gnats What’s that smell? And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 218


19. Episode 217: This is just my face.
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Description: It’s episode 217 of Emergency Pants! Deal with it, pink boy! Discussed: Peer pressure TV Funny stickers When Shane and Bridget knew they were bff’s Pube eyebrows Nobody has their shit together Toucan Sam is a gentleman Cheese And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 217


20. Episode 216: It’s pronounced “Skippy”
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Description: It’s Episode 216 of Emergency Pants! ARE YOU READY FOR THIS? NEVER FORGET YOUR LUBE. Shane was on Soulmatey! Bridget accidentally oggles someone Why are you talking like that? Is that even a thing? Bridget’s butthole is totes popular Where did the soda go? Questions! And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 216


21. Episode 215: Cram it with walnuts, ugly.
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Description: It’s episode 215 of Emergency Pants, in which we talk about stuff like: The art of knowing when to shut up Why do people do stuff? And so on! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Episode 215


22. Episode 214: Flibbertigibbet
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Description: It’s a new episode of Emergency Pants! We’re here and we’re FABULOUS! Discussed: Ahahahahaha, LOAD! Previously on… Deadliest Ax Men Ice Road Truckers Catch Saga The origin of the boop And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 214


23. Episode 213: Kids with Ass Cancer Riding a Tiny Horse with Mouth Herpes
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Description: It’s Episode 213 of Emergency Pants, where we insist you look at our butts. LOOK AT THEM! Also discussed: Cards Against Humanity CHSH Meeting awesome people Ducks Micropigs And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 213


24. Episode 212: Turn that frown upside down!
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Description:   On tonight’s episode, Bridget and Shane sit down for a fireside chat about the foibles of life, the satisfaction a great cup of tea brings, and how people aren’t specific enough about their love of cats. Also featured is a lively discussion about: Therapists CHicagoiSH Swanky Frankies Fourth Thing Download: Episode 212


25. Episode 211: ASSpic
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Description:   It’s a brand spanking new episode of Emergency Pants! Drop ‘em! Discussed: Trendy food time capsules Why is this wet? CHSH Topics from awesome listeners ron-bailey, noelanthony, monkeyfrog, thekatcameback, dresspants, smartasshat, elizabethplaid, robofrakkin, pantsfreesia, jezebelthegreat, braincooksidea, raiselm, and tacotuesdayeveryday! Who does that? AND MANY MORE! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 211


26. Episode 210: Put some honey on it!
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Description: It’s episode 210 of Emergency Pants, in which we discuss: Our awesome listeners! We received questions/comments/boners from wordishness, smartasshat, xntrek, yhf, vegkat, claviusrobinsky, noelanthony, sniffyjenkins, and ron-bailey! Thanks you guys! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 210


27. Episode 209: People, man. People.
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Description: It’s a new episode of Emergency Pants, in which we discuss: BE NICE THERE IS A PERSON IN THERE! Time burglars aka meeting organizers Feeling ways about things Snow! And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download the Award Winning* Episode 209!           *no actual awards received.


28. Episode 208: TRIUMPHANT RETURNCAST
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Description: It’s episode 208 of Emergency Pants! HUZZAH! Discussed: The Tool Shed Poopin’ Impolite Company Get off our lawn Advice nobody asked for cats Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download Episode 208


29. Episode 207: Infinite Improbability Smackdown
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Description: It’s Episode 207 of Emergency Pants! WOOOOOOOOO AND SUCH! Discussed: The most awesome fighting game idea EVER Safety Tip: If you’re gonna help a dude put a couch in his van, always lift the side OUTSIDE of the van Stuff Things And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 207


30. Episode 206: Geoducking
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Description: It’s episode 206 of Emergency Pants, in which we discuss: Snails vs slugs Animals shaped like penises Cats Naming your kid is a huge responsibility And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! ADDITIONAL: Bridget and Vegkat will be at The Tool Shed in Milwaukee on Friday, January 18th at 6:00 p.m. to celebrate …

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31. Episode 205: She Cried No… Toilet Paper!
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Description: It’s episode 205 of Emergency Pants! NEAT! Discussed: FASHION! PAJAMAS! KITTENS! BATHROOM SHENANIGANS! AND MANY MORE! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 205


32. Episode 204: Christmas Adjacent Special
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Description: It’s Episode 204 of Emergency Pants! Discussed: Acting like an owner Bathroom hardships Boner ornaments And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 204


33. Episode 203: In a metal foundry
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Description: In Episode 203, we answer listener questions an learn proper burial technique! Listen in for exciting questions from a veritable who’s who of “who’s that?” on Tumblr! Also featured: Cats Recieving Psychology The dark arts Play-Doh Download: Episode 203


34. Episode 202: It’s a Fact!
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Description: It’s episode 202, in which we discuss cats and cinnamon buns and bindles. Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 202


35. Episode 201: ELECTION NIGHT SPECIAL!!!!!***
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Description: ***We don’t actually discuss the election. Like, at all. You’re welcome! It’s episode 201 of Emergency Pants, in which Shane and Bridget sing Lindsay‘s praises, Bridget shares her adventures visiting Moxie in Seattle, and many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 201


36. Episode 200: ShitPantCo
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Description: It’s episode 200 of Emergency Pants, which contains nothing special! ALERT!!!! Bridget’s going to Seattle and meeting Moxie, zuhl and yellowhat! If you’re in Seattle for Gamechangers, come and say hi. Just follow the laugh. Download: Episode 200  


37. Episode 199: Safe to Fart
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Description: It’s episode 199 of Emergency Pants! Neat! This week we talked about being happy, cheese, abusive furniture, and farting. Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 199


38. Episode 198: Chick Fort
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Description: Bridget and Shane: for all your talkin’ about stuff needs. Download: Episode 198


39. Episode 197: Garbage Bag Full of Pants
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Description: It’s episode 197 in which we talk about stuff, things, and ch ch ch changes! Also: Our friend xntrek sent us a question! Moving. Blargh. Family fun time! Bridget is terrified of space, but Shane’s cool with it if he doesn’t have to look down And many more! Download: Episode 197


40. Episode 196: Hugging the turkey
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Description: It’s Episode 196 of Emergency Pants, in which we hug the turkey. C’MON HUG IT. You know you want to. How to hide a boner/appropriate vs inappropriate boners Soul crushing social experiments aka work Holy fucking shit we are tired Plus we read letters from groverviolet, raiselm, dorkitude, Shawn, Justin, and Julie. Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode …

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41. Episode 195: The Golden Rule of Pubes
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Description: It’s episode 195 of Emergency Pants, in which we discuss: Celebrity crushes! Household appliances that may or may not kill you! Potential sponsors! Slidey unnerwears! MOTHERFUCKING SPACE, BITCHES! Listener questions! and many more! Download: Episode 195


42. Episode 194: The Lady Horse Chronicles
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Description: It’s a new episode of Emergency Pants, now with 100% less show notes! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Do you like podcasts? Sure, we all do! So go listen to Fridge Magnets! It’s neat! Download: Episode 194


43. Episode 193: Big Floppy Dongs
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Description: It’s Episode 193 of Emergency Pants, in which I forgot to take notes so I don’t really know what the hell we talked about! Download:Episode 193


44. Episode 192: The Martha Stewart Hairshirt Collection
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Description: It’s episode 192 of Emergency Pants, in which we discuss: Pretzels Bridget’s local animal shelter and people shelter Animals thinking they’re people The heartbreak of temporary food service Shane’s nightmares about poopin’ And many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 192


45. Episode 191: Honker in a hot dog bun
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Description: It’s episode 191 of Emergency Pants, in which we discuss: Good news bulletins San Diego is awesome Free sybian rides: $0! Hot dogs, ladies? Weird Flickr contacts What kind of super villian are you? Download: Episode 191


46. Episode 190: A Medicine for Melancholy
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Description: It’s episode 190 of Emergency Pants, in which we discuss: Topics from Penny, Randal, Dan’s Balls, and Michele Jason and Jessica’s wedding! Blowing stuff up Me and You Red hair Gardening success Handjobs and many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 190


47. Episode 189: Tamp it down
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Description: It’s episode 189 of Emergency Pants, in which we discuss: Falling Gardening Varmits Things that smell like other things and many more! Join us, won’t you? Thank you! Download: Episode 189


48. Episode 188: Seewabs!
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Description: It’s episode 188 of Emergency Pants, in which we are joined by Randal, aka fancycwabs! Carthage, TN – home of sadness! Bridget’s brother Rob (hi Rob!) has a tumblr! Pitfall Explorer’s Club! Wigstock! TJ & Bridget started a tumblr! Randal’s dead friend! Randal made a cereal that leaves white russian milk and other awesome experiments! …

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49. Episode 187: Dare to Squee
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Description: Episode 187, in which we’re actually pretty sure that we’re ready for this jelly. SHOPPING AT THE WAL-MART! San Francisco! Merlin Mann! Fancy colored pencils! Eeeeeeeee!!! Listener stuff! Today fucking sucked because we had to say goodbye to Matt. He will be missed. Download: Episode 187


50. Episode 186: Lack of Pants
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Description: It’s episode 186, in which we are joined by Casey, aka CLEAPOW! Discussed: The art of the passive pick-up The joy of pantslessness Emails from Randal and Bridget’s brother Rob Dig-the-cat made a ringtone of Bridget’s laugh Casey tells us her deal Download: Episode 186


51. Episode 185: Everything is Lips and Assholes
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Description: Episode 185, in which we are joined by thejohnblog, smart ass extraordinaire! Discussed: Vegkat‘s emergency pants KCnDEN and Randall defend vibrating razors Emily asks about our preferred vehicles for syrup John did hard time Nerd complaints And, for some reason, Ed Begley Jr Download: Episode 185


52. Episode 184: Vindictive Bowels
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Description: It’s episode 184, in which we discuss: Zooey Deschanel: what’s her deal? TV’s Frank! Professional butt wipers Pens and pencils and paper! OH MY! Cats are tender lovers Shane’s pants Lady business Why don’t I have any haters? Babies and why they suck Download: Episode 184


53. Episode 183: Shat of the New Hampshire Asshats
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Description: It’s episode 183 of Emergency Pants, in which we are joined by Smartasshat! Discussed: CHSH! The blue go-cart of shame The best rubix cube story EVER Stuff! Things! People! And many more! Download: Episode 183


54. Episode 182: ‘sup, dicklicks?
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Description: It’s episode 182, in which we discuss: Our totally scientific and not at all offensive theory about why today was such a long day for everyone! Ron Bailey and Bridget started a Totoro tumblr! Gavin from Poke It With A Stick Podcast shares his 6th and 7th senses! Tumblrer toolateadopter created Emergency Cat Hire! Randal shared anime …

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55. Episode 181: Can’t podcast, clowns will eat me
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Description: Randi asks us to discuss what freaks us out Tungle.me sounds like a sex act You Look Nice Today is back! Bridget got a mention on Roderick on the Line! Delgrosso asks us what extra senses we would be stuck with and what senses we would actually want Download: Episode 181


56. Episode 180: Inside the Pantser’s Studio
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Description: Our friend Rose tells us OMG SNAKES CANCLIMB WALLS and hey, watch The Apple We talk about topics from braincooksidea, delgrosso, froggeek, smartgrrrl, 120pagemonster, wordishness and pennynickels Revisiting Vanilla Ice being a douche Bridget got a mention on Roderick on the Line! Eeeeeeeee!!!!! Download: Episode 180


57. Chicago-style pizza crust recipe
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Description: I got a lot of feedback on this one, so I’m putting the recipe up here on the site for you guys. This is a chicago style pizza crust – I’ve only made it once, in a deep dish configuration. Reason stands that one could also make it in a traditional, non-deep style as well. …

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58. Episode 179: BEST WEEK EVER
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Description: It’s episode 179, in which we discuss: Penny and Johnny are amazing hosts Shane asks all of our female listeners to wear thigh-high socks. Go get yours at Sock Dreams Mass Effect 3 gave Shane a sad Bridget tries to tell Shane why he HAS to listen to Roderick on the Line but loses her …

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59. Episode 178: Tossing the Boob at the Tin Shack
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Description:   Episode 178, in which we are joined by Jeremy of The Cocktail Napkin podcast! Spice Channel Becky and Becky and Darren and Darren Thanks to Matt for telling us about The Death and Return of Superman Kevin Smith movies Thanks to Evan for sending us the EZ Eyes Keyboard The Dollar Shave Club is awesome Makin’ people …

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60. Episode 177: FIRST
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Description: It’s Episode 177, bitches! We talk about topics provided by braincooksidea, cloudya, lindstifa, raiselm, elizabethplaid, and thejohnblog! We also discussed things. And stuff. Download: Episode 177


61. Episode 176: BLOWJOBS FOR EVERYONE!
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Description: It’s episode 176, in which we discuss: Valentine’s Day Are pharmaceutical companies murdering celebrities? (Hint: NO!) HR’s HR Smug life Waffles the corgi and Waffles the cat How It’s Made – snow shoes, bottles, contact lenses, and blowjobs Spinks Download: Episode 176


62. Episode 175: Pancake v Waffle
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Description: Episode 175, in which we are joined by long time listener Ben! Discussed: You know, the one guy who was in that show Pot pie Demotivational posters from Despair.com Candy Pants(less) Party Pancakes vs. waffles And many more! Thanks to Monkeyfrog, Chronically-Awesome, Huge in Japan, 2yellows, azzura47, raiselm, julesthebunny , braincooksidea, vegkat,and thejoysofjess for questions and …

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63. Episode 174: You can be a phoenix after you finish your homework, sweetie.
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Description: Episode 174: FINE MOM JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE. GOSH. Discussed: Musers Magic! The Nerdening! Otherkin Giraffes Download: Episode 174


64. Episode 173: *Contains No Actual Chicken
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Description: It’s Episode 173 of Emergency Pants, in which we are joined by Matt Doucette! Discussed: Everyone in Whole Foods is offended about something The beautiful Not Chicken orchards of the great Northwest Fundies are not at all fun Depression is a dick Download: Episode 173    


65. Episode 172: Slap Snatch
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Description: Episode 172: Here’s the thing. Drama! On the Internet! Thanks to Randi for her questions! Lyndzi told us about the practical uses for the C String! We talk about stuff and laugh! Exclamation point! Download: Episode 172


66. Episode 171: A Schticky Boom-Boom Down
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Description: Episode 171: Viva Pantalones! Cover art by Pam Aghababian! Intro by Smartasshat! Evan told us about CString! Vegkat told us about the Schticky! Exclamation point! Download: Episode 171


67. Listener mail: Pants Room
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Description: Here’s an email from our listener Randi that I think you all will enjoy: Every time I download an episode of Emergency Pants I think of a day about 4 or 5 years ago. Let me share that day with you here I was visiting my kids’ school to read to the class, or perhaps …

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68. Episode 170: Emergency Pants Gets A Physical
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Description: Episode 170: We like it very much! Booger problems We love Maru We love Animals Talking In All Caps, Tumblr Taking In All Caps, Starbangledanner, and Old Erotic Art 2yellows  asked us to discuss the best and worst of 2011 Doorhingeteeth asked us to discuss how fabulous he is – pretty fabulous, actually! Vegkat asked us to discuss …

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69. Episode 169: Johan Sebastian Blog
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Description: Tonight we’re joined by TheJohnBlog! Points of interest: Bridget was on the Smellcast – listen here and here! Check out the Diane Rehm Show We love Tom and Jerry, especially Is You Is Or Is You Ain’t My Baby Download: Episode 169


70. Episode 168: Is that the Thing?
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Description: Episode 168: Tony! Tonee! Toni! Discussed: Rude people at movies X-Files and Doctor Who Celery Um. I don’t remember what else. We talked. And laughed. It was fun! Download: Episode 168


71. Episode 167: The Darren McGavin Appreciation Hour
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Description: Episode 167: DANGERPANTS! And by that I mean we are joined by Tony Delgrosso! Thanks to Penny for letting us know about this year’s must have Christmas gift, Bag of Nails! Thanks to Jeremy for sending us two unrelated things! It’s fun to know what groups of animals are called Hippocelots. Or maybe Oceppos. We …

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72. Episode 166: PERPERDERG
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Description: Episode 166, in which we learn the effects of masturbation – besides joy and sleepiness. We love Misfits and are mystified by Chav Star Bangle Danner is hilarious Bridget was on Story Time Podcast! Lookit, Emergency Pants! We heard from jules the bunny, Marshall, Vegkat, Jessica, Jason, Stephanie, Lindsay, Rachel, Evan, Elizabeth, and Brad Thanks …

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73. Episode 165: Halloweenie
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Description: Episode 165: WoooooooOOOOooooooOOOOooooooOOOOO! CREEEEEEEEEPY!!!!! Um. Or not. Shane got a venus flytrap Bridget went to a baby shower with the internet Boob restaurants Fall is a dick Halloween Scary movies Download: Episode 165


74. Episode 164: Duck Face!
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Description: Episode 164, in which we interact with our Tumblr Bunnies! Shane has two new tumblrs – Proper Sex Acts and Rejected Crayon Colors yhf has a new webcomic tumblr that is AWESOME. Shane suggests sake mississippi-dick tells us about the electric Delorean Marshall tells us about electric cereal boxes Plus we hear from: Jewles Mr …

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75. Episode 163: BURSL PROTS
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Description: Episode 163: Your FACE occupies Wall Street! Tank is a dick Something something occupy Wall Street something Balls Listener love Shane is playing video games for sick chillens! Go donate! Thanks to smartasshat for the intro! Download: Episode 163


76. Episode 162: Seriously?
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Description: Episode 162: I mean, really? Cake flavored vodka Ever since Smartasshat did this awesome write up of Magnum ice cream bars, Bridget can’t get enough of them Ice cream monks Elizabeth sent us the Free Flexor video Brad sent us this Christians hate Pokemon video Thanks to Ben for this week’s intro! YAY BEN! Download: …

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77. Episode 161: Thanks, Mom!
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Description: Epsiode 161: ELIZABETH PLAID, PEOPLE. Cat Genie Starbucks love Kat got in touch about the INCINOLET! Ben, Brad, and Fey Driver are all awesome. We love you, Tim! Download: Episode 161


78. Episode 160: Our Listeners Did All the Work
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Description: Episode 160: You like us! YOU REALLY LIKE US! We answer emails from Penny, Justin, Brad, Alyssa, and Elizabeth, and questions from Delgrosso, Lindsay, Marshall, and Vegkat. HI EVERYBODY! Joe & Kelly have a kickstarter project! Check it out, won’t you? Adam Moe is awesome Penny would like contributors to her new food blog. ARE YOU UP …

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79. Episode 159: Dickenballs
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Description: Episode 159: ALL OF THE UNNECESSARY SLEEP AIDS! Kat emailed us some awesome stuff, including this video Hi Alyssa in Canada! Bridget picks a fight with robthebanker, but he totally backs down The origin story of “emergency pants” OMG AMY AND BAY ARE BACK Other things! Download: Episode 159


80. Episode 158: Your FACE is Interesting!
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Description: Episode 158, in which we’re joined by the interesting Trinity! We play a voice mail from Matt and read emails from Kat, Penny and Elizabeth Penny pointed us in the direction of the Shove Glove -look out! Elizabeth told us about this thinkgeek thingie and her 8tracks profile Kat reminds us that you can visit …

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81. Episode 157: Suckers and Rubes
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Description: Episode 157: We think you guys are swell! Bridget went to CHSH, got drunk, and blames Lindsay Shane got a stitch from Man Junk aka Cracker Finishing School for Boys Kitties with People Names! GO LOOK! We answer questions from Elizabethplaid and Erik Bates Download: Episode 157


82. Episode 156: Nips a’popping
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Description: Episode 156: Something something boobs something We answer questions from crosseyedstitch, rartastic and Penny Bridget loves Fishing with John Penny and Johnny are famous! Shane has been watching Hillybilly Hand Fishin’ Doctor Who is coming back! Jamie wrote a book! CHECK IT OUT! Shane loves his Sennheiser headset and earbuds! Download: Episode 156


83. Episode 155: Question: Who Would Win in a Fight – Bears or Emergency Pants?
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Description: Episode 155 is the episode to end ALL EPISODES! OR SOMETHING! We answer questions/discuss topics supplied by Alyssa from Canada, 2yellows, thejohnblog, smartgrrrl, lindstifa, yhf, smartasshat, and inthefade! Topics include: It’s not stalking, it’s being polite Politicians: human or not? Cheese Keeping it real Fud Download: Episode 155


84. Episode 154: That’s A Lot of Nuts!
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Description: Episode 154, in which we are joined by Matt Doucette! He says funny things on the internet, he’s half of Fake Band Name with Bridget, he makes comics, and he stitches. Damn, man, that’s a lot of stuff! We got emails from Kat and Shawn sharing their first musical purchases That really is a lot …

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85. Episode 153: All Those Crusty Socks
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Description: Episode 153 -*knock knock knock* Honey? What are you doing in there? Emails! Eeeeeeeee!!! Matt aka Cracker Finishing School for Boys sent Bridget a pressie! Penny made Bridget a boss playlist Shane’s in love and you better accept it even if it’s not traditional, dammit We demand ninjas Download: Episode 153 (hehehe – load)


86. Episode 152: Ramblecast!
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Description: Episode 152: We’re all over the place and junk! Thanks to Penny for telling us about her friend’s awesome and hilarious write-up of her experience with cancer and about this article that sounds eerily like Bridget The Butt Slasher has us saddened and confused Swedish Fish Oh, hello – have a hand job Join Spotify …

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87. Episode 151: Yiffing!
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Description: Episode 151: Now with 100% more YHF! Touch by an Uncle It’s hot as balls! Working at a place with a walk-in freezer is awesome A message from the awesome Toppie Smellie! Lots of other things! I was laughing too much to remember them! Download: Episode 151


88. Episode 150: Our Cats, Ourselves
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Description: Episode 150, in which we are 12 year old boys. AS USUALLY. Pam sent us a voicemail! Hi Pam! Jeremy, Justin and Rob sent us emails! O HAI GUYS! We discuss the awesomeness that is Cracker Finishing School for Boys Shane will be on the Story Time Podcast! How to deactivate a cat The Jam …

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89. Episode 149: Masturbation Foundation
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Description: Episode 149: Time to sauce the taco! Daniel emailed us about The Art of Seduction. GROSS. Ben dropped us a line about Minnesota being too polite to ask for federal funding Bridget’s brother Rob sends us his favorite Urban Dictionary entry We plug Shane’s Are You Sure You Want To Cancel? tumblr Bridget plugs the …

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90. Episode 148: Go Ahead, Caller.
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Description: Episode 148: We take your calls! And do UNSPEAKABLE things with them! We got emails from Vegkat and Tim! We take calls from VSC, Penny Nickels, and Shae! Bridget’s brother Rob send an email about Go The Fuck to Sleep! Download: Episode 148


91. Episode 147: Katzenzwein
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Description: Episode 147, in which we are joined by Pam from Hip To Be A Square podcast! We talked about a lot of stuff! It was fun! Also: wine. Here, go look at this kitten in a hamster ball! Download: Episode 147


92. Episode 146: Pass the Gavel
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Description: Episode 146: Something something fart joke something. Shane passes up a gavel Bridget is self-medicating with margaritas We love Steve Purcell, the creator of Sam & Max Lindsay sent Bridget puppies! Hi to TJ and Pam! Download: Episode 146


93. Episode 145: Bitch Cutting: Averted.
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Description: Episode 145: Don’t cut a bitch, Kat, we’re totally here! Bridget talks about the Maker Faire Rum. RUNNERS. Mongolian barbecue Nazi Evan asks if we’re aware of merkins, and we school him Amber asked about Andriod apps – here’s Shane’s list Hi to Pam from Hip to Be a Square podcast Martin Hsu, Nidhi Chadnani, …

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94. Episode 144: It the Katkast!
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Description: Episode 144: Oh my god you guys! It’s KAT! Junderpants! Fairytale of New York If I Should Fall From Grace With God totally sounds like The Sun Exit 57 and Vacant Lot are both hilarious! We love the unexplained! What’s your buddy crime solving show? Download: Episode 144


95. Episode 143: Does this rag smell like ether?
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Description: Episode 143: WE’RE BACK, BITCHES! Shane tells us about his sweet new digs! GIANT FUCKING BUMBLEBEE Maus says hi! Over and over! Ben told us about the passive Midwestern advertising at Bushel Boy Midwestern Greeting Cards – they need to be a thing! Again! Bridget and Matt started a Fake Band Name blog! Download: Episode …

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96. Episode 142: The Jamcast
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Description: Episode 142: JAM HANDS! Penny sent us some SUPER GROSS ADS Go. Look. Also, Penny sent us a link to her internet boyfriend. Check it out! Tim from Tastes Like Burning sent us an email – hi Tim! General Bitching Ice cream The lost episodes of Emergency Pants Download: Episode 142


97. Episode 141: I’m Gonna Go Pee From My Vagina
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Description: Episode 141: We’re back and junk! A tale of two couches Bridget went to a thing and met Lindsay, Nicky, Michele, and many others! The Runny Bunny, Trixie Delicious, and Christopher Uminga all make cool stuff! cats Bridget and Penny started a new blog! Download: Episode 141


98. Episode 140: $240 Worth of Podcast
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Description: Episode 140: Awwwwwww yeah! John Callahan was awesome Funky Sofa is funky Don’t Look Down Wishes My Bodyguard Other things! Download: Episode 140


99. Episode 139: Tic Tac Twat
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Description: Episode 139, in which things happen! We got a voicemail from Christopher WalkenMatt! This is the funniest damn thing that has ever happened. For real. Shane can raise a single eyebrow, wink and whistle. Bridget can’t. *sad trombone* We visit the Uncanny Valley Bridget might be Joan Jett Download: Episode 139


100. Episode 138: Your Boney M is Showing
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Description: Oh my god, you guys! It’s the FEY DRIVER! Fey tells us all about the Pink Wheelnuts podcast We cheer on the Casey/Zangief Kid Behold! Boney M! We want Solo Wheels THIS HOUSE IS AWESOME Moo and Oink We also talk about awesome bathrooms, portable showers, and cheese Download: Episode 138


101. Episode 137: I’ve never snapped into me
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Description: Episode 137: I dunno. What. Bras Make-up Vibrator burns Pussy Seeking Missions Bridget refuses to eat feces apples We got voicemails from Matt! Thanks, Matt! Download: Episode 137


102. Episode 136: We got nothin’
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Description: Episode 136: Oh my God, you guys! It’s MARSHALL! Shane enjoyed God’s Pizza! Roku, won’t you? Thank you! Maus has pooplosions Marshall lived in Stars Hollow Shannon is awesome! Did I mention that we love Natalie Dee? Download: Episode 136


103. Episode 135: Anti-Bacterial Body of Christ
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Description: It’s episode 135 and junk! Did we mention that we love Natalie Dee? The body of Christ is very unsanitary Two Stupid Dogs! Thanks to the Fey Driverand Toppie Smellie from the Smellcast for making Bridget blush and for the shout out for Emergency Pants! Catfish devastated Bridget Other things Stuff People It has been …

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104. Episode 134: Svickovacast!
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Description: Episode 134 will stick to your ribs! The Bohemian Cafe is awesome. SVICKOVA FOREVER! For Alyssa: guy cries when his car is towed This kitten video is awesome Download: Episode 134


105. Episode 133: Cool (H)whip
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Description: Episode 133: Oh my God, you guys! It’s Jim! We got a message from Toppie Smellie from The Smellcast! Rachel McKay is awesome! Happy Birthday, Alyssa! Farting penguin! Jim recommends White Ninja Comics Hi Vegkat! Hi Keri! Download: Episode 133


106. Episode 132: Mashed Perderders
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Description: Epiode 132: Did I ever tell you my frozen semen story? Hi to Jim, Dana, Stephanie, Feydriver, Toppie Smellie, and Joe and Kelly! sports What are freezer biscuts? Bridget explains Totoro and Miyazaki Thanks to Natalie Dee once again for our cover art! Download: Episode 132


107. Episode 131: An Airing of Grievances
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Description: Hi Pam! Hi Tara! Hi Alyssa! Hi Alissa! Justin describes a new weather phenomenon: “shaneclone” Hi Matt! Pocketcontents provides alcohol engineering solutions. Human cheese. *hhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrgh* Baby monkey riding on a pig! Also, we discuss topics provided by misschasse, Robyn Lindstifa, katefeetie and giddygirlie. Stuff came through from briliantlyfreakish and yhf after we wrapped up, but …

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108. Episode 130: Our Podcast, Ourselves
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Description: Episode 130: We explore the strange new sensations we’ve been experiencing in our budding young bodies. Aaaaah, I’m just fucking with you! We talk about stuff. And things. Shane is going to punch dance his rage and beat up all of Omaha! LOOK OUT. Hi Katy! Hi Justin! Hi Ben! We discuss bathroom incidents Bridget …

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109. Episode 129: Askholes!
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Description: Episode 129: Your FACE is your Mom! Wait, what? We bitch about the snow We answer questions from Rachel and Shae Hi Jamie in the hospital! (He’s on the road to recovery, thank goodness) OMG YOU GUYS SHANE DOES THE FRANK NOISE You can ask us stuff! Bridget and Shane, respectively. We’re on Goodreads! Bridget …

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110. Episode 128: Healthy and Sexually Attractive
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Description: Hi Joe and Kelly on the podcast! Joe did stand up! GO WATCH! Josh Grobin sings the tweets of Kanye West Penny sent us stuff! Check out German Chessboxing Championship story and video and her friend Roy’s Christmas songs! Marshall left us a voicemail! Hi Marshall! John Swartzwelder writes funny books! Go to Goodreads and …

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111. Episode 127: Pissycast
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Description: Episode 127: We’re pissy! Whatever! Uke Youtube Channel! Maximum Overdrive and Tremors We got loot for Kweznuz! Movies we loved when we were kids Download: Episode 127


112. Episode One Twenty Potato
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Description: OH MY GOD YOU GUYS!!! TONY*** IS ON THE SHOW!!! We talk about some snarky cards Bridget goes on about Homestar Runner crying again Shane is green with jealous rage over Tony’s AR thingie Lots of other things that I don’t remember Download: Episode 12potato


113. Episode 125: Emergency Trousers the Sixth
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Description: Episode 125: We’re shooting the shit with our chum Jamie! HOLY SHITBALLS LOOK AT THIS FISH! The country’s newest game show sensation, Place That Spoon! This candle smells like a man Jamie geeks out over ActiveWords Shane recommends Limbo Download: Episode 125


114. Episode 124: Pass the Plate
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Description: Episode 124: Oh yeah? Well, your MOM tithes! In this episode: Pause Grits to Glitz Pre-Cana Religion Your Mom Download: Episode 124


115. Episode 123: Long Time No See!
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Description: Episode 123: I can’t believe I ate the whole thing! Falcons? Assholes. Shane has a good cry over Seymour Bridget tells the story of the WORST MOVIE EVER Shane broke his eyes Bridget broke her head We talk about video games for a little bit. Who do we think we are, Gameluv? Bridget was in …

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116. Episode 122: Clam Adjuster
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Description: Episode 122: No Snuggies were harmed in the recording of this podcast. Merlin Mann, who is a goddamn class act, said nice things about Bridget and her cross stitching on Mac Break Weekly! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! (45:30 minutes in – check it out!) Trader Joes opened in Omaha, and it’s filled with hipsters and hippies! We talk about …

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117. Episode 121: Does it? Does it really?
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Description: Episode 121, bitches! It Gets Better? Ben sent us a link to his sack! I mean, mysack! We finally give Shae the attention she deserves for the awesome song she made us! Hi Fey Driver! President Dog’s embarrassing brother Relax and let it happen: Episode 121


118. Episode 120: My Name is a Killing Word
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Description: Episode 120, with the awesome Penny Nickels and a Johnny Murder cameo! President Dog and Time Cat Night Man! and Kitten Mittens! TV shows are the great equalizer An American Drunk Ballz Small Wonder We forgot to talk about it because we are douches, but check out this awesome song Shae made for us! SO …

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119. Episode 119: Tank Warfare
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Description: It’s episode 119, which contains one of the best fart stories EVER this week! You can buy Emergency Pants stuff here! How can Howie Woo be our fan when we are fans of Howie Woo? Check out Howie’s heartbreaking work of staggering genius, Robots Are Poor Tippers Cats Also: fart. Download: Episode 119


120. Episode 118: Chibi Pants
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Description: Episode 118, in which we are joined by Katy of GameLuv! YAY! Marshall told our about Kickstarter, which is awesome. Go support his project! There should be a douchebag scoring system Katy shares zapatag with us Go watch this video! Download: Episode 118


121. Episode 117: Did You Already Masturbate?
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Description: Episode 117: It’s a classic chatcast, people. We hope you enjoy it. Klixx have a satisfying click Shane is a danger to himself and others Download: Episode 117


122. Episode 116: Gravy Needs
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Description: Episode 116: It’sa me! Gravio! Bridget is the third caller! Penny sent us the Big Kids Guide to Turtles – thanks, Penny! VOICEMAIL! VOICEMAIL FROM SHAE! OOOOooooOOOooooh! Shane has robots More Pantscon attendees confirmed Ants! At the Drive-In! Download: Episode 116


123. Episode 115: Mommy Needs A Minute
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Description: Bridget tries to get drunk and is thwarted by her own clumsiness Ken Burns is a smartypants, but that’s okay Shane’s cat Maus had a pooplosion Pantscon 2011 We got emails from Alyssa, Pam and Katy! Hi again to Toppie Smellie of the Smellcast and Bridget sincerely apologizes to Walter. Clair is AWESOME! Download: Episode …

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124. Episode 114: Fan Appreciation and Recognition Telecast
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Description: Episode 114: We love you guys. Happy things! We got emails from Gavin and Pam Hi to Alyssa in Canada, Katy, and the Fey Driver Bridget’s loving the Smellcast ANGRY THINGS! This camera commercial gave us angry jazz hands! If you HAVE to talk in the bathroom, PLEASE DON’T TALK ABOUT THAT! Download: Episode 114


125. Episode 113: Fresh Balls!
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Description: Dear Listeners, Hey there! You look fantastic – and I just *love* your sweater! Anyway… We talked for an hour but our cunting recording software stopped after a half hour and now we’re sad. We talked about cunts and religion AND read some letters. We’ll just have to do it again next week! In the …

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126. Episode 112: What Are We Gonna Call This Fucker?
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Description: Episode 112: Filled with twangy goodness courtesy of Marshall! Our guest Marshall makes neat things. For reals! Julie Jackson: is she Boo Radley? Silicon Zoo – I dunno. Ask Shane and Marshall. Shane’s tying knots in shit. We beseech you – do not talk on the phone in public bathrooms. It’s just not right. Yarn …

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127. Episode 111: Emergency Pants: The Musical
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Description: Episode 111: And a-one and a-two and a-three and PANTS and step and step and FOSSE and JAZZ HANDS! We crack ourselves up Bridget tells the Dyson guy to take the goddamn marbles out of his mouth when he talks We create a system for dealing with stupidity Steak. We love Richard Cheese, and we …

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128. Episode 110: Chicagoings On
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Description: Episode 110: NO TRIPODS OR WATER ON THE BRIDGE! Bridget had some visitors! Check it out! Shane got one of these! You can get one here. Bridget is in love with Angus Oblong. For reals. She also likes Chris Uminga and PEEP. Today’s cover art was drawn by the talented Angus Oblong. The one that …

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129. Episode 109: Could You Please Explain Cheese Balls?
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Description: Episode 109: THIS IS EMERGENCY TROUSERS PEOPLE! This episode contains 100% more Jamie – IN BRIDGET’S HOUSE! I’ll be honest. I don’t have any notes. Sorry. Go listen to this slowed down Justin Bieber song and maybe it will help. Download: Episode 109


130. Episode 108: Two Boys Live There
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Description: Episode 108: You can keep your blank in here! We’re both kinda punchy and needy this week. I dunno what we talked about, except: Marshall is hilarious and awesome. Hi to Robyn Enz and our biggest lil’ fan, Alyssa Download: Episode 108


131. Episode 107: Penile Denial
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Description: Episode 107: Ain’t no thang. We got a voice mail from Marshall, who also makes cool videos! Thanks Marshall! We know you’ve seen double rainbow, but hey, it’s worth another look. Antoine Dodson and the remix We discuss the Aciphex effect, including: Penis pens. For reals. Penis mouse. For reals. Download: Episode 107


132. Episode 106: Finger Milk
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Description: Episode 106: IT’S A KELLY AND JOE SHOW! Happy Birthday, Shane! Shane went to DC and met some of our awesome listeners We got the best email in the world Listener and kindred spirit Marshall took Furby pictures That fucking What Would You Do TV show Kelly recommends The Legend of Neil There was a …

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133. Episode 105: Happy Kitty Bunny Pony
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Description: Episode 105: Hooooooooly SHIT! Wait, Wait – Don’t Tell Me is a fun podcast Obsessed with Obsessed Drunk Link Bridget’s internet is cuter than your internet. There’s two Shoedini commercials, with Gilbert Gottfried or without Gilbert Gottfried Bridget worked for The Swiss Colony once – not the Amana Colonies Check out Bad Movie Bingo Navy …

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134. Episode 104: Who Cut the Cheese?
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Description: Episode 104: In which we ALMOST had RJ from A Cup of Fresh Hell as a co-host, but Skype was being a bitch, so alas, not this time. *hangs head* Anyway, we talked about a lot of crap. Mostly farts. Sorry. Here’s a whole bunch of fun videos to make up for it: Panda Cheese …

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135. Episode 103: Pussitivity
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Description: Episode 103: I dunno. Joe sent Shane a pressie! Thanks, Joe! Harry Potter The Surprised Puppy Face pictures came rolling in! Death by pussitivity Death by email from Merlin Mann Hammocks will steal your lady if you aren’t careful Look, a fancy art show featuring Bridget, Jamie, and VSC! Bridget met the awesome Sarah Moore …

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136. Episode 102: FEELS LIKE WE’RE WALKING ON SUNSHINE!
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Description: Episode 102 has negatively effected our lives in the following ways: We say air hair lair to Clair and David We discuss Shane’s bed Shout out to RJ and Chris at Cup of Fresh Hell Shae is reading bad books Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows is awesome Bridget and the security guard at work Use the …

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137. Episode 101: Philosophicalcast
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Description: Episode 101: See my loafers? Former gophers. We make bad fashion choices, like Shane’s ball shorts discussed in this episode We have high expectations We didn’t talk about them, but LOOK AT THESE ADORABLE ANIMALS! I SAID LOOK AT THEM! Hey, be a dear and comment and like this video so a friend of ours …

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138. Episode 100: IF You Know What I Mean. *wink*
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Description: Episode 100: Holy crap, it’s episode 100!!! Williard Scott is nuts Bill Kurtis is awesome! James Earl Jones has that voice when he does every day stuff, too, you know. Needs to be developed: Emergency Pants drinking game. Additional: Stitching N Junk drinking game. Discuss. America’s Next Top Bridget’s Mom is… *drum roll* RJ from …

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139. Episode 99: Mind the Stepchildren
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Description: Episode 99: Shane’s got a bed! A new one, we mean. We like Cyanide and Happiness! The high fructose corn syrup people think we’re stupid. JERKS! The Face Trainer is ridiculous. Watch the third video down. TRUST ME. Then, go add a photo of yourself making silly faces to this flickr group! Please? Will YOU …

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140. Episode 98: Please Accept Our Deepest Apology
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Description: Episode 98: We’re sorry and junk! Oh my god, you guys! We have guests! KELLY AND JOE! Oh, and their kid. Steve. Sam. Shawn. SETH. ANYWAY. Tonight we discussed: Cheese Nips Balls Poop Steak Steak Small amount of peas Air conditioning Bridget’s Mom Download: Episode 98


141. Episode 97: Podcast Von Schnitzelbuskrankengescheitmeier
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Description: Episode 97: Oh die schone, oh die schone, oh die schone SCHNITZELBANK! Rose sent is this link all about funny signs This place makes funky chocolates Bascom Hogue is awesome, as is Alissa Golden Girls vs. Golden Shower Girls We miss you, Grits to Glitz! Kung Pow: Enter the Fist and What’s Up, Tiger Lily? …

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142. Episode 96: Giant 3D Episode!
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Description: Episode 96: In which our heroes have brain slugs! Bridget forgets to recap Tony**’s visit, and Shane forgets he’s recording a podcast! Jerry Lewis goat is weird. Fainting goats are awesome. Cool art from Trustocorp Did we mention PNSexplosion, ever? Just wondering. We want to know: what consistently makes you laugh? Bridget introduces Steve the …

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143. Episode 95: Hot Banana Action
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Description: Episode 95: Holy crap! It’s Tara! AKA TheMistressT! Thanks to The Fey Driver and RJ & Chris, we’ve gained some listeners and got shout outs from Dragen podcast and That Blue Jeans Guy. Thanks, everybody! And if you’re new here, welcome! Bridget and Jamie have a new podcast, Stitching n Junk! Check it out! You …

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144. Episode 94: We Both Found What We Were Looking For
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Description: Episode 94: Oh my god, you guys! It’s Ben! No, seriously, here’s the real link. Hi to The Fey Driver of Pink Wheelnuts Podcast who gave us something interesting to discuss! Hi to RJ and Chris of the podcast A Cup of Fresh Hell Served with a Side of Heaven! Kombucha sounds gross. Ew. Mother …

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145. Episode 93: Mwowf
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Description: Episode 93: I can’t believe I ate the whole thing. MST3K 24/7!!!! Hey, guys! Get in on the EZ Juicer Um. There’s more. I’m sure of it! Download: Episode 93


146. Episode 92: What Did You DO, Ray?
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Description: Episode 92: Um. Yeah. So. We lost like, 45 minutes. But we sucked it up and made the best of it. Something Something Church Something Allergies provide the perfect cover-up for crying Rosie tells us that It’s Alright to Cry. Hi Adam! Hi Ruby! Hi Kelly! We hope that selfish baby gets out of your …

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147. Episode 91: Dick Move, Pelican. Dick Move.
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Description: Hey. Hey. Hey. C’mere a minute. I wanna show you something. It’s EPISODE 91! Old dudes dig me. What would you do if you were president? Cheryl sent us these awesome cards Hi, Julie! Keri: We are very, very, very sorry. Really! Ben made this piece of awesome inspired by last week’s podcast. Is there …

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148. Episode 90: Comes in Two Boxes
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Description: Episode 90: OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS!!! TONY! EeeeeeeeeEEEEeeeee!!!! Hi Keri! Thanks for telling us about this name generator! What makes you poop? Three Minute Legs is a ridiculous piece of work-out equipment even though it SHOULD be the name of a gangster or a convenience food This Golden Girls spoof looks like fun! Download: …

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149. Episode 89: Pubes.
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Description: Episode 89: Sorry if we sound tired. We were playing basketball until like, 2 in the morning! Cat Talk! Ben Folds serenades people on chatroulette in front of a live audience and we think he may have done it before. Sassy Gay Friend tells it like it is in Romeo and Juliet and Hamlet! “Ophelia, …

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150. I Hate To Be a Dick Here But You Have To Register To Comment Now
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Description: Due to an increase in comment spam (which you probably haven’t seen because Bridget and I try to delete it as soon as possible), we’re turning back on the switch that says you have to be a registered user of Emergency Pants to comment on posts. I’m sorry, Keri Roberts, but you have to register …

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151. Episode 88: Sweater Ferrets!
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Description: Episode 88: Oh my God, you guys! It’s Kelly & Joe! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! Joe is like catnip for old ladies and Sanitation Technicians Kelly discusses her baby hotel The Cafeteria Files Funny SNL commercials! Hi, yhf! Lots of other stuff, I dunno, I can’t remember everything, I’M SORRY! *sob* Download: Episode 88


152. Episode 87: Dong Bath
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Description: Episode 87: Good for what ails you! Bridget is slightly less of a hermit thanks to the wonderful Joe & Kelly! This Onion article kicked our asses This list of the 90 types of bitches is incomplete. Help us finish it, and add to it! Shane has started a new tumblr for aborted tumblr, twitter …

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153. Episode 86: Baby Dwarf Sea Loggers in Love
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Description: Episode 86 is an Emergency Trousers episode as we have Jamie joining us from across the pond! And junk! Penny and Johnny take on chat roulette in their awesome new tumblr – also, thanks to Penny for Coke Talk! One of the fellows behind Look Around You is behind the Time Waster podcast – so …

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154. Episode 85: I Said LOOK AT IT!
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Description: Episode 85 guest stars ROSE! Hi, Rose! We all love Red Dwarf and The Mighty Boosh Songsmith makes us grumpy Shane enjoys Curling. Who knew? We talk about Black Dynamite, Clue, and Rocky Horror Picture Show Axecop – written by a kid, drawn by an adult, made of awesome. Rose enjoys the Cheat Commandos on …

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155. Episode 84: A Very Special Episode
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Description: Episode 84: This week we discover that it’s not Lupus! Here’s some stuff we talked about: Shawna joined us! Hi, Shawna! Hoodie Footie. Yeah. Hipster Snuggie Homestarrunner! Tony caught this ad on the Emergency Pants site. Priceless! Download: Episode 84


156. Shane is Home!
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Description: Quick update: Shane is back at home! Yay! He is still recovering from what turns out is an attack of SuperMono. He’s been very good about keeping the world at large updated on his status on tumblr and twitter. Thanks to everyone for their well wishes and support!


157. Send Shane Some Love
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Description: Hi everybody, Bridget here. As you may know from various internet sources, Shane is in the hospital right now. You can read about it from the man himself here. Be sure to send him some love on his facebook and twitter pages. If you would like to send him a card, well wishes, love letters, …

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158. Episode 83: Accidental Ham Ingestion
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Description: Episode 83: Ladies and Gentlemen, put your hands together for Accidental Ham Ingestion and their new album, Bone-In! We’ve been sickie-poos! Bridget had an interview! Check out these ridiculous skymall items And this storage container commercial that relies on laziness and stupidity! We’re on tumblr. Are you? Follow us! Bridget, Shane, Jamie, Alissa, Ben and …

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159. Episode 82: Filthy Robot Slaves
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Description: Episode 82: Holy fucking shit! It’s Penny and Johnny! Penny and Johnny have come up with the next big thing, the Trousie! We may never sleep again after learning about the existence of alligator gars! Check out the Incident at Loch Ness and The Grand Experience the horror of Gigglesnort Hotel! Check out one of …

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160. Episode 81: Fartibartfast
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Description: Episode 81: But I digress. Ben, as Bay would say, is full of win. Witness this here and here. We actually like the “Too Light, Too Heavy” commercials – especially this one! Omaha is going to be under a lot of ice! It’ll look like this. Hello to Cheryl and The Fey Driver! The Fey …

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161. Episode 80: Pottycast
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Description: Episode 80: BEN! He draws stuff for us. He even makes us videos! And now he’s on the freaking show! And I’m abusing exclamation points as a result! What’s worse than the Dreamie? This thing. What’s worse than that? This thing. Go watch this commercial and report back! Thanks to Penny for telling us about …

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162. Episode 79: Better Get a Bucket
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Description: Episode 79: It’s the Kelly and Joe show, with 100% more Kelly and Joe! This episode was so much fun, I barely remember what we talked about! I do remember this, though: Have you given up on living like a normal human being? Then go get a Dreamie. And a failure pile in a sadness …

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163. Episode 78: So. How ’bout Them Vikings?
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Description: Episode 78: Um. Yeah. Do you have Skype? Do you enjoy saying things? Contact us if you’re interested in joining us sometime! This catheter commercial is freaking us out So I Married An Axe Murderer is on hulu. Watch it! Bridget received a Midwestern greeting card from this mystery listener! Thanks, Mystery Listener! Do you …

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164. No Pants tonight
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Description: Hey there all you beautiful people out there in podcast land! Sadly, there will be no Pants tonight, as poor Shane has the dreaded lurgy. I know, right? Send him some love, snuggies, chicken soup, and Vicks Vapo-Rub! Also, it might help if you don’t wear pants for the rest of the day today and …

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165. Episode 77: Nice Slacks, Poindexter
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Description: Episode 77: Bing! We discuss the new sport Vengers We got that B Roll! Thanks to Rose for letting us know about the Necky – for when you’re too stupid to secure a scarf around your neck! Not all Japanese culture/anime revolves around tentacle porn, as jbox proves. From Japan: Hard Gay. Um, yeah. NSFW. …

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166. Episode 76: Hot Broccoli
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Description: Episode 76: Tony! Toni! Tone! MST3K is on hulu! Hoarders. Also: Poop. Tony has an awkward moment that is made better through sharing with us. Awwww! Listeners Penny Nickels and Johnny Murder are in this video! Joe is cross stitching us pressies, is he still a tough guy? Yes. Yes he is. Bridget gets another …

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167. Episode 75: I’ve Smelled This Before
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Description: Episode 75: I *thought* I smelled cabbage! Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, we have discovered the official game of Emergency Pants, and it is: Hot Dog Down a Hallway. If you’ve got an iPhone, go get it! Clair sent us this fun clip of Armstrong & Miller Penny sent us this robot clip – …

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168. Episode 74: Stinkburger
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Description: Episode 74: WE NEED MORE WATER ON THE FLOOR! Asking Bridget how it’s going is a risky proposition Don’t these women know that balls are hilarious? Thanks to Claire and her sweetie for pointing out Radio Fail Ben shared this link and now we have the munchies Pukka Pies have ridiculous advertising posters Kay Jewelers …

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169. Episode 73: Personal Furnishings
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Description: Episode 73: LIVE! from the Relax the Balls store in Palatine, Illinois, (next to the Petco) IT’S EMERGENCY PANTS!!! God smited us. Smited? Smote? Smote. Anyway, he totally smote us! TWICE! Lindsay is back! DAMN YOU, LINDSAY!!!! Rose made us aware of Personal Furnishings and THEN made us aware of this video! We love you, …

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170. Episode 72: We Are So Very, Very Sorry
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Description: **** Hey everyone – tonight’s episode was horribly mangled. We’re having a hard time dealing with it, because it was pretty awesome. We left the links as is for your enjoyment. **** Episode 72: We really are sorry. Penny sent us this fake sitcom link! Bex sent us Shut Up, Woman, Get On My Horse. …

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171. Episode 71: BALLS!
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Description: Episode 71: Balls. Shane has an excellent idea for a weight loss commercial Bridget had a job interview! I know, right? Shane has ideas about alternative ways to use the shakeweight, Bridget nearly dies laughing We love Fake AP Stylebook, and we bet you will, too! We love Mythbusters, and Bridget loves Adam Savage Bridget …

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172. Episode 70: Stuff. And Things. Also, Junk.
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Description: Episode 70: You know. That one. With the thingie. And stuff. You KNOW. Shane has trombone legs after a strenuous workout at the gym. DAMN YOU, LINDSEY! *shakes fist at sky* Send us stuff with You Send It! Or don’t. It’s cool. We don’t want to pressure you, baby. Yay for DJ Yoda! Especially this! …

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173. Episode 69: Ga-ross!
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Description: Episode 69: Tonight’s episode was recorded at Schropshire Lodge, Near Wallingham, Blethington, West Hamptishiretinfinlinton, just past the three bagpipers, Scotland. Doctor’s waiting rooms often lead to hilarity Shane got a shake weight! I wouldn’t say no to a crepe, but what I REALLY need is a spanking. The Consumerist is required reading Jim is shirtless …

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174. Episode 68: Three Perfect Strangers at a Time
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Description: Episode 68: We’re on collision course with WACKINESS! Please excuse Bridget’s icky voice, she has the the Dreaded Lurgy. Rose sent us this awesome link which provided our cover art. The hubcaps are my favorite! Shane is using a fancy new safety razor! This book talks about how things aren’t made like they used to …

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175. Episode 67: Jury Doodie
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Description: Episode 67: You like that, huh? Bridget is fulfilling her responsibility as an American citizen by participating in the judicial process. And junk. We love God Hates Protesters Bridget loves Christopher Uminga. Shane is frightened. Have you ever had a shameful nerd argument? Tell us about it! Never put spoons in your lungs. What are …

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176. Episode 66: Mega Snuggie VS Mircle Whip
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Description: Episode 66: We learned it from YOU, listeners! We learned it by watching YOU! Bridget calls shenanigans on this Miracle Whip commercial There was a snuggie fashion show. For reals! We can’t believe that somebody actually took the time to make Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus Psych is one of the funniest damn shows on …

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177. Episode 65: Bad Michael Touch
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Description: Episode 65: We’re a loner, Dotty. A rebel. Thanks to Chedderfish for alerting us to the picture we discuss in today’s episode. It is also today’s cover art. Soak it in, people. Use the Proper Words! Bridget went to the Renegade Craft Fair! Emily and Adam of Moesewco escorted her and told her about making …

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178. Episode 64: The Foundation for Puppy Awareness
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Description: Episode 64 – We talked about stuff, figured out that Shane wasn’t recording, and then we talked about stuff again. PUPPY! Hey, British? What’s your deal? What the hell is a stone? And what does going pear shaped mean? Bridget begs Laura for forgiveness for not mentioning that she sent the porn candy wrapper link …

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179. Episode 63: Funbag Drive
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Description: Episode 63 – They’re telling secrets, honey. Keri sent us this awesome link to the techno version of the Slap Chop commercial! Watch it! You’re gonna love his nuts! Shae is awesome and has her own Youtube page! She talked about us in this video! CHECK IT OUT! WE KNOW HER! Thicknecked drunken douchebags are …

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180. Episode 62: cats
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Description: Cats. Bridget gets birthday goodies! Nice words and videos! A ninguin from Shane! A ghost from Jamie! Lia’s Dad is awesome Bridget is a horrible, selfish person who cannot handle knowing that there is a present for her somewhere but not knowing what it is Black market mustaches cats This is a short one guys, …

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181. Episode 61: Douche Factory
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Description: Episode 61: DEAL WITH IT, PINKBOY! And Happy Birthday, Johnny Murder! Ben makes more stuff that is cool Shane walks into a nerdstorm Hey, Joe! Whaddya know? David Blaine and Criss Angel – meh. Gute von schlechten We love to eavesdrop It’s not just a fetish of Bridget’s – crying guys are HILARIOUS! Watch Wrestling Crying …

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182. Episode 60: Grumpypants
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Description: It’s episode 60, where we start off by talking about cool stuff and then suddenly become that one old guy always telling the neighborhood kids to get off his lawn. Shane has a bad ass tattoo! Also, his skin is falling off! Gross! Poltergeist and Aliens are pantscrappingly scary Movie theater shenanigans – fight or …

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183. Episode 59: Pants Party
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Description: Episode 59 – PANTS PARTY! Everybody’s in this one! Shane, Bridget, Tony and Jamie hang out in their fuzzy feetie pajamas and talk about boys. A very specific part of boys. Jamie made today’s cover art! Thanks Jamie! Unrelated: visit Photoshop Disasters Holy crap there is a Snuggie for dogs Moo and oink – just …

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184. Episode 58: The Really Big Shew part 2
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Description: More anniversary/birthday goodness, headed your way. Can you believe we made it a whole YEAR? Tony, Shane, and Bridget read your emails, listen to your messages, and play some of your favorite bits from the podcast. Join us on this trip down memory lane, won’t you? Thank you! Thanks to all of our listeners, you …

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185. Episode 57: The Really Big Shew part 1
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Description: It’s here! It’s here! The really big shew! So big, we’re breaking it down into manageable, bite-sized pieces. Can you believe we made it a whole YEAR? Tony, Shane, and Bridget read your emails, listen to your messages, and play some of your favorite bits from the podcast. Join us on this trip down memory …

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186. Episode 56: Summer Bees
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Description: Episode 56: We got nothin’! Sometimes we get cranky Summer vacations: lame or awesome? Johnny Murder went under the knife! Go here to send him and Penny some love Bridget struggles to finish a monumental task, meanwhile Shane never finishes anyth We love you guys. All of you. Especially you! *muah* Next week we’re hoping …

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187. Episode 55: Afternoon Delight
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Description: Episode 55: Afternoon Delight! Shane makes Washington, D. C. a very lucky lady Warner Brothers cartoons. We miss them! Shane wants to abduct himself Look at these fucking hipsters. Penny Skatt rolls Bridget. Those guys need to put their shirts back on! And stop showing me your O face! Gross! Bridget is at peace with …

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188. No Show Tonight – How’s Thursday For You?
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Description: Well, hey there! You’re looking really good! Have you been working out? No really, I mean it! And you smell FANTASTIC. Sooooo, there’s no new show tonight because Shane is a rambling man. He’s out wandering from town to town, making friends, finding love, and solving mysteries – and maybe, just maybe, learning a little …

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189. Episode 54: Surreptitious Dick
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Description: Episode 54: Stuff happened. I don’t remember all of it. I’m bad at things. Thanks to Tara for sending us swanky postcards that double as cover art! We consider doing a crinkle-cast Bridget tries to do a bit, Shane lets it die on the vine. We tell you what our theme songs are and what …

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190. Episode 53: Nobody Puts Jamie in the Corner
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Description: Episode 53: Deal with it! Thanks to Sutrannu for sending the BBQ States Song, making some cool art and generally being awesome Johnny Murder did it AGAIN! This time in panties! Go watch Close Your Robe! Jamie provided these links which are hilarious Nimbuzz is having an emoticon contest, which got us thinking about what emoticons …

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191. Episode 52: Enter the Dragon
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Description: Episode 52, in which Bridget breaks down over the lack of response from the listeners and Shane asks you to just *look* at what you did! Shane needs a badass nickname, preferable one that will make a badass acronym Sutrannu made Shane – with spikes! Johnny Murder wrote a song about Ghost Sex that is …

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192. Episode 51: Special Gift
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Description: Enjoy episode 51, complete with Special Gift and Happy Ending! Listener Love! Greetings to Rachel and Shaebay; thanks to Cheryl who sent us a link about the Comfort Wipe and Penny, who sent Bridget the VERY special gift of Ferrari Guy, and Bridget finally remembers to say hi to Victor, listener and maker of Mr. Honeymelon! Also, Monsterosity …

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193. Episode 50: Internet: Not Just for Porn!
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Description: Episode 50 of Emergency Pants is dedicated to stuff we love: our listeners, weird links, and the Internet. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KERI! Shane is giddy over his new job We get links to someone falling in a hilarious fashion from Julie, Drunk History from Penny, and Why the Fuck Do You Have a Kid? from Liz. …

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194. Episode 49: Let’s do Lunchballz
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Description:  Episode 49. It just IS. Bridget can’t get enough of Nerd Boyfriend Mmmmmm, balls! Watching people gardening and writing to Congress on Salvia is freaking hilarious Rose made Midwestern Greeting Cards a reality. We love you, Rose! We continue the discussion of the heartbreak of Hyperhidrosis of the Groin Hi Tara, Rachel and Will, Laura, …

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195. Episode 48: Rapscallions
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Description: Episode 48 deals with obsession, our awesome listeners, at-risk youth, and meatloaf. Lots and lots of meatloaf. Ok, not really that much meatloaf. Shane is the meatloaf king Panko! LOL-less update Shane growls for Bay and we say hi to Jodi and Rose Bridget and Shane were at-risk youth Tiptoes. It’s real. Check it out. …

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196. Episode 47: Tighten Up and Junk
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Description: Episode 47 of Emergency Pants finds our heroes picking up the pieces after and angry confrontation. Or not. Probably not. Bridget is snotty. Snooty? Snotty. We’re funny! Awkward Family Photos – thanks Liz! Shane has an awesome thing happen Bridget’s Mom is stalking Friend of the Show Jamie – except we actually tell the story …

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197. Episode 46: Grab-Ass Bag
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Description: Episode 46, in which Shane and Bridget are recording in the same room! Bridget ran away from home and THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE OMAHA! Also – the mystery episode! What conversations were actually recorded? Hard to say. Here’s what we might have talked about: Toilet paper The most unintentionally hilarious thing Jim has …

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198. Episode 46 Will Be Posted Later
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Description: Due to extreme technical difficulties related to connecting two goddamned microphones to one motherfucking Windows computer, Episode 46 will be posted Wednesday evening.


199. Episode 45: 15 Pounds of Crap in a 5 Pound Bag
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Description: Episode 45 of Emergency Pants is filled, stuffed, and packed with all kinds of crazy crap. Then we tamped it down and added more. The unwashed man leaves nothing behind but the rank smell of balls  Our listeners rock, including Rachel, who took this picture, Penny, who sent Crying While Eating, and Kelley, who sent Cat Ladies and Laser Portraits. …

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200. Episode 44: Emergency Trousers the Third – Close Encounters of the 12 Inch Kind
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Description: Episode 44 of Emergency Pants is an Emergency Trousers edition! Bridget and Shane are joined by Friend of the Show Jamie: Bridget’s brother from a European mother, bad mother fucker, and former wonderboner. Sausages! Yum! Jamie makes some interesting fashion choices. We suck at compliments, part three. Getting angry at hairstyles. Special greetings from Jamie for …

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201. Episode 43: Working Remote – *wink*
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Description: Episode 43 of Emergency Pants – a triumph of the human spirit! Beef stands are killing Chicago Bridget dicusses Tony’s visit in vivid and brutal detail – including a visit with the lovely and talented Patrick from PNSexplosion! Shane wants rats. Wait, what? Really? Okay! Lesbian porn embroidery caused a hub-bub over at Mr X …

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202. Episode 42: Redundant: See Redundant
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Description: Epsiode 42 of Emergency Pants is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. And junk. Bridget is expendable! *sad trombone* Shane shares his experience being laid. Off. Bridget’s Lifetime Movie title: I Decide Who I Hug: Bridget’s Story Shane has great love and affection for old electronics. Weird! Bridget is an unwilling part in …

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203. Episode 41: The Heartbreak of Hyperhidrosis of the Groin
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Description: Episode 41 of Emergency Pants has us loving LOTS of things. How much do we love How Much Do We Love? So. Much. Green Porno is sublime Rose sends us goodies and is awesome Tara took and sent us the Ultimate Wacky Neighbor video Needle felting is fun! Get a kit from Tobiah Mundt today! How to …

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204. Episode 40: Abscess. *cheek clutch*
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Description: Episode 40 of Emergency Pants contains 50% more Tony**! A new razor commercial makes Shane feel all funny downstairs Women in panties provide distraction We love learning new things Bridget needs more girlfriends/has too many guy friends We’re all too approachable Download: Episode 40


205. Episode 39: Chronic Poo-plosion Situation
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Description: Epsiode 39 of Emergency Pants features our dear friend Tony** sharing a heart-wrenching tale of Chronic Poo-plosion situation, or CPS – one of our nation’s noisest and smelliest killers. Tony** shares stories from his family’s visit We discuss our newest fan, Rosemoo, whose lovely drawing is the cover art of this episode Friend of the …

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206. Episode 38: Eliza Douche-ku
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Description: Episode 38 of Emergency Pants, in which our heroes share their thoughts on manners with quiet dignity and grace. The best way to disable Shane Bridget’s bathroom horror – continued We say goodbye to some old friends – and by “friends” we mean “people we made fun of on the show” We decide who we …

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207. Breaking News: Vince Gets Pinched!
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Description:   It’s a special report from the Emergency Pants crew: ShamWow and Slap Chop salesman Vince Shlomi (I KNEW his name wasn’t really Vince Offer!) got himself in some trouble. Thanks to Sid, Rachel, and Chedderfish for bringing this to our attention! Thanks also to The Smoking Gun website for giving us all the gory …

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208. Episode 37: Randomcast
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Description: Episode 37 of Emergency Pants, where we talk about a lot of stuff. And things. Also, junk. YAY! Rachel is graduating! YAY! Shane discusses his arsenal and is incorrigible – these two topics are not related Bridget and Jamie are made famous when  the Grits to Glitz girls provide a glowing review of MrXStitch! Thanks, …

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209. Episode 36: Taco! Burrito! What’s that poking out of your speedo?!
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Description: Episode 36 of Emergency Pants finds our heroes, Shane and Bridget, joined by Tony**, master of urban dictionary and knock knock jokes. Rachel McKay, Reluctant Mullet Technician countdown – one week left, bitches! Close encounters with a blue wang Helicopters: super-cool or terrifying bringers of doom? You decide! Marshmallows: same question. Bridget’s fangirl chronicles: King …

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210. Episode 35: Drake Tungsten and the Fists of Fairly-Angry
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Description: Episode 35 of Emergency Pants is filled with mystery and lessons about life and loss. And fisting. We announce the winner of MrXStitch’s recycled cross stitch! Eeeeeeeee! Bridget was Down With the Sickness Becky Stern and VSC were both featured at MrXStitch and are both super cool. We proclaim our undying love for Ruby42. Also, Clown Jizz amd …

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211. Emergency Pants Forums
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Description: Hi, fans! I’ve added a forums section to the website.  I know following discussions in the comments section is kind of a pain in the ass. Simply go to http://emergency-pants.net/forums or use the Emergency Pants Forums link under “Contact Us” to get over there!


212. Episode 34: Chicks Dig Me
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Description: Episode 34 of Emergency Pants features the story of a brutal attack purportrated by poultry on a powerless prepubescent. Also: alliteration. Worlds collide! Shane and Bridget bond over idiocy they deal with on a daily basis Worlds collide AGAIN! Bridget’s other internet home, Mr X Stitch is having a contest – and next week we get to announce the …

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213. Contesty Goodness! We wanted you to know:
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Description: Hey everybody! Bridget here. I just wanted to make sure to let you all know that Jamie – friend of the show, occasional co-host, and my brother from a European mother – is having a contest at his blog this week. Just head on over to MrXStitch and comment on any one of the fabulous “Cutting and …

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214. Episode 33: Pork Sword Fight
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Description: Episode 33 of Emergency Pants is filled with random goodness! We love PNSexplosion so much, we bought them dinner and sent them this. Funny fake names used in battle Ghosts and old people – connected? We share “We shall most certainly be chums” moments We’re just not comfortable being complimented. *squirm* New listener Tara! Hi …

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215. Episode 32: Lady Marma-slot
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Description: Episode 32 of Emergency Pants brings the euphemism contest to a close. We can’t tell you how much fun this was for us, mostly because we are still laughing. Thanks to all of our awesome listeners who participated! A winner is chosen! Who will it be? It’s a mystery! Unless you look at the title …

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216. Episode 31: The Gilded Lily
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Description: Episode 31 is just FULL of stuff! AND junk! Euphemism contest entries - you guys are dirty, and we love it! Thanks to: Nessa, Kelley, Tony, Sid, Laura, Tina, Bay and Jamie! Shane's new website! Bridget's domestic success! Listener Sid posts a link that makes Bridget cry (in the good way) We finally say hi to Alissa! Hi, Alissa! Shane makes Kelley and Alissa uncomfortable, I'm sure. Sorry, ladies! Bridget is a katamari for IT guys!


217. Episode 30: Saucing the Taco
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Description: That's right, we're having a contest, people. Send us your favorite euphemisms. Multiple entries are welcome, and, in fact, encouraged (seriously, they're not a myth.) You can email us at emergencypantspodcast at gmail.com, leave us a voicemail on Skype - emergency-pants.net - or leave a comment on the site to participate. A winner will be selected and Bridget will design a stitch based on the winning phrase - and hey, if the winner wants it, we'll even send it to them! Or not. We don't want things to be weird between us. We'll move as slow as you want us to, baby.


218. Episode 29: Emergency Trousers II: Electric Boogaloo
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Description:     It’s the second international edition of Emergency Pants! Bridget’s brother from a European mother and Friend of the Show Jamie joins us via the interwebs. Topics covered: Jamie’s past life as a wonder boner Tonight’s vocabulary word is felching Shane has 5 computers!!! HR secret codes Listener love! Thanks to Cheryl and iTunes 5 star reviewer! …

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219. Episode 28: Shane Screws the Pooch
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Description: Episode 28 - the episode so nice, we decided to record it TWICE! Tonight we discuss: YogaToes, Easy Curves and Cheers To You - provided by official Emergency Pants Researchers Rachel and Keri. Dudes crying. Bridget twitters about her day, even if it might get her grounded. An update on the grab-ass couple - it's really them! - especially for Kelley. Shane attempts a solo podcast.


220. Episode 27: Punch Junk Love
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Description: Public Grabass Tiddy Bear competitor "Snadge Elephant" Reading Twitter in the Bathroom Broken Sound Equipment (Pisses Me Off!)


221. Episode 26: I couldn’t bear to do it.
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Description: Welcome to Episode 26, with 50% more Tony! (The picture above is not Tony) In this episode we discuss: The joys of belligerant drunks The Transformers (the robots, not the electrical devices or sex acts) 80s cartoons Teacher rape (or the lack thereof) And more!


222. Episode 25: Amazing Commercial Extravaganza 2: Electric Boogaloo
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Description: We're back with a bonus episode this week: The exciting conclusion of the Emergency Pants Amazing Commercial Extravaganza - IN COLOR!


223. Episode 24: Amazing Commercial Extravaganza, Part 1
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Description: Episode 25 explores Bridget's and my love for shitty commercials. We're also lucky enough to have a listener-submitted photo from Laura and DJ. We cover a lot of our favorite bad commercials in this episode, plus the benefits of having a fort, and our best and worst Christmases!


224. Episode 23: We Talked About A Lot Of Crap
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Description: Episode 23 covers a lot of ground, so we'll get right into the nitty gritty: Snow sucks - it's confirmed and documented. Bridget's mom is not the best CSR. The first recorded trans-atlantic junk-food swap. Mean Pharmacy Lady. Nobody has time for REO Speedwagon. Burnout. The worst joke in the world


225. Episode 22: Emergency Trousers
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Description: Episode 22 takes us across the pond (via the interwebs) to talk with our special guest, MrXStitch! We discuss the differences between British and American culture. And by "culture" we mean "swear words." Also covered, conkers, and the ridiculousness that is snuggies.


226. Episode 21 – An Act of Contrition
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Description: In Episode 21, we shine the harsh light of truth on our pasts, and atone for the bad things we did. And, by "atone," I mean "tell you about and laugh at." We cover such scintillating sins as: Theft Medical fetishes Lying and Jedi Mind Tricks


227. Episode 20: It burns
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Description: Episode 20 is all about embarrassment. Hear such harrowing tales as: The Wrong Party! I Thought You Hung Up! Grab-Ass - For Real This Time! Gingerbread Latte of Doom!


228. Episode 19 – Hookers and Blow
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Description: Episode 19: We review our feedback from the ladies at Grits to Glitz, who gave us a shout-out on their latest episode, and a discussion about Shane's prostitute friend. Also: People are incapable of determining if they're having an actual emergency Vampire stories and Twilight Sticky accents Goodbye, Mars Lander!


229. Episode 18 – The President is Near?
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Description: Episode 18 kicks off with election coverage, and we find out what's wrong with America today. Bridget enjoys some hot latte action courtesy of Starbuck's new friendliness program, and we discuss how it's hard out there for a geek.


230. Episode 17 – We made it to episode 17!
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Description: Episode 16 is hot off the presses! In this issue: Minneapolis vs. St. Paul The Smoking Gun TV has funny educational films, including "Easy To Get" - Army's training video about how not to get gonorrhea - NSFW! Bridget has hot Twitter friends Skittle jackets are not hiphop Commercials encourage lying Download it now: Episode 17


231. Episode 16 is All Up Inz
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Description: We managed to whip Skype into a bloody submission this evening, so here's another episode for you all. We detail the scandalous stealing of political signs from Bridget's mom, the wonders of GPS, Subversive arts and crafts, Human Resources, Tony, and childish insults. Shout outs to Mr. Xstitch, and a shitload of etsy stores


232. “It Is Better To Lose a Good Friend Than a Good Jest.”
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Description:

In this episode we cover ass cheese, comedy gold at McDonald's, Heroes Suckfest, and REO Speedwagon. Also covered: How's It Made, and your uvula is showing, and Subversive Cross Stitch. Shout outs: VSC, Mooosh, Ruby42, and of course, Beefranck.


233. Episode 14: I Need a Montage!
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Description: Who doesn’t need a montage?  In this episode, we discuss the things in life in which we would like to be sped fast-forward through, a la the movie montage.   Other things you will find interesting in this podcast: Bridget’s awesome doctor Shane’s fascination with Bridget’s awesome doctor Nerd Lovin’ Something horrible in the bubble …

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234. Episode 13: A New Hope
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Description:

After a massive, massive hiatus, Emergency Pants is back with a brand new edition. We're rollin' in our 5.0, with the ragtop down, so our hair can blow. In this week's episode, we discuss the virtues of San Diego and San Francisco, and smutty dime-novel shops. Bridget and Shane relate heart-wrenching stories of visits to grandma's house, bullies, and floods. Also: Smurf names, sexual harrassment training, and the elusive Prius is spotted in the wild. Download it here: Episode-13


235. Teeny Tiny Hiatus
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Description: Due to my testing requirements over the last couple of weeks, and Bridget's vacay next week, we won't have an awesome podcast for you to listen to until the second week of September. I know, it sucks. We enjoy making them just as much as you enjoy listening to them. Read the rest of the article for helpful hints on overcoming your boredom until then!


236. Listener Pictures: The Nastiest Chair In the World
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Description: Ian has kindly sent in pictures of the chair of our co-worker, mentioned in Episode 11. This chair's owner is the Toilet Whisperer.


237. Commit To Be (Sh)it!
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Description:

Commit! Commit! Commit to be shit! Be! Shitgressive! B-E shitgressive!

So, Episode 12 is in the can (quite literally). It picks up where 11 left off, with the EP crew being joined again by Tony** to discuss matters of great importance. Tony also teaches us the game "Species or Sex Act?" which proves to be a great time.



238. Episode 11: Rhymes With “Jader Toe’s”
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Description:

Episode 11 is released unto an unsuspecting public! In this week's episode we discuss the luxuries of a certain supermarket, the virtues of sushi and piercings, and completely fail at not talking about poop once again. And Tony** joins us again!


239. Dear Sir: Bite me. In conclusion…
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Description: Shane and I discussed the short but sweet text in the angry letter he once helped me compose in episode 9. It makes me laugh, therefore, I stitched it onto fabric. See the post to craftster here.


240. LaMont, You Stupid Motherfucker!
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Description: Episode 10's content was recorded along with Episode 9's, however due to length we had to break 'em apart (that's what she said). I was going to wait a few days to let Ep 9 sink in good and deep, but this stuff is just too funny to sit on (that's what she said). Enjoy Episode 10, in which we discuss archaic terms for punishment, license plates, cat balls, and horse jizz.


241. Episode 9 – Sunshine, Lollipops, Unicorns, and Rainbows, All Getting Fucked
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Description: Episode 9 has been released for public consumption! In this episode, we discuss troublemaker Anthony Bourdain, inflexible noodles, stationery and office supplies, and Bridget's mom blows our minds. Also discussed: pooplosions, bathroom furniture, and the natural beauty of the glory hole.


242. Crimson Submission
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Description: The sampler discussed in episode 7 is now complete and entered in the craftster.org summer needlework challenge! Check out all of the awesome entries here.


243. Episode 7′s Snack Fund
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Description: Posting a picture of the Office's snack fund, mentioned in episode 7. [caption id="attachment_20" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="The office\'s own employee-run convience store."][/caption]


244. Episode 008: 2 Cats, 1 Foot
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Description: Episode 008 features a guest, Tony**, a long-time friend of Bridget and Shane. It is also our podcast's filthiest episode by far, and our almost-longest (second only to episode 003's silence contest, which clocked in just under 3 hours).


245. Penance
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Description: I just listened to episode 007 of Emergency Pants and I feel there is something I need to confess. Please know that this confession is made with sorrow and with the intention of amendment. Sometimes, when I’m recording the podcast, I cross stitch. That should help explain why you hear some shuffling in the background …

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246. Episode 007
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Description: This week's episode covers a wide range of topics, such as ice cream, hobos (but no hobo vaginas), crafting, podcasting, and crazy people.


247. Christ, This Editing Shit is Hard
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Description: We're changing the way we produce our podcast, which will make it better for you, the (potential) listener, but makes it a completely new experience for me as the editor.


248. Move Completed!
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Description: Server move complete!


249. Moving To New Hosting Provider
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Description: We'll be moving to a new hosting provider this weekend in order to speed up response time on the PHP rendering.


250. Professions I Would Be Bad At
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Description: I have always known I would be a horrible police officer. Not just because I'm horribly out of shape, but because it would be too tempting carrying that club around on my belt all day.


251. emergency-pants.net Inaugural Post
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Description: Welcome to the new site!